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A devastating break-up with a bi-polar woman sparked my current fascination with psychology, mind-games, intentions and everything the quirky fandango that is "relationships" entails. I'm a bit of an over-thinker, enjoy playful disagreements just for interesting conversation and will speak my mind on this site whether you like what I have to say or not.
I don't offer advice, just my opinion and right, wrong or deluded, I'll give you my opinion whether you're 13 or 70...
I know all too well that love can blind you, but the agony aunts can help you see things clearly, however there's no guarantee that you'll like what you see...
So will you take the red pill or the blue pill...?
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| Latest articles: An opportunity to say hello to all the long term Aunts and Uncles and an update
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2016: Its been a long time since logging in here, regrettably I do so now to procrastinate an assignment... But hey! lets not let that small detail belittle the moment ;) I'd like to say a big thank you to anyone who is still here from back in the day....
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Why are man always so concerned about there performance and not about what porn actually can do to their brains and judgement?
Q. Porn is a big topic in a lot of relationships. For my own opinion, it is quite sad to see so many guys using porn to get satisfaction,despite having willing and loving partners. The argument is often just to have a quick gratification and not to ...
A. 28 January 2011: "The individual conscience of each human being fuels their choices. Some give up eating meat because they cannot stand the cruelty. Some give up wearing furs. Some won't go near a can of tuna.
Each is held to their personal truth."
That's ... (read in full...)
Help me save my relationship please
Q. I really hope someone can give me advice before its too late....i am an 18 yr old female my partner is 23 i have known him for four years now and been with him for 12 months, everything was absolutely great when we first got together he was sweet ...
A. 28 January 2011: Wise move I think. It's generally much easier to change and grow as people when you're not in a relationship- tends to be more time to focus on just yourself and more incentive to change.
Who knows what the future holds, but at least you've b... (read in full...)
Why are man always so concerned about there performance and not about what porn actually can do to their brains and judgement?
Q. Porn is a big topic in a lot of relationships. For my own opinion, it is quite sad to see so many guys using porn to get satisfaction,despite having willing and loving partners. The argument is often just to have a quick gratification and not to ...
A. 27 January 2011: Are you suggesting that watching porn is adding to the destruction of another human being and porn watchers should be ashamed?... (read in full...)
Why are man always so concerned about there performance and not about what porn actually can do to their brains and judgement?
Q. Porn is a big topic in a lot of relationships. For my own opinion, it is quite sad to see so many guys using porn to get satisfaction,despite having willing and loving partners. The argument is often just to have a quick gratification and not to ...
A. 27 January 2011: There's a million studies on a million different things all saying different things. Support the ones you want and you can believe anything, but when I see the amazon rainforest or mount everest on the TV I don't get tricked into believing that I'm ... (read in full...)
Why are man always so concerned about there performance and not about what porn actually can do to their brains and judgement?
Q. Porn is a big topic in a lot of relationships. For my own opinion, it is quite sad to see so many guys using porn to get satisfaction,despite having willing and loving partners. The argument is often just to have a quick gratification and not to ...
A. 27 January 2011: True... but the brain also recognizes a difference between reality and fantasy. It knows the difference between seeing a flower on a computer screen that you can't touch, smell, love or fully appreciate in all its complexity with all your senses ... (read in full...)
I'm jealous of all the gf's in my bf's past. What's the best way to get over being so jealous?
Q. I, too, am jealous of my bf's exes...and I don't even know why? he is 43, never been married, and has only had a handful of girlfriends. I am 40, and have already been married. We have been together for 3 a little over 3 years, and have a son ...
A. 26 January 2011: Out of sight, out of mind sounds like an approach that you should take with his ex's, given that you're actively seeking to find out more about them...
Why do that to yourself? Going to where his ex worked, looking at old photos, its like you... (read in full...)
Do I fess up to my real age?
Q. I am 16 years old and recently went on a dating site (which i no i shouldnt have done) and have got chatting to a 22 year old. We are getting on really well and he seems to like me. Only problem is he thinks i'm 18. So do i tell him my true age and ...
A. 26 January 2011: If you ever plan on meeting him then yeh... you do have to fess up. The sooner, the better. ... (read in full...)
Help me save my relationship please
Q. I really hope someone can give me advice before its too late....i am an 18 yr old female my partner is 23 i have known him for four years now and been with him for 12 months, everything was absolutely great when we first got together he was sweet ...
A. 26 January 2011: Nobody likes to admit to themselves when a relationship has run its course, especially when it used to be a good relationship, but clinging to the hope that it'll all change back to the way it was is not realistic... I think you need to admit to ... (read in full...)
In love with my straight friend, could we ever happen?
Q. Hi I am a gay man in love with my straight friend. I have always denied it to anyone because, We are both in relationships and never strayed but we are always flirting even his missus jokes about it. Nothing has ever happened between us but ...
A. 25 January 2011: "Its out of ur system now so u can get on wiv ur relationship wiv steve"
Sorry dude, but ya can't turn a straight man gay any more than you can turn a gay man straight. He handled that conversation remarkably well and with humor.
You've go... (read in full...)
What do you guys think about these psychic readings of this breakup?
Q. Long story short, my guy broke up with me. I don't understand why, we seemed perfectly fine until he pulled the plug. We broke up Friday and we had a conversation this morning. He seemed really confused and hesitant over everything he ha...
A. 25 January 2011: They make their money by making generalizations that everybody can relate to, its psychology, but it ain't psychic.
How many people who call psychic lines do you think have just come out of a relationship...? 90% or more? So its a pretty s... (read in full...)
He can't open up to me without the help of alcohol
Q. I've been on and off with a guy for a little over a year. We have never actually officially been "boyfriend, girlfriend" but we have had a relationship like we are. He doesn't see other girls I don't see other guys. We have sex whether were ...
A. 25 January 2011: I don't see sitting him down and having a frank and sober talk like denise said working out all that well personally. I think that you're winning him over more every day little by little and that taking baby steps with this guy is the only way ... (read in full...)
Why has this straight guy never been seen with a girl?
Q. So there is this guy that I have been interested in for a while now. We don't really know each other, but I have seen him around a lot. So, two months ago I sent him a message introducing myself, and letting him know I find him attractive. Thinking ...
A. 24 January 2011: He could just be really into his sport, social life or school work.
Not everybody feels the need to get into a relationship in high school ya know..
... (read in full...)
My girlfriend gets angry a lot, will it change and what should I do?
Q. Hello all, This background is going to be a little long, but I feel like I need to give enough detail before I ask my question at the end. My Girlfriend and I have been going out for over a year in a half, it will be two years in may 2011. O...
A. 24 January 2011: Buy her a boxing bag for her to vent to...
Will she change? Who knows, but from my dealings with volatile folk... no. She'll always be able to find something to justify her need to vent so even once you get a job and an apartment, her emotiona... (read in full...)
He said""he was too scared to commit because he loved me.." so he dumped me for another girl...and now wants to get back!!
Q. Last year I started talking to this guy who lived down the street from me, and eventually he asked me to the upcoming semi-formal dance. However, 5 days later he decided to get a girlfriend from a different school. After that day, I had a hatred for ...
A. 24 January 2011: It's a load of crap.... (read in full...)
Concerned about my boyfriend watching one particular porn star daily!
Q. Hello all, please let me know if I should be concecrned here. I recently found out that my boyfriend looks at porn daily. I also found out that he subscribes to one girl's porn/webcam site so all the porn he has is just of her. I have been feelin...
A. 24 January 2011: Yeh, that ain't healthy... Sounds to me like you're fairly rational and lenient when it comes to porn so its not like you're overly insecure.
I'd almost go as far to say that you've been TOO lenient on his porn use. I wouldn't be so concerne... (read in full...)
Ex said he wanted to be friends but he's not talking to me
Q. I recently broke up with my boyfriend, and I was heartbroken, however when we broke up he said he still wanted to be friends and talk with me, yet nothing's happened. We talked for like a day after the breakup and then nothing since. I do wish that ...
A. 24 January 2011: I think cindycares was spot on when she said that "let's be friends basically just means let's not be enemies."
Even in the cases when platonic friendship after dating is a realistic possibility, its still best to have a few months space before t... (read in full...)
Need help...what would stop her from wanting to be with me?
Q. Hi DearCupid, I am asking this question with regards to someone I really like but I'm not sure what her point of view is of everything... If she is single, attracted to me, cares about me, and knows that I really care about her, what would stop ...
A. 23 January 2011: Two things spring to mind.
You could be in the friend zone...
or she could be waiting for you to make a move. Maybe she's already given you subtle signals and you just haven't picked up on them? ... (read in full...)
From Incredible Happiness to breaking up?
Q. Hello friends! So here's a little about my situation: I was dating this guy and we were amazing together. We communicated, we were in tune, we understood, we made each other explicitly happy. He's also a pretty transparent person - whatever em...
A. 23 January 2011: Anythings possible, but its impossible to say whether you're likely to get back together or not... especially since you don't really know why he made this decision to begin with. ... (read in full...)
I go all out to see my boyfriend yet he makes up pitiful excuses why he can't see me!
Q. Sorry for the length of the post, but I just wanted to get in every detail so you could evaluate it as fairly as possible. My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year now. Initially, we saw each other maybe 3 or 4 times a week (just ...
A. 23 January 2011: Honestly, the clingy side of you is definitely shining through. If he's not a clingy person then you can't expect that he'll want to hang out with you as often as you want to hang out with him. If he's making up pitiful excuses, I'd say he just ... (read in full...)
Is she just saying I'm big to make me feel better?
Q. me and my girlfriend have been going out for a good while now, and we plan on getting married before we ever have sex, I'm a virgin and she says she's a virgin too, my penis is 5 1/2 inches long and she says that huge..but what if she's just saying ...
A. 23 January 2011: Your insecurity is making you over analyze this, she's a virgin, its not like she's got anything to compare you to anyways. Just tell her to never tell you that you have a huge penis again and avoid the drama that you've created out of thin air. ... (read in full...)
Am I going backwards in the healing process?
Q. My fiancee, who I love very deeply, cheated on me and then dumped me two months ago, on the day of my birthday and a couple of days before our fifth anniversary. I had to spend Christmas, the lunar eclipse, and New Year alone, while she was partying ...
A. 23 January 2011: The 5 stages of grief in order are:
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
You may teeter back and forth between these stages, but that's normal. I feel for ya mate, I really do, its the worst feeling in the world, but you ... (read in full...)
I might be being taken for a ride ...
Q. I was broken up with!!! The girl I was involved with is 25 and is trying to finish her degree. She called me almost a month after we broke up and started to tell me of her financial problems; and was thinking of working at a strip club to pay for ...
A. 23 January 2011: ( She tells me all the time "I don't know what I want" and "you will find someone else" but I don't know if I should just give up or what.)
Dude... don't be a fool... don't pay for her classes because you're clinging to the hope that she'll g... (read in full...)
I want my best friends boyfriend
Q. So my best friend's boyfriend is away at uni. They have been together for 2 months now. Me and her boyf are quite good friends.. we text and chat online most days. He has always been quite flirty with me, but i never really thought anything...
A. 23 January 2011: Walkindude said it all... he's trying to get into your pants... it really is that simple.
If he wanted you and only you then he'd break up with his girlfriend and THEN be with you. Seriously, if you want to get used and lose your best friend t... (read in full...)
Situation with texting, FB and the guy I used to sleep with
Q. I'm just looking for a second opinion. A couple of months ago, I slept with this guy a few times. We texted, then i made the tremendous mistake of asking his friend about one of his ex girlfriends. So he stopped texting me. However, each time I b...
A. 22 January 2011: It's just one text... and a pretty generic one at that. You can analyze it all you want, but at the end of the day its just one generic message... there's no point speculating theories when they're likely to be way off target.
Sorry, but it c... (read in full...)
I'm out of his league...Should I care what others think?
Q. I just need to make sure I'm thinking clearly. I'm engaged to a wonderful man who treats me like a princess. He loves me and I love him. Our sex life is good. He's financially stable, (6 figure job, house in the right neighborhood, car, he has no ...
A. 22 January 2011: Not trying to be rude and maybe you've just undersold yourself here, but if anything he sounds out of your league, not the other way around...
He's accomplished all this whilst being generally deemed ugly by society... Speaks volumes as to how m... (read in full...)
If guys know they love a girl, then do they still want to party and see girls, instead of settling down now?
Q. I met a guy, dated for a month, broke up and didn't speak for a month and a half. Then started talking again and became best friends. It's been six months since we've become best friends, we're each others only best friends, and we recently admi...
A. 22 January 2011: He hasn't said that he loves you though and whilst you may think that he does love you, his actions aren't backing that up. Sounds like he's keeping you on the hook a bit here, but then again, if he's young then I understand where he's coming from ... (read in full...)
Help needed to get over an obsession with an online webcam model......
Q. well hello i found this site while in desperate need of some advice to help me with a trying situation that has literally drained me. i joined this adult website one of those solo girl websites at first it was just for entertainment then i started ...
A. 21 January 2011: Well you need to distance yourself from her, but I guess that could be hard for you if you can't resist visiting her every time you're on the internet.
Perhaps you could put her web address on your computers "blocked sites" list, I think its call... (read in full...)
I pushed my fiancee into having a boob job and now I regret it
Q. I'll probably get criticised for this............... I always had a thing about boob jobs on women n although my fiancee had nice size breasts and a fantastic figure i constantly went on to her about wanting her to have one. Stupid i know. ...
A. 21 January 2011: You made your bed... time to lie in it.
Not a lot else you can do to be honest mate.... (read in full...)
What about liking Bad Girls?
Q. We hear why bad boys are liked; because they live on the edge, are exciting, can't be tamed easily and are unpredictable. For all those reasons are why I like Bad Girls but you never hear about guys chasing women like that much. So do you...
A. 20 January 2011: Good post by Odds.
You may not hear a lot about guys liking bad girls, but damn, you hear a lot of stories on here about guys being burnt by a bad girl and swearing to stay away from their type for life...... (read in full...)
Call it off or carry on?
Q. A few weeks ago I bumped into my friends mom in a local pub. I've fancied her for ages and she came back to mine where we ended up having sex. She's a lot older than me, 45 and I'm 22. Anyway we've met each other several times since and have just ...
A. 20 January 2011: Well that's ultimately up to you. Have you had many other relationships before? Does your "friend" know about this? What will happen when friends and family find out? Do you think there is a future with this woman?
You've got some thinking... (read in full...)
How on earth do you find someone you just CLICK with?
Q. I don't know why I am SO anxious to have a boyfriend. It's driving me crazy. Okay, so, I'm 21 years old. I'm in the nursing program studying to become an RN. I'm very busy all the time now. I have only ever had ONE relationship when I was 19 ye...
A. 20 January 2011: Meeting new people constantly.
Trial and error.
Patience.
Open-mindedness.
Yeh, not very helpful in its broadness, but really, its a search that takes time and effort, there's no doubt about it. There really is no way of telling if y... (read in full...)
Lost: My boyfriend's erection!
Q. Me and my boy friend were currently going to have sex we were at his house and alot of things happened that one thong led to another... Well he put on a condom and went to put it in and he wasnt hard or anything. He just said he was sorry but he ...
A. 20 January 2011: It can happen from time to time, its normal. Don't take it personally or think its your fault. Nervousness, stress, tiredness, too much pressure to perform or heaven forbid, he just wasn't in the mood for sex (with anybody!) to begin with... (yes, ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to love two people at once?
Q. Is it possible to love two people at once? Are you a bad person if you see things in people that you are attracted to, that connect you to them? My story, I guess I've always loved this guy that I met when I was 16. It seems like time has never be...
A. 20 January 2011: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/truth-about-loving-two-men.html
I always thought it was impossible, but I'm a bit more open minded now... just because I haven't been in that position, doesn't mean people aren't struggling with the same problem ... (read in full...)
Should I ask this co-worker out?
Q. Should I ask this girl out? I work with her and have recently realised I have feelings for her when I actually look forward to go to work just because she is there. Problem is while we flirt and stuff we aren't very much alike she hangs out with a ...
A. 20 January 2011: Do you hang out together outside of work? Alone or otherwise?... (read in full...)
Should I tell my wife I cheated on her with over 30 prostitutes?
Q. I'm 35, my wife 36, we have 2 kids, married for 7 years. Before our kids born we have really great relationship and have sex every day. Sine she got pregnant the first kid her interest for sex declined sharply. No matter what I tried the most we can ...
A. 19 January 2011: If you want to keep her, don't tell her.
I think the most important thing you can do is work on your relationship and do whatever you have to ensure that you won't make this mistake again.
Though can you really call something you di... (read in full...)
Question on etiquette and American culture
Q. Hello all, This is a question regarding etiquette and American culture. I am a student studying in the US but I am not an American (I am from South Korea). My student life in US has been, for most part, a very alienating experience with absol...
A. 19 January 2011: Don't give them a gift card, its not christmas, its dinner.
Perhaps ask your friend before hand if you should bring anything? If he says no, then don't. A cheap bottle of wine or a bottle of soft drink is a pretty safe thing to bring if you'r... (read in full...)
My guy friend cut me out of his life but I just cant stop thinking about him!
Q. i still missing my guy friend. He always said I was his best close friend, but after he fell in love to one of our friend, he cut me off completely, from facebook to MSN. He told me he wasn't pushing me away, just between us need distance. All my ...
A. 18 January 2011: I'm leaning towards agreeing with comeonjesus... simply because that's happened to me before and I've been the guy forced to give up my female friends. I don't think that him not contacting you is entirely his choice.... (read in full...)
I cant choose between the picture-perfect Vince and not-so-perfect Caleb who I love, but...
Q. Help me with my decision! I have been with Caleb for a year and a half. We have had some rough patches. I love him an incredible amount but I want him to do more with his life. Sometimes he seems unmotivated to work and find a job.He lost his ...
A. 18 January 2011: With two kids and working as a doctor, you realize you're not going to have a lot of free time to spend with Vince should you start dating... Nowhere near as much as Caleb. Work and his kids will always take priority over you.
That's one bad ... (read in full...)
The guy I clicked with gave my number to the guy who happens to be a jerk!
Q. I am sure this happens a lot but this is a first for me. So it was my friend's birthday last night and he introduced me these guys. From the beginning one of them was trying to talk to me, Andrew, who apparently is kind of an asshole. I was just ...
A. 17 January 2011: Crud indeed! Well, I say you just make it very clear to Andrew that you're keen on Chris. Drop in some hints in texts, ask for Chris's number, etc. You'll be killing two birds with one stone, Andrew will get the hint to back off and he'll let ... (read in full...)
How do you turn a straight boy gay?
Q. i am a boy of 19 years and mostly get attracted toward boys.so there is a boy that lives just behind my house i really feel attracted towards him.that boy age is 20 years and i really cant spend even a single second without seeing him and i really ...
A. 17 January 2011: You can't dude... Sorry.... (read in full...)
What does it mean when a guy mimics you?
Q. what does it mean when a guy mimics you? When I touch his face, he touches mine. If I rub his hand, he rubs mine back. I kiss his cheek and he kisses mine back. He will often repeat the things I say if he thinks they're funny. Is he do...
A. 17 January 2011: Could be either, but most likely sub-conscious.... (read in full...)
How long do I wait to talk to him as "just friends"
Q. This guy and I just ended our relationship and decided to just be friends. How long do I wait to talk to him again as "friends" I miss him. Even though i'm heartbroken about it I still want to talk to him. Or do I just wait till he writes to me? ...
A. 17 January 2011: Four months of no contact is a good amount of time to compose yourself enough to become friends again.
Rushing back can seriously hurt your chances at being friends again.
... (read in full...)
My husband tells me he doesn't know.
Q. Why is it, that a guy would have the same answer to literally EVERY question, that he should know: "I don't know" it is driving me insane. I actually feel like I'm going crazy. It could be about food, beer, how to cook something, (he has cooked his ...
A. 17 January 2011: Stupid question, but have you actually talked to him about this?
It's all very well us guessing whats up with him, (if anything) but the only way you're gonna get an accurate picture is to talk to him yourself. ... (read in full...)
The guy I clicked with gave my number to the guy who happens to be a jerk!
Q. I am sure this happens a lot but this is a first for me. So it was my friend's birthday last night and he introduced me these guys. From the beginning one of them was trying to talk to me, Andrew, who apparently is kind of an asshole. I was just ...
A. 17 January 2011: Could Andrew be inviting you FOR Chris? If he's shy then maybe Andrew is helping Chris out by giving you guys a chance to meet up without it having that awkward "first date" vibe...?
Just a thought. I think you should have gone with them per... (read in full...)
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