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A devastating break-up with a bi-polar woman sparked my current fascination with psychology, mind-games, intentions and everything the quirky fandango that is "relationships" entails. I'm a bit of an over-thinker, enjoy playful disagreements just for interesting conversation and will speak my mind on this site whether you like what I have to say or not.
I don't offer advice, just my opinion and right, wrong or deluded, I'll give you my opinion whether you're 13 or 70...
I know all too well that love can blind you, but the agony aunts can help you see things clearly, however there's no guarantee that you'll like what you see...
So will you take the red pill or the blue pill...?
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| Latest articles: An opportunity to say hello to all the long term Aunts and Uncles and an update
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2016: Its been a long time since logging in here, regrettably I do so now to procrastinate an assignment... But hey! lets not let that small detail belittle the moment ;) I'd like to say a big thank you to anyone who is still here from back in the day....
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Is Pornography cheating?
Q. The age old question on this site seems to be "is pornography use cheating?" My response to that first depends on how you define cheating. A relationship is basically a sexual contract, an agreement between two (sometimes more) people. These people ...
A. 17 May 2011: Thank you for bringing some level-headed sanity to this thread smiliek... (no seriously)... I was beginning to think that there were only the self-righteous whacko's left. ... (read in full...)
He used to be confident around me but now he's really shy?
Q. So there's this guy i know likes me. We've kissed (i was drunk at the time but knew what i was doing) and since then he's been very shy around me. Beforehand he was confident to me and seemed a bit of a player, but after that night he's gone shy. He ...
A. 17 May 2011: Whats your question exactly?... (read in full...)
Why would a 48 year old man be interested in an 18 year old?
Q. Why would a 48 year old posh guy be sexually interested an 18 year old working class girl??? ...
A. 14 May 2011: Because she's 18.... duh.... (read in full...)
Ex took off when he found out I was pregnant, but I'm thinking of taking him back
Q. 14 months ago me and my bf were in a great relationship. we had so much love for each other it was unreal. however, i fell pregnant. he said he would stick around and support me even though he didnt really want it. anyway, that night he took off. he ...
A. 14 May 2011: Yes, you are mental.
Yes, he is likely to flake again when times are tough.
But the heart wants what the heart wants.
You should let your boyfriend go... there's plenty of single mothers out there looking for a guy like him.
... (read in full...)
Is anyone else annoyed at Facebook?
Q. I hate Facebook. There, I said it. I hate the way most people use text messaging, too. I do not participate on Facebook, but most of my friends and family do. That's fine. It's a nice way to connect with a lot of people at once and share thos...
A. 13 May 2011: Meh, it's a tool and nothing more.
It's not face-books fault as it's simply pandering to the wants of the people. A knife is a handy tool with tonnes of useful applications... but it can also be used to stab people. If people use a tool for... (read in full...)
How do reset my feelings?
Q. A while back I realized I had fallen in love with my best friend, and he was constantly on my mind. In november last year he started dating this girl at my school, but I could see that she wasn't really for him. He changed, and became two different ...
A. 11 May 2011: You're not gonna like my suggestion, but its the only thing I've ever found to work... distance yourself from him a bit. At least for a few months. ... (read in full...)
Is Pornography cheating?
Q. The age old question on this site seems to be "is pornography use cheating?" My response to that first depends on how you define cheating. A relationship is basically a sexual contract, an agreement between two (sometimes more) people. These people ...
A. 10 May 2011: "Do the women ask the men to behave like Brad Pitt from some romantic movie?"
Have you ever dated a woman before...?... (read in full...)
Headline for my online dating profile?
Q. What's a good headline for my online dating profile? ? ? i need a catchy, flirty, headline for my dating profile. Nothing slutty.. Just something cute and sweet.. Please help? Thanks..x...
A. 10 May 2011: I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany...... (read in full...)
I still love her. How can I be positive and get over the biggest break up in my life?
Q. to whoever wants to listen, this is going to be a bit of a long story, but for those who take the time and read it, I would appreciate your thoughts, especially from women readers. Back Story: Story begins with a girl and a boy. I, the boy...
A. 10 May 2011: I think cindycares got it right when she said:
"Ah she would be so perfect for me if only....if only she were another all different person."
As much as you're idealizing her right now, do you really think you could have stayed with her if she ... (read in full...)
He had an emotional affair, but he wont accept he cheated! How can I make him understand?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together 8 months and we get on like a house on fire, I've never felt like this with anyone before, everything just worked. Before christmas he was having a tough time and I supported him best I could not giving him any ...
A. 5 May 2011: Short answer... you can't.... (read in full...)
Is she more than FRIENDS to my boyfriend?
Q. My boyfriend has a female friend of 8 yrs whom hes very close to. This send off red flags because he seems to like her more than friends.. although she is dating too but he's just always happy to see her everytime.. like tonight, he told me that she ...
A. 5 May 2011: "A man and woman cannot just be friends"
Utterly ridiculous statement.... (read in full...)
How can I help him understand that if we both work on communicating better, the relationship will be better?
Q. My boyfriend and I are recently having a problem communicating, and I'm wondering what I can do. Here's the background: We've been dating seriously for almost four years and plan to move in together this summer. We're both adults with stable live...
A. 5 May 2011: Some problems, minor tiffs, little annoyances shouldn't spill into another day if you ask me. Maybe its just a guy thing, but if you talk about every little insignificant problem- you may see it as communicating and helping solve the problem.
... (read in full...)
Is she cheating again or is the past just making me uneasy?
Q. My girlfriend and I are at what I consider to be a crossroads in our relationship, either this is going all the way or it needs to end while we're young, we are both the same age, 25, and we just recently got back together after about a year apart ...
A. 5 May 2011: Trust your gut instinct. Who seriously deletes all evidence of correspondence immediately unless either:
a) they've got something to hide
or
b) they've got something to hide.... (read in full...)
Is she cheating again or is the past just making me uneasy?
Q. My girlfriend and I are at what I consider to be a crossroads in our relationship, either this is going all the way or it needs to end while we're young, we are both the same age, 25, and we just recently got back together after about a year apart ...
A. 5 May 2011: Trust your gut instinct. Who seriously deletes all evidence of correspondence immediately unless either:
a) they've got something to hide
or
b) they've got something to hide.... (read in full...)
Is she more than FRIENDS to my boyfriend?
Q. My boyfriend has a female friend of 8 yrs whom hes very close to. This send off red flags because he seems to like her more than friends.. although she is dating too but he's just always happy to see her everytime.. like tonight, he told me that she ...
A. 5 May 2011: 8 years he's known her... If you don't want to lose this relationship- don't come between him and a long term mate.
That's relationship suicide.... (read in full...)
I caught my ex cheating in the office! Would you turn her in?
Q. I caught my ex gold-digging past-lover that I work with screwing with another person in the office this morning? I caught them and now have extremely incriminating evidence against her and I would love to get her kicked out of the office for ...
A. 5 May 2011: Won't look good on you from anyone's perspective at your work. Nobody likes a snitch. Would you say she's a vindictive or horrible person to work with? Does she make your work day hell? Cos that's the only justifiable reason I can think for ... (read in full...)
Is Pornography cheating?
Q. The age old question on this site seems to be "is pornography use cheating?" My response to that first depends on how you define cheating. A relationship is basically a sexual contract, an agreement between two (sometimes more) people. These people ...
A. 5 May 2011: This is your opinion, but you've been presenting it like its fact because what... the entire scientific community agrees on this? Garbage. The scientific community can't even unite on whether coffee is good or bad for you, it all depends on which ... (read in full...)
Should I continue to tolerate my unkind hurtful insensitive boyfriend?
Q. Honestly I dont know what to make of it. My boyfriend and I just finished making love and he screams from the bathroom "blood". Yes Im in shock I just bled a little from having sex with my boyfriend. It has never happened to me and I expected more...
A. 28 April 2011: Did you tell him it was hurtful & insensitive?... (read in full...)
Could the trauma of my parent's divorce and seeing what I saw as a child be the reason I cannot connect with girls?
Q. This is difficult for me to write, as it is deeply personal. When I was a boy, my parents were on the verge of divorce and I had just turned 10. My father constantly traveled for his work, and his absence and constant fighting when he was home drov...
A. 28 April 2011: I highly doubt you've got PTSD, but any GP can point you in the right direction should you feel you need professional help.
Honest opinion from what you've written... you're trying to justify and rationalize to yourself why you are the way that... (read in full...)
Am I the only person in the world who feels this way?
Q. Hi. I am a 16 year old guy. The truth is...I don't know how to be myself...I am paranoid, truly suffering from paranoia. I do not think there is anyone who is like me on this planet. I am scared and nervous of life in general..as crazy as it ...
A. 28 April 2011: At 16 I felt very much the same way.
Its a time when you're figuring out who you are and where you fit in the world. Its tough. First thing I have to say is that there is nobody on the planet exactly like you- obviously. In no way is that a b... (read in full...)
Oral Sex Can Be A Sharing Experience - Swallowing IS Equal...
Q. I am in my early fifties and my man is as well. We've only recently become intimate and I was not involved with anyone for a few years prior. So, I had a long time to think about sexuality and what I would do when back into it. My thoughts are tha...
A. 28 April 2011: Are you talking about squirting though dirtball? I think that's the one time when swallowing IS equal. But not all women can squirt and not all of us are stallions in the sack.... (read in full...)
Oral Sex Can Be A Sharing Experience - Swallowing IS Equal...
Q. I am in my early fifties and my man is as well. We've only recently become intimate and I was not involved with anyone for a few years prior. So, I had a long time to think about sexuality and what I would do when back into it. My thoughts are tha...
A. 27 April 2011: Mmmm... as much as I hate to defy the brotherhood, I'm thinking along the same lines as person12345.
This isn't about equality. I can't say I've ever "swallowed" because frankly there isn't enough to swallow. I think if you find yourself... (read in full...)
Will he forgive me and let me in again?
Q. Im in therapy because Im in love with a man I hurt so bad he tried to commit suicide. I tortured him for 2 years because I was bitter from being cheated on by the man before him. He lost his job and home because of how much a I messed with his mind. ...
A. 27 April 2011: If you truly love him then you'll let him go. ... (read in full...)
Been married for 5 years and attracted to someone else
Q. I have been married for almost 5 years I got married really young it was the day after my 18th birthday. I love my husband very much, but I don't think I am in love with him anymore. I am extremely attrated to another man. This has happened once ...
A. 22 April 2011: This is and always will be the toughest dilemma in the book and honestly there is no right answer... Whenever I see a question like this I'll weigh in a few things before I give an answer. If the husband/wife is violent/crazy/abusive, etc. then ... (read in full...)
She's sure I cheated when I didn't
Q. my gf have been together for 1 year and 9 months now and she truly believes i cheated on her when i know i didn't but i can't back up my story and its ruining our relationship. i love her and would never hurt her but i have no idea what to do. ...
A. 22 April 2011: Define cheating... If there's one thing I've learned from this site its that there is many, MANY forms of cheating. Lets assume that cheating means kissing on the lips or "rockin' the casbah" and lets also assume that you have done neither... ... (read in full...)
Body Language: Is It Really Reliable?
Q. Okay, so to keep this short, essentially there's this man I'm crushing on, hard...And I think he likes me too because I've done some reading up on male body language, like stuff guys do when they're interested in a girl, and he does almost ...
A. 22 April 2011: I wouldn't really say its all that reliable because it kinda relies on personal perception. Meaning that everyone can have a different interpretation of it and sometimes we see what we want to see.
The first thing to look for is a base-lin... (read in full...)
Would you date an escort?
Q. Would you date a girl who was or is an escort? but she is really loving, smart, honest and does everything for you. It's just her job and she's only doing it a few years to save up some money and invest in something good. (house, car etc) ...
A. 19 April 2011: Honestly... no, I would never even consider it.... (read in full...)
Found a condom in my BF's wallet...but we don't use condoms!!
Q. my boyfriend and i have been togther for 3 years and i found a comdom in his wallet we don't use comdoms i ask him about it and he said he was going to use it on me i don't beleve him what sould i do...
A. 18 April 2011: Believe what you want, but its a pretty standard thing for a guy to have in his wallet regardless and unless you've gone into his wallet into that particular compartment where you found it before over the years, then I wouldn't jump to conclusions. ... (read in full...)
Wife is away, does husband want to play?
Q. Can anyone please tell me why a married man has made it a point to tell me that his wife is out of town on business for a few days? Is this an innocent statement or is there a reason he is saying this to me?...
A. 18 April 2011: I hate questions like this. Oh please help me figure out if I can become a mistress... wtf.... (read in full...)
Want a baby but not through her having intercourse, thoughts??
Q. My wife of 8 yrs. and I (in a lesbian relationship) have been inseminating and our donor is my own 23 yr old nephew. He produces a sperm sample in a sterile cup and gives it to me to inseminate my wife with it. So far she hasn't gotten pregnant ...
A. 18 April 2011: When I said "dumb question" I was talking about the question that I was about to ask... not your question.
Just for the record ;)... (read in full...)
Do I deserve to be alone because I'm picky with men?
Q. Please pardon my anxiety filled letter. But I am desperatly seeking some honest perspective on this. Anyone taking the time to read or reply, I greatly appreciate it. I'm just 22 years old, never dated, and already feel like I'm one of those ind...
A. 18 April 2011: "And guys I do like, apparently I'm not good enough because they never approach me."
I can't remember a time that I've ever approached a random girl... I know I'm far from alone. Its an absolute myth that if a guy likes you enough, he'll ap... (read in full...)
I've messed up badly, but now I want the guy I can't have..
Q. I've been married for almost four years now. My husband stopped having sex with me since the first few months of our marriage. Since then, we have sex once or twice (a year), literally. We have a twenty month old (apparently we're both very fertile ...
A. 17 April 2011: Well you can't do this without hurting your husband.
You can't do this without being judged by him and his family.
You can't have both of them, you tried, but it just made a big mess and trying to do it all again would be utterly stupid. ... (read in full...)
I have a high sexdrive and my partner doesn't seem to understand my needs.
Q. me and my girlfriend of 3 years have not had what u call a perfect sex life. its been good 1 second next its cold for a few days. she dont moan when we have sex. she just lays there and looks at the roof. she just wants to lay on her back, n...
A. 17 April 2011: Over the past three years has she always been like this? If she's pregnant that could certainly be a factor as to why she doesn't like sex recently at least. ... (read in full...)
Want a baby but not through her having intercourse, thoughts??
Q. My wife of 8 yrs. and I (in a lesbian relationship) have been inseminating and our donor is my own 23 yr old nephew. He produces a sperm sample in a sterile cup and gives it to me to inseminate my wife with it. So far she hasn't gotten pregnant ...
A. 14 April 2011: Dumb question, but have you had his sperm tested or seen a health professional to test her fertility? Or IVF?... (read in full...)
Swedish and Nigerian, good mix??
Q. Hey I am a 16 year old guy. I am mixed, my mother is Swedish and my father is Nigerian. I myself was born in Sweden, I wanted to ask you guys if this is a cool mix? Because for some reason I only favor one of the two, which is Swedish, since I grew ...
A. 14 April 2011: Don't downplay the nigerian side! You've got a fantastic conversation starter there! Absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.... (read in full...)
I fall, they leave, am I too nice??
Q. Why does this ALWAYS happens to me? what is wrong with me:(? i really dont know what is wrong with me but every time i fall for a guy tends to leave me:( it always starts off so great, so sweet then he'd get distant and leave. am not a horri...
A. 14 April 2011: Would you say that maybe you get clingy or needy? I only ask because getting distant can be a cue to back up a bit and not contact as much... ... (read in full...)
Why do guys get clingy after sex?? I just want to have fun and not be tied down.
Q. Hey. I need some advice. I am 18 and nearing the end of my first year of college. I am very independent and am not looking for a relationship. I just want to have fun and not be tied down. I figure now is the time to get the party girl out of my ...
A. 13 April 2011: You wanted fun and this one particular guy wanted more. By not responding to him you're taking the cowards way out and while its not encouraging him to keep calling you, its not exactly discouraging him either... might just be making you seem more ... (read in full...)
Am I a booty call, or just FWB? Why does he never initiate our get togethers?
Q. Alright, how do I word this? Lets see.. I have a friends with benefits, but my friends say he's a "booty call". We don't talk for a couple of days, or even a week, and then i'll text him and we either hook up that day or the next and then go back...
A. 10 April 2011: Hmm... I'm kinda the same as your FWB. I never instigate. It's not that the sex isn't great... I'm not entirely sure why I don't instigate. If I had to get all psycho-analytical on myself I think either its an ego boost for me or maybe its ... (read in full...)
I just had anal sex. Am I still a virgin?
Q. Okay I know this is a stupid question but am im still a virgin? I mean...my boyfriend and I just did anal...and im wondering if im still a virgin. I'm kinda naive about that subject. Im sorry...
A. 10 April 2011: Technically yes, but would anybody take you seriously if you said you were a virgin... probably not. Virginity is a symbol of purity and an unbroken hymen has been used as evidence of a sexually untouched woman for hundreds if not thousands of... (read in full...)
Is it a bad idea to text an apology to an ex?
Q. Do you think apologising to an ex on a text is a good idea? I have a terrible conscience and even though i know we broke up for all good reasons, him admitting he wouldn't change, and a few other stuff, what i regret is the attitude i had w...
A. 10 April 2011: If its not to ease your conscience then I presume its to make him feel better... best way to do that is stay out of contact with him. Seeing as he was the one that was dumped, there's a good chance that apologizing won't make him feel better, its ... (read in full...)
Is there a reason why this guy goes into so much detail about his sex life?
Q. ok, i need answers from guys. this question is hard to explain, but thanks to anyone who takes the time to read and answer it for me.. ok, i am in a long term relationship, and we have very different schedules, so we e-mail very often, actually...
A. 10 April 2011: What exactly are you stuck in the middle of? I'm still slightly unsure what your question is to be honest...... (read in full...)
My hearts in prison, but I'm with my ex and our baby, am I committing a worse crime??
Q. Hello everyone. I haven't been on this site in a while, but now i'm in desperate need of it again. My situation is very unique. I fell head over heals in love with someone I met in my past that i've always loved. The thing is, he's in prison for 1...
A. 10 April 2011: Well... its a risk, but its good that john is out of the picture. More importantly, you're happy... what could matter more.
Thanks for the update :)... (read in full...)
Is there a reason why this guy goes into so much detail about his sex life?
Q. ok, i need answers from guys. this question is hard to explain, but thanks to anyone who takes the time to read and answer it for me.. ok, i am in a long term relationship, and we have very different schedules, so we e-mail very often, actually...
A. 9 April 2011: You guys agreed to be open and able to talk about anything... unfortunately, sex life is a part of that. If you don't feel comfortable with it though, then by all means- just tell him that your not so comfortable with the level of detail. I really ... (read in full...)
My hearts in prison, but I'm with my ex and our baby, am I committing a worse crime??
Q. Hello everyone. I haven't been on this site in a while, but now i'm in desperate need of it again. My situation is very unique. I fell head over heals in love with someone I met in my past that i've always loved. The thing is, he's in prison for 1...
A. 28 February 2011: You need to wake up girl.
You can't let your heart guide your actions 100%, nor can you let your head guide your actions 100%. You need a balance.
Right now you're living in a fantasy land and not thinking straight. You can't use John t... (read in full...)
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