A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 24F and I've been dating a 26M for a little over a month now and things are going great!We see each other a few times a week and we seem to be content with the amount of time we spend with each other since we both work and I go to school full time. We have a great time when we hang out too! We text each other all day and will talk on the phone a couple of times a week. I'm a little thrown off by some things...I'm not sure of the last time I experienced a public boner, I'm thinking high school. Let me explain, he got hard when I kissed him in public, he was wearing sweatpants so it was super obvious... It was only a few kisses that caused so much excitement. I know he's been with a fair number of girls so I was very surprised at this. I'm also wondering why he hasn't attempted to sleep with me. He's obviously aroused by me but is very slow to act on anything. We kiss a lot and more recently he touched my breast twice during one of our first down make out sessions on his couch. Things started to get hot and heavy but then he slowed down and was more playful and sweet towards the end of our session. I'm used to guys wanting to get physical quickly so I don't know what to think of his slow pace. I like that things are going slow, I'm just very surprised by it. why would a guy move slower with a girl?
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (1 February 2011):
 The public boner is mostly a function of testosterone levels. He's probably more high-T than some of the guys you've been with, and is therefore more easily aroused. That, and he hasn't been desensitized by his previous experiences. That's a good thing.
With that said, some guys actually have self-control and restraint. It's probably best not to mention to him that you didn't know guys could have that, though, and just take it in stride. Some of us like to take things slow, enjoy the anticipation, and make things more intimate. Being high-T does not make that impossible, assuming that's even an accurate guess on my part.
Enjoy it, don't bring it up, and good luck with this guy.
A
male
reader, Universe Man +, writes (1 February 2011):
Relatively inexperienced guys sometimes think sex is something that just happens, or is initiated by women, as opposed to realizing it's basically up to them to make it happen. Or, he could just be scared. You can either patiently wait, or you can initiate it (and escalate it) yourself. I wouldn't come out and ask him because he probably doesn't have an answer.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (1 February 2011):
 Why would a guy move slower sexually with a girl?
For the same reasons a girl might move slower with a guy I imagine...
Maybe he's been hurt before, maybe he likes going slow and getting to know a girl? Maybe he's after a decent relationship, maybe he's been warned not to mess you around?
I always take things slow these days and those are just a few explanations I can think of off the top of my head...
Good-luck :)
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A
female
reader, golddigger99 +, writes (1 February 2011):
 Beats me! My husband, then boyfriend, was like this too. It turns out he was just scared to move further than making out because he was my brothers best friend. The first time we had sex, I was the one who made the first move.
Maybe this question is best answered by a guy, but I thought you might like to know that if you are ready to move to the next level, then maybe you should be the one to inniciate it.
Good Luck!
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