A
female
age
36-40,
*eccamega
writes:I've posted here before about my ex who dumped me out of the blue, by phone. Then insulted me by text. I never heard from him again. He poisoned everyone and probably told lies to everyone. Why did everyone take his side? I'm the one that got betrayed and yet I have to find new friends. Hopefully ones that actually have values. He broke up with me in such a callous way, why is he friends with his ex flings [before we met] and nice to them?
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broke up, his ex, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Wheeler  +, writes (8 February 2011):
 Wow, really?I found out a week ago today that the girl I was dating had been cheating on me. And guess what, all of her (and therefore I thought mine) friends have known about it the whole time.Noone said a thing, and it had been going on for a month.
A
female
reader, meccamega +, writes (8 February 2011):
meccamega is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm pretty sure that he cheated on me. But everyones covering up for him.
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A
female
reader, meccamega +, writes (8 February 2011):
meccamega is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am innocent, if you read my previos post you'll see why. My ex did a complete 180 on me. I never did anything to deserve what he did to me, thats why I can't understand any of it.
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A
male
reader, Wheeler +, writes (7 February 2011):
Fact is, they had to choose a side. And if they were his friends first, then the only further information they are going to receive will be from him.
There is nothing you can do about it.
The best thing you can do is continue being a good person. Even if you did do some things wrong in the relationship, it doesn't mean you are a bad person. He probably did things wrong too, but he isn't going to tell them any of that.
All you can do is move on, don't try to convince any of them otherwise. Usually, as time passes and they inevitably quit caring about the details of what happened, you will run into some of them and get to have a nice short conversation or two. Be sure to not bring up anything about this relationship, and show them the reasonable and good aspects of who you are. They will change their mind about you without even realizing it.
And eventually, if you were the one mistreated, it will become obvious.
No matter what they say, people know that there is always more to the story than their friend has told them.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (7 February 2011):
 There's two sides to every story... I don't know that you're telling (or even aware) of the true story of what happened between you two any more than he or his friends do...
You may think he's telling out-right lies, but maybe he's just telling the story from his perspective (which isn't necessarily lies if he genuinely believes it, but it isn't the truth when told from multiple perspectives either..)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): If they did not listen to your side and just his, they are not friends worth having. He is not worth your time agonising about him and his ex's. Easy to say I know. It is bad enough breaking up but to be bad-mouthed makes it worse. Try as best you can to put this behind you. In a years time you'll look back and wonder why you got so upset about such a jerk.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (7 February 2011):
 I may vaguely remember your previous questions, but not enough that they are helpful now.
Why did everyone take his side?
Because they think he was right. It may be because of something he told them, or it may be that you're not as innocent as you think. People often make their own judgements, so I tend to believe you're not as innocent as you're making yourself out to be.
Why is he still nice to ex flings?
Fewer emotions involved. They were flings, and therefore quite meaningless. Much different from an actual relationship.
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