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age
30-35,
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writes: I really hope someone can give me advice before its too late....i am an 18 yr old female my partner is 23 i have known him for four years now and been with him for 12 months, everything was absolutely great when we first got together he was sweet caring understanding and he actually listened to me, he didn't want to sleep with me straight away he took notice of everything about me it was all to good to be true, no really it was!. He now knows nothing about me and could care less, he doesn't say cute little things he doesn't want to talk he refuses to listen to a word i say and if i persist on a subject he will get verbally abusive he will even get physically abusive. He says that all our relationship problems are all my fault and that i am on thin ice but all i try to do is make our relationship happy you know put on the fake smile bring him his coffee after work make sure dinner is cooked the house is clean and a towel ready for a shower i try so hard to make sure everything is perfect for him when he gets home but he says i sit on my ass all day doing nothing and what i do is not that hard and i should have done more. i found out i was 7 weeks pregnant on the 18-10-2010 he was happy about it but then we had his son from a former relationship stay for 2 weeks he became very aggressive and distressed me a fair bit i did not go a day without braking down at least 9 times at the least just because of the things he would say or do i went for my second ultrasound at 11 weeks and found out the baby had no heartbeat and had to get it removed, i had been trying for a child for 4 years so as you could all imagine i was devastated. i went to his work and cried on his shoulder he was very good to me but on the 25th i had to go in for the procedure he did not contact me all day, my mother brought him in when i woke up i cried and cried he helped me dress when we got outside he suggested we go out for dinner with my mother and step father i was in allot of pain and very dizzy from the procedure but he was certain we were going we went i could not eat my meal it made me feel horrid he was not impressed for a while after the procedure i could not do much and when we showered together it was very hard for me to stand has i felt i was going to collapse i would feel very dizzy he would get mad and frustrated because i would sit at the bottom approximately every 1-2 minutes and had to take brakes from washing him same with sex i was not aloud to have sex for 7 days after the procedure but he wanted it right or wrong i ended up with an infection of the womb and vagina i was still in allot of pain he would tell me he was sore and needed me to do things for him and that i was being a bitch because i would say i was hurting he would make out as if i were lying. everything has just gotten a whole lot worse from there we cant be in the same room for five minutes without arguing even about petty crap he always thinks i am being aggressive towards him when i am even just giving him a compliment i love him i really do but he is just far to over barring i just want to fix it all but i dont know how i can't lose him i need him but i will not bow down to anyone how can i change everything back to how we used to be.....
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (28 January 2011):
 Wise move I think. It's generally much easier to change and grow as people when you're not in a relationship- tends to be more time to focus on just yourself and more incentive to change.
Who knows what the future holds, but at least you've both got time to clear your heads and regain your balance.
Good-luck :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI sat with him and discussed our situation, he said the same things i feel that we do love each other to death which is the reason for us both to be sticking around but the way our relationship is going is something neither of us want he apologized for all his actions as did i now i know that this will not change anything as it is all to late we have decided to go away for this weekend and after then we will separate for a while to sort out our own heads i hope all goes well but doubt he will return, but from the advice you great people have given i think that may be for the best.... thank you all
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): Leave, leave, leave, leave and leave. You are being abused physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. This relationship will only change for the worse. Leave now!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): sounds to me like this guy doesn't respect you and sometimes when relationships have run it's course, this is the result. i know you just want to be able to snap your fingers and make everything go back to the way it was before when you were happy, but it sounds to me like it's not up to you. it's him who's keeeping that from happening. so until you can figure out a way to control his actions and emotions (which is never), there's really nothing you can do.
my suggestion at this point is to be honest with him. give it one last shot and sit him down and calmly communicate with him about your needs and how his actions are making you feel. tell him you want this relationship to work and you love him, but you need things to change. and don't threaten him, but gently let him know that if things don't change you may have to let go, as you're not getting what you need from this relationship. and if at that point, nothing changes and his behavior continues, i would leave him. you would know you did everything you could to salvage the relationship, and it just wasn't meant to be.
best of luck to you.
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A
female
reader, Sabrena +, writes (26 January 2011):
ohh am really sorry that you lost your baby and that your man has changed so much i would advice you to take time out dont break up just seperate from him for a while go and stay with your parents for 2weeks and dont call or txt him make sure u tell him after u are at ur parent's place tht u will be back after 2weeks or somethng if he loves u he wil understand that u need time to get beta, thnk and so forth goodluck and pls be careful.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (26 January 2011):
Nobody likes to admit to themselves when a relationship has run its course, especially when it used to be a good relationship, but clinging to the hope that it'll all change back to the way it was is not realistic... I think you need to admit to yourself that things aren't going to magically change back, if anything they're going to get worse.
This is not a relationship that can be saved if you ask me and frankly, that's a good thing as you deserve much better. He doesn't respect you, and without respect, you've got nothing.
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