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... Send *uman_male a private message | | | *uman_male's profile:Forty three years old. Single. Living in Auckland, NZ. A few personal problems of my own, like anxiety and depression, and more than my share of lonliness. I've never had a girlfriend and I don't believe I ever will... women just don't see me in that sort of way. That's all there is to it.
It's hard, but I feel better if I can help others. And who knows, maybe my situation gives me a perspective that allows me to help others and give good advice.
I know what sort of man I want to be, and I draw confidence and self worth from being that. So being a good person and helping others is as much about helping myself as it is them.
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I'm being torn over which parent to spend Christmas with! I don't need this!
Q. After a tough year getting divorced I am now facing a dilemma over Christmas Day. My immediate family (Mum and Dad and Sister) live 2 - 3 hours drive in different directions to me. Both want to see me on Xmas Day but... they have fallen out yet ...
A. 15 November 2012: Spend Christmas with your boyfriend and his family, and then go see each of your parents in the days following Christmas. That way they you treat them both equally.... (read in full...)
How do I become calmer and become more confident when around the opposite sex?
Q. I'm a girl in my early 20's, who's never dated before or anything. People say I'm attractive so I know my lack of experience with guys is due mostly to low self-confidence and my social anxiety. Anyway, I've noticed that whenever I interact with ...
A. 15 November 2012: Have you thought about getting therapy for your social anxiety? A course of cognitive behavioural therapy might help. There might also be social support groups in your area for people with anxiety. I belong to one and have socialised a lot with them ... (read in full...)
Should I leave my frigid husband of 20 years?
Q. I need advice on whether to end my marriage of 20 years. I have 2 kids, age 11 and 14. I am a Stay at Home Mom. My husband does not initiate sex, has no interest in sex but keeps me around. Probably to do the housework and childcare. Strange ...
A. 13 November 2012: First thing you should do is talk to him. Let him know how unhappy you are, and that you're at the point where you want to end the marriage if things don't change. Don't be accusatory or give him an ultimatum. I mean just let him know how serious ... (read in full...)
How do you find a trustworthy guy? It is making me want to give up on men completely....
Q. Hi, I know this is probably going to get a bit of hate, because I know that I'm stereotyping men in a negative way, but it's just how it is, I'm sorry. :/ I kind of need advice on the future - I have kind of a damaging view of men, that makes ...
A. 13 November 2012: Maybe look at the sort of men you're going for, as they're clearly jerks. I know you can't know from the start if a guy is going to treat you badly (and please don't think that I'm suggesting that it's your fault that you've been treated badly), but ... (read in full...)
Ignoring me then texting me wanting sex, this has been going on for 2 years! What should I do?
Q. Hi i am new here just need some advice on this. I have been sleeping with a man for 2 years, we were boyfriend/girlfriend then somehow ended up fwbs. i hadnt saw him for a few weeks so i text him and asked him if he had slept with someone else, he ...
A. 13 November 2012: Fairly simple, unless you enjoy being used like this, or think the sex makes it worth it you should cut off all contact with him.
That includes sleeping with him.... (read in full...)
How do you deal with losing someone who made you genuinely happy when you did nothing to cause the distance?
Q. Thank u in advance for ur help. So i had a female friend who i have been getting along with since September. We would see and talk to one another at least twice a week. I had feelings for her but since it was a great connection i let it play itself ...
A. 13 November 2012: It sucks but these things happen in life. If she won't talk to you and tell you what's wrong, which she probably won't, all you can do is walk away and try and put it behind you.
It's hard but try and look forward to the next special person i... (read in full...)
I had sex with a married man but now he won't speak to me! What do I do?
Q. please help i had sex twice with this married man who is driving me crazy,i know what i did was wrong but i couldnt control my self i was so attracted to him but ever since the last time we had sex this was like three weeks ago he hasnt kept intouch ...
A. 13 November 2012: Either he used you now he's finished with you. He's ignoring you because he's moved on to his next conquest. Or he regrets cheating on his wife and is trying to put the whole thing behind him.
Either way all you can do is walk away and try to l... (read in full...)
I left my wife for a woman half my age. Now I hear crap like she will leave me one day, how do I stop it and what do I do if she does leave?
Q. let me start out by saying that i usually dont need advice but im truly upset. i am 49 cheated on my wife with a girl half my age, left my wife for her, got a divorce, got engaged, and now im going to be a father for the first time, to my own child. ...
A. 13 November 2012: I guess you'd have to expect to get some negative attitues, but ask yourself if you have any evidence that what they say is true. I guess all you can do is keep the lines of communication open with your wife.
And if she does end up leaving ... (read in full...)
Should I stay with a violent husband for the sake of the children?
Q. My husband has violent outbursts about 3 -4 times a year. Something small will usually set him off, but everyone in the family knows to run for cover. I have three children (8,11,13) who have witnessed him exploding in a rage. The last time it ...
A. 12 November 2012: No you shouldn't. You should LEAVE for the sake of the children.
Taking them with you obviously.... (read in full...)
Help!!!! My confidence and self esteem are at an all time low...
Q. My self esteem and confidence was shattered by my ex boyfriend, he would always call me fat and make nasty comments about the way i looked and my weight. In the bedroom he would constantly tell me how crap i was at some things and how sometimes i ...
A. 11 November 2012: I think you should talk to a counsellor. Talk to your GP for help finding someone.... (read in full...)
Am I being silly and taking a crush on my teacher too far?
Q. I'm 18 and in my final year in school and I have fallen hard for my English teacher. I'm a lesbian and out to my whole year group and everything is fine, none of the teachers know as I never needed any advice or anything, it was something I dealt ...
A. 11 November 2012: Don't read anything into her behaviour, she might just be being nice. And when we are in this state it's easy to read significance into things where there is none.
But if you're serious, wait until you finish school, then go back and see her and ... (read in full...)
Is it just the alcohol, or does he really know what he's doing?
Q. When my boyfriend is drunk, he always flirts with other girls. He'll grab their boobs etc. Or he lies about things. When I talk to him about this, he always says thats the alcohol talking. Does he really know what he is doing?...
A. 9 November 2012: Whether he knows what he's doing or not I don't think it's acceptable. Being drunk is not an excuse for bad behaviour. If he can't control himself when he's drunk then he shouldn't get drunk!
... (read in full...)
Am I gay? Or bisexual? Or bi-curious?
Q. I've kinda always felt that I may be gay, but I didn't know whether that was just because I looked at guys and wish I had their looks and their body. All through high school, I remember flirting and always being around girls, but never had a ...
A. 8 November 2012: It sounds like you like both. You don't have to be one thing or another. Sexuality is a very, very broad spectrum, with gay at one end, straight at the other and bi in the middle. I believe most people fall somewhere between those extremes. I agree ... (read in full...)
Any advice on where to meet guys? Tried hobbies, gym and bars with no success.
Q. I absolutely don't know where to meet guys. At work most of guys are married or involved or much older, plus it's not a good idea to date anyone from work. In Gym where I go to, there is never any interaction. I just work out there 3 times a week a...
A. 8 November 2012: Men approach you but none to your liking. You want them to come to you as you're not prepared to approach them. I think that's more of a problem than not knowing where to meet them. It doesn't matter where you go, those two things will be a barrier. ... (read in full...)
My husband can't stay hard unless I'm talking dirty to him.
Q. My husband can't stay hard unless I'm talking dirty to him. I'm tired of it. Sometimes if i stop talking he goes soft and just stop its over. He wants me to make it dirtier and i can't. Can you suggest something to help us?...
A. 8 November 2012: If it's making you uncomfortable I think you should tell him. If he's a decent guy he wouldn't want you to do something that you didn't enjoy. And then gently broach the subject that it might be time to get to the bottom of his erectile dysfunction. ... (read in full...)
I want to start dating again, but can't seem to get out there or even know how to begin.
Q. dear aunts and uncles, you all have helped me in the past now i need help again. i am finding it very difficult to move on after my husband of 20 years left me for a girl half our age a year ago. i know it is time to get on with my life, we just ...
A. 7 November 2012: It doesn't sound like you're ready to start dating. If you're still in love with your ex it's not fair on the other person. You might meet someone and they might have genuine feelings for you and you're still hung up on your husband. Don't do that ... (read in full...)
Does she like me?
Q. Hi,i'm a 15 year old guy and there's this girl at school i like and i think she likes me. We've been locking eyes for a month now,but never for over a second.We have 3 classes together and i haven't spoke to her yet. I've been in a group with her...
A. 6 November 2012: Analysing behavior and situations like this is understandable, but ultimately pointless. You won't know until you talk to her. So take the plunge and go say hi.... (read in full...)
I want to tell her I need more sex without seeming needy!
Q. My girlfriend doesn't seem to be into sex anymore and says we have been dating long enough that we don't need to do it very often anymore. How can I get her to be into it and want to do without having to ask and sound super needy about it?...
A. 4 November 2012: I don't think you should be focusing on trying to get your gf to put out more. I think you should be concerned that she's ok and if her sex drive seems to have dropped off suddenly that there isn't something wrong. If she simply has a lower sex ... (read in full...)
Alone we are fine, with her girlfriends, not so fine .....
Q. Hello I'm our average not so good-looking guy. Whenever I hang out with my girlfriend and her friends are around she ignores me. We have been going out for about a year and two months. I am crazy about her and I just don't know what to do. What do I ...
A. 4 November 2012: It's probably not on purpose. People tend to ignore me when there's anyone else around to talk to as well. Not always but I notice it quite a lot. Although it can be hurtful I've learned not to read too much into it.
I think you've got some goo... (read in full...)
Body image ruined due to porn
Q. My partner looks at naked pics of those typical perfect bodied women. If they're not naked they're usually close to it. Although I have a good body, I have small breasts which are now a little droopier due to having given birth. Breast feeding. ...
A. 4 November 2012: It's silly to read too much into guys watching porn, or having a crush on celebrities or whatever. I you tell him that you think Johnny Depp is hot does that mean he should immediately run off and kill himself because it means you're only with him ... (read in full...)
I have never had a girlfriend before, do I have a chance with her?
Q. I am 20 years old, never kissed anyone and never had a girlfriend. I really like this girl a lot. And she is always really sweet to me. There are 2 problems: 1. She is constantly busy, so theres no time to get together, and 2. I always find some way ...
A. 4 November 2012: There's nothing for it but to take the plunge and ask her out. There's no magical way to make the awkwardness and nerves go away, you just have to do your best to push through them. Will she think it's cute or off-putting? There's no way to know. ... (read in full...)
I've been too easy. Is it time to use the "hard to get" method?
Q. Hi everyone. On Wednesday i got with a guy at a halloween party and (drunkenly) let him finger me. I don't usually act like this but i liked the guy and to be honest was a bit drunk. The next day he invited me to a party last night where we got ...
A. 4 November 2012: I don't think it's a case of playing hard to get. That's just stupid mind games. I think this is more a case of making sensible and mature decisions and not getting drunk and doing something you'll regret later. If you like this guy and want ... (read in full...)
Where do I start with counselling?
Q. Where to start with counselling? I've been thinking for a long time about seeing a counsellor. I have posted on here before about my virginity at the age 31. Thks is to due to various things like body image issues and low self esteem/confidence. I ...
A. 4 November 2012: Talk to your doctor and hopefully he can refer you to someone.
And if you have the oppotunity to talk to someone through work do so.... (read in full...)
Already spent 1000 dollars to help the man I love to come to visit me and now he's asking me to take a big loan for him
Q. Hello to all, When I went to china recently for a training course, I met a guy. I thought that our relationship would be only brief but he told me that he wants me to know that it was not only about getting some fun for him but he has feelings...
A. 4 November 2012: Don't give him anything. Make it clear that he's not getting anything from you. And make sure he's not in a position to take anything when he disappears.... (read in full...)
I'm with someone I love but after a few days together I need time alone!
Q. I'm with someone I really love but after we've spent a couple of really intimate days together, I feel like I have to get away and spend time alone. He doesn't understand and wants to spend all the time with me. It ends up causing a lot of arguments ...
A. 2 November 2012: I think that's natural to want time apart. If you've tried explaining this and he won't accept it maybe you're not the best match for each other. ... (read in full...)
What is your feelings on someone getting drunk and making out with another person?
Q. Hey guys and girls, about three weeks ago I started dating this girl named lets say Cindy. We spent a lot of time together just watching movies, having sex, talking, and really liking each other. Cindy even bought me a Star Wars t-shirt when s...
A. 31 October 2012: I'd tend to give her another chance if I were you. She seems really contrite and sorry for what she did. ... (read in full...)
Break up or stay with her? She's warned me that she may want to sleep with another guy, just randomly, in the future.
Q. My girlfriend has told me that she thinks there will come a time when she wants to sleep with another guy just randomly. She said she doesn't know when. She said that she now considered us to be only slightly more than friends but wants to stil...
A. 31 October 2012: How weird. Either she's playing some weird game... in which case walk. Or she really is serious... in which case walk.
If I were in your situation, and I know this is easy for me to say, but I don't think my self respect would allow me to do anyth... (read in full...)
Should I be emotionally drained from a relationship?
Q. I just shut out my boyfriend .....I have gone completely silent ...because I am tired. ..I am tired of giving ....all my energy is well spent ....his a very needy emotional demanding person and before I wouldn't mind listening, giving, helping, ...
A. 28 October 2012: You've made your decision and it sounds like it's the right one. You need to do what's right for you. If you're not happy in a relationship and it's not fulfilling then of course you should walk way.... (read in full...)
I've joined a marriage website but I'm terrified to know what to say to potential partners... Help!
Q. Hello Aunties and Uncles, Well after the end of a 2-year relationship I'm ready to start dating and I've joined a marriage website! Being new to this, I would be very grateful if anyone could offer me tips on what to say, how much info should...
A. 25 October 2012: Can you give us a bit more info? What's a marriage website for starters? I'm assuming it's a singles website for people looking for marriage. But do you want to know what to put on your profile, or what to say when you meet someone in person?... (read in full...)
If I become a Chartered Accountant will it turn off girls? Will they see me as boring?
Q. I'm already a bit shy and not good with girls. I'm trying to figure out what do to as a career, and I'm considering becoming a Chartered Accountant as I'm good at it and it does pay exceedingly well. But I'm worried if it will turn girls off. ...
A. 24 October 2012: One, you shouldn't let "will women like it?" factor into what you choose to do for a career or with your life in general.
Two, our jobs don't define us.
Three, one of the main things women want (or so I've been told by my barber) is secur... (read in full...)
It's annoying me that I've never had a Bf. What should I do to remedy the situation?
Q. I have just turned 24 and its annoying me that i have never had a boyfriend i get told nice things about my looks and people are shocked i dont have a boyfriend, i just dont get it. I am shy but i thought if a guy liked you he would make a point...
A. 23 October 2012: I agree with the others who say you need to be more proactive. I know it seems like for some women the guys just come up to them without any effort on their part, but it's not like that for everyone.
First, just generally socialise more to help ... (read in full...)
Is it better to just walk away if someone is playing games?
Q. I had a passionate love story with a girl for 3 months. Infact 2 months where great but the last I could feel things where slowing down. She started witholding sex which made me really angry so I asked her if she wanted to break up or continue ...
A. 21 October 2012: I feel like we're not really getting the whole story. Are you sure she's withholding sex to play games? Maybe she just feels something is wrong in the relationship and simply doesn't want to have sex with you because she doesn't feel right.
I thi... (read in full...)
Help!!!! Did I do something wrong...?
Q. I'm just a young boy right now, but going through a rough time. (grandparents dying) I was dumped by my first girlfriend and was in a lot of agony that time. When I was finally over her, I fell in love with another girl who is in my class. She tu...
A. 21 October 2012: I think you need to play it cool in future. Don't drop the L bomb so quickly. Just try to relax and have fun with girls and don't come on too strong. Also, when you're feeling bad about this sort of thing remind yourself that girls seem to like you, ... (read in full...)
Break it off? Or should I continue to date this guy? He is Mr RightNow to me but that's all.
Q. I met this man this past summer and have since gone on several dates with him. I am not attracted to him physically AT ALL but thought he was a nice guy so decided to get to know him more and see if there's something.............. He is crazy ab...
A. 21 October 2012: I would say it would be kinder to end it with him. It's really cruel to let him think he has a chance with you and things are going somewhere when they're not. The same thing happened to me recently, and I almost with I'd never met her.
If yo... (read in full...)
Could it be that working with so many women (aged 30 to 50s) that is causing me daily angst? Should I change jobs?
Q. alright im a young male and i just got a job with 40 "mothers." All but one of them in there late 30's to early 50's. I've noticed that lately i have been worse. When i had just hit puberty I was horny all the time to where masturbation didn't d...
A. 19 October 2012: Trouble is women are everywhere, there's no getting away from them.
To me, this sounds like a valuable learning oppotunity to talk to women and be comfortable around them, get advice ect. Think carefully about the possible benefits, and wait and... (read in full...)
21 and never been on a date. I'm worried I never will be!
Q. I am 21, I have never been on a date with a girl, never kissed a girl. My generalattitiude is "I can't do it, I am never going to find somene, so why bother anymore?" I know I am "attractive" I work out alot and my girl friends (notice the ...
A. 17 October 2012: Yes, good question. Have you tried asking someone out? You can't give up man. It doesn't come easy for a lot of us, and one way you can be sure it won't happen is if you give up. And you're still young. There's no reason to think it's going to be... (read in full...)
Why do men never EVER approach me?
Q. I feel embarassed just typing this, but well... I am nineteen year old, college student, I am extremely outgoing, I have a lot of friends and I am quite popular with them. I am tomboyish as in "loving sports, fights and cars" but you wouldn't...
A. 15 October 2012: It's impossible to say from not knowing anything about you. Do you have any male friends you can trust to give you a honest answer? If not, I think all you can do is pay really close attention to how you act around men. I know that doesn't sou... (read in full...)
First Date: Should it be the expensive restaurant, or something less formal?
Q. Im taking my neighbor on a first date today. I knew she liked me and i liked her and decided to man up and ask her out. I asked her out bye inviting her to my bday party and asking her to play bp with me and she said shed rather kick my ass. so we ...
A. 15 October 2012: Don't spend a lot of money on a first date. It won't impress her or make her like you any more. And she might just be trying you out and not want to see you again. So why blow a lot of money?... (read in full...)
She's suddenly started ignoring my messages, what is wrong with her?
Q. I have been speaking to this girl online. she's 17 and i'm 19 and we got on well. we met up as friends and i met 3 of her other friends and it was great we got to know more about each other and things were fine. we carried on talking over facebook ...
A. 15 October 2012: She's just gone off you, or decided she can't be bothered. It happens. Just write her off and move on. When something like this happens messaging her again and again won't help. You might think it's simply courtesy to reply and just say she's n... (read in full...)
Truly? Why would a girl get scared off if a guy has never had a girlfriend before?
Q. While dating and having much difficulty landing a real relationship, I've noticed that many women avoid getting into a serious relationship with a guy who never had a girlfriend before. Why is that? I don't want to lie because I am very honest,...
A. 15 October 2012: Yes they think there's something wrong with you. But it may be the sort of girls you're going for. I'm sure there are less superficial girls out there who wouldn't care and would just love to get attention from a decent guy, despite his lack of ... (read in full...)
All my friends are now in relationships. What's the answer for me? I'm consumed with jealously and weekends are the worst for me now.
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. Please can I have some advice as do what I should and how I can meet someone and stop feeling like this. Basically keep it short. I'm 32, female and single and I can't seem to meet anyone. I'm attractive, I have an ok...
A. 15 October 2012: Perhaps you need to be more proactive. Ok you've signed up to a few dating sites but do you send out any emails? And in real life, do you make any effort to meet and get to know people? Take the examples of your friends and the guys they met at w... (read in full...)
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