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... Send *uman_male a private message | | | *uman_male's profile:Forty three years old. Single. Living in Auckland, NZ. A few personal problems of my own, like anxiety and depression, and more than my share of lonliness. I've never had a girlfriend and I don't believe I ever will... women just don't see me in that sort of way. That's all there is to it.
It's hard, but I feel better if I can help others. And who knows, maybe my situation gives me a perspective that allows me to help others and give good advice.
I know what sort of man I want to be, and I draw confidence and self worth from being that. So being a good person and helping others is as much about helping myself as it is them.
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I'm terrified that I'm going to come off the wrong way or say the wrong thing and someone won't like me. I know it's silly and that not everyone in the world is going to like you but I just worry.
Q. Here's the thing; I'm not exactly what you would call a social butterfly. I am however more like the caterpillar in its cocoon that evolves into a butterfly. By that I mean I'm very shy, but once I am friends with someone, I can talk and talk for ...
A. 9 September 2013: Look into something called cognitive behavioral therapy. It can help you cope with anxiety.
... (read in full...)
Boyfriend treats me like his personal assistant! Advice?
Q. I've been dating this guy for almost a year. He treats me like his personal assistant, and I am finally sticking up for myself. But he is so sensitive that when i do he acts like Im hurting his feelings. For instance he wants me to make and cancel ...
A. 4 September 2013: Tell him to stop. If he won't stop dump him.... (read in full...)
Why is my height so unattractive?
Q. I have been rejected by hundreds of girls offline and thousands of girls online and have lost heart and all sense of my 'physical' self-esteem. It is very difficult to remain confident after that. My track record keeps me from trying now as I have ...
A. 4 September 2013: I think you're putting too much stock in your height. I'm 6' 2" and my height has done me no good whatsoever! I would trade it for being good looking, or super witty, or confident or being able to sing in a heartbeat. You and I are very much al... (read in full...)
How should I handle this current girl situation?
Q. My boyfriend is an extremely social person who loves making new friends (boys and girls alike). The problem is that he always seems to have a different girl that he texts all the time. He recently transferred to a new college and has told me that ...
A. 4 September 2013: Unless you have cause to believe he's cheating on you you shouldn't do anything. You're just jealous and insecure, and that's your problem, not his. So just do your best to be cool about it. It might not be easy, but just keep telling yourself that ... (read in full...)
Frustrated by our differing sex drives -- am I being unreasonable?
Q. My bf and I have been together for 2 years. We're both in our early 30s. We only see each other on weekends when he comes over to my house to spend the weekend as he lives an hour away. He's never been very sexual, even at the beginning. He te...
A. 4 September 2013: You're not being unreasonable. And it must hurt when he rejects you. But try not to get mad at him, or put demands on him, because if he doesn't want to have sex that's his right.
I think in a situation like this where the partners are simply m... (read in full...)
Happy to be on my own -- is it because my standards have risen?
Q. I'm quite confused at the moment. 5 months ago my long term relationship ended. It was an abusive relationship (not extremely abusive, but definitely, some verbal abuse, emotional, and a bit of physical abuse). After the relationship i did turn to a ...
A. 4 September 2013: Maybe it's just because you're growing up and become more mature. And you've actually learned from a bad experience. Your last boyfriend, who I'm assuming was good looking was abusive, so you're subconsciously not jumping to the conclusion that good ... (read in full...)
I feel a bit badly for dumping my FWB for a new boyfriend!
Q. Hey, Ok so I would love some guys points of views here as I have NO idea what to think. Ive been in a friends with benefits relationship with a guy for about 2 years now, its been great really, we are great friends and its not all just physical, I...
A. 22 August 2013: If you didn't lead him on then you didn't do anything wrong. I think it's generally understood that a FWB situation has to end if one person gets in a relationship. And it's not like you don't want to see him again, you didn't cut him out of your ... (read in full...)
Are boobs that important to guys?
Q. Hello! Ok so I am a 17 year old girl, and very small and thin... If any of you know who Ariana Grande is (singer/actress) I basically have the exact body type as her. Short, petite, and thin. Unfortunately that also means I really don't have boobs ...
A. 19 August 2013: You've fixated on the one negative comment you've received and disregarded all the positive feedback you have received about your looks.
Lots of men will like small boobs and a petite figure, but that shouldn't concern you because you can't ba... (read in full...)
He says he wants to see me and then backs out every time! What is with him?
Q. I met a guy a few months ago. He started texting me me a short while after. Our texts became pretty steamy. But he seems to go hot and cold. He says he wants to meet up. Three attempts have been made and he chickens out. Late Friday night he texte...
A. 18 August 2013: Have you ever met in person? I see everyone has jumped on the he's married bandwagon, and it's a possibility. But I think it's certainly possible he might be shy about meeting. He might have anxiety issues and it would be a big step for someone like ... (read in full...)
G/f broke up with me and wants to be friends. I'm not sure if this is a good idea?
Q. Me and my girlfriend have been going out for a few months now and I can safely say I really do love her and she told me everytime we were together that she loved me too. However ever since she started this new job she's been a bit depressed. She ...
A. 18 August 2013: I take it it's not a possibility to leave her job? I guess you're torn between wanting to be there for her to help her through what she's going through, and your own wellbeing. I would say that if you don't think you can handle being her friend and ... (read in full...)
Heard my mother in law say she preferred my husband's ex to me
Q. A couple of years ago before I married my husband we were at his parents house for a family garden party, we all had a couple to drink and I think it loosened tongues a bit!. I went up to use the bathroom and when I tried to get back outside to the ...
A. 16 August 2013: Today I found out that when my mom and dad got married, his mom told her right to her face "Well you little bitch, you've finally got him." So if I were you I wouldn't worry about this. Not nice sure, but it's not a big deal if she's still being ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has been ignoring my messages, I feel like she is seeing someone else
Q. So I want to keep this short because most people wont read it if its really long. My girlfriend has been short with me this week and distant she doesn't send me cute good morning texts and goodnight which makes me lead to the decision that she is ...
A. 16 August 2013: Why jump to the conclusion that she's seeing someone? Anything could be going on in her life. She might be ill or any number of things. Or maybe she's upset with you about something. Instead of demanding she contact you, you could have sent her a ... (read in full...)
Cougar needs advice - does he like me?
Q. Hi everyone. I am a 32 year old mother of 2 children. But I am stuck in a loveless marriage with an uncaring husband. However I have recently fallen for another man who is intelligent, has many of the same qualities as me, and ohh so gorgeous ...
A. 15 August 2013: I hope you still come back after reading some of the responses you have recieved. While I agree that it would probably be a good idea for you to address your unhappy marriage before considering and affair, it's not our place to judge you or anyone ... (read in full...)
She said I need to date someone my age. What does she mean really?
Q. Dear Savants of Dear Cupid, You all have given me sage advise the numerous times I've ventured forth. You've saved me from wrecking my ship against the rocks, for which I thank you. A question: "What does this mean?" The tennis player conta...
A. 12 August 2013: Perhaps she meant you should broaden your horizons, which is good advice.... (read in full...)
He's been seeing a male prostitute for friendship?
Q. I'm 36, and my husband's 40, we have a 15-year-old daughter. He admitted last night that he'd been going to a male prostitutes to "talk" and have a few beers, and even gave me his mobile number! My husband also said no sex was involved and tha...
A. 9 August 2013: Why don't you believe him? If you believe that nothing sexual is going on and he IS just hanging out with the guy then you wouldn't have cause to be concerned. I suggest trusting your husband and letting him have this. Don't interfere, unles... (read in full...)
I don't want him to fix it, I want him to listen
Q. I've been arguing a lot with my bf lately mostly because every time I talk about things that are happening to me at work or outside of work, he wants to fix everything. He ends up telling me what I should do and want to control me when I'm not even ...
A. 9 August 2013: It's just really hard for guys to not try to fix things when they can see, or think they can see, what the problem is. There is a hilarious video on youtube called It's Not About the Nail, that shows how very different men and women are in this ... (read in full...)
What is wrong with me? Why have I never been asked out?
Q. I'm 23 and have never been asked out. I'm smart, go to uni and actively participate in student organisations as well as take part in social work. I love having good discussions and always take genuine interest in listening to the person I'm talking ...
A. 9 August 2013: I think your situation is very strange, but I feel your pain. No one is interested in dating me either, but I think I'm outgoing and pleasant and engaging. I don't know what it is, and when I ask people they say nothing is wrong with me. I agree w... (read in full...)
What are the chances of me finding a man who has never had a one night stand or casual sex?
Q. What are the chances of me finding a man who has never had a one night stand or casual sex? No offence to anyone here but I find that kind of behaviour revolting and it makes me see them as a lesser. I'm 26 now and this worries me. I was appalled ...
A. 5 August 2013: I think your last sentence is very telling. You see it as immoral behavior. Someone who hasn't done it but would if given the chance is just as bad as someone who has done it for real.
So, I think you're only hope is to find someone at a conserva... (read in full...)
Do I tell him that now that I'm not interested or do I go on a couple of more dates to see if feelings develop?
Q. I recently went on a date with someone I've been talking to for a while. We got on well, could talk for hours about anything but I'm not sure I'm feeling anything more than friendship for him. Do I tell him that now or go on a couple more dates to ...
A. 2 August 2013: I've been in his situation many times. We all know that if you put yourself out there you risk getting hurt, so don't worry about it too much. Just don't lead him on. I think it's ok for you to go out a couple more times but if he starts to try to ... (read in full...)
How can I get talking to this guy I like or perhaps even ask him out?
Q. I have been trying to get healthier and since I am not dating and am retired I devote more time to myself. I don't go to the gym or anything but I have been a little upset because I have gained a little weight. Anyway, I went to a health food store ...
A. 28 July 2013: Take the pressure off yourself by not asking him out, or thinking about asking him out just yet. Just get to know him as a person. Ask how his day is going. If that goes well ask him personal things about himself like how he got into the health ... (read in full...)
I only want to date men, so why am I becoming addicted to lesbian porn?
Q. I have this problem I am 100% straight I know this because I date only guys and I am attracted to only guys, yeah everyone dreams of a model body and I am rather insecure sometimes. But my issue is I am worth lesbian porn quite alot recently and ...
A. 27 July 2013: I don't know why it's happening but I don't think it necessarily means anything. I don't think it's anything to worry about.... (read in full...)
What are men's opinions on girls who watch porn?
Q. what are men's opinions on girls who watch porn? Should we keep it to ourselves and lie to our bf/husband or fess up?...
A. 27 July 2013: No reason to lie about it. But you need not feel obligated to tell anyone either, it's your business no one elses.
Personally I'd like it.... (read in full...)
I'm with an alcoholic who goes back and forth between his ex and me
Q. I have been in a relationship with a man who is an alcoholic and drinks liquor and beer everyday.He has for 5yrs. now been going back and forth between his ex-girl friend and me.He'll be at my house one month,then at her house the next month.He ...
A. 27 July 2013: You know what you have to do, you have to make a decision. Either you're going to tell him his behaviour is unacceptable and be prepared to end the relationship, or just put up with it and take what scraps he deigns to throw your way.
You keep let... (read in full...)
Do I ask her for a kiss or just lean in and go for it?
Q. So me and my girlfriend have been a couple for 1 week, and she is my first girlfriend. I've never kissed a girl, had sex, anything. I think I've gotten passed the fear/nervousness of having my first kiss, but my question is: do I ask her or do I ...
A. 27 July 2013: I have a female friend who would say never ask, just do it. "Be the man, Phil!" If you try and she doesn't want to that's ok (and don't force the matter).
But to be honest what strikes me most about your post is you've only been on one date and... (read in full...)
Low libido due to medication. Is there anything I can do?
Q. Hi everyone. I take medication for depression and anxiety. It's not really an option to come off them at the moment. The problem is it more or less completely suppresses my sex drive. I'm still interested in women and sex, and I think if I had a...
A. 20 July 2013: Thanks for the replies. Yes I have spoken to my doctor about it. He suggested trying a different medication which was a bit of a disaster, or coming off them. That's not really an option. I know I will need to be on them for the rest of my life even ... (read in full...)
Am I just not date-able?
Q. I have been single for a year now and I am starting to get really frustrated with it. I am a attractive and interesting 22 year old girl. I am over weight, but I, and other guys I know find my body very sexy because of it's shape; I'm very hour ...
A. 19 July 2013: It's not your weight or your sense of humor. I love funny women. I wish I could offer you some advice but it's beyond me. I guess maybe it could be that you're just going for the super hot guys, and simply ignoring or not noticing the other guys ... (read in full...)
She's married but we're sort of friends. Is it ok to invite her for coffee?
Q. I've got to know my next door neighbour over the past year or so. She walks her kids to school at the same time I go to work, and we spend the time chatting. I haven't seen her in a couple of months and this week we bumped into each other. We said ...
A. 17 July 2013: Sorry I forgot to say thank you.... (read in full...)
She's married but we're sort of friends. Is it ok to invite her for coffee?
Q. I've got to know my next door neighbour over the past year or so. She walks her kids to school at the same time I go to work, and we spend the time chatting. I haven't seen her in a couple of months and this week we bumped into each other. We said ...
A. 17 July 2013: I guess I won't do it. There is NO chance of anything happening. I'm not the kind of man that women want to have affairs with. But I miss talking to her, and thought it would be nice to get to know her. And I thought she might need a friend. But I ... (read in full...)
Do all women play the chase game?
Q. Do all girls/women play the hot or cold game, or indeed like the Chase? I feel its cropped up a few times where I've had a girl interested, giving hints then they go cold? I must admit I don't strike when the irons hot so I'm missing chances...
A. 2 July 2013: I think some of these replies are very good life lessons. I've often found it hard to understand how a promising mutual attraction can go south so quickly if you don't make all the right moves. From reading these replies and some of my life ... (read in full...)
Do all women play the chase game?
Q. Do all girls/women play the hot or cold game, or indeed like the Chase? I feel its cropped up a few times where I've had a girl interested, giving hints then they go cold? I must admit I don't strike when the irons hot so I'm missing chances...
A. 1 July 2013: I think in many cases women don't know what they want, and that gives the impression that they're playing games or going hot and cold.... (read in full...)
I feel like I am too ugly to deserve a guy.
Q. I'm 24 years old, female. I'm having HUGE self confidence issues. I've never felt pretty or beautiful. Never. In high school I never had any luck with guys. Now, I do get some attention. Some people tell me I'm pretty, some even tell me I'm hot....
A. 1 July 2013: What a horrible situation to be in. It's sad because you're probably a lovely girl with a lot to offer someone as a friend or a girlfriend. I think talking with a therapist might help you, if it's an option for you, especially if you have depress... (read in full...)
He keeps saying we should meet but never follows through with it
Q. i,ve been talking to a guy on a dating web site for 8 weeks he seems really nice but he keeps saying we should meet but every time i suggest a day or time he can never make it i sent him my mobile but hes never used it what should i do?...
A. 6 June 2013: He might just be really nervous, or he might not have any intention of meeting you. Either move on now, accept things the way they are, or give him one more chance and tell him that if he doesn't follow through you're moving on (assuming you would ... (read in full...)
Is it really that boring to play board games with girls?
Q. Dear readers, I'm a little confused about the situation I encountered a few days ago. I really like to play games that require some deep thought, including both traditional card games (no gambling though) and more recent tarding card games. So w...
A. 1 June 2013: It's not her thing. She doesn't enjoy it. She only plays to make you happy. Maybe you're a bad winner. And it sounds like that you saw she wasn't enjoying it but you pushed her to keep playing (sorry if I've read that wrong).
Just don't ask her ... (read in full...)
I treated her badly she has a restraining order on me but I can't forget her!
Q. Hi I feel like I'm going crazy. I need some serious help. I'm in love with my childhood best friend. I've been in love with her since elementary school. Words can't describe how amazing she is. She is sweet, kind, compassionate, selfless, drop dead ...
A. 31 May 2013: I suggest you seek professional help as well.... (read in full...)
Was I wrong because I asked my g/f to let me know what's going on rather than making me wait for hours to find out?
Q. I had plans with my gf last night, that we had made weeks in advance, to meet up at ten pm as i was winding down from work. I'm a bartender and Thursday nights are crazy. And she was going to come when she knew we were going to exchange shifts and I ...
A. 31 May 2013: I think you're both a little bit in the wrong here. I think it is a little bit insensitive, or maybe unrealistic is a better word, to expect her to have to call you while she's in the middle of a serious family crisis. On the other hand if I were ... (read in full...)
Would you be offended if a guy you were dating joked you are a cheap date?
Q. I was seeing someone, everything was going well but it recently fizzled out and she decided she just wants to be friends. I've been wracking my brains trying to remember if I did or said anything wrong and all I can think of is a time when we were ...
A. 30 May 2013: Thanks again Red and Abella. I will certainly keep those articles bookmarked Abella, thanks. I'm actually not too far away from there, at least on the right track. What I need are opportunities to put them into practice. But back to this girl... ... (read in full...)
Would you be offended if a guy you were dating joked you are a cheap date?
Q. I was seeing someone, everything was going well but it recently fizzled out and she decided she just wants to be friends. I've been wracking my brains trying to remember if I did or said anything wrong and all I can think of is a time when we were ...
A. 29 May 2013: Thanks everyone. I decided not to mention it. I had hoped despite what she said we might still have cuddled or kissed a bit, but she didn't even want to hold hands. And what Red591 said is happening, she's talking about other guys, which ... (read in full...)
When he doesn't want me, he throws me away. When he does want me, he expects me to go flying to him!
Q. I broke up with my ex last month because he drifted apart. He's white and I'm Asian. He studies abroad now. He never contacted me so I asked him for closure. He didn't say anything either. I was pissed because I don't even deserve a closure after ...
A. 29 May 2013: Don't contact him again. Put it all behind you and move on with your life.... (read in full...)
Is my recent ex dating already?
Q. Dated ex gf for year and half. She broke up with me 5 months ago. A few weeks ago she contacts me and says still in love with me, misses me, and wanted to spend all kinds of time together. It was great because I still loved her. She then says ...
A. 29 May 2013: You don't need to know. You don't need this kind of hassle in your life, and the more distance you can put between you and her and your past relationship the better.
And if she contacts you again tell her to f*ck off.... (read in full...)
How do I get out of this awkward dating thing with this guy I met through a dating website? I'm just not good at saying no or bringing up these things. Help?
Q. Hey All! So I met this guy through a dating website but Frankly meeting someone through a dating website is not a ideal thing for me and I just did it because my friend forced me to join it. I have quit it now because I don't think it works f...
A. 29 May 2013: Why have you been flirting with him if you know he has no chance with you? You're just leading him on, which will make it harder on him when you do end it. You need to be a grown up and tell him, you don't think you are compatible and you don't ... (read in full...)
Am I being foolish by holding out for Mr Right?
Q. I grew up in an abusive family and as a consequence I've always been incredibly cautious about romantic relationships. So much so that I've never had a boyfriend or even gone out on a date. Quite a few guys have asked me out, but I've never been ...
A. 29 May 2013: It's not stupid to have high standards and want a serious relationship. But to my mind it is unrealistic to expect the perfect guy, who ticks all your boxes, to just pop into your life, say all the right things, and then it's all perfect and ... (read in full...)
When he doesn't want me, he throws me away. When he does want me, he expects me to go flying to him!
Q. I broke up with my ex last month because he drifted apart. He's white and I'm Asian. He studies abroad now. He never contacted me so I asked him for closure. He didn't say anything either. I was pissed because I don't even deserve a closure after ...
A. 27 May 2013: Don't put up with it. Just don't. Simple.... (read in full...)
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