A
male
age
41-50,
*eordie29
writes:Where to start with counselling? I've been thinking for a long time about seeing a counsellor. I have posted on here before about my virginity at the age 31. Thks is to due to various things like body image issues and low self esteem/confidence. I asked a girl out and we went out for a drink last night. She is the perfect girl but all I can think about is my lack of experience or how negative I am. I have just got my own place after 6 years of paying off debt and saving up and now feel lost.I think its time to speak to a pro but I'm not sure where to begin. I can get 6 free sessions at work but I'm thinking that a longer term approach may be better.however this looks as though it would cost at least £40 a session. Is this a good idea or are there cheaper alternatives? Although I'm not at all wealthy I'm willing to pay for 18 or so sessions.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2012): Start with the free sessions offered at work and see where that leads. Usually, these counselors associated with your workplace will, towards the end of the free sessions, offer you options and suggestions for continuing on your own. They may have their own private practices just that you have to pay. Or they may provide referrals.
that's how I got started. I live in the US, but if there's any similarities I also got started through the free sessions offered by my workplace. I think it was also something like 6 sessions. At the last session my counselor gave me a list of private counselors to continue, as she did not have her own private practice. I went to one of those on the list for about 2 sessions but found it too expensive ($110 for 45 minutes), so I was honest that I could not afford this and asked if I could go somewhere else cheaper and she suggested how to find a counselor covered by my health insurance because she knew she was not in my health insurance network.
Therefore I then found a third counselor and she was the best of them all and I saw her for about 6 months at $30 per hour because my health insurance covered those sessions. I am very glad for those because they helped me tremendously and I would say was a turning point in my life. I have since moved away due to a job chance and thus am no longer seeing this last therapist but my outlook and approach to a lot of things have changed for the better because of the sessions with her. And the way I got to her in the first place was through the free sessions I was offered at work.
A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (4 November 2012):
 Talk to your doctor and hopefully he can refer you to someone.
And if you have the oppotunity to talk to someone through work do so.
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A
male
reader, geordie29 +, writes (4 November 2012):
geordie29 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for the replies. Yeah I'm not thinking that counselling will be a magic cure but more of a sounding board to try and discover who I am, what I want in life etc etc. I know the kind of girl I want but my life just doesn't match this 'ideal' ( I actually feel twatful thinking this way!)
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 November 2012):
 I think you should take the free sessions you are offered at your job. That will give you a taste of it, and will help you in taking the next step. The counsellor/therapist your work offers will help you find someone else to see after your 6 sessions. You can also talk to your doctor about seeing a therapist.
Yes, they do cost money. But look into any welfare programs and see if there isn't something that you can get covered. I'm not familiar with how the system of welfare works in U.K. but maybe there's opportunities to get help to cover the expenses.
Don't try to think about how many sessions you think you'll need or not need. This is something you'll have to take as you get to it. It's not like a therapist can help you reach the state of mind you want to be and then you're "cured". A therapist doesn't heal you, they simply help you help yourself. How quickly you learn to help youself, or how long you need to go through the things that trouble you, is all up to you. It is beneficial to continue with therapy for a while, to have someone to talk to, and not just quit going once you've reached a set number of sessions. Maybe you only need 6 sessions, and experience an eye opener, and things change. Or maybe you feel more comfortable taking it step by step, slowly, get to the bottom of things, and learn new things about yourself, over the course of 3-5 years or more.
You go to the therapist and recieve the tools that you can use, the healing takes place not at the therapists office, but at home when you use the tools you've learned. And these things tend to take time. Maybe you feel okay with six months of counselling now, then in two years you want six months more, and 2 years after that maybe you have the need for three months...
I've been two times, the first time lasted about 9 months when I was 18-19. And then the next time I went lasted for about 6 months, when I was 24-25. I'm not "cured", it's more like I go to therapy to refresh my state of mind, remind me of where I am going, and refresh my knowledge about who I am and what I am capable of. If I hit a point later in life where I have a hard time dealing with things I am sure I will go again, and continue for as long as I feel the need.
So, don't worry about how long you think you want to go.. That's something you deal with as you get to it. I found it very comforting to know I had someone to talk to, that I could be honest and open with and who didn't judge me. Right then and there it was very helpful.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2012): I live in the UK and had similar issues. I needed counselling for self esteem issues but couldn't afford to go private. If you go to the doctors they can arrange for either one on one counselling or group therapy. Only problem is the waiting list - it took over 6 months for me to pass the waiting list and get help. So if you want immediate help unfortunately you will have to pay for it. However you could pay for some sessions whilst you are on the doctors waiting list and then stop paying when you eventually get free help
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