A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 21, I have never been on a date with a girl, never kissed a girl. My generalattitiude is "I can't do it, I am never going to find somene, so why bother anymore?" I know I am "attractive" I work out alot and my girl friends (notice the space) say I am hot/gorgeous etc. However I almost don't believe that because, words only mean so much and no-one has ever acted on those words. All my friends have sex loads but I try not to think about that, However when it is brought up around me it throws me into a downer, I feel useless and worry that I will be alone forever. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhumm, I see your point.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 October 2012):
 You're full of excuses. People aren't so busy you can't talk to them. Yes, it'll be awkward, and yes, you will get rejected and get some weird stares. But that's only at first. Then, once you get the hang of it, you'll improve your moves, lines, and be able to pick the perfect occasions.
Examples: when waiting in line somewhere, be that waiting for the elevator that is never coming, or waiting in line at the cafeteria, or waiting for the bus. People aren't busy then. Andif people really ARE busy, for example have their hands full and their phone is ringing at the same time etc, offer to help out. Natural conversation starter and ice breaker.
If there's something going on and happening on campus, and people gather in a growd, take the opportunity to ask someone what's happening. Get talking. Doesn't matter if you don't get an opportunity to ask them for coffee right then and there, but this is first contact. Then, when you see them again sometime, is the perfect occasion to ask them out, because now they feel like you already know you a bit.
Ice breaker first, small talk, then NEXT time you meet them it's perfect time to ask them out and get to know each other better.
You always make a first date casual. No dinner and movie. Rather, ask them if they'd like to join you at the cafateria for a coffee, or if they'd like to watch a game with you the next weekend (don't colleges a lot of places have these school matches going on?).
I bet you have tons of girls in your class. Get to know them. Organize a study group. Join some volunteering somwhere, get to know others who volunteer.
People aren't too busy, that's just an excuse you have. That, or you're terrible at timing. You need to catch them when the time is right and conversation wont be awkward. If they don't respond, just ignore it and move on to the next person... Once you start doing this you'll get better at it. It's always weird and awkward when you've never done it before. I was terrible when I first started this, but then you do it over and over and you learn. Now I'm smooth, I can talk to almost anyone, anywhere, and have success. I meet people at work, at university, in elevators, at the busstop, at the airport, through friends, out at clubs, you name it. Everywhere.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to ask 10 girls a week... but in university during the say, people are busy doing their thing, I can not find a reasonable point or excuse to talk to someone.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (18 October 2012):
And, unless you live in a very small town then you wont look desperate if you ask out 10 girls in a week, as none of them will know each other. As long as you get a date, who cares?
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (18 October 2012):
"No she doesn't, she has a boyfriend."
Uhm, so? You can still be the one she dreams about at night. At some point I'm sure she'll break it off with her boyfriend, and if she still finds you hot then it's a sure thing.
My point isn't that you should pursue taken girls though, but rather open your eyes up to who are actually showing an interest in you, rather than brush it away as nothing. It's no secret that tons of girls who are in relationships (same as with men) have that one other person they wonder "what if"... You're probably this girls' "what if". Don't get cocky about it, and don't try to steal someones girlfriend, but if a girl tells you you are hot then you have a shot with her, plain and simple.
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A
male
reader, Hennessy1989 +, writes (18 October 2012):
 I don't think you should ask any of your female friends out. If they already see you as a friend then you have no chance, go out to bars or party's, meet girls there, get chatting to them for a bit. When you find one you like just casually ask her out, 'so u wanna do something next week' it's really that simple, or ask for her number/fb. Don't fear rejection, enjoy the chase man it's the best bit. While your talkin to girls take note of their body language, and how there answering u, little tip look up online the body language of attraction, if your havin a good convo and she's giving away signs that she's attracted to you that's when you ask her out, do it casually so she doesn't feel pressured, don't ask out ten girls in a week because you don't want to look desperate.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo she doesn't, she has a boyfriend.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (17 October 2012):
If you have a female friend that calls you hot, chances are she wants to be with you.
Are you every flirting with any woman? Or are you waiting for a woman to land on your head and scream "I want you!!"
Just ask some girl out. Then when the first one says no, you ask the next. It's not that difficult. For every 10-20 person that says no, you get at least 1 that says yes. That is how it works. That is how it works for EVERYONE.
I can get a date and a boyfriend any day I want. But I will also get tons of rejections too... It's just that people never brag about how they chatted up someone and got rejected, they only talk about who they were successful with. So that's probably why you, with no experience of your own, think that a simple rejection from one person means NO ONE wants you.
Ask out at least 10 women the following week, then come back here and tell us what happened.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2012): Your attitude is what is keeping you from going out on a date. You realize you will have to change that in order to change your life, don't you? This is a fundamental change that you need to make.
It will not be easy. It may be fun.
You will not regret changing this attitude.
It will be worth it.
Time to change your thought patterns.
Are you a healthy person?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 October 2012):
 Then, yes, I am afraid you are at a standstill. If you wait for the proactive girl who is smitten by you and does all the chasing, - well I am not saying that it can't ever happen, because in fact it can , at times, but naturally your chances are greatly restricted.. And maybe, you won't like the one who's after you :).
You can't swim without getting wet - you can't make an omelette without breaking the eggs. Try to not be so afraid of rejection, rejection is just a normal part of life, if you go for a job interview, or two ot three, and you get rejected, what do you do - you stop looking for a job and decide to live off your family handouts for the rest of your life ? Hopefully not. You keep trying. Not maniacally, or indiscriminately. But , let's say, when the satisfaction of getting what you want if you succeed would be MORE intense of the fleeting disappointment of being turned down.
Try to enter into an " actor " mentality. An actor goes to
auditions and he may get shot down 10, 20 , 50 times before he can secure himself a role . Even the most famous , established actors often had very rocky beginnings and years of rejections before getting their big chance.
If an actor thinks " they did not take me because I suck or I am not good enough or I don't have what it takes "- then he has to change job. The productive way of thinking is " TODAY, for this particular role in this particular play , they had in mind someone with different characteristics from mine ".
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male
reader, Hennessy1989 +, writes (17 October 2012):
You have to be more pro-active, you sound like you have the looks and you have plenty of female friends, your problem is that your not making any moves, take the first step, let the girl no that you don't just want to be friends, ask a girl out, girls like confidence so believe in yourself a bit more, and don't panic either, what's the worst that could happen? She turns you down? So what her loss right? Go out and socialise more and you will meet girls. Confidence is the key trust me
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male
reader, human_male  +, writes (17 October 2012):
 Yes, good question. Have you tried asking someone out?You can't give up man. It doesn't come easy for a lot of us, and one way you can be sure it won't happen is if you give up. And you're still young. There's no reason to think it's going to be like this forever.Ask one of your female friends if she can give you any advice, and arrange it so she can observe you talking to a girl, flirting and asking her out on a date and ask her to tell you if you're doing anything wrong. You know, just in case. Can't hurt.There's also a lot to be said for just forgetting about girls and focussing on your education and goals and enjoying yourself. But I know it's easier said than done with that ache and longing that seems to go right into your very soul.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyea that is part of my problem... I can't make myself do it. every girl I have liked either turns out to be taken or has no interest in me.
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female
reader, JaneBird  +, writes (17 October 2012):
Hey, I am also a 21 year old but female.Trust me when I say this; you do not want to be in a relationship. I've been hurt way too many times and I've only had 2 serious boyfriends. You shouldn't worry about being in a relationship or not ever having to kiss a girl. You should focus on yourself, focus on your goals, get into university and chase your dreams. do all of that while you're still young and single.. forget girls.. enjoy yourself, enjoy life. Girls will always be there. You'll find the one when you least expect it. :) be happy you haven't experienced anything yet because you would be addicted and would want to be with some one all the time. Just be on your own, don't focus on anything.. Everyone has a soul mate, I know that I do too and I haven't found him yet and I'm still waiting.. Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2012): Have you ever asked a girl out on a date?
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