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... Send *uman_male a private message | | | *uman_male's profile:Forty three years old. Single. Living in Auckland, NZ. A few personal problems of my own, like anxiety and depression, and more than my share of lonliness. I've never had a girlfriend and I don't believe I ever will... women just don't see me in that sort of way. That's all there is to it.
It's hard, but I feel better if I can help others. And who knows, maybe my situation gives me a perspective that allows me to help others and give good advice.
I know what sort of man I want to be, and I draw confidence and self worth from being that. So being a good person and helping others is as much about helping myself as it is them.
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When he doesn't want me, he throws me away. When he does want me, he expects me to go flying to him!
Q. I broke up with my ex last month because he drifted apart. He's white and I'm Asian. He studies abroad now. He never contacted me so I asked him for closure. He didn't say anything either. I was pissed because I don't even deserve a closure after ...
A. 29 May 2013: Don't contact him again. Put it all behind you and move on with your life.... (read in full...)
Am I being foolish by holding out for Mr Right?
Q. I grew up in an abusive family and as a consequence I've always been incredibly cautious about romantic relationships. So much so that I've never had a boyfriend or even gone out on a date. Quite a few guys have asked me out, but I've never been ...
A. 29 May 2013: It's not stupid to have high standards and want a serious relationship. But to my mind it is unrealistic to expect the perfect guy, who ticks all your boxes, to just pop into your life, say all the right things, and then it's all perfect and ... (read in full...)
When he doesn't want me, he throws me away. When he does want me, he expects me to go flying to him!
Q. I broke up with my ex last month because he drifted apart. He's white and I'm Asian. He studies abroad now. He never contacted me so I asked him for closure. He didn't say anything either. I was pissed because I don't even deserve a closure after ...
A. 27 May 2013: Don't put up with it. Just don't. Simple.... (read in full...)
My mother doesn't want to relocated to a new city. Do I leave her behind?
Q. I am relocating to a different city. My mother lives with me and she doesn't want to relocate with me. She has sundowning sometime and I don't feel comfortable leaving her behind. How can I convince her to go with me. We have been living together ...
A. 26 May 2013: I think you should go, live your own life. Do your best to set your mum up so she will be ok when you leave. But don't let her guilt you into not going.... (read in full...)
Why have I already resigned myself to the fact that I'll never find someone ?
Q. I am 22 and pretty good looking, I get told quite often I could get most girls (by both guys and girls). To begin with it was a nice ego boost to think people believed that about me. But now it just depresses me as in actual fact I never done ...
A. 26 May 2013: You're much too young to be resigned to the idea that you will never find anyone. Clearly you need some guidance, but that is probably all it is. I hired a life coach to give me some guidance on how to handle women. She gave me some dos and don'ts, ... (read in full...)
I don't want to lose my marriage over porn...but I cannot trust someone who will look me in the face and lie.
Q. My husband knows how I feel about watching porn behind my back and lying about it. I don't like him watching it at all because I know that my body doesnt compare to those girls (after having his baby my stomach was severely covered in stretch ...
A. 26 May 2013: You've backed yourself right into a corner over this. Personally I think if you have a problem with porn, although that's your prerogative, it is YOUR issue. I don't think it's fair or realistic to impose that issue on anyone else, such as your ... (read in full...)
Is it pathetic if I feel that love is around the corner given that no one has shown interest in me for 3 months?
Q. Okay.. So, I broke up with my boyfriend 3 months ago. It was a friendly break up, we realised a long distance relationship wouldn't work and I have absolutely no romantic feelings towards him. But, somehow, after him, literally no one has shown any ...
A. 25 May 2013: Three months without a relationship isn't the end of the world. But if you're tired of waiting then be more proactive. Stop waiting for it all to come to you and start making an effort.... (read in full...)
My fiance says that if I gain weight, he won't make love to me in the same way! How should I respond?
Q. My fiance has told me he hates fat women. He thinks they are disgusting and have no self control. His mother is heavy and he points to her for his reasoning. He told me, while making love to me, that if I ever gain weight, that he will not make...
A. 23 May 2013: I had to go and amend my answer to another post about this exact same thing. I suggested that women dump the guy because he is an insensitive jerk. I still think that's true. Your fiance said it during sex of all times. He couldn't have handled it ... (read in full...)
No sex for 2 years - should I walk away from this otherwise happy relationship?
Q. My mate and and I have not had sex for 2 years He says he can't get a hard on anymore, but he can materbate and watch porn alone, I am not sure if it is me or if he avoids me, I am happy about everything else in our relationship but the sex. He ...
A. 23 May 2013: First talk to him and find out what the problem is. Tell him you're there for him, that you'll do whatever it takes to help him through whatever it is he's going through. Suggest seeing a doctor, or talking to someone or whatever. Give him your full ... (read in full...)
Why do guys pay flirty, promiscuous girls so much attention?
Q. Do guys usually like the flirty and promiscuous type of girls? I need some advice because I hate to say I'm a little jealous of this girl I know who gets so much attention from my guy friends and just a lot of guys in general. She sleeps around wi...
A. 23 May 2013: I don't think you want to be that kind of girl. While I don't think there is anything wrong with what she is doing, she has a right to behave how she wants, and sleep with whoever she want. But it's stupid to do that just for the attention.
But i... (read in full...)
My boyfriend pointed out a larger girl to me and said if I ever got that fat he would dump me!
Q. I am 27 and have been with my boyfriend for just under 4 years. At the weekend we were on a night out and he pointed out a woman on the dancefloor who was probably a UK size 14/16 and he told me if I ever get as fat as that he will dump me! Now this ...
A. 23 May 2013: I have given the answer I posted more thought and I just want to add something. If he doesn't like big women that's his prerogative. We all have the right to our preferences. Women have them as well, some women won't date short men. Does that make ... (read in full...)
Am I too needy or is she not really as into me as I am thinking?
Q. This might be long because I really need help and want anyone who can help to have as many "facts" as possible, but I'll be as brief as I can... I became friends with my girlfriend over a two year period that eventually blossomed into romance. A...
A. 23 May 2013: I don't know if you're missing something, someone else maybe able to see something that you or I have missed. But from what you've said it sounds like you're just being a bit needy, but understandably so. You're really in love. But she is juggling ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend pointed out a larger girl to me and said if I ever got that fat he would dump me!
Q. I am 27 and have been with my boyfriend for just under 4 years. At the weekend we were on a night out and he pointed out a woman on the dancefloor who was probably a UK size 14/16 and he told me if I ever get as fat as that he will dump me! Now this ...
A. 23 May 2013: I think you should dump him immediately. He's an insensitive jerk, and shallow to boot. Why would you want to stay in a relationship with this guy, or care what he thinks about you?
You can do better.... (read in full...)
Whenever we have problems my g/f goes running to her ex boyfriend!
Q. Dear Cupid, I just spent the weekend on a wonderful mini vacation with my girlfriend. We are both 25 years old. We've been together for 3 years now and we have a great relationship which is very loving from both sides. We have had fights i...
A. 23 May 2013: First I would like to answer as if it were me in your situation. If I was in a relationship with someone great who I really loved I would not let my insecurity, jealousy or need to control my girlfriend jeopardise the relationship. Sorry to be bl... (read in full...)
Distressing personal comments from my Gf :( I have told her that these comments, or jokes, are making me insecure. How do I respond when she says it's just a joke?
Q. I have been dating my lovely girlfriend for 2 year now. We recently began having sex, both our first times. I am just above average in penis length according to many quoted sites. However she has made a few comments that have seriously den...
A. 22 May 2013: You weren't wrong. And I don't think she was joking. And I think she was insensitive and stupid to say those things. It's not like you can change the size of your penis is it.
The question is has she stopped or does she keep saying those things? ... (read in full...)
I worry others may find me weird!
Q. I'm polite and friendly and stuff but, I'm too shy to go up to people and talk to them, I'm in high school and the people have all come from primary schools in bunches of friends that already know each other, I can't bring myself to go up and talk ...
A. 14 May 2013: Very few people would be comfortable just marching up to some complete stranger and trying to strike up a conversation. I think your best bet to meet people would be through social groups where you are introduced to people in a casual atmosphere. ... (read in full...)
Co-worker first extremely nice, now seems to avoid me
Q. There is this coworker at my office. First he was really nice to me. He talked to me, always stared at me and seemed pretty interested. When we had events and trips with the office, he asked me to drive with him in his car. But suddenly he ignores ...
A. 12 May 2013: You know when you have feelings for someone it can be hard to be around them. It's just easier to keep them at a distance, to protect yourself.... (read in full...)
Co-worker first extremely nice, now seems to avoid me
Q. There is this coworker at my office. First he was really nice to me. He talked to me, always stared at me and seemed pretty interested. When we had events and trips with the office, he asked me to drive with him in his car. But suddenly he ignores ...
A. 12 May 2013: Simple, you weren't responding so he's given up.... (read in full...)
My husband tried to hook up with my sister!
Q. My husband and I have been married for 2 years. We aslo have to kids. Recently I found out that he has been talking to my sister. He told her that he doesnt love me anymore. He loves her. That he wanted to be with her if she would give him a chance ...
A. 12 May 2013: Get proof of what he said to your sister for the lawyers, so you can get a good divorce settlement.... (read in full...)
Would this help? My therapist thinks being intimate with a woman like a prostitute would help me with my social anxiety
Q. OK, so I've got two years on the 40-year-old virgin, even though nobody's made a movie about me yet. I am plagued my social anxiety, am withdrawn, and have gone on many first dates but few second ones. My long-time therapist actually belie...
A. 11 May 2013: I was a thirty nine year old virgin and went to a prostitue. It didn't do anything for me in terms of helping with social anxiety. It's been four years and I still haven't had sex with someone without having to pay them, but I'm now over my social ... (read in full...)
How do I stop being a pushover?
Q. Im not getting anywhere + anything I want in life. In other words, I can honestly say that I am probably a bit of a pushover - even in the eyes of others. This needs to change. For example, the other day at work, one of the managers said to...
A. 11 May 2013: It's hard to assert oneself at work because it's natural to be scared of losing your job, or some other negative consequence. But with social situations it really is critical you stop worrying about what other people think about you, especially ... (read in full...)
Why did my male friends do this to me?
Q. Hey everyone! This is kind of a weird situation I'm in... I'm a girl, and I've been friends with these 4 guys for a long time. Purely friendship only, we're big gamer nerds and play xbox and stuff all the time. We've all had a great friendship...
A. 11 May 2013: Yeah I think you should confront them as well. It's really s^^^^y to treat you like this, but talk to them before drawing any conclusions.... (read in full...)
Is he just leading me on to use me?
Q. am a 20 yr old girl,i met this guy over a dating site he is 30years old,ok we did the obvious that is exchanged phone no.s and started chatting thro the phone he was like, he liked me and i liked him to that was after a month of talking through ...
A. 11 May 2013: I fail to see how is is using you if he doesn't want to meet. He may be leading you on because he is too gutless to end it.... (read in full...)
He says I don't turn him on sexually. Porn is his preference. Do I stay for the sake of our children or leave?
Q. Hey everyone. Am depressed need your advice. I am mother of twins they are only 3 years. My husband of 4 years has told me we should split up in several occassions. I have found him on dating sites twice and everytime he diactivate the a...
A. 11 May 2013: I think your marriage is over. Each year you stay is another year of your life wasted. In my opinion you shouldn't stay. You should make sure you and your children are taken care of financially in the divorce, and you should make that happen as soon ... (read in full...)
Is my personality a big turn-off for guys?
Q. Most of my friends told me I'm a very nice,friendly,bubbly,outgoing,sweet,interesting,funny and genuine person.They really like me and enjoy talking to me cos I'm fun to be around with.Some of them even told me,"it's difficult for people to dislike ...
A. 11 May 2013: Well, your question is tricky in a way. We see a lot of posts from girls saying "Guys never come up to me, my friends get all the attention. What am I doing wrong?" In cases like that it can be good to get comments and advice from your girlfrie... (read in full...)
Is it a crime to have an opinion that goes against the grain?
Q. I happened to say on Facebook that a remake of a legendary film-maker's movie was way, way better than the original one. I said that the original was over-hyped and I didn't really see anything special in it. And scores of people pounced on me from ...
A. 11 May 2013: Well it's how some people behave on the internet. They can be mean, superficial s^^theads who get worked up about nothing. Life lesson learned. I understand you're upset but look at it like this; you didn't do anything wrong, so why should you b... (read in full...)
Is he all talk and no action? Just stringing me along?
Q. I've engaged in a texting relationship with a business associate whom I've known for many years now. He has swept me off my "feet" with talks of foot rubs and beyond. He is an Aries man of a certain age and very married a successful business which ...
A. 11 May 2013: I think you're right. People make time to see people if they really want to. I never buy the "I want to but I'm busy." Excuse. Sure we all have busy lives, but we find the time if we really want to see someone.
So either accept it for what it ... (read in full...)
I don't want our relationship to end because my boyfriend is talking to the slut of the town!
Q. I'm not sure if I have made the right decision here. I told my boyfriend of two years that I think we should take a break. I did this because I was really upset about this girl he talks to always hitting on him and coming onto him. I felt unco...
A. 11 May 2013: I think you made a mistake. You let your insecurity and jealousness bring about exactly what you wanted to avoid, which was losing your boyfriend.
And if you decide to try and get him back, no you shouldn't tell him you don't want him talking ... (read in full...)
Have you ever gained interest in someone after they've gone cold on you?
Q. I have an issue that seems to reoccur most times when i'm falling for someone. So i had a this guy who was really interested in me, calling me all the time, relentlessly texting me and asking me out on dates. All of this constant contact really t...
A. 11 May 2013: He really went overboard with the constant clamoring for your attention. That's a real turn off. Now he's stopped that maybe you can see that there is an attractive guy there afterall.
Or maybe you're just immature and want what you can't have. Bu... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has a subscription to zoosk. Should I worry?
Q. I have just found that my gf (2 years) has a subscription to zoosk. Should I be worried ? I feel angry and betrayed. I assume zoosk is an online dating site ? I reckon she is up to no good? Could anyone advice me on how I should approach this?...
A. 11 May 2013: It IS a dating site and you should be angry. You should ask her point blank why, after being in a relationship with you she has an account on a dating site. If she doesn't give a satisfactory answer you should dump her, because she's obviously ... (read in full...)
Why do girls like the bad boys?
Q. Hi there :) I have a wee question in general; why do girls like bad boys as opposed to the sensible, faithful guys who will treat them right?! Kind of a silly question, but just wondered if there was anyone else who, like me, is more attra...
A. 11 May 2013: Some women are drawn to men that treat them baddly because they believe that is all they deserve.
Also, men like the ones you like can be cocky and full of themselves and women mistake that for confidence.... (read in full...)
Is she hiding something from me?
Q. For 1 im with a girl together.Everything is alright, amazing actually she never said anything bad about me or my habbits she slept over at my place, she told her parents about me and they dont have anything against it. My problem is: She studys a...
A. 8 May 2013: She might not be hiding something. But it sounds like her life is taking off and yours isn't, so maybe she feels she's just outgrown you.... (read in full...)
The internet is part of the blame for my lack in social skills
Q. I often wonder what would anyone else do in my place I'm 21 years old and through the years of growing up i've done an outstanding job of being socially withdrawn.. losing contact with friends, never having a gf, that sort of thing. I know ...
A. 8 May 2013: Perhaps you just need a little help brushing up on your social skills, and knowing how to close the deal when you meet someone. I hired a life coach who helps me with women (and other things) maybe you could do something like that. Or if you have a ... (read in full...)
Is it really just that I have terrible luck and that every time we make major plans she has some other important thing come up in her life?
Q. am I overreacting and being unnecessarily suspicious or do I have actual reason to worry here? my gf and I have gone out for 3 years. we're in college together. over the time we've been together, things have been great. we have minor arguments ...
A. 8 May 2013: It sounds like it's over already to be honest. Does she try to make it up to you when she cancels on you? Does she make any effort to arrange to spend time with you or is it always on you to make the plans? My guess is it's always you, and you are ... (read in full...)
Advice for online dating and dating sites?
Q. What are your tips when it comes to online dating/chatting? Pros and cons of online dating? I've tried two dating sites so far. Eharmony began with a long personality questionaire. After finishing it, you're presented with your best matches ba...
A. 4 May 2013: I can't recommend a site, but it's probably best if you join a pay site to weed out the time wasters.
But you're not going to get anywhere unless you talk to, and meet people. So do a lot of that. Don't hold off meeting someone until you find som... (read in full...)
How does a self-employed introvert make friends?
Q. It's always been very tough for me to make friends and get to know people because no one seems to like me, at least not when they first meet me. Any friendships I've had were usually made in some type of setting (like school and clubs at school) ...
A. 4 May 2013: Perhaps do some volunteer work. That might be a setting where you see the same people, and maybe get to know people that way.
As for the confidence and self esteem it's just something you have to work at, a little bit here and there, and it might... (read in full...)
Is it wrong for me to have fallen for him? He's 17!
Q. Hi this is a tough one, Im a 27 year old woman and i recently started back at college in september last year, I became close friends with a 17 year old boy we have become really close we get along so well and have same interests and hobbies our ...
A. 26 February 2013: I don't think there's anything wrong with it, if you're willing to take the chance. Seventeen is legal in the UK, it's like the US where they might actually lock you up.
Go for it. I wish you well.... (read in full...)
Why do ladies not have any respect for men who treat them right?
Q. Ladies, you always complain about all the guys who mistreat you, so why then, do you always mistreat the guys that dont? Why dont you have any respect for guys unless they are bad to you?...
A. 19 February 2013: Be nice because that's the sort of man you want to be. Don't be nice because you want something, or you think it will make someone like you.
Don't ask why girls are going for the bad boys and not you. There is absolutely no point in asking t... (read in full...)
How to talk 'again' with a guy without it being awkward?
Q. So I met this guy on Facebook and he really seemed nice, I really wanted to talk to him and the only way was on Facebook because I don't know him personally. I was really nervous about all this so I asked my best friend for advice and she told me to ...
A. 19 February 2013: Just contact him and say hi, you enjoyed talking to him and you would like to get to know him better.
If he asks you why you said do I know you you'll just have to say you thought he was someone else for a minute. Lame but I don't know what oth... (read in full...)
Girl I am dating does not know I am older than she thinks! HELP
Q. Ok, I met a wonderful woman online, and we really, really hit it off. She is 31, and I am 48. We want the same things. Neither of us have children and both want them, and believe in marriage, commitment etc. Very attracted to each other and both ...
A. 19 February 2013: Do what CMMP said. And DON'T say the dating site won't let you change your age because that's bull and she will know it's bull.
I hope it works out for you. If she does walk away don't beat yourself up too much because for all you know she may ... (read in full...)
My best friend insists he's not gay but did sexual things with me. How do I talk to him about it?
Q. Its been along time since ive asked anything on DearCupid but I really need some advice now. I have asked before about my friend for many years cause i was wondering if he was into me(yes im gay) he is my bestfriend for many years but we dont hang ...
A. 19 February 2013: I don't think you have to be gay to enjoy fooling around with another guy. There's a difference between being gay and being not quite straight. He's obviously not completely straight but that does not necessarily mean he's gay and in denial. All ... (read in full...)
Is it bad that I want to sleep with my friends?
Q. I've got a couple of good female friends and they're basically my best friends at the moment. We're just friends and nothing more but a lot of the time I just can't stop thinking about how much I want to have sex with them! They're not even that ...
A. 16 February 2013: It's normal for a young male to basically want to hump anything with breasts. As to what to do with it, make a dicision as to whether or not you want things to go in that direction, and if you do be honest with them.
Always be upfront about wh... (read in full...)
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