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... Send *uman_male a private message | | | *uman_male's profile:Forty three years old. Single. Living in Auckland, NZ. A few personal problems of my own, like anxiety and depression, and more than my share of lonliness. I've never had a girlfriend and I don't believe I ever will... women just don't see me in that sort of way. That's all there is to it.
It's hard, but I feel better if I can help others. And who knows, maybe my situation gives me a perspective that allows me to help others and give good advice.
I know what sort of man I want to be, and I draw confidence and self worth from being that. So being a good person and helping others is as much about helping myself as it is them.
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Is it bad that I want to sleep with my friends?
Q. I've got a couple of good female friends and they're basically my best friends at the moment. We're just friends and nothing more but a lot of the time I just can't stop thinking about how much I want to have sex with them! They're not even that ...
A. 16 February 2013: It's normal for a young male to basically want to hump anything with breasts. As to what to do with it, make a dicision as to whether or not you want things to go in that direction, and if you do be honest with them.
Always be upfront about wh... (read in full...)
I'd like to get together with my physiotherapist
Q. I'm seeing a physiotherapist just after having surgery, she's about 23 years old, I'm definitely attracted to her physically and a bit emotionally, although I'm not good with emotions or love. My emotions are a bit messed up because I still have ...
A. 15 February 2013: She's not going to have a relationship with you. It's not going to happen so get it out of your head. You can tell her that you like her if it will make you feel better, I'm sure she'd be flattered but she will tell you that she's not interested and ... (read in full...)
How long before he texts me again after I ignored his last one?
Q. I dated this very good looking man for over a month, and then he started disappearing and playing games. He ignored me for over a month and then returned. Now we're talking again but he's not being very attentive. I don't really have a choice at ...
A. 15 February 2013: Good grief. Just forget about it, stop playing games and move onto someone who doesn't play games.... (read in full...)
I pushed my boyfriend away with my insecurity and jealousy. I want him back!
Q. My boyfriend, of 2.5 years, has basically had enough of my drama and won't even reply to my texts now. I've been super jealous and insecure and am constantly accusing him of cheating on me without reason. 90% of things I think I'm right about he ...
A. 15 February 2013: The reason he is ignoring you is because he knows if he gives you another chance it will be the same old shit again. There are plenty of girls out there who won't act like that so he's moved on.
I think a relationship, either with him or someone ... (read in full...)
He's posting on Facebook that he misses me but doesn't reply to my texts....what should I do?
Q. So, I posted a question yesterday about pushing my bf away with my jealousy and insecurities, if you read it thanks so much.. Here's where I am now: he text me last night, after 24 hours of NC, and wished me a happy vday and said he loved and missed ...
A. 15 February 2013: Ignore it.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't satisfy me sexually and I feel insecure about him looking at female celebs.....
Q. Hope you chaps can help me, i got into my relationship 9 months ago and i am deeply in love with my boyfriend, we have sex fairly regularly, but when we do he nearly always stops everything as soon as he has jizzed, like that's it he just tells me ...
A. 15 February 2013: Two things;
As far as your boyfriend goes he's a jerk and you can do better. Seriously dump him.
And although your insecurities about your breasts are natural they are unfounded and groundless. Trust me on that.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is emotionally abusive but I keep crawling back to him!
Q. Dear Cupid My bf of 3 years is lately being emotionally abusive towards me, never spends time with me, always blames me for verything. Whenever he get angry and yells at me, says he need to yell cause i was stupid enough not to understand him. ...
A. 15 February 2013: I can't imagine why you would stay with someone like this. What is it that you get from him? If I were you I would talk to someone, like a doctor or a therapist and find out why you feel drawn to this piece of crap when there are so many other men ... (read in full...)
My paranoia and insecurities are pushing my boyfriend away....
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 9 months now, and we love each other so much, but i'm scared i will lose him, recently we've been arguing so much and it's mainly because of me and my insecurities, i always get paranoid about him looking at my ...
A. 15 February 2013: You may not be able to stop feeling this way and having these thoughts but you CAN control what you do about it. So number one STOP taking it out on your boyfriend, and find another way to direct it. When you feel insecure or jealous take a minute ... (read in full...)
After his friends bailed on him, b/f decided to spend Valentine's Day with me. I'm hurt that I'm his 2nd choice!
Q. My boyfriend made plans for valentines with his friends, and forgot to tell me. I found out, and asked him to re-schedule. He said he is busy with friends the whole week. I got upset. He said we could do it next week. Then he called, saying h...
A. 14 February 2013: If he knows valentines day is a big deal to you, because of your gifts from other years, to not reciprocate that by making it special for you is insensitive. I mean a lot of guys might be like that, especially Kiwis but I think it's a sign he take... (read in full...)
My much older boyfriend gets frustrated when I ask him why he's with me
Q. My boyfriend is a lot older (he's 46 I'm 24) and I asked why he was with me. His first response was "I don't know the answer to that" later he said "because I like you". I want to know why he's with me but he just gets frustrated when I ask. I am ...
A. 14 February 2013: It's not the movies where a woman asks a man why he likes her and he looks into her eyes and gives her this perfect speech that makes her melt. In real life guys hate being asked these loaded questions. You just ask him because you want validations, ... (read in full...)
I feel stuck, lonely and worthless... any words of encouragement or advice?
Q. I feel terribly lonely and sad. I feel unloved. And like people underestimate me. I can't help but look back at when I was in high school and was rejected by every guy I liked, and also no guys liked me, ever. I wasn't popular, I was shy. I had a ...
A. 14 February 2013: I also think you should not see that guy anymore. Why would you let such a negative influence in your life? Tell him you don't want to see him again and then cut him out of your life. Who cares if his friends see you and tell him. Just ignore him.
... (read in full...)
Am I doomed for a lonely life because I am fat? Are all the good men shy? And can men see beyond the weight?
Q. I am fat, and I think that is why men don't notice me. I dress up, take extra precautions to be presentable, and work hard to not be a turn-off and seem friendly in general. I am pretty well educated, usually non-controversial, and can carry a ...
A. 13 February 2013: I think you can have someone even being fat. You've seen fat women with husbands and boyfriends have you not? So of course there are men that will accept you despite, or because you're big. I guess you have to look at what other reasons you are ... (read in full...)
Mooching Friends.. getting tired of it
Q. I need a bit of advice. I have these two friends (who are very close, roommates with eachother, etc). I enjoy spending time with them as they are very fun, artsy, funny but I feel like they really take advantage of people.. especially me. They don't ...
A. 13 February 2013: I think it's simple, just stop doing it. What I would do is have a talk with them and say "I like you as friends but you are taking advantage of me and it stops now." How you proceed depends on how they react. If they're appologetic and say they ... (read in full...)
Am I sending out the wrong signals in regards to dating?
Q. I'm a college student and hardly have any time to date. However, I'm getting to an age where all my friends are meeting great guys out of the blue and getting into serious relationships. So, needless to say, it gets frustrating and lonely not having ...
A. 13 February 2013: You probably just need more experience, like general hanging out with guys, talking to them, going out experience. So maximise your potential for meeting guys and talk to as many as you can. If you're in some kind of club you can get talking to them ... (read in full...)
She went back to the baby's daddy, but I'm still wondering if there's hope
Q. Ok, my ex is back with her baby's daddy. Yet she told me she wishes she was with me, and was even gonna move out to be with me again. Then she just up and said she is staying with him. He just had his 3rd child, by the third different woman, 3 ...
A. 8 February 2013: Oh god man move on. Don't take any more calls from her.... (read in full...)
My b/f knew I was ill but told a friend how dirty and smelly I was!
Q. When I started going out with him, I was going under some medication, due to an infection I showed him my medical test result and how am taking care of myself, due to the infection, when I pee I had a bad odour, but I had been to see a Doctor. My doc...
A. 8 February 2013: I think if I was just starting to see someone and she suddenly said "By the way I think you should know when I pee I have a bad odour, and this is due to an infection, but it's all good because I'm getting it fixed." I would freak. I don't need to ... (read in full...)
What is her intent? is she just comfotable with me? Or is she interested?
Q. I am very interested in this woman in one of my college courses. We seem to be very comfortable with each other, because we walk and talk with each other every night after class. Here is the problem, it came up in one of our email conversa...
A. 8 February 2013: I think you should just have a serious talk with her, and tell her how you feel. You should always be honest about what you want. If you want to be more than friends then you should tell her that from the start. Don't be her friend unless that is ... (read in full...)
I'm attracted to tactile men but how can I stop them being too tactile, too soon?
Q. I would like to ask this to both male and females out there. I've just recently been on a date with a guy I met online. I'm a single mum and my job is 99% female so I find it difficult to meet men the normal way eg through work ,bars etc .I always s...
A. 8 February 2013: I don't really understand what you mean by being too tactile, as if it's something you are doing that is giving these men the green light to make advances that you're not comfortable with. Do you tell them that you like to be touched? Is your pro... (read in full...)
My girlfriend lost her virginity at 16 and it makes me extremely jealous of her
Q. I've been going out with my girlfriend for months now, she is my first proper girlfriend and the first person I have sex with, I am 22 and she is 20 , she lost her virginity at 16 and it makes me extremely jealous of her , I cant stop picturing her ...
A. 24 January 2013: If I were you I would just be thankful that I had a girlfriend.... (read in full...)
No GF, I am a virgin and I failed college. My self esteem is at an all time low. How can I gain confidence?
Q. I am finding it very hard to like myself right now. I flunked out at college, I am a virgin and I have never had a girlfriend or kissed a girl. I have accomplished nothing and feel that I never will. I will be turning 22 in a few days and I don't ...
A. 5 January 2013: I'm forty two and I'm in the same boat. It's no way to live is it. I'm looking at seeing a life coach, and you might also think about therapy, perhaps cognitive behavioral therapy. I don't know if those sorts of things are an option where you live, ... (read in full...)
Should I ask her out or forget about her?
Q. I have this woman I've know since grade school as a distant friend. She married another distant friend and after 15 years, she had to divorce for a few good reasons, his drinking heavily was one of them. I am separated from my wife for over 3 years ...
A. 6 December 2012: Go for it. Even if she's not ready to date you could always just be friends until she is.
I hope it works out for you.... (read in full...)
I thought we were in a committed relationship, but he's been dating someone else while dating me.
Q. I have been dating a man for 9 months now. All along I have considered this a serious, mognogamous relationship. I recently found out that until about a month ago he had been dating another woman as well. I was crushed, but he said until now he ...
A. 5 December 2012: Yeah what Dear_Mandy said. Dump him and move on.... (read in full...)
I am at a complete loss about my sexuality. Please help!
Q. I'm a male just under 25 and I am completely at a loss to who I am as for the past couple of years I have been confused about my sexuality. I don't know if I am Straight, Gay, Bi or simply going through a phase or perhaps suffering from hocd. I mu...
A. 5 December 2012: Well at the risk of giving you an answer you find unsatisfactory, there really aren't any simple answers.
Human sexuality is complicated. You want to know if you're straight, bi or gay. Has it occurred to you you might be non of these? Think of... (read in full...)
How can I make friends? I get nervous when I talk to people..
Q. hi guys, i need advice on how to make friends? i get nervous easily and when i speak to people i just sort of mumble or get confused with what im trying to say. i dont really have a lot of confidence. not only that but i am currently une...
A. 5 December 2012: I joined a social group for people with anxiety. It's really great because you can relax and be yourself and not have to worry about what everyone thinks about you, because everyone is in the same boat. They're the most accepting, non judgemental ... (read in full...)
My ex contacted me and wants to communicate again. I feel guilty for refusing her request, advice?
Q. My ex has recently contacted me after no contact for six years. We had been together for 18 years and she left me for another man. I have found out that she got married and now has separated from the guy she left me for. The split really hur...
A. 5 December 2012: I think you were right not to reply, and you have nothing to feel guilty about.... (read in full...)
Would I be better off without him? He makes me feel like shit much of the time.
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for about 5 months, after a very shaky beginning of being on/off for about 6 months before that. I've never felt this way about anyone before, but I've also never felt so bad about myself since I started liking him. It's ...
A. 5 December 2012: Is he deliberately putting you down or is he just being thoughtless? Teenage boys are not known for being the most intelligent of beings. I would have a talk with him and tell him that his behavior is upsetting and hurting you. If he doesn't make a ... (read in full...)
While house-sitting for my girlfriend, I discovered she is not the person she lead me to believe she is.
Q. So I have been with my girlfriend about 4 months and I thought things were going great. We got serious very quickly however and ended up spending almost every day together. Lately I've felt very uncertain about several things I've discover...
A. 2 December 2012: She's not crazy. But you have mismatched sex drives and she looked outside the relationship instead of talking to you about it and trying to work something out. That's a bad sign.... (read in full...)
I don't want to be with him but I don't like the thought of him with anyone else
Q. I've been with someone for a year and a little bit now, and we broke up and its been about two months, we still see each other and things and try and act normal, but we still do things with other people which may be weird. I don't want to be with ...
A. 30 November 2012: He's still clinging onto hope that he will get back together with you. Stringing him along because you don't want him to be with anyone else is cruel and childish. I don't know why you wouldn't want him to be happy if you care about him. Maybe you ... (read in full...)
Is this healthy? is she game playing? My Controlling girlfriend keeps giving me ultimatums or threatens that we'll break up
Q. I have a girlfriend and I'm soon to be divorced with my estranged wife. My girlfriend has been acting weird lately.... She gives me ultimatums to do X or we break up. When I don't do X, she gives me the complete silent treatment and ignores all ...
A. 25 November 2012: Dude, serously get away from this nutter.... (read in full...)
Where is a good place to meet people? Are online dating sites a good thing?
Q. Hello, I have never had a proper relationship but recently had a sort of fling with a guy he was the first guy i really got intimate with (we didn't have sex). All of my friends are in relationships and I no longer see this guy and am starting ...
A. 25 November 2012: I don't like online dating sites personally. I think women might find them helpful if they're prepared to have realistic standards and be able to put up with a lot of crassness and unwated attention.
You'd be much better getting out into the worl... (read in full...)
Was it acceptable for my boyfriend to be on a dating site?
Q. My friend found my boyfriend on a dating site so I dumped him. He didn't care that I was upset, he didn't try to prove it wasn't him just said I should believe him. He got angry with me and called me an ugly fat c***t, so in a temper went out on a ...
A. 25 November 2012: Why would you let this person treat you like this? Why even talk to him after you discovered what he was up to and him verbally abusing you? Do you have no self repect at all?
I agree with person12345. Get the jerk out of your life. You can do b... (read in full...)
It happened ten years ago -But I'm still unsure.
Q. My wife had some relationship issues about ten years ago that caused us to split and she moved out. Her move was sudden, and a surprise while I was at work. We didn't talk for about six weeks, during this time she was living with another man. After ...
A. 25 November 2012: It sounds like she was lying but if things have been good since then I'd let it go if you can. Maybe she's lying because she doesn't want to mess things up.
Ask yourself this, if she did tell you the truth and all the things you've suspecte... (read in full...)
Where do I find a guy with similar sexual interests to mine?
Q. Dear agony aunts and uncles, I've got a problem: I'm single for over 2 years now and struggling with finding someone new. I'm scared about a new relationship for various reasons, the biggest reason is I don't want to live through a sexually frust...
A. 21 November 2012: I've read enough questions like this to realise it's pretty pointless meeting a vanilla guy and trying to get him into your kinks. Also, from what I understand fetishes can be more of a need than simply a preference so you might not be able to simp... (read in full...)
How can I boost my confidence and lose the nervous before this first date?
Q. Hi. I have a date this week with this drop dead gorgeous man who i met online, Im sooo nervous I'm even thinking of cancelling! I've had dates before but I am so shy its cringeworthy, i just don't have any confidence! I really like him and I would ...
A. 19 November 2012: Get really, really stoned? No, just kidding. Honestly all you can do if push yourself through the nerves. Don't cancel for Gods sake, you'll never forgive yourself. Tell yourself that being nervous is only a feeling and it doesn't mean anything ba... (read in full...)
Will my cheating ex ever look back and regret her actions?
Q. Having recently come out of a five year relationship where I have just found out she lied and deceived me from day one, where I have just learned she was seeing others behind my back; I was wondering if there will ever come a time when she will look ...
A. 19 November 2012: No she won't. If she does feel any guilt about hurting you she'll twist it around in her mind to convince herself you deserved it somehow.... (read in full...)
What happened in 2 days for her to change her mind?
Q. So i was talking to this girl for about 4 months. We went on plenty of dates and She always hinted that She wanted a relationship. She even hinted about sexual interests to me as well. This friday we went out and had an awesome time. Everything was ...
A. 19 November 2012: This is not very helpful but all I can suggest is giving her space, and if she doesn't come around just let her go. You could try talking to her but you probably won't get an honest answer.
The same thing happened to me. She went from inviting... (read in full...)
What would you do if your significant other said their ex's name during sex?
Q. My wife and I have been together for 3 years. The other night we were in the middle of sex and she said another man's name. More importantly it was her ex's name. She tried to play it off like it didn't happen. Has anyone been in this situation ...
A. 19 November 2012: It would be over.... (read in full...)
I'm sixteen, she's thirteen. Is this too much age difference?
Q. Hey I'm 16 years old. I just came back from hoilday with my mate and his family. Throughout the hoilday I started to get more attracted to his sister. Problem is she is 13 and I'm 16. Her personality is what I like in a girl everything she like I do ...
A. 17 November 2012: The three years difference isn't the problem, it's that she's under the age of consent and you're over it, so you're essentially an adult and she's a child.
So yes she's too young.... (read in full...)
I've only ever had sex with prostitutes. Should I continue or try having a relationship? And should I keep my past secret?
Q. Hello, I have been using prostitutes for about 4 years. I lost my virginity to a prostitute and ever since I only had sex with "working girls". The reason I do this is that it is so much simpler than picking-up women and far more straight...
A. 15 November 2012: It depends on what you want I guess. Are you happy with things the way they are or do you want more? It seems you want more or you wouldn't be asking. I've only been with prostitutes as well, because I'm ugly and don't have what it takes to attr... (read in full...)
I just want to be able to talk to someone and relax and not worry what they are thinking about me
Q. Its a weird one this.. i struggle to mix especially with women.. i'v always had freinds but i never quite feel comfortable around people, more like a bumbling idiot really - at primary school i was freinds with Kirsty then one day another girl came ...
A. 15 November 2012: I joined a social and support group for people with anxiety and it's exactly like what you said... we can just completely be ourselves with each other and not have to worry about things like that because everyone is in the same boat and is going ... (read in full...)
I'm being torn over which parent to spend Christmas with! I don't need this!
Q. After a tough year getting divorced I am now facing a dilemma over Christmas Day. My immediate family (Mum and Dad and Sister) live 2 - 3 hours drive in different directions to me. Both want to see me on Xmas Day but... they have fallen out yet ...
A. 15 November 2012: Spend Christmas with your boyfriend and his family, and then go see each of your parents in the days following Christmas. That way they you treat them both equally.... (read in full...)
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