A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've kinda always felt that I may be gay, but I didn't know whether that was just because I looked at guys and wish I had their looks and their body. All through high school, I remember flirting and always being around girls, but never had a girlfriend, and I remember I always got nervous around other really good looking guys at school. I felt nervous because I felt like they were more manly than me, and that they seemed like really cool guys that girls might like.Because I've always felt that I may be gay, I feel like I am in the closet, and when I think people think I'm gay, I get really nervous and scared that everyone may find out. . . that was when I was about 18. plus. . . to add to that. .. I looked at both gay and straight p*rn and I could easily jack off to both, but the fact that I got aroused by more gay p*rn bothered me too. . .i always enjoyed it when I was jacking off, but then afterward I wouldn't feel like I would be able to do it with a real guy.Ive had a jack off buddy before, and we both looked at straight p*rn, but that was just a couple of times and I wasn't aroused by him, but just the whole watching p*rn thing together made it enjoyable. So I'm not sure how to tell if I am gay or not. . .sometimes I watch straight p*rn, most times I seem to turn to gay p*rn (especially with really really hot muscular guys in it), WHen I watch p*rn, gay p*rn seems to work better, but when I fantasize, I fantasize about sticking it in a woman and hugging her and making out with a girl and all that. Thing is though. . . as of the past two years, I've suddenly started thinking about having a girlfriend as well, because I'm not getting any younger and for the past two years, I've been looking for a girlfriend, because I Haven't had one (had a LDR for one years back in high school but felt I wasn't ready to commit yet). I've chased girls really hard and tried to have a girlfriend simply because I wanted one, and every time I fantasize, its with a girl, so why do I keep looking at gay p*rn? Straight p*rn works just as well but there just seems to be something about two guys doing it with each other. I imagine hugging and holding and kissing a girl, and I've done that many times already with some of my friends. .. we've gotten all snuggly and we've touched each other and I've gotten a hard on and stuff. . .so I'm really confused. . . Ive even hooked up with a girl for a one night stand, we did everything, but the moment we got naked, I couldn't get it up to save my life!. . . it was my first time having sex and I don't know if it was nerves or not. I enjoy fantasizing about taking care of a girl, and stroking her and making love to her, but its just the whole I watch gay p*rn and sometimes in public when I see a really handsome guy, I can't seem to turn away (same goes for a really beautiful girl)Does this mean I could be bi? or bi curious? I've looked it up so many times on the internet already but I'm never sure. What do you all think?
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male
reader, shymexycpl  +, writes (5 December 2012):
 i Know how you feel I have the same issues. I am married and like to watch tranny and bi-sex porn myself. I often wondered if I was gay or bi till this day I wonder. But I know I love my wife and only want her but, when I get in my moods I want to see my porn to get me really in the mood. Is this selfish or what, I know my wife would really freak out if I was to tell her I like to watch mens junk and jerk off to it. I also had a J-O buddy long ago and we had some good old times wanking off to great flicks and just having fun. We never touched each other just jerked off mutually. but to see him do it and he watching me was a real turn on and I think thats what led to my fetish.
I hope you find your answer and when you do let me know too....Good Luck!
A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (8 November 2012):
 It sounds like you like both. You don't have to be one thing or another. Sexuality is a very, very broad spectrum, with gay at one end, straight at the other and bi in the middle. I believe most people fall somewhere between those extremes. I agree with chigirl that you don't need to put a label on yourself. Whatever you are is fine.In time you will gain a better understanding of yourself. For now just concentrate on having relationships, and experimenting. Follow your heart. Don't worry about porn and what that is saying about yourself. I don't think the type of porn a person likes means much. Nor does their fantasies. It comes down to the sort of people that you're attracted to and want to have relationships and experiences with. So if you feel like you want a girlfriend right now then by all means pursue that. If it would make you feel better be honest with her about your desires.You don't have to figure it all out right away. I'm forty two and am still confused, but I accept myself.In short, try not to worry about it too much and just go with what feels right at the time.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 November 2012):
 Oh yeah, make it easy on yourself! When you get all confused by labels you start to think you can't do this or that, because you're supposed to be this or that label. But when you are label-free you have no limits. You can do what you want, when you want it. Maybe you meet a nice girl and you want to date her. Well then DO it. Maybe you meet a nice guy and want to date him. Then DO it. Maybe you like him or her, maybe you don't, doesn't mean you are gay or straight. Might just mean you weren't into that particular person.
If you fall in love with someone, and that person, regardless of gender, makes you happy, then THAT is what is important. Don't you think? Don't you think that you being happy and in love is the important thing here?
Re-focus, find your goal. Your goal isn't to stereotype yourself, label yourself, categorize yourself. Your goal is to find love and be happy.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (8 November 2012):
Does it matter?
Just be who you are and do what you want to, rather than label yourself and do what you think you "should" do according to your label.
The only reason you'd have for labelling yourself would be so you had some answer to give others who ask. But, honestly, do others have a right to know what you think, enjoy, want and need? Isn't that.. well, your private business?
Labels are stupid, just be who you are, label-free.
I have only ever been in relationships with guys, but I am sexually attracted to girls, and I've kissed and had sex with girls. I have been in love with girls, but been in love with guys as well, kissed and had sex with guys. Am I bisexual? Bicurious since I've had no girlfriend? Am I pansexual, seeing as I've got no definite "type" that I like (I've liked all different sorts, short, tall, thin, over-weight, asian, white, black, you name it)? Am I a lesbian in the closet, unbeknown to myself? Am I just going through a phase? Am I a polygamist, since I've dreamed of having both a boyfriend and a girlfriend in a 3-person relationship? Am I a masochist, since I enjoy a spanking every now and then? Am I a dominatrix, because I often take charge in bed and tell the others what to do?
Am I this, am I that... You get my point. You're you. That's all there is to it. I'm me, you're you.
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