A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend made plans for valentines with his friends, and forgot to tell me. I found out, and asked him to re-schedule. He said he is busy with friends the whole week.I got upset. He said we could do it next week. Then he called, saying his friends cancelled on him--now he's free to hang out on V day. I was hurt I was his second choice. He told me he was hurt that his friends just bailed on him like that. Then he said, he never liked valentines to begin with, because he never got anything, no cards, no gifts, for years and years. He also said, his friends were a social obligation, but he still made me a present "anyway" out of his goodness and that he spent ages on it, but now implied I dont really deserve it (due to my being upset) I dont get it. I've been his gf for five years? Why would he be depressed about valentines? He loved all my other gifts from previous years...his excuse is just really confusing...help?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (14 February 2013):
 ya know what I don't think valentines day is all that big a deal... a card is nice... but to me it's a manufactured holiday to make money...
HOWEVER... if my husband made PLANS to be AWAY from me specifically on valentine's day when there are 27 other days in the month.... I'd be PISSED.
BTW gift giving is NOT based on if a person DESERVES it. I give gifts because I want to... their BEHAVIOR is not the deciding factor... HE TOLD YOU.. "but he still made me a present "anyway" out of his goodness and that he spent ages on it, but now implied I dont really deserve it (due to my being upset)"
Honey you don't really need a boyfriend like this is what you don't need....
A
female
reader, Sylph +, writes (14 February 2013):
Im sorry, but you have quite an inconsiderate unthoughtful bf at your hands. How could he choose his friends over you on valentines day, and especially when he knows that valentines day means so much to you? Valentines day meaning nothing to him is no excuse..for me, easter means nothing, but it does to my bf, so i always find a way to make it special for him because it shows how much i care. He sounds kind of bored, especially after 5 years...u might wanna add a twist to your relationship, or find someone else who makes you his first choise on v day...honestly, just imagine how trivial he must have made you look to his friends by reserving that special day for them, not you.
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A
female
reader, ihavetoomanythoughts  +, writes (14 February 2013):
 Just because HE doesn't like Valentine's day doesn't mean that you don't deserve to have the day you want.Even if he doesn't like it, he should acknowledge that you like it. It shouldn't be a chore for him to spend the day with you. It's like a date, it just happens to be on Valentine's day, and he's not obligated to give gifts, just his time. Seriously, you should have just told him "I've made plans for V-day (since you refused to spend it with me), you're on your own sucker" which is basically what he did to you. The fact that you told him you were unhappy with his plans and that he didn't give a rat's .... about your feelings makes him seem like a real ...... bag to me. And him withholding his gift because you were rightfully upset? Unbelievable. You don't get gifts because you've been behaving properly, you get gifts because you are loved. Time to talk to him about his behaviour. I'd be very annoyed
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A
male
reader, human_male +, writes (14 February 2013):
 If he knows valentines day is a big deal to you, because of your gifts from other years, to not reciprocate that by making it special for you is insensitive. I mean a lot of guys might be like that, especially Kiwis but I think it's a sign he takes you for granted. But to then make plans without you, knowing that you're upset about it is very insensitive of him.If he was under the impression that valentines day wasn't a big deal for you then that would be one thing, it's not all that popular in NZ. But he knew... and he didn't care.So I guess you have to make a decision. Are you going to accpet that you were his second choice on this special day, or are you not going to accept it? If I were you I would be seriously looking at why I was with this guy.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (13 February 2013):
 YOU'VE BEEN HIS "G/F" FOR FIVE YEARS???? .... AND HE PLANNED ON SPENDING VALENTINE'S DAY WITH HIS "FRIENDS" RATHER THAN YOU???????
I don't think that your question about being his "second choice" really makes any sense, at all.... The FAR GREATER question is: "Why were you not his first choice in the first place??????"
Good luck....
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