A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I have been with my girlfriend about 4 months and I thought things were going great. We got serious very quickly however and ended up spending almost every day together. Lately I've felt very uncertain about several things I've discovered. First off, I was housesitting for her when she was out of town recently and went on the computer to check my email when her email account pops up. I was about to just close out of it when I noticed several emails between her and random people from craigslist to meet up for threesoms/sex. The exchanges had been going on for several days where she complained to these people that she didn't get enough sex and therefore had to turn to this.I immediately confronted her and initially she denied it, saying her ex must have hacked her account. Then later called me back and admitted it was her and told me that I was a jerk for reading her email, and apparently don't give her enough sex so she had to do this. She also apologized and assured me she never met any of these people, it was just for attention, etc. When she got back we spoke in person and she apologized again and said she loved me and wouldn't do it again but she feels I don't give her enough sex. She basically gave me an ultimatum and said we need to have more sex or else she was going to break up/cheat. We have sex about twice a week. I work very long days and usually when I get home I'm exhaused but whenever I tell her that she takes it as rejection. I try to be affectionate in other ways but I don't think she appreciates it.Also I randomly googled her and found out she lied to me about her age (she is 2 yrs older than she told me). Is this chick crazy or what is my deal? Very confused...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2012): I think you need to turn around and run from this woman. Run like your ass is on fire.
A
male
reader, Joey Notice  +, writes (3 December 2012):
you could suggest an open relationship or swinging maybe? as she has done this behind your back, the chances are the thought of sharing you with someone else will not be very appealing to her. it will probably make her jealous. a cheats biggest fear is that they could end up cheated on and in a situation they have put others in. forget her ultimatum. if you are only in it for sex then stay, if not then dump her.
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male
reader, hyt +, writes (3 December 2012):
Disappear, change your number. You may be dealing with a lunatic here.
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (3 December 2012):
A cheater and a liar. Proceed accordingly.
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female
reader, bama_mobile +, writes (3 December 2012):
 So what happens now? Every time she feels unsatisfied she goes off looking for threesome sex with strangers? Somehow I do not think it`s about that. A lot of cheats justify their behavior by blaming those they cheat on. She, imo just enjoys the thrills and tickles of cheating. Keep it real.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2012): every time you find her cheating on you she will use that excuse. she will say you have been neglecting her. whether you have neglected her or whether she only feels that you have, she has got her excuse ready. i think you will find she wont end your relationship, you will have to do that.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2012): I have gone through bad and dull parts in my 4 year relationship. I was not like the anon female or your girlfriend. I have too much respect for my partner and also for myself. Your girlfriend behaves like she is single and I would make it that way if I was you. You are at the start of an abusive relationship.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2012): I can tell you that what anonymous female tells you is for herself, not all women. There are far more who will respect you and not cheat on you. You are with a cheat and a liar. It will not matter how much attention or compliments you give her. It will never be enough.
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male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (3 December 2012):
 People who cheat, then blame lack of sex or communication as the reason they did it are full of crap. They could have discussed it or ended the relationship/marriage first. To actually lay blame on a person they have just hurt is even more unforgivable. Make no mistake, you are the victim, not the cause. Get away from her asap. I think you know exactly what she is.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2012): Lying and cheating is unacceptable.
But lying and cheating to get certain physical needs met is . . . just as unacceptable.
Dump her and don't look back. If you stay with her the story is never going to end well.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2012): A cheat and a liar, dump her.
OP with all due respect to other posters with their "make more of an effort to please her and win her" shit, ignore it. She turns to other men when you have a problem instead of talking to you about it. If she was unhappy with the amount of sex she should have went to you. It's not about the amount of sex, that's just another lie.
So she lied about her age and said she was 12 and not 14? Because that's the maturity to which she is acting.
She can't be trusted, she is and will cheat again and gives you some bullshit excuse about not getting enough sex. well let her go bone a football team then, seeing as her solution is to actively find other guys to bone.
She is crazy OP and it's nothing to do with her being a woman, but there are women out there that live in a self-centred fantasy land of bubbles and kittens that think they can fuck about as much as they like if they feel their partner isn't stepping up, they don't for a minute think talking about it will solve it, they just opt for a different man or bunch of men.
Don't be like female anons boyfriend, he's obviously 14 or something and too idiotic to see she can't be trusted as she makes bad choices, he's in for a nasty surprize next time she feels let down, disappointed or like he's done something wrong. She'll drop him in an instant and put all the blame on him for not being a mind reader and magically knowing there something wrong.
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female
reader, delightful84 +, writes (2 December 2012):
btw. Unlike the unnamed females who says most girls are like that, she may be, but you can be assured "most girls are not like that" and will be far easier to find than the ones who are. Get rid.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2012): You can do without that kind of bull crap. Find a girlfriend who`s respectful. She is immoral. Get a check to make sure you have not caught any sexually transmitted diseases.
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female
reader, Jeanette82 +, writes (2 December 2012):
 I would like to start by taking issue with the anonymous females reply to you. Being someone who was on the receiving end of such behavior, she is far too self absorbed to know or even care about what it feels like. No doubt, she would take a different view if it was done to her. Your partner is of the same character, a cheat and not capable of caring if you are hurt or not. She wants you there for the security of a relationship and will never be any different. Leave her before she makes you depressed and feeling inadequate. You will find someone much better who will be glad to have you and would never want to cheat on you.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 December 2012):
 cheater
liar
emotional blackmailer.
It's best to break up with her since your drives are mismatched.
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female
reader, delightful84 +, writes (2 December 2012):
I do not believe this has anything to do with you. She wants to blame you for her dishonesty, issues and feelings of personal shame. Why did she not discuss anything with you before all this came out? It is an attempt to get victim status and make you think its your fault. It is her fault she`s a cheat and a liar with a need for constant admiration (sex). Yes, she is crazy alright.
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female
reader, N joY +, writes (2 December 2012):
There are things missing. These things that are missing, you will never be able to give her. She wants newness, to live life on the edge. She wants everything a one to one relationship cannot offer, except for the security (hence, the reason why she told lies to you). I do not think it has just started here, it will have been part of her life before she even knew you. She wont be honest to you about her needs, that is bullshit. It`s funny how she points to a problem after she is found out, not before. She`s a liar and a cheat, no more to it. I also would take the anonymous females answer as being someone with a similar personality as hers. You are not with someone normal, you are with someone who is screwed up. End it before it ends you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2012): Not you or anyone alone will ever be enough for her. That is why she was seeking threesomes. Get without her. She`s an oddball.
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male
reader, Byron Temple  +, writes (2 December 2012):
She lied about doing it, then she confesses and says that she hasn't met anyone. Then she turns the blame on you for making her do it? I think she is full of shit my friend. To put it one way, I dont think you can actually believe anything she tells you. Where was she when she went out of town? She wanted threesomes and there is only one of you. She is a liar and it`s the truth.
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female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (2 December 2012):
I think you will have a very bumpy ride if you stay with her. I dont think all your troubles will end here. It is probably only the start of it. You are up against a very complex personality and I think there will be a lot more to come (pardon the pun).
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male
reader, somewhere_between +, writes (2 December 2012):
 She`s a cheat and she`s a liar. She needs constant attention and will go to any length to get it. Forget what that female anon says, it is just honor among internet cheats.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2012): This is more common than you think, it reminds me of the movie Catfish, a lot of people do things out of need and loneliness.I knew a personal case of a girl we will name "Acantha" on Chile. She had a boyfriend like you, and she secretly held 4 serious relationships on online games and lied to each of them. Even with a married man on a different country, behind her boyfriend they plotted on him coming to Chile to get her, or she going to visit him. Her boyfriend found out like you did, during housesitting. he was very hurt, the woman of 5 years he dated had dated and flirted with numerous people, most of them married/engaged. Even naked pictures of her to others floated the web.When she was confronted she denied it, and he eventually had to leave her and was pretty depressed for a while. When they lacked they found out they had very different desires, and needs and one of her needs was male attention, and has the need to lie and they were not sexually compatible. They eventually had to split and he disarmed a web of lies and deception after that, there were many more lies, but he knew he could not give her what she needed as she was not fully satisfied with him and their sex life that she needs fulfillment some other way due to her own issues. She had the need to cheat and play many men continuously,and they eventually were friends as she apologized and he was free to finally move on.Talk to her and see what she needs,maybe she just wants more spice in the bedroom, but is unsure of how to talk to you about this, maybe she needs the attention. Then you have to ask yourself, if you are willing to live with the doubt of her cheating on you, or needing something else. You wont be able to monitor her online activity forever, do you think you will be able to trust her???She does not sound as relationship material, do you want to be on serious relationship like this?Don;t you think you deserve TRUE happiness, and she deserves to be free to pursue what she wants?Good luck
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female
reader, Roxypuss +, writes (2 December 2012):
Because of silly gender roles, men are thought of as always wanting sex and woman not wanting it often, as a result some women don't take rejection well at all, because the idea that a man could sexually reject them seems impossible he's supposed to always be horny right?Thing is I actually believe her especially since she lied about her age, she clearly doesn't feel sexually desirable because she feels you're 'needlessly rejecting her' she thinks that you're doing it for some actual reason as opposed to you have a lower drive. So she goes on craigslist to get some affirmation but it's not from the person she wants it from.I would sit down and discuss it with her there are two ways that this can be solved really. You firstly need to lay down that lying wasn't cool, yes you snooped but how can you and her sort out problems if you don't know about them. Honesty is the foundation for any future between you full stop. Give her the scenario that you love her think she's gorgeous but your sex drive isn't that high lately and the more focus and ultimatums put on it the more the experienced is ruined for you and her because it causes you stress and to think about that instead of how sexy she is. Ask her what she would want you to do if she couldn't provide sex for a period of time (if she says that would never happen use the example of a family member dying or work stress and point out no couple is exactly the same ten years later) this will help her to think about your feelings now really you have two options.1) You probably won't like or be comfortable with this one and it's not necessarily a solution if it's validation from you she's actually seeking (I'm guessing yes since she tried to ultimatum you into it). You could have an open relationship but you'd have to both be able to handle that, there should be rules that can't be broken like always using condoms, and other ones you decide like not bringing them home or whatever. You don't have to take this the whole hog, you could just be allowed to kiss other people or whatever anything you agree on. However as I said this won't help if she wants it from you. It also requires trust which she's not exactly excelling at right now.2) The second option which may help is compromise, by this I don't mean getting the diary out and organising a set amount of sex a week nothing kills desire more. You could offer to try a sexual fetish you like or maybe when you're not in the mood for sex you could still be involved in her sexual enjoyment, like watching her masturbate, giving her a massage etc. however for godsake don't look bored and make it clear that this might not lead to sex that you like to enjoy her and then sometimes stop there. You could also ask how else you could make her feel desirable, for example complimenting how sexy she is and lucky to have her you are in front of friends, maybe going lingerie shopping with her or taking an interest in the effort she puts into her appearance 'I really love it when you have your eye makeup like that'. and of course and this is something I personally love, telling her a non sexual attribute you like about her, 'you're intelligence is so sexy, Will you read such and such to me before bed?'Of course all of this is effort, this is how you weigh up whether you want to be with her, if you don't want to make the effort with the chance that it might not work or be appreciated then you don't care about her enough and should let you both go. Good luck!
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 December 2012):
 I think you jumped into this relationship too fast and you don't really know each other at all. You also have very different sex drives, while she want sit more often, and you are satisfied with twice a week. Seriously, if you have a higher sex drive it wont matter if you work long hours, you'd still be having more sex. Just as, in all likelihood, you aren't going at it like bunnies even if it's your day off. It's just who you are, you are a twice a week man, thats your preference. And it's okay, but that's not what she wants or needs, so you are incompatible in this area. You are also incompatible as far as negotiations go, as neither is interested in compromise, but blame one another. She blames you for not having sex with her, you blame her for looking elsewhere. You just aren't compatible. And, summa summarum, I think it is for the best if you break up, because she can't make you happy, and you can't make her happy either. Not when she feels a need to cheat (which she has, going on craigslist behind your back like that is cheating), and you wont be happy with a woman who lies to you, blames you for her cheating.. and cheats...
Time to move on. Find someone more compatible, and leave this one to find her sex machine on craigslist.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 December 2012):
 I think she is a liar and a cheat.
I don't have a problem with a woman who has a bigger libido then her mate, but THAT is NO excuse to troll Craigslist for 3-somes and then BLAME it on the partner when they get caught.
She also lie about her age, which makes me think there are MANY more lies you haven't "figured" out.
And then there is the ultimatum.. more sex or else.. what THAT puts you in the mood I bet! *sarcasm*
Sorry honey, I would let this one go. IF her whole world revolves around her libido she will still want to cheat and lie no matter how much sex you give her. I'm better her excuse would then become, your sex is too vanilla or too this or too that.. BLAMING you for HER actions.
She isn't happy with you. You now aren't happy with her either.
I would end it and find someone who can match you sexually and who can be faithful and hopefully truthful too.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (2 December 2012):
 Yeah she's a cheater. What happens if in the future you get seriously ill and can't have sex for awhile, would she cheat then? Or how about when you fight and she's just not feeling enough love? Someone who thinks cheating is an answer to problems is not a trust-worthy person. This relationship will definitely only end in heartbreak.
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male
reader, N91 +, writes (2 December 2012):
 Also to the female anon, how is the lie not a big deal?
What else could she be lying about?? I had a friend, he was my best friend in fact and he used to lie about the most trivial things ALL THE TIME! It just ground me down so much that we ended up going our seperate ways.
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male
reader, N91 +, writes (2 December 2012):
I wouldnt want to be in a relationship with someone who openly admts that they are willing to cheat, but thats just me.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2012): I wouldn't be worried about the age thing, I think a lot of women can be like that about their age. Besides you've got far bigger problems! If I understand your post correctly, your girlfriend doesn't feel like she gets enough sex. Rather than talking to you about it, she decides to find other men to sleep with her behind your back. She lies about doing it, finally confesses and then tells you that she hasn't slept with anyone else yet. Then she blames you for making her do it!Time to dump her and find someone normal.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2012): :D I know your have a problem but that made me lol because I was in the exact same position of your gf's. My boyfriend didn't always have sex with me so I turned to internet and talked to guys about hooking up then he found it out. But listen, the thing is probably she wasn't serious about it and she just wants you when she needs you, girls tend to do that (most xD) so you need to give her another chance and see how it'll go and try to listen to her more often! And the age thing isn't a big deal, I don't know how old she is if she's older or not but it's not a big deal.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2012): To be honest, it sounds like you two just aren't compatible with each other.
If she is so hung up about your sex life that she will cheat of given the chance, then she is not partner material. Her concerns about having a fulfilling sex life are valid, but her actions are not.
Infidelity is wrong, whatever circumstances surround it. There are ALWAYS options.
That she would take a perfectly acceptable reason, like exhaustion, and belittle it is, to put it mildly, not good.
I say you tell her you don't deal in ultimatums and she is welcome to go and have her Craigslist flings and see if THAT fulfills her (hint: unless she's a skank, it won't).
Flynn 24
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2012): well, the lying part is wrong. I can somewhat relate on some grounds to this (my current girlfriend has a much higher libido than I do). I would say though the fact she's lied about something as trivial as her age says something. On top of that, giving you an ultimatum in a relationship on something like 'sleep with me or I'll cheat/end it' is petty and cruel.
If she's got to make up bullshit and can't be upfront and honest, then I'm sorry to say, but she'll probably continue to lie about other things as well. Have a long think if you can have a relationship with someone who comes out with stuff like this.
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male
reader, human_male  +, writes (2 December 2012):
 She's not crazy. But you have mismatched sex drives and she looked outside the relationship instead of talking to you about it and trying to work something out. That's a bad sign.
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