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... Send *auntlet a private message | | | *auntlet's profile:I'm french (so please, excuse my bad command of english) who has been living 17 years in Japan. I was a french teacher for adult lessons and I've heard everything a qualified psychanalist can hear in his office, and beyond. Some students even took reservations with me not only for the french lesson, but also for me to help them about their domestic issues. I feel I hear well, understand right and take good conclusions. Yet, my "medecine" is often a little bitter as I think one has to reform his/her nature first, not just correct a "little error" of behaviour. People think that stopping to smoke is hard and painful, but changing ones nature is ten times harder. Yet, that's the condition of real happiness. No pain, no gain as you know ! |
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Feeling guilty about bad decisions I've made
Q. Hey I'm a 17 year old girl and I'm in a relationship with a 25 year old man who I am breaking up with on Saturday. I saw controlling signs before but now I've really seen them, I actually feel afraid of him. We have only been together for 3 months ...
A. 8 February 2014: See Sweetie, how your case interested people ? From all over the world, Italy, USA, Norway, France and England !!! You are now a big star ! And everybody wish you the best for you new start. Don't waste your time with dark thoughts. You ju... (read in full...)
Whenever a boyfriend even mentions anal sex I become furious
Q. i don't know what is wrong with me, but whenever any of my past partners so much as suggests anything to do with anal sex i get infuriated and not even in an outwards manner but rather in a passive aggressive way. i cannot quiet put my finger on it, ...
A. 7 February 2014: A] As a matter of fact anus is NOT designed in any way to be a sexual organ. It is a fragile and non-auto-lubricated one way path, and is basically not made to feel pleasure. Anal sex is actually - people would know it if they gave themselves the ... (read in full...)
Not ready for relationship but there's a guy I fancy....
Q. I'm just out of a 10 year relationship and enjoying time sorting out stuff for myself and building a new life of my own, not ready for a relationship for a good while with anybody, but that doesn't stop me being attracted to guys. So there's 1 i...
A. 7 February 2014: When I read "I'm so out of practice with dating" after you wrote "In the recent past I had a friend with benefits which suited us both".
An easy girl (having sex with a sex-friend who consequently is not even a simple boyfriend, excuse-me but it's... (read in full...)
Feeling guilty about bad decisions I've made
Q. Hey I'm a 17 year old girl and I'm in a relationship with a 25 year old man who I am breaking up with on Saturday. I saw controlling signs before but now I've really seen them, I actually feel afraid of him. We have only been together for 3 months ...
A. 7 February 2014: Dear, having sex is not a sin in itself. It's just that there are consequences to it (and it's even worse when you are young) not always I know, but way too often: jealousy, betrayal, amour-propre wounds, venereal diseases, unexpected pregnancy, ... (read in full...)
He turned me down for a date so what is with his new attitude toward me?
Q. I asked a guy out a while back and he politely declined me, so I kind of accepted it and got on with things. I still liked him, but I'd understood that he didn't feel the same way, so I never mentioned it again. About two weeks ago, though, his atti...
A. 7 February 2014: I would say he was not interesting in you previously, because he had another girl in mind. But having been turned down by her, he is now looking for a "consolation prize". If you haven't changed anything in your look (haircut, dress, make up etc.) ... (read in full...)
Why would someone want to throw their future away?
Q. This isn't a problem as such, but its something i've been pondering on for a really long time and I wondered if maybe anyone here could give their own opinion on it. I live in a very small town, there isn't to...
A. 7 February 2014: OK, it's clear to me. One has to know each of us is inhabited by two drives (pulsions) called the Eros and the Thanatos. As everybody knows it here, Eros is the God of Love in the ancient greek tradition. He was a very important god in fact, not... (read in full...)
Why would someone want to throw their future away?
Q. This isn't a problem as such, but its something i've been pondering on for a really long time and I wondered if maybe anyone here could give their own opinion on it. I live in a very small town, there isn't to...
A. 7 February 2014: OK, it's clear to me. One has to know each of us is inhabited by two drives (pulsions) called the Eros and the Thanatos.
As everybody knows it here, Eros is the God of Love in the ancient greek tradition. He was a very important god in fact, no... (read in full...)
Feeling guilty about bad decisions I've made
Q. Hey I'm a 17 year old girl and I'm in a relationship with a 25 year old man who I am breaking up with on Saturday. I saw controlling signs before but now I've really seen them, I actually feel afraid of him. We have only been together for 3 months ...
A. 7 February 2014: Dear, having sex is not a sin. It's just that there are consequences to it (and it's even worse when you are young) not always I know, but too often: jealousy, betrayal, amour-propre wounds, venereal diseases, unexpected pregnancy, regrets etc. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend keeps promising me big gifts but gets me nothing
Q. My boyfriend told me throughout our entire first year that he had a huge birthday surprise for me... along comes my birthday Jan 29 and he just called me in the morning and then never came over (even though he promised). His reasoning was that he ...
A. 6 February 2014: I just imagine one "excuse" to stay with such a great boaster: he is the 12 years old (then his "parents refusal" could make sense) son of the Standard Oil-like company tycoon.
Otherwise you don't have to bear all the bul.... he tells you, it'... (read in full...)
My savings are now 1/2 of what they were because b/f borrowed money for 14 months! He's always drunk and wont talk to me about paying me back!
Q. I really don't know what to do about my situation. My boyfriend of 3 1/2 years borrowed money every month for 14 months. My savings are now 1/2 what they were. About once or twice a week if I phone him in the evenings he is drunk, slurred speech, ...
A. 6 February 2014: A super-renowned french comic (too soon dead in a accident, after he founded the french most famous meal center) named COLUCHE once said as foreword to a famous sketch: "if I have everything well understood, the world would have two problems, sex ... (read in full...)
Am I too boring and weird to ever get a girlfriend?
Q. Lately I've been thinking about future relationships and stuff, and it's just hit me that even if I did get a girlfriend, I would have no idea what to do with her. I do not like the bar or club scene at all. I cannot and do not like to dance an...
A. 6 February 2014: The "nag" is there is not just one kind of women on earth. For sure most of them (excuse-me if I look a little misogynous one more time) are like Cindy Lauper says: Girls Just Want To Have Fun (cf: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIb6AZdTr-A ). ... (read in full...)
Why did he lead me on?
Q. There is a boy that I like and he doesn't like me. He lead me on for a while but when my friend asked him about us he said "She's into it but I'm just not feeling it". He's not the best looking and he's not some stud either. Every one, not just my ...
A. 6 February 2014: "what do I do when he acts like he's into me?" you say in your second message, but in the first one you told us he said to his friends "She's into it but I'm just not feeling it" If he doesn't feel for you, don't waste your time trying to decode... (read in full...)
Why do women at night clubs dress provocatively?
Q. Why do the girls at the clubs dress like sluts?? We went to a club last weekend and there were many women barely dressed. One had a dress on so short that her ass was showing and she bent over a few times. Do they really need that much attention?...
A. 6 February 2014: When I was younger, I used to be a quite unemotional guy about women until the days I had to do my military service. Being surrounded by men only for months, women steadily began to lack in the landscape up to the point they where hoped to appear ... (read in full...)
How can I overcome this massive crush I have for a teacher?
Q. To put it briefly I have a massive crush on my female teacher. I obviously realise it's just a crush, and that it's just a thing that can happen with students and teachers. How do i make it 'go away'? She's an attractive, young women and I can'...
A. 6 February 2014: Agree with WiseOwlE. Your are on hormones pick, sort of second state (transe) that puts everything out of shape. Hormones during teen age is almost as strong as the psychedelic LSD, you don't understand well what's surrounding, and don't understand ... (read in full...)
It should be obvious that I like him more than a friend, but he doesn't seem to get it
Q. Hi, so my guy friend and I are in a band together and as a result spend quite a bit of time together. A few months ago, I realised I liked him as more than a friend when he tried to kiss me in a club. I thought he might have had feelings for me, ...
A. 6 February 2014: How I feel it: this guy is a virgin (or quite) and he tries his chance with any girl because he is desperately looking for a girlfriend. As he hasn't a clue to how to get one, he's sort of panicking and thinks the number will compensate the lack of ... (read in full...)
He does nice things that other guys don't do. But how do I cope with a Bf who seems emotionally numb?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months. The first couple of months, I was blind to this, but I have realized that my boyfriend has no emotions/heavy lack of emotions. I have all these feelings for him, but he doesn't understand them. Al...
A. 6 February 2014: It's not so easy to live, as some men are really "brains on legs". For instance, while my older brother is really sensuous (consequently he had a lot of troubles with girls) I'm myself more brainy, which makes people look at me (a little bit) as if ... (read in full...)
If he could be so convincingly romantic then, how can I trust his sincerity now?
Q. How can I trust my fiance when he's already lied to me? My fiance and I have been together for two and a half years. We're getting married in early May, but I am having trouble trusting him. For me it was love at first sight. Well, not exactl...
A. 6 February 2014: Even if I totally understand how you feel - kind of betrayed, having been a toy in his expert hands - I'd like to point out that you both were lying from the start. Having sex that fast and that easy is a lie in itself if you want my opinion, a way ... (read in full...)
Find it hard to not get friendzoned by men. What am I doing wrong?
Q. Question for the Men on this site! Now this might sound a little bit weird and a little bit silly, but I am thinking in the next couple of years I might like a boyfriend. I have had previous boyfrie...
A. 5 February 2014: Oh, my ! My text is full of typos...
" aspirations of your heart"
-- don't ever abdicate the deep aspirations of your heart.
" and their company worse waiting a little bit."
--- and their company worth waiting a little bit.
Sorry.... (read in full...)
Should I tell this new guy I'm dating about past abusive relationships?
Q. I have been dating this guy for almost a month now. We have hit it off very well and get along great, he is like my other half. We have talked about dating before we become official because we want time to get to know each other better before ru...
A. 5 February 2014: Don't tell too much about your past "love stories". The "good" is not so sweet to hear for your partner (always beware retro-jealousy, so well known on Dear Cupid) and the "ugly" may rise some questions that could be unpleasant to answer. Moreover, ... (read in full...)
My long distance boyfriend has had a bad accident but I can't visit him. Any advice?
Q. I'm currently completely my last semester of college (just two classes) and interning at a great company. I hope to work for them full-time after graduation. My boyfriend is in the middle of his MBA program in Shanghai. I'm from the States and he's ...
A. 5 February 2014: I think you could send him a parcel full of funny things. Something like Twinkies, funny/romantic/erotic toys, something you made yourself (a lucky charm for instance), some pictures of you alone and of you together during a nice moment spent ... (read in full...)
Find it hard to not get friendzoned by men. What am I doing wrong?
Q. Question for the Men on this site! Now this might sound a little bit weird and a little bit silly, but I am thinking in the next couple of years I might like a boyfriend. I have had previous boyfrie...
A. 5 February 2014: I am with iAmHereToHelpYou regarding your situation. Don't take frustration to see others having fun (basically doing nonsense things which, often, they will regret to have done for a long time) and aspirations of your heart.
About being a little... (read in full...)
He cheated with a girl who is still his friend
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year now and recently he confessed to having a one night stand with a friend after we'd been together about a month. I feel terrible and betrayed and I don't know whether I can forgive him. I know he really ...
A. 5 February 2014: "I know he really is sorry and will not do it again"
--- That's exactly what swear every cheaters, alcoholics, junkies, corrupted politicians. Hand on heart !
"but he is still friends with this girl"
--- Enough said, he has to break his link w... (read in full...)
Why did he lead me on?
Q. There is a boy that I like and he doesn't like me. He lead me on for a while but when my friend asked him about us he said "She's into it but I'm just not feeling it". He's not the best looking and he's not some stud either. Every one, not just my ...
A. 5 February 2014: That's life my dear. A lot of people feel alive by kidding, mocking, lying for pure pleasure and cruelly leading people on. That's a big MASQUERADE ! (Here: http://youtu.be/azr2ooLlfzQ )... (read in full...)
Are some people nasty or is it just me?
Q. Hey everyone, I had this conversation with some colleagues of mine today and I really need to vent somewhere as I feel a bit upset... I have these 2 female colleagues of the same age as me approximately (around 30) and we usually have very nic...
A. 5 February 2014: Jealousy and insecurity are two of the most "motors" of mankind, alas. The other ones are the concupiscence and vanity. For the good motors, they are very few as a lot of them are in fact another way to exerce jealousy, insecurity, concupiscence and ... (read in full...)
I'd like to know the truth. So how can I find out if my ex is happy or unhappy in his new relationship?
Q. Two years ago I met my current bf. He was a friend of my brothers and we were total opposites. I wasn't interested in dating at the time. I was just ending a long term relationship with my ex who happened to be the father of my one year old son. ...
A. 5 February 2014: You didn't trapped him, life did it ! When a man grows up, he has to give up a lot, and sometimes he loses some things that made his "youthful charm". That's life. And it's not finished, one day, he will even wake up bald like Yul Brynner. That very ... (read in full...)
I told my boyfriend I only climax occasionally. How do I fix his pride?
Q. I've been with my bf for over a year, and he's very experienced in bed. I am not. I've only had been with two others before him. He has a very large package and I have always either enjoyed it or have been intimidated by it. He is very thoughtf...
A. 5 February 2014: I won't be as harsh as my "colleagues" below, because today I'm in the mood to try to find excuses to people who put themselves in the mess, and it's not so often. So, it's obvious you love your partner, but he is a little bit pushy, and super... (read in full...)
Should I make one last attempt to apologize to her and get her flowers?
Q. Hi, bit of a long complicated situation. So a while back I told one of my friends that I liked her as more than a friend and she was super cool about it but told me that she didn't feel the same way. We still remained friends but I always felt I ...
A. 5 February 2014: Move on, mate. The story is too sour to become a sweetest one. The situation is clear, at least for her: she doesn't want you as a boyfriend, and just kept your friendship for the benefits she got from it or for anything else, it does not matter. ... (read in full...)
Did she cheat?
Q. My girlfriend and i have been together 6 months and are in love. She travels for her job and i've sacrificed a lot because of this. Currently she is across the country for 3 months. She recently went on a weekend trip w friends. It was a few girls ...
A. 4 February 2014: The doubt must be on the suspect side (as I've already written on DC today). There is no proof anything serious actually happened, but if my gf did the same than yours, sure I would be as suspicious and tensed as you are. 100% But if nothing reall... (read in full...)
I feel like a loner loser
Q. I'm 20 years old and a student at a community college. I have never had many friends, even in high school. And at a college like mine, there's really not much going on at all and people just like to get their classes over with and leave, which is ...
A. 4 February 2014: I think you should find you some brand new friends and a new goal in life. Just look for an association (there are a lot of any kind) and become part of it. Your existence will be very different if you have some passions (cinema, fine arts, ... (read in full...)
Since the event I just can't bounce back, is there something wrong with me or is this just hormonal?
Q. I just don't feel happy in my life at the moment. I'm in University and I have everything going for me I just need to work for the opportunities but I am just not happy. I push people away ALL the time, I blow up the tiniest problems and create ...
A. 4 February 2014: Good question of BrownWolf: this impatience you feel might be that sexual tension which is often less explicit for women than for men (IMHO) as for men, there is a "little" something that rings clearly to their hears. A contrario for some women, it ... (read in full...)
I suffer from premature climaxing, any advice?
Q. I am a married women in my 30's and I suffer from premature climaxing... My husband and I don't have sex that often (once a week) due to family commitments and work and because of this I'm all pent up with desire, as soon as my husband enters ...
A. 4 February 2014:
As said below, women (every ? I don't know but it could be) are "equipped" to have several orgasms in a row, maybe because nature foreseed these cases when a man can't reach orgasm "fast enough" ?
Anyway, after the first "shot", don't lo... (read in full...)
He threatened that tomorrow either she's gone or he's gone. Any advice would help!
Q. Hello and thanks I have been married 22 yrs. I got married young. Its been abit of a roller coaster at times but somehow I stayed. My husband can be very mean when he drinks. He calls me names points his finger in my face I tell him to stop. Whe...
A. 3 February 2014: Play it cool at start. This sort of guy can be very aggressive then sort of coward and duck. Yet, he can either become violent and I don't want him to hit you in any way. That's why I advice you to gather some solid proofs he is abusing with you, ... (read in full...)
Should I forgive again? Can I trust him again?
Q. I am trying to gain clarity on my relationship and figure out what to do... I have asked many friends for their advice, but realize that they all have some kind of biased opinions (they are, after all, close friends), so I need an objective and ...
A. 3 February 2014: Just move on my dear. Your life is a hell. A junkie almost never changes as long as a disaster did not happen (to him, because of him anyway). If you feel it could be time to break your jail, do it now, without looking back. Once you will have ... (read in full...)
I can't move on I love him!
Q. Dear agony aunt I really need help. I met a guy and we broke up in less than two month. He use to contact me but it wad now and then. He broke up with me because he said he didnt know what he wanted. After 5 month being seperated i contacted him and ...
A. 3 February 2014: Excuse-me, but frankly speaking, I don't see this guy talking about you to his mom as a very good thing, particularly after all that happened between you both.
For me, he sounds more like a weirdo, and I imagine him talking with his mother l... (read in full...)
Does she really care for me more than the other guy? Did she just make a mistake?
Q. Let me wrap things up. I am paranoid so I'll address the girl as "O" , me as "X" and HIM as "Y" So I met "O" 4 months ago in a nightclub. The moment I saw her I knew I wanted to be with that girl, not forever (because i dont like the sound of it)...
A. 3 February 2014: Hard to be affirmative, but assuming your analysis of the situation is correct and objective, I find that you are right to be careful. Sometimes, women can be overwhelmed with their own feelings, losing control of their actions (to "lose ones head" ... (read in full...)
I ruined my boyfriend's life because I didn't lose my virginity to him
Q. Hello all, my boyfriend and I have been together for 3years 3months, just recently he found out the guy I lost my virginity to was 20yr old and I was only 16, I regret it completely and know it was a huge mistake when I was immature young and drunk. ...
A. 3 February 2014:
There is nothing to do as you can't change past. But one positive thing is your current boyfriend is still with you. He's going through a Retro-Jealousy tunnel, he is overwhelmed with graphic images of you and the other man, maybe imagining you ... (read in full...)
I ruined my boyfriend's life because I didn't lose my virginity to him
Q. Hello all, my boyfriend and I have been together for 3years 3months, just recently he found out the guy I lost my virginity to was 20yr old and I was only 16, I regret it completely and know it was a huge mistake when I was immature young and drunk. ...
A. 3 February 2014:
There is nothing to do as you can't change past. But one positive thing is your current boyfriend is still with you. He's going through a Retro-Jealousy tunnel, he is overwhelmed with graphic images of you and the other man, maybe imagining you ... (read in full...)
Now that my ex is back in my life, I realize I still have feelings for him even though we're both seeing other people!
Q. I could really do with some help on this one. Sorry if it's long. About 5 years ago I had a year long relationship with a man. We met on a night out, instantly hit it off and were together for a year. I've never met anyone who made my heart race lik...
A. 3 February 2014: Like WiseOwlE, I think your heading for a general fiasco. As says the old proverb: a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
You'd better forget this man as he will never be yours again, and focus totally on your man you don't want to be hurt ... (read in full...)
Did he use me or want a relationship?
Q. I'm trying to work out whether the guy I had been seeing recently used me or if he generally wanted a relationship. Basically, I had come out of a bad relationship, and he had just been divorced. He is 14 years older, but I never saw that as an is...
A. 3 February 2014: It seems he changed his mind. That sort of things happen all the time. He changed his mind about his ex-wife, then changed his mind about you as a logic consequence.
That's sad, but he said something good for you: try to find somebody your own... (read in full...)
I feel that his actions disrespect our relationship
Q. My boyfriend has been talking to another girl recently and I'm wondering if I should be worried? This is what my boyfriend says happened: she is friends with my boyfriends friends and they met while they were all hanging out one night. Her and m...
A. 2 February 2014: Beware ! Slippery slope if you want my opinion...... (read in full...)
What does it mean when your boyfriend flirts with other women?
Q. What does it mean when your boyfriend flirts with other women? I love my boyfriend a lot and he's a great guy. The thing is, I don't really like the way he talks with other women and the way he is with other women. He's very flirty with them...
A. 2 February 2014: Asking a guy not to be flirty is like asking a girl not to make up herself. These actions help people feeling attractive (insecurity is a strong feeling, both for men and women), smart, young, healthy. That's the same ! Indeed, when in couple, ... (read in full...)
Why did she leave?
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for over two years. Over the past few months, she has been through some stressful events - changing careers twice, finally finishing school, and dealing with the pressures of being an adult (bills, work, ...
A. 2 February 2014: It could be a lot of things, some about her work (bad mouthing, harassment, pressure, responsibilities etc.) some about her state (hormones, craving for a baby etc.) or, excuse my directness, it even could be she had a side lover who happened to ... (read in full...)
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