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... Send *auntlet a private message | | | *auntlet's profile:I'm french (so please, excuse my bad command of english) who has been living 17 years in Japan. I was a french teacher for adult lessons and I've heard everything a qualified psychanalist can hear in his office, and beyond. Some students even took reservations with me not only for the french lesson, but also for me to help them about their domestic issues. I feel I hear well, understand right and take good conclusions. Yet, my "medecine" is often a little bitter as I think one has to reform his/her nature first, not just correct a "little error" of behaviour. People think that stopping to smoke is hard and painful, but changing ones nature is ten times harder. Yet, that's the condition of real happiness. No pain, no gain as you know ! |
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Feeling rejected by boyfriend who just sends texts for holidays, birthday and Valentines day!
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for about 17 months. I cannot stand any type of holiday anymore and would just like to sleep thru them all! He has said Happy Birthday to me, in 2012 he got me a knife which disappeared from my car shortly after... I was ...
A. 16 February 2014: I agree with Baby Doll x, but "his" problem is "your" problem too because you chose him in the first place. Your criterium to get a guy should be higher (I know, it's not that easy for almost anybody) and then you could find somebody really sweet ... (read in full...)
She knew I liked her, ignored me for a year, and is now engaged to someone else. Why message me now?
Q. So after being ignored by a girl for a year because I told her that I liked her. She has since gotten engaged she sends me a random faceb00k message after a year..."Hi. How you doing?". I reply simply..."I am OK, and u?". She replies..."all good". ...
A. 16 February 2014: Anyway, this "relationship" can't go anywhere. Then don't ask yourself too much questions, it's no use... As I say often on Dear Cupid: don't lose your time, life is too short.
Move on, and find someone who will love you as much as you will lov... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't last long in bed!
Q. Me and my common-law husband been together for 5 years and just had our first born, and he is still releasing himself to early, maybe 1-2 mins max, and i dont get to finish or sometimes anywhere near finish. He never had this problem before with his ...
A. 15 February 2014: I'm used to use feeding as an analogy to sex, as these two phenomenon as a lot in common. Look at people eating and you will have many answers to you questions. In your case, the problem is that your husband is too quick. When people eat, som... (read in full...)
Tarot reader told me to end my relationship. Should i?
Q. Laat night I went to a tarort reader, she pulled out a card involving my partner.. she said he wasnt any gd for more and I need to make the descision to tell him its not working anymore as he wouldnt tell me hinself he moved away in November to work ...
A. 14 February 2014: Tarots may work, but I doubt a lot a simple tarot reader knows and masters all the mysteries (arcane) of the TORAH (Tarot being in fact an anagramm of TORAH and ROTA, the "wheel" of destiny"). Oppositely, tarot readers are well known to be masters ... (read in full...)
How can I stop missing someone? How did you stop missing someone?
Q. How do I stop missing someone? I havent talked to this guy for almost a month... we were pretty much dating and had a thing for over a month... and he told me I was annoying him because I misunderstood something that he said to me... i just d...
A. 13 February 2014: You're missing him because of his abrupt way of cutting any communication with you. You are appalled, shocked by that way to dump you without any good reason. You would like to know why, when did you do a mistake, and you feel rejected maybe ... (read in full...)
Should I make the move and give him my number or just ignore him?
Q. We've been in touch on Facebook for nearly 3 months. We've had loads of different conversations, some serious, emotional and fun. After so much talking we finally met up for the evening. And he was a lovely guy, although he is 34 and I am 25, he was ...
A. 13 February 2014: If you really feels something for him, don't play that game of "he should" or "he should have" or "he could have" or "he might think" or "it's his turn to" or "it's his role to" or anything like that. It's too soon to tell it, but imagine if this ... (read in full...)
Why do I keep getting crushes on my teachers?
Q. I've had crushes on about 6 different male teachers but I'm not sure why, my parents are a lot older than most and I have never had a boyfriend or male friend, I don't have any brothers either. I've got really bad anxiety and I worry about things ...
A. 13 February 2014: Your are on hormones pick, sort of second state (transe) that puts everything out of shape. Hormones during teen age is almost as strong as the psychedelic LSD, you don't understand well what's around you, and don't understand yourself anymore. ... (read in full...)
I'm wondering if the relationship has lost its magic
Q. I have been in this relationship for four years now and we have been like a married couple for years now. I am wondering if it has lost its magic now. He's extremely busy at work because he thinks he needs to work hard. He complains that he's poor ...
A. 13 February 2014: I fear your relationship is over. It could not be worse, and - please excuse-me - but it as no consistency anymore. You are less than a girlfriend for this man.
You'd better look for another life, even if it seems super-hard now. You are not born... (read in full...)
For My Boyfriend: I need just a few words, but what would be the right words?
Q. Hey everyone, My boyfriend of 10 months is going to start post graduation soon,he is going to be a surgeon so I thought of gifting him a pen which he could write prescriptions in, but I'm not finding the right words to write,just few lines motivati...
A. 13 February 2014: "By this pen, may you save hundreds of lives. Your destiny was to help people, and mine was to love you. Let it be !"... (read in full...)
My husband's secret porn addiction is driving us apart!
Q. I have been with my husband for twelve years I have recently checked out the history on our co on our computer and noticed a lot of porn sites which he has been on for about a year. I have also looked at his phone which is hardly ever out of his ...
A. 13 February 2014: You are the millionth woman to ask us about porn addiction, since the 1rst of January, 2014: congratulation. I'm kidding you but let's be serious for a minute. Women for sure feel rejected, neglected when their husband begin to consume some por... (read in full...)
He keeps invading my personal space.
Q. I work on campus in a computer lab, and really enjoy working with the students. But there is this one man (at least twice my age, maybe more) who comes into the lab occasionally, and he is overly-friendly with me, and it makes me uncomfortable. He ...
A. 12 February 2014: There is a good way to do it and please, don't think I'm kidding you, it has been tried by a senior official who asked me to help him, as the girl he went out with was his immediate superior. His whole career was on the razor edge. So, here is wh... (read in full...)
How can I approach this sensitive subject?
Q. So this is not a dating question, but it is a very sensitive subject that I'm not sure how to approach. I go out of town for business quite a bit, and I have a friend, a former coworker, stay with my dog when I go. He works in the area, but his home ...
A. 12 February 2014: In fact in a lot of countries, people don't throw their TP in the toilet pan, but in a trash bin. I myself didn't know about it before living in Asia. In Japan where I lived, no problem, but in some other part of Asian like Hong Kong, Taiwan or ... (read in full...)
If my boyfriend is the love of my life then why can't I stop thinking of the man I dated while we were broken up?
Q. I really need help and if anyone could help me that would be much appreciated. My story is long and complex but I will try to shorten it and summarize it. Basically, I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now on and off. And when I mean off,...
A. 12 February 2014: That's what they call "sex rage". You cannot forget that sweet romps you had with this guy who, objectively, has never be a genuine lover but just a good shag. Just two months of intense sexual activation is enough to "impregnate" your (s)we(e)t ... (read in full...)
Are there guys out there that will look past my body and like me for who I am?
Q. This is a really hard question to ask because I'm fairly certain of the answer, but I was wondering if I will ever find some one because of my size. I'm very small for my age (18), I look much younger I'm very thin. Are there guys out there that ...
A. 12 February 2014: Like everybody here, I will tell you to not give up, because there are bags of guys who like petite girls, because they are extra-cute, or because they are themselves under the average size among men of the same generation. Who knows, everybody has ... (read in full...)
I'm not sure if I'm freaking out over nothing or if I'm just freaking out over sex.
Q. Ok, umm, I really need some help with this issue. So me and my boyfriend have been together for awhile now and were really happy together but I feel like he's pressuring me to have sex with him or to do anything sexual. Now before you start ...
A. 12 February 2014: To Tyti: your testimony is interesting. You said "[...] with someone I had love for, deeply cared about, and that he felt the same way after an extended period of time."
So what went wrong, as this man didn't pressure you and there was a tender b... (read in full...)
How do I end this obsession that's threatening to ruin my life?
Q. Please believe me when I tell you that I have a very loving and beautiful relationship with my boyfriend. We might get married later this year. I had a crush on a colleague and it spiraled out of control and became an obsession. I avoid him like t...
A. 12 February 2014: It's "funny" as a man asked almost the same thing than you yesterday, him being obsessed by a woman who is not single. I will give you the same advice than to him: Love is sometimes cruel, that's well known. And it's like having a nail naile... (read in full...)
Is it normal for female friends to tease their male friends with their breasts?
Q. Is it normal for female friends to tease their male friends with their breasts? Since I met them in college, my two female friends tend to mess with me. They know I can be a bit, what's the word...embarrassed when I see their cleavage or something. ...
A. 12 February 2014: I must say that's the true first time I hear about girls mocking their male mates with their breasts. Oh, my ! I've missed something on this damn planet ! As it's a total piece of news for me, here is my opinion which is just AN opinion: no, it'... (read in full...)
Is it unusual for a man of his age to take lots of photographs of himself?
Q. This might seem like an odd question, but it's in the context of a lot of other behaviour that I won't go into. Is it unusual for a man in his 30's or 40's to take lots of photographs of himself - I mean lots of him doing activities but a...
A. 11 February 2014: As we have very few informations to edit a 100% reasonable judgment, here is what can be supposed: _ he is working on his self-portrait as did a lot of famous artists. Your own portrait is a good tool to gauge your skill and your improvem... (read in full...)
I'm not sure if I'm freaking out over nothing or if I'm just freaking out over sex.
Q. Ok, umm, I really need some help with this issue. So me and my boyfriend have been together for awhile now and were really happy together but I feel like he's pressuring me to have sex with him or to do anything sexual. Now before you start ...
A. 11 February 2014: Trying to force somebody who has already been raped, is beyond any reasonable ethos. Your boyfriend may not be a bad guy, but let me tell you he is a CAVE MAN. That's indisputable. Nevertheless, you tell us you don't want to lose that guy ? Why, ... (read in full...)
I thought I was doing the right thing by being honest but he turned it against me
Q. I recently met someone and felt it right to be upfront about the fact I had ( several years ago now) been involved in an abusive relationship. I left that relationship with nothing, emotionally,financially and tbh was completely broken and had to ...
A. 11 February 2014: It has been said hundred of times on Dear Cupid, disclose as little as possible of your past sex life and about your former partner(s). It doesn't bring much to your current relationship (at least at the beginning) and it raises doubts and ... (read in full...)
Help for giving a second chance?
Q. So, my ex and I have decided to give things a second chance after being apart for about 7 months. We both recognise we made mistakes and both still feel strong for each other, even if it's not quite how it was when we first got together. We both ...
A. 11 February 2014: If you really (and I mean really) want to know yourself as well as knowing your partner, you MUST refrain from intimacy for a while as you suggested it yourself. Sexual activity is a cheater in itself as hormonal production exactly works like drugs: ... (read in full...)
Why am I so weak and vulnerable?
Q. I am a woman going through a separation from my alcoholic husband who put me last for years... I moved out and met someone who was married.. I knew it was wrong.. I knew.. You always know when something isn't right but he wanted children with me. He ...
A. 11 February 2014: You are weak (excuse-me, but I must say like a lot of girls/women for the same reason) because you don't have a project of life. The only way of doing is to find (trap) a man. And that's all. After that, nothing, and you hope in fact you will fin... (read in full...)
Why is my ex adding me on social media sites?
Q. Ok, so a couple months ago my boyfriend and I broke up. We only went out for about three months. He was nice and sweet I guess and I liked him a lot, but I didn't really ever get close to him. After three months I was still very shy around him. ...
A. 11 February 2014: Before Christianism, Valentine Day was the day country people, farmers, had noticed animals found back their mojo, it's to say the sex drive they lost some months ago when winter was approaching. That's why 2000 years ago (or even before that) ... (read in full...)
My ex-boyfriend is telling people I cheated on him! Help!
Q. My ex-boyfriend is telling people I cheated on him. I never cheated on him. When we broke up, I dated a couple people but we were broken up for about 4 months. It is so devastating because my ex best friend hangs with him and his friends and they ...
A. 11 February 2014: I'm french and don't know canadian laws, but I can imagine your laws work alike. I advice you to play it cool at first: let everybody know that what your ex says is PURE SLANDER and that you won't bear it any longer. Tell people you're contempla... (read in full...)
Should we stay 'just good friends' at the expense of my heart, or should I cut & run, even if it hurts both of us?
Q. I'm romantically interested in a guy who isn't over his ex, who left him in extremely abrupt circumstances approx. 4 months ago. We get along brilliantly and he's the first person I've ever truly 'clicked' with in terms of personality. The problem ...
A. 11 February 2014: Daisy_Daisy said it all. Be kind - why hating anybody ? - and decline the invitation. First you don't really want to go there, second it will be a good hint for the guy to understand the bound between you both is loosing. Besides, it will make the ... (read in full...)
Should we stay 'just good friends' at the expense of my heart, or should I cut & run, even if it hurts both of us?
Q. I'm romantically interested in a guy who isn't over his ex, who left him in extremely abrupt circumstances approx. 4 months ago. We get along brilliantly and he's the first person I've ever truly 'clicked' with in terms of personality. The problem ...
A. 11 February 2014: Excuse the type, please.
To be read, of course: I would NOT stay friend...... (read in full...)
I'm not sur why she may be attracted to me!
Q. I always wanted to be wanted by some women now it may have come true but I don't know what to do I don't know why she what she see in me she works in a different dept. in my hotel she always fusses when I order my lunch and tells me I look better ...
A. 11 February 2014: First: are you sure the girl is really interested in you ?
Second: if she is, maybe she sees in you something good you don't detect yourself as it's naturally part of you. Your kindness, your modesty, the way you treat others... It may as well be ... (read in full...)
So what is wrong with me and is there any way I can change this or at least become happier?
Q. Dear anonymous, I am writing to you because I can't deal with the pain and constant change of emotions I am currently going through. I cannot fully remember the last time I was truly happy. I am however taking my a levels which I realise is adding ...
A. 11 February 2014: Don't worry, it's perfectly normal to feel a bit depressed at your age, because that's hormones working. In fact, a lot of western women feel the same because in our "advanced" civilization, we have prioritized education and "good behaviour" in ... (read in full...)
Flirting tips anyone?
Q. What are some helpful successful flirting tips for a shy girl without coming off as stupid, desperate, or anything else bad?... I have never I dated. I tend to say dumb thinks whenever around a guy I like. I've been asked by the wrong guys. I ne...
A. 11 February 2014: There are two ways to do things. Usually people take the bad way because it's way easier and can get "instant gratifications": this way consists in laughing a bit too much, using toadying, striking the pose throwing languishing glances... Said like ... (read in full...)
I cant stop thinking about the girl at work and I'm totally in love with her....but she has a boyfriend!!
Q. I'm absolutely smitten with this girl at work but she has a boyfriend. I can't get her out of my head no matter how much I try. I'm 25 and she's 22. We work for a small machinery company in the offices. She is top to toe gorgeous, funny, bright, ...
A. 11 February 2014: Love is sometimes cruel, that's well known. And it's like having a nail nailed in you hand, it hurts when penetrating your flesh (you're falling in love with this girl) and it will hurt too when you will have to remove it (doing your best to forget ... (read in full...)
Should we stay 'just good friends' at the expense of my heart, or should I cut & run, even if it hurts both of us?
Q. I'm romantically interested in a guy who isn't over his ex, who left him in extremely abrupt circumstances approx. 4 months ago. We get along brilliantly and he's the first person I've ever truly 'clicked' with in terms of personality. The problem ...
A. 11 February 2014: I would stay friend with this guy because I find being sort of a rebound is unworthy. Maybe he is sincere when saying all that things, maybe he was looking for an easy stop-gap, or maybe was he just looking for somebody to have fun with, waiting for ... (read in full...)
I sent an embarassing drunk text to my ex. Should I apologize or leave it?
Q. My ex broke up with me 5 months ago. We sometimes see each other in mutual events. We are friendly with each other at the events. Sometimes we talk to each other, sometimes we don't I drunk texted him two times before. The first time was on my b...
A. 11 February 2014: 100% agree with Honeypie, you should be ashamed to be so drunk so often. Being drunk is sure glorified in some countries and in some groups of people, but being drunk is a way to voluntary lose control of oneself, which is the crime against ... (read in full...)
Will a fwb relationship help me gain confidence?
Q. Hi Cupids, I was wondering if you could help me out. This is the age old Friends with Benefits question. I'm 18 and me and this lad like each other but neither willing to commit to a relationship. We've hung out and messed around a bit and ...
A. 8 February 2014: If you both genuinely "have a certain amount of respect for each other" then it's time to throw away that stupid way to like each other and to become boyfriend/girlfriend. Friend With Benefit is only the new name of "sex friends" that had the merit ... (read in full...)
This new man texts and calls from morning til night!
Q. Dear Cupids. Your thoughts would be welcome. I recently met a lovely guy I used to know years ago and who used to like me then but we lost touch for years and recently bumped back into each other.We have had three great dates, and get on very well. ...
A. 8 February 2014: No panic please, he may just be over-enthusiast because he considers you as a occurred miracle in his life.
He may be sort of a text-holic too, and it's not so good as people who text too much often develop a certain degree of inability to have ... (read in full...)
I can't get the image of him and his ex out of my head!
Q. Having a little bit of boyfriend trouble. I'm 21, only one month into my first relationship. the other night before we went to bed my boyfriend told me that hed like me to meet his friends from home, but he's worried that they would tell me "all ...
A. 8 February 2014: As it has been already hundreds of times on Dear Cupid (at least I suppose it) there is no need nor no use to tell in minute detail what one had as a sexual life before you. It can't be anything but troublesome and offending, and as in your case it ... (read in full...)
My Bf admitted that he sometimes thinks about other girls during sex with me. How do I deal with this?
Q. Hey everyone, there is something that is bothering me and I don't know what to think about it, so I would like your opinions. Last night, my boyfriend and I had had a couple of drinks and were talking (and maybe saying more than we would have if...
A. 8 February 2014: It's not just common, it's hyper-common both for men and women. Sometimes one needs to be tickled here or there to reach the seventh skies, sometimes he(r) needs to tickles ones imagination to get the same effect. What's sad is that your boyfriend ... (read in full...)
Is it stupid to date her after she blew me off?
Q. There's this girl I've been dated during December. She had to go to her hometown for the holidays, right after new years eve. Up until that point everything was almost perfect, and we were both pretty excited about each other. We agreed that it ...
A. 8 February 2014: Don't be a consolation-prize, man ! She dumped you badly for another dick passing by, and suddenly she needs you again. This chick have got a cheek !
That's too much disrespectful at least for me. She won't ever be a good thing for you, and I ho... (read in full...)
Feeling guilty about bad decisions I've made
Q. Hey I'm a 17 year old girl and I'm in a relationship with a 25 year old man who I am breaking up with on Saturday. I saw controlling signs before but now I've really seen them, I actually feel afraid of him. We have only been together for 3 months ...
A. 8 February 2014: See Sweetie, how your case interested people ? From all over the world, Italy, USA, Norway, France and England !!! You are now a big star ! And everybody wish you the best for you new start. Don't waste your time with dark thoughts. You ju... (read in full...)
I don't want to tell people my engagement ring is fake!
Q. I dont want to tell people my engagement ring is a fake "diamond". It's actually cubic zirconia. But apparently according to the jeweler who charged my fiance $700-800 USD , there are two levels of cz, the drug store $12-40.00 and the "better" tier. ...
A. 7 February 2014: "I don't want to tell people my engagement ring is fake!" So don't tell it ! Who do you think is going to have expertise to see your stone with a weaver's glass screwed on his right eye like a monocle ? Keep cool, as illusionists say, people... (read in full...)
How am I supposed to trust her again? Do I confront her?
Q. Me (20, female) and my girlfriend (21) broke up a while ago. Until last month, we got back together. I've discovered a lot about her during the time we were apart. She slept with a workmate, I found out she was on a datingsite, there's a whole li...
A. 7 February 2014: Maybe she is a nymphomaniac ? Who need so much people in her/his pants if they do not suffer from a form or another of an obsessive–compulsive disorder ? I don't know whether your relationship has a future, particulary after she said you she "di... (read in full...)
Whenever a boyfriend even mentions anal sex I become furious
Q. i don't know what is wrong with me, but whenever any of my past partners so much as suggests anything to do with anal sex i get infuriated and not even in an outwards manner but rather in a passive aggressive way. i cannot quiet put my finger on it, ...
A. 7 February 2014: A] As a matter of fact anus is NOT designed in any way to be a sexual organ. It is a fragile and non-auto-lubricated one way path, and is basically not made to feel pleasure. Anal sex is actually - people would know it if they gave themselves the ... (read in full...)
Feeling guilty about bad decisions I've made
Q. Hey I'm a 17 year old girl and I'm in a relationship with a 25 year old man who I am breaking up with on Saturday. I saw controlling signs before but now I've really seen them, I actually feel afraid of him. We have only been together for 3 months ...
A. 7 February 2014: Dear, having sex is not a sin in itself. It's just that there are consequences to it (and it's even worse when you are young) not always I know, but way too often: jealousy, betrayal, amour-propre wounds, venereal diseases, unexpected pregnancy, ... (read in full...)
Feeling guilty about bad decisions I've made
Q. Hey I'm a 17 year old girl and I'm in a relationship with a 25 year old man who I am breaking up with on Saturday. I saw controlling signs before but now I've really seen them, I actually feel afraid of him. We have only been together for 3 months ...
A. 7 February 2014: Dear, having sex is not a sin. It's just that there are consequences to it (and it's even worse when you are young) not always I know, but too often: jealousy, betrayal, amour-propre wounds, venereal diseases, unexpected pregnancy, regrets etc. ... (read in full...)
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