A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm trying to work out whether the guy I had been seeing recently used me or if he generally wanted a relationship. Basically, I had come out of a bad relationship, and he had just been divorced. He is 14 years older, but I never saw that as an issue.I met him nearly a year ago, we swapped numbers and spoke a few times before meeting up. He told me everything about his divorce, and I told him a little about my ex and why we broke up.9 months down the line, everything seems to be going well, I had met his family, (not the children), and he had met mine. He had even asked about me moving out of my shared flat and into his house when my current contract ends. He told me he loved me, wanted to start a life with me, and we had spoken about having children and getting married. I feel hook line and sinker. Now, 2 months ago, he breaks up with me! He said he had been thinking about it for a while and he had decided because I wanted to stay living apart until I got to know his children, he wasn't sure I was mature enough for him and that maybe I would be better looking for someone my own age. I was heartbroken, but then I have know found out that he has started seeing his ex wife again and they are trying to make things work. My friends think something may have happened before we broke up and he used his stupid excuse to end things so he could get back together with his ex wife. I want to ask him straight out but I feel like I would be just throwing myself to the sharks.Should I ask him? I see him around the place I work a lot, and I still speak to his sister in law. (She is my age, and she is the one who told me they were back together.) I know if he wants her, he wants her but it's just playing on my mind that he did something behind my back.
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broke up, divorce, ex-wife, get back together, heartbroken, his ex, my ex, sister in law Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (3 February 2014):
 the pull to be partnered with the parent of you children is strong as is trying to save a marriage.... he's doing what feels right to him.
As the older spouse in a 13 year age gap I understand his desire for you to meet someone closer to your age.
I do not think he was using you... just that reality has hit and he realizes he can't make it work the way you want.
A
male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (3 February 2014):
 It seems he changed his mind. That sort of things happen all the time. He changed his mind about his ex-wife, then changed his mind about you as a logic consequence.
That's sad, but he said something good for you: try to find somebody your own age or about, that's simpler for a lot of things. And God knows in love, things are usually particularly complicated if not troublesome, no need to add more complications.
Good luck !
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