A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I have been together for over two years. Over the past few months, she has been through some stressful events - changing careers twice, finally finishing school, and dealing with the pressures of being an adult (bills, work, etc).Last night, she was coming home from work. We were talking on the phone as she drove home, and everything was great. I was making her a salad and topping it with fried onions. She walked in the door and said "Don't make too much". I asked "Too much salad, or two many onions?". She then completely lost it, screamed and said "Too many onions!!!"I asked if she had a bad day at work, she responded "You wouldn't listen, you haven't listed for two years." and then proceeded to change into her pajamas. She ate her salad, refused to talk to me, then left for her parents house.I have no idea what to do or what I did. We argue like any other couple - but never like this. And I always listen to her; she does have an issue with not always being clear and getting angry at people for not understanding her 100%.She hasn't called or texted or anything. I've spoken with her parents and she's apparently just sitting around over there.What do I do?
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (2 February 2014):
 then again, i also have another idea. it also sounds possible that you didn't listen to her while she was talking on the way home. and maybe it really hurt her feelings. were you distracted while you were on the phone? did you over speak her or ignore her or change the subject while she spoke?
this could be the culprit. because the fact that she said you haven't listened for two years is very telling. it sounds as if you hurt her feelings on the car ride home somehow, and she blew up like a volcano on you once she got there, and let it all out on you.
do you have a history of not listening? women need to feel like their partner listens to them. changing the subject or not being interactive or not making eye contact while your gf speaks is a big deal to a lot of women. food for thought.
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (2 February 2014):
sounds like she had a VERY bad day at work and completely blew her fuse at you, which was not your fault in the least. you were being a great boyfriend and making her dinner. which was sweet of you.
did you have no indication while you were speaking to her on her way home that she was in a foul mood?
if i were you, i'd completely lay low and let her get her head together. my gf has a tendency to do the same thing as yours from time to time. she's the sweetest person in the world 90% of the time. but ohh damn - when she gets mad, she gets mad. it's very rare, but i've learned that when she gets angry like your gf did, and blows up, it's best to completely give her her space for a while and let her come to me in a day or two.
so my advice? relax and give her her space. whatever it is that caused her to blow up on you, most likely wasn't your fault, unless you two have a really unhealthy relationship filled with problems and fights - and your fight really is related to your problems. but if you two, in general, are really healthy, i would assume it's something that happened in her day that caused her to take it out on you.
keep us posted. you will hear back from her. just don't push. believe me, it won't be pretty if you do.
good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2014): You listen to her; but you don't hear anything she says.
Women often communicate through code, sometimes she is hinting at things; and expecting you to pickup on it.
If you don't have a clue, she's right. You never listen.
They are often repetitive. Telling you to your face during arguments; and you are so used to tuning her out taking what she says as nagging, you don't hear her.
Your girlfriend may be the type who is totally passive-aggressive; and the things she says is never quite direct; but it's delivered as a comment loaded with ambiguity. Sugar and venom.
She has snapped under pressure, and she doesn't feel you've done enough to support her. She is in no mood to talk to you.
Don't bother trying to fix things now. Once they've reached this point; the farther you stay away; and keep out of her face, the better off you are. She will not have rational conversation, and she is over the edge.
If you are not the type to sit down and have in-depth conversations with your mate regarding your relationship, finances, intimacy, to resolve domestic conflicts, and the future of your relationship.
You are now facing the consequences.
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A
female
reader, Ima FreAk!  +, writes (2 February 2014):
 Hiya,
Obviously you guys have been through a lot with stressful life changing so what your girlfriend need is a break. It sounds like she is having a breakdown and the best thing you can do is be a good sport. Support her.
And how do you do that? Well at the moment give her some time. After a week or two, (I know this is old school and you know airy fairy) but write her a letter, tell her to not give up and that she can conquer anything she wants to. Let her know that she isn't the only one alone and that you will always be here to support her.
Unfortunately with life, it doesn't always give you what you want so you better start embracing and embarking a newly life of being single. Not saying that you will be single but prepare yourself. But if you don't break up then congratss but if you do, don't stress out about it as I'm sure you will do well in life buddy.
Love,
ImaFreak!
x
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A
male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (2 February 2014):
 It could be a lot of things, some about her work (bad mouthing, harassment, pressure, responsibilities etc.) some about her state (hormones, craving for a baby etc.) or, excuse my directness, it even could be she had a side lover who happened to ditch her.
Anyway, if it is not related to you, you can't hardly do anything as she didn't tell you what's going on. That's pretty tough to be treated like that, as if you were part of her problem(s) without knowing what is "your fault" not what you could do to change anything to release her mind.
Wait and see... you will need to be extra-patient.
P.S: are you sure you didn't forget her birthday or the date you first met, or anything like this that a lot of girls are over-sensitive about ?
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