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... Send *auntlet a private message | | | *auntlet's profile:I'm french (so please, excuse my bad command of english) who has been living 17 years in Japan. I was a french teacher for adult lessons and I've heard everything a qualified psychanalist can hear in his office, and beyond. Some students even took reservations with me not only for the french lesson, but also for me to help them about their domestic issues. I feel I hear well, understand right and take good conclusions. Yet, my "medecine" is often a little bitter as I think one has to reform his/her nature first, not just correct a "little error" of behaviour. People think that stopping to smoke is hard and painful, but changing ones nature is ten times harder. Yet, that's the condition of real happiness. No pain, no gain as you know ! |
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Why did she leave?
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for over two years. Over the past few months, she has been through some stressful events - changing careers twice, finally finishing school, and dealing with the pressures of being an adult (bills, work, ...
A. 2 February 2014: It could be a lot of things, some about her work (bad mouthing, harassment, pressure, responsibilities etc.) some about her state (hormones, craving for a baby etc.) or, excuse my directness, it even could be she had a side lover who happened to ... (read in full...)
He wants me to text dirty ...
Q. my boyfriend wants me to send him dirty/horny texts and i don't know what to write.i need some ideas please help....
A. 2 February 2014: Talk to him about his socks odour, his stained boxer shorts and about the troubles you recently had with filth that filled up your vacuum cleaner filter. That's what we genuinely call DIRTY TALKING !... (read in full...)
Crushing on a coworker but afraid to lose my boyfriend of three years!
Q. Hi, Since starting work 5 months ago I have developed a crush on this guy. He likes me too apparently but it'S only ever been implied or said to other people. He's really nice and sweet and when something happens, he's the first person I want to...
A. 2 February 2014: Passion is gone, you said ? Well, let me tell you something: passion is indeed very enjoyable (that's why we like to relive that sweet sensation by listening some love songs, or watching love movies like "Notting Hill" or "Love Actually") BUT... but ... (read in full...)
My girfriend's drinking habits worry me.
Q. I am worried about my girlfriend's drinking to the point that I started recording mentally how much she drinks. I think she drinks more than all the women I ever knew. Here is the example: Monday, 2 drinks at home; Tuesday none; Wednesday 3 drinks...
A. 1 February 2014: I would say you are a little bit over-worrying, but to be more affirmative, we'd need more informations. Alcohol has a different action depending on people whose metabolism include some serious variation. If we consider japanese people for insta... (read in full...)
Mixed messages from my boyfriend. What should I do?
Q. Hello guys, I have a problem here, well, this guy and I have been dating for 2 months now, everything's was fine, he's so nice and sweet and he understands me very well. He's Turkish and I'm from morocco but he lives here in Morocco we're both in u...
A. 1 February 2014: End of the story. That's sad but wanting to make it longer would not only be more sad, but perhaps more dangerous. Take it as it is: an experience of life, a certain amount of good souvenirs (for the bad ones, they will fade with time) and... the ... (read in full...)
How can I start being nicer to people?
Q. I have a lot of issues with self-esteem and self-confidence because I'm not even averagely pretty or fit and I am just above averagely intelligent. Unfortunately this ends with me being overly sarcastic and loud and rather opinionated arou...
A. 1 February 2014: Ban any sarcasm, that will be a good start. Sarcasm, irony are often offensive, and I do believe it's more a weakness of ones spirit than a strength. And I know what I'm talking about as I'm french, and everybody knows how sarcastic Frenchs can be. ... (read in full...)
I have been seeing a guy, we've become friends and he's fallen for me but I don't find him attractive. Yet I miss him when he doesn't talk to me. What should I do?
Q. Hi aunts, I'm confused about my feelings. I met a guy at a charity event and was instantly attracted to him for some reason. I really wanted him to take me out and focused all my attention on him. The charity events lasted one week and at the ...
A. 1 February 2014: Why do any relationship between a man and a woman should always be sexual nowadays ? Can't it "just" be a friendly feeling ? Is that not enough ? Is it considered as a pure waste of time ?... (read in full...)
After premature ejaculation with sex workers, I'm worried I wouldn't be able to satisfy a future girlfriend
Q. I have never been in a romantic relationship with a woman due to the fact that I tend to be painfully she around women in general. I can only attribute this to the fact that I suffer from a learning disability which has greatly impeded my social ...
A. 1 February 2014: In order to improve your performances, you could practice on a regular basis the Kegel exercices: http://health.india.com/sexual-health/improve-your-sex-life-with-kegel-exercises-sa114/ If it doesn't help or isn't efficient soon enough (who know... (read in full...)
Boyfriend traveling abroad is posting on Facebook but hasn't called me like he promised!
Q. Hi everyone. I am writing for help because I have never been so confused in my life. I have been in a relationship with a lovely man for just over a year and we have both said how happy we are together, we get on perfectly, do great things to...
A. 1 February 2014: Even if his phone was out of order, or lost, or fallen at the bottom of the ocean, there are other phones there in Brazil. Moreover, one can call a phone from his Skype (it's very inexpensive though) so, I would say: RED FLAG !... (read in full...)
Uncomfortable going on vacation with my husband's family after he told them lies about me!
Q. Hi all, I got married six months ago and my husband and I were doing very well in the beginning ...but lately we have been arguing about many things . Currently we are living with my parents because he lost his job and had missed court dates in his ...
A. 1 February 2014: A man phoning his father or mother during a fight with his wife to complain about her and take "witnesses" on his side ? HOW CHILDISH is that sort of guy ? "Mummy ! The bad girl is bad mouthing me. And 'know what, she's bad mouthing you too ! Can ... (read in full...)
How can I live in a new relationship without being haunted by my past?
Q. Hi there :) So, this is the problem: in July my (ex) bf broke up with me, after seven months of relationship. He was my first time, and I really loved him, even though we weren't good with each other. After the break up, I was lonely for a lon...
A. 1 February 2014: Just read that post on DearCupid, Bella, it will answer your question: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-has-the-new-guy-ive-been-dating.html My answer will then be the same than on this thread: digestion time! You need to digest your last... (read in full...)
What takes away attraction and charm suddenly when you actually want to take things forward!
Q. Hello cupid I have read a lot here where people mention they really hit it off until suddenly the girl or the guy becomes distant after two three months. Okay my question is that I understand when there is mystery,we are attracted to the unknown...
A. 1 February 2014: One more explanation: a LOT (if not the vast majority) of people play a role they have constructed by themselves and by imitating other people (parents, friends and actors in movies). This play has a certain length, like a TV show that is designed ... (read in full...)
How normal is anxiety in relationships?
Q. I'm worried that my anxiety isn't the 'normal' everyday anxiety. This is because when it comes to relationships, I freak very easily, for example, I've seen this guy twice so far and tonight he wants to go out again. I'm currently feeling very sic...
A. 1 February 2014: You may be an over-sensitive person. It's not a bad thing as it can be a means to feel more and accurately what's going on around you. Yet, this super-sensibility spoils your life. May I assume you are a virgin? If you are, it could be that "v... (read in full...)
How has the new guy I've been dating made me get over my ex so suddenly?
Q. I have a question that confuses me to the point that I don't know what's going on! Basically, I dated this guy last year and I loved him I've never had that strong feelings for anybody else before, but it ended just before summer and it was an awful ...
A. 1 February 2014: Everything has be already said below. Your were in a phasis of digestion of your old "love story" and the disgestion took some time. During that state (of mind) nothing else could satisfy you appetite, as you didn't recovered it yet totally. Now,... (read in full...)
Tired of husbands childish traits. How should I cope?
Q. Sometimes I really dislike, maybe to the point of hate, my husband. Most of the time he's a great guy. But he has some childish traits that can go beyond irritating. He likes to push buttons and tease to the point where I get genuinely angry,...
A. 1 February 2014: About the "same old, same old joke" (or trick), you can do something useful: watching the good comedy CLIC! (cf: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Click_%282006_film%29 ). In this movie, a man own a remote controller that makes him able to travel i... (read in full...)
Girlfriend keeps pressuring me to perform oral and I hate it.
Q. I don't know how to say all this without coming out like an asshole but please hear me out. My girlfriend keeps pressuring me to go down on her because she goes down on me but I really don't want to. I've tried it before with several girls ...
A. 1 February 2014: That said, the attraction-repulsion problem is not as rare as one might think, both for men and women. A very famous case is the John Ruskin's one (cf: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Ruskin#Marriage_to_Effie_Gray ) who married Effie Gray, a be... (read in full...)
I'm being judged by my fathers past and his reputation, and men are afraid to approach me. How do I cope with this?
Q. Hi everyone, I'm not being conceited but I'm only mentioning this so that u get a better idea to what my problem is I'm 24 and I should say I'm just not an average looking girl, I get a lot of compliments from both men and women! I got a lot of off...
A. 1 February 2014: Wow, dear ! You're living a strange sort of hell ! May I ask you how people know you're linked to "that godfather" in the first place ? Is it common knowledge or what ?
Anyway, it's not so easy to live, for sure. I used to have a friend (girl) w... (read in full...)
Found old love letters in my partner's sex drawer.
Q. This morning I discovered old love letters from my partner's ex-girlfriend from over two years ago-- they dated for about 6 months. I don't care about him still having them-- we all keep mementos from the past-- but I discovered them in the "sex ...
A. 31 January 2014: Play it jokingly if I can say. Hide these letters - no question of destroying them ! - and wait for a reaction. If there is no reaction for a while, say a month, it might be the sign these letters were just "remembrance of things past". Reversely, ... (read in full...)
Is the guy I'm dating a sex addict?
Q. I am concerned that the guy I met online and I am currently dating is possibly a sex addict! I've ignored some obscenities and red flags but now I am confused!!! I like him very much but I can't help but to be concerned with his preoccupation with ...
A. 31 January 2014: Here is how I see things: you are shy, but you like to play with fire. It's exciting you, at a point you have sent pictures of you 90% nude (excuse-me, but to be in bra or not wearing anything is not so different) fully knowingly this guy would ... (read in full...)
Was this man just using me?
Q. Hi I'd like your opinion. I was going out with my ex from March 2013 to Nov 2013, he called a halt to our relationship after I text him asking what was up and not to shut me out. I was right, there was something up, but he called it all off. In...
A. 31 January 2014: Maybe will I be rude, but my advice is (to you and everyone): DON'T EVER date an alcoholic nor a junkie. They (almost) never change until they have badly hurt somebody's heart (or face). People who do their best to not being sound of mind by taking ... (read in full...)
I'm not so interested in sex and I'm afraid my boyfriends desires will lead him to cheat
Q. Hiya aunts and uncles, my fiancé of 4 months and dating for 3 years has been talking in his sleep and has expressed the same concerns in his waking hours. He is 26 and im 23 on valentines day. well, its like this: he doesn't feel like we are inti...
A. 31 January 2014: I accept the Devil's advocate role, as everybody here seem to think SEX is (almost) everything. I nevertheless thought the Beatles sang "All you need is Love" while Ronnie James Dio sang his "Love Is All"...
Let tell it straight: SEX is NOTHING ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is circumcised and takes too long to orgasm. Sex hurts me. What can we do?
Q. 6 months of horrible sex. I am dating a men that is (''cut'') he is the first one I have dated. It is like his penis is desensitise, he thrusts and pounds during sex as if my vagina was made of steel, he takes very long to orgasm and I get sore a...
A. 31 January 2014: (1) Lube. Sorry to tell it once again because you specifically asked us to not pronounce that word, but that's an unavoidable part of the solution. Nowadays there are a lot of types of lubes, just have a look to what japanese companies like TENGA ... (read in full...)
Should I apologise to the ex for my wrongdoing?
Q. I broke up with my ex 7 months ago because we fought too often. We had a brief period of no contact, but eventually he started talking to me again about once a week. We decided to give things another go about 2 weeks ago, but I bought up old issues ...
A. 31 January 2014: The anonymous reader said it right: never EVER have a serious conversation on the phone, or when you are about to do something else soon. That's how things go easily wrong, no time to be more explicit, harsh words or even insults that are quick and ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend keeps pressuring me to perform oral and I hate it.
Q. I don't know how to say all this without coming out like an asshole but please hear me out. My girlfriend keeps pressuring me to go down on her because she goes down on me but I really don't want to. I've tried it before with several girls ...
A. 31 January 2014: I do feel the word the most exact among everything that has been said here is the Euphoric29's word: overridden. Her explanation of how sex act is felt is perfect for your case. I think you are not like most men (and women ?) are, it's to say fair... (read in full...)
We're not together anymore but we still act like a couple and have sex... it's starting to get to me. Advice please?
Q. Last month my boyfriend decided that we "take a break" (or in other words: break up) and we've been together for maybe more than three years, but we've known each other much longer than that because we originally were best friends. Him and I have b...
A. 29 January 2014: Once again, this is very hard to give you a point of view or a piece of advice that 100% fits your situation as we don't have every parameters to provide a perfect arbitration.
Yet, as far as I can see it, sorry, but it SEEMS your "ex" boyfrien... (read in full...)
My first love is back in the picture and I'm torn ...
Q. Sorry for the essay but I don't know what's the right thing to do, I've never been in this situation before and I don't want to make the wrong decision. Last night something that I've wanted for so long happened and it couldn't be worse timing! ...
A. 29 January 2014: I agree with Cerberus like most of the time. Yet as far as I'm concerned, my position is not to warn you because the "butterfly feeling in your guts" doesn't lie. You SHOULD end your current relationship with your boyfriend #2 to go back to your ... (read in full...)
My first love is back in the picture and I'm torn ...
Q. Sorry for the essay but I don't know what's the right thing to do, I've never been in this situation before and I don't want to make the wrong decision. Last night something that I've wanted for so long happened and it couldn't be worse timing! ...
A. 29 January 2014: I agree with Cerberus like most of the time. Yet as far as I'm concerned, my position is not to warn you because the "butterfly feeling in your guts" doesn't lie. You SHOULD end your current relationship with your boyfriend #2 to go back to your ... (read in full...)
I had never seen him in a fight before, and I can't handle it because of my past!
Q. I have suffered from depression and anxiety since I was a teenager, and I'm now 21. I have had therapy and medication for the past four years, with a little success. When I explained it all to my now ex boyfriend, I thought he understood my mental ...
A. 29 January 2014: Give him a second chance... but there is a condition: to be a MAN (and not a brat) who saves his muscles for your (future ?) house, its decoration, and if needed to protect you from the ones who'd want to hurt you. That's how a real man uses his ... (read in full...)
Guy is touchy feely. Does he like me?
Q. There's this guy (all stories start like this haha), and I don't really like him romantically but as a friend. He's generally pretty affectionate with people he likes, but sometimes I feel like he gives me extra attention. He would always playfully ...
A. 29 January 2014: To OP: he tried his chance. Not every women are as honest and serious as you are.
As for the seriousness of his gestures, I do believe it's more than a friendly behaviour. While I don't like so much being touched by anybody, I myself SOMETIME... (read in full...)
It all changed after my co-worker and I had a drunken night together
Q. I have a co worker who had been chasing me for a couple of months. I went out with him a few times for drinks after work and we used to talk alot, he asked me out a few times outside of work, but I always ignored his advances and kept it in the ...
A. 29 January 2014: To OP: I think it was his little revenge, and a way to show you he had already turned the page of your story.
As iAmHereToHelpYou well said, do yourself a favor and move on you too !... (read in full...)
Dating a man for 2 months - should I ask him if we're in a relationship?
Q. Hello, Have a quick question, I have dated a man for about two months. He texts me good morning everyday and we talk on the phone 1-2 hours on average a day. We also text a little during the day. He also canceled his online dating accoun...
A. 29 January 2014: "Dating a man for 2 months - should I ask him if we're in a relationship?"
---- YES... (read in full...)
If he loves me why can't he say the words? Should I talk to him about this?
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for 3 months. He's absolutely wonderful and we spend as much time as possible together. I sleep over 4-5 times a week. Pretty much been playing house. Clean house, home cooked meals etc. but besides that we genuinely ...
A. 29 January 2014: "his response was positive an he said he felt as though he was starting to fall in love with me as well."
Oh, my ! That's what we can call a very bad start. Call me a pessimist if you whant.
By the way, I'm seriously thinking it should be tim... (read in full...)
I know I'm just being jealous and my friend is just having fun but I feel like I'm being cheated
Q. Last night my friend and I went out on the town, I dressed up, put on a nice dress, did my makeup properly and for once made an effort. My friend came out in jeans and a t-shirt. She's put her boyfriend back in the dating zone (he still loves ...
A. 29 January 2014: My best advice: change of friend.
Bottom line (as they say nowadays): your friend don't get "every men" but just the ones who stands to the lower part of the ladder. If somebody gave you one of these idiots, you would feel ashamed to even share a ... (read in full...)
When we argue my girlfriend holds her education over my head!
Q. Thanks for the responses in advance. I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about 4 years now. We live together. She is ready to graduate with her masters degree and I have recently graduated with my bachelors (I was not accepted...
A. 29 January 2014: I would say it may be her "secret weapon" when she feels she doesn't have the
unassailable argument when she has to fight against you. Instead of taking the risk of losing the face, she pull her "stupid under-educated guy" card from her sleeve in o... (read in full...)
Guy is touchy feely. Does he like me?
Q. There's this guy (all stories start like this haha), and I don't really like him romantically but as a friend. He's generally pretty affectionate with people he likes, but sometimes I feel like he gives me extra attention. He would always playfully ...
A. 29 January 2014: Looks like a love-parade. Basing my fragile judgement upon the few elements you gave us, I would say yes, he wants you. Does it make you happy, or does it scare you to the bones ?... (read in full...)
It all changed after my co-worker and I had a drunken night together
Q. I have a co worker who had been chasing me for a couple of months. I went out with him a few times for drinks after work and we used to talk alot, he asked me out a few times outside of work, but I always ignored his advances and kept it in the ...
A. 29 January 2014: You know what ? That guy didn't intend to make you jealous, he just wanted to show you how little you were to him. And it worked at hundred per cent. Old tricks are undoubtedly the best ones.... (read in full...)
My husband told me he doesn't find my body attractive! What now?
Q. *Sorry if it is lengthy** I am in desperate need of advice. To be blunt to start out with, my husband reluctantly told me that he doesn’t find my body to be attractive. I am 24 years old, about to turn 25 next month. My husband is 28 going to...
A. 24 January 2014: CindyCares just said very interesting things about your case - for what we can know of it - and if I had to tell further, as she may be right, your husband is MAYBE afraid of his new responsibilities.
As said CindyCares, doesn't he feel he marri... (read in full...)
She slept with someone else during our break
Q. Me (20) and my girlfriend (21) are in a relationship for a year and 4 months. Somewhere along the way we broke up, just to get back together 2 months later. I don't regret taking her back at all. Our relationship is even going better now than it ...
A. 24 January 2014: Usually to that sort of questions, I've vastly seen it's of common place to treat the woman as sort of a victim, and without us knowing anything about your relationship, we can read again and again "she was confused", "love her", "make her feel sexy ... (read in full...)
How can I improve my body language?
Q. Not a r/ship question but hope you all can help. Appreciate it. How to not give off a negative "vibe"? I understand body language, it's so obvious at times, you know.. folding yr arms may mean being closed off, uncrossed arms being more open, ...
A. 24 January 2014: Something Robert DeNiro said one time: to be a good actor - and the body language stuff is about acting anyway - means to move less, as (according to him) real people don't react to things that much in real life. That's a good beginning in my ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's strange behavior when we are out in public is starting to bother me
Q. I've been seeing someone that I quite like but his behaviour is also beginning to worry me. This might seem an odd thing to bring up but, whenever we are out and he starts to feel really happy with me, or happy in himself, he becomes kind of ...
A. 24 January 2014: My brother - of 47 yo - has the same problem. He was like that as a child, he is still like that now. Over-excited when in front of strangers, and mostly in front of pretty girls. He becomes another himself speaking loudly, joking a lot and so on. ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my guy that I slept with a friend while we were broken up?
Q. I'm in a messed up situation that I can't see out without losing my boyfriend who I have been with for three years. Basically, last September I had a miscarriage during my 9th week of pregnancy. We had only known for 2 weeks when I lost our baby...
A. 24 January 2014: I too agree with a lot of people here even if it's a little bit disturbing from your boyfriend's point of view: you were not a couple anymore.
Yet, you are a couple again, and this "accident" is not without consequence as this period can be re-co... (read in full...)
My husband told me he doesn't find my body attractive! What now?
Q. *Sorry if it is lengthy** I am in desperate need of advice. To be blunt to start out with, my husband reluctantly told me that he doesn’t find my body to be attractive. I am 24 years old, about to turn 25 next month. My husband is 28 going to...
A. 24 January 2014: A lot of good opinions have been given to you by two people I praise for their always-good advices they provide here, Chigirl and Tisha-1 (sorry for the rest, who said good things too). But there is a question that have not been dealt with: what... (read in full...)
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