A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok here goes!!!!!!!! My fiance and I are expecting a child in June 2011 (its her first). We are now separated and she does not know what she wants with us. She has said she wants space for 2 weeks and we are not over but there's things she can not stand about me and thinks that people can not change such as random bitching--not at her but in general and i think if a person wants to change they have the self discipline to do so and will. She is not perfect either--highly stubborn and we are both guilty of saying things we do not mean. She is getting advice from her mother because her father has never changed for the positive in their relationship and she is putting negative thoughts in her head. Is it possible for me now to grow to resent her and the baby and if i keep getting the door slammed in my face so to speak ? I know this sounds selfish but if we do not work out I do not know how much of a part of the childs life or her life I will be if any due to hurt.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2010): Be in your childs life u will miss out on such a important person in your life and Dads do get custody as long as u don't have anything wrong w/u u should be fine. I think u should be the best father u could be and let the child decide if it wants u in there life and what child doesn't want a great father in there life u don't have to deal w/her ignore the mom pick up and drop your child that is what my ex and I do unless its an emergency or has something to do w/your child. Your a grown man stop running from your problems this isn't some job u think u could just quit. Its a life and God blessed u w/it appreciate what u r about to have a perfect Angel and how dare u let some phsyco try to take that from u!!!!!!
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (5 November 2010):
 Well, its very difficult.
Quite frankly I wonder whatever happened to getting married and THEN having a baby??? Or is that an outdated notion these days? (I don't specifically mean you, but so many do this now.....)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2010): It is very very difficult to maintain a relationship with your bio child after your relationship with the mother breaks down (forget about custody, with the amount of misandry in western countries you will never get it) If she harbour's any resentment or bitterness towards you you can be sure she will use the child against you by withholding visitation. If she really dislikes you and does not want you to be part of the child's life she will go as far as to make false accusations of abuse against you. (It happens all the time) If she wants to move away due to a new love interest or for work then this will disrupt your relationship with the child. No matter how much you want to be a good father your relationship with the child will be marginal at best due to the fact that you will at most have the child 2 days out of 14.
Only you can decide if you want to go through the heartache and and emotional ups and downs that you will suffer over the next 20 years.
Good luck and I hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (5 November 2010):
 Truthfully, how much hurt she has caused you shouldn't affect your relationship with your child. You and her created something so wonderful, you're blessed with a baby...Because of her actions, why should the baby have to suffer? Where's your excitement for being a father? Yes, it does sound very selfish of you..not having a relationship with your child. However, I just noted that you said it's her first so how many more children have you fathered? Do you not take care of those children either?
If you love her then in 2 weeks you'll work this out with her...it just seems like a bunch of bullshit to me, and I don't see where she's causing you all this hurt and pain. Hold off on the wedding, because you don't seem to be ready to get hitched..let alone be a father. Sorry if I sound harsh, but you need to get over yourself because you're going to be a father. The baby needs a father hopefully you'll step up.
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