A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So... My boyfriend and I are taking a break. But he doesn't stop calling me. HE decided to take a break to think about things. He needs to thinks about what he wants, and get his head sorted out cause he noticed after nine months that this was getting too serious and he's "really confused". And of course he's afraid of commitment. So I understood and I'm currently giving him time to think. It hasn't been more than 2 days since he made the decision and he's been calling since the first day more than twice. He has called me for a series of things:1-That he can't stop thinking about me.2-That he appreciates me understanding what he's doing(this was today).3-To see what I'm doing, and how have I been.4-To see where I am and meet and just see me.5-He has even told me what he's doing and what he's going to do.6-And of course to tell me that he still loves me and he thinks he stills deserve me.Now, I was told to cut all communication and try to avoid even seeing him; which makes sense cause it makes things harder. But he calls 2,3,4 times in a row and even though I ignore the firsts ones, I get to a point where I just answer and try to be nice and not give him that many details about what's going on with me. We study at the same university(big one) where there is no chance I'll bump into him. So he calls me to see where I am, and even though I tried to tell him to call later, I ended up telling him(What am I supposed to do if I love him). So he goes and sits next to me while I'm studying and just looks at me. To make it short I just asked how has he been and whatever till he soon left to go eat, not before giving me a big kiss in my cheek and a hug(which I'm pretty sure I smelled alcohol).Anyways to get to my questions:Isn't this supposed to be a break? When guys want a break aren't they looking precisely for alone time and not having to check in with your girlfriend or have to give any explanation about what you are or not doing??I mean...What am I supposed to do when he just calls and calls and I'm the one who's supposed to be sad and w/e? What is this?!?!
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female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (5 November 2010):
 I went through something similar with a boyfriend. HE broke up with ME yet texted and emailed all the time. It drove me insane. Like how do you get over him when he calls all the damn time? And it's like you hope he wants to date again since he is texting but still says he needs time... What the hell?? So when it happened to me I just told him I won't be responding unless he wants to talk about getting back together, because otherwise I need to move on and constantly talking is hindering my progress and hurts. Took a couple weeks, still got emails and such from him but ignored them all. Eventually he texted about wanting to meet up and talk about everything but not rush too fast into anything serious. Then HE ended up being the one rushing ME, lol. Anyhow he obviously cares about you and doesn't want to let you go completely and have you move on. But he wants the break and space to think so give it to him. Let him come around since he says he loves you and deserves you. And if he doesn't come around then at least you have gotten a step further in moving on. But acting like a couple without the status hurts and is confusing as hell so don't let him do it. Let him know he can call if he's ready to be serious and in the relationship again, otherwise leave you alone and take his "space". He should get the picture.
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (5 November 2010):
 Well, perhaps he really ISN'T all that confused about his feelings for you after all. Or, maybe he is, and yet wants what he can't have at the moment. Hard to tell which it is.
I think try this: next time he calls you, tell him nicely but quite firmly that the two of you are supposed to be taking a break (did you set a time limit for it to begin and end, by the way? If not, you should do that).
Tell him you need the time to yourself as well, and suggest he get back in touch in say, three weeks. Let him know that if he keeps phoning, you will not answer. And add that that's because you do respect and care about him, and you want both of you to be able to sort out where you are, and what is the best course of action for the two of you to take, if you're going to have something worthwhile and valuable. Then when you've told him this, stick to your guns!
After all, its not fair to you to have to be messed around like this. Either he wants a break or he doesn't......
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A
female
reader, Thoughtless +, writes (5 November 2010):
 LOL! sorry but looks like he misses u a lot. LOL & u being Okay about the break kind of scared him. & he definitely should not be afraid 2 commit guys just lack that & he shouldn't put u through that. I suggest u don't answer his calls once in awhile should be fine & do not meet up with him if u can help it. he will miss u A LOT sooner cuz he will c u r strong & independent & understand his mistake. the point of this should be 2 LET HIM MISS U so he doesn't just come from nowhere & ask 4 breaks. good luck ! :]
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