A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I date an older, more experienced guy, whom I recently lost my virginity to.I'm not sure if this happens to everyone, but having sex made me realize it's pretty awesome and made me well.. want way more. Nevertheless, I'm really shy and have quite a lot self confidence issues, so I don't think I have the guts to directly ask my boyfriend to do whatever.So, how can I ask him toa)teach me how to improve my moves andb)try new stuff with me, like light bondagewithout ruining the mood(I think that if I ask him too directly it will just be weird, I'd like to be able to ask him in a sexy kind of way)? In fact, the first thing I'd like him to teach me is how to give a decent BJ, but I have this irrational fear that if I ask him to teach me he'll laugh (maybe because I am kind of adorable looking, so asking for it will make me look too "naive" or inexperienced?). Also I should add that being taught and following orders is a huge turn on, so I definitely want the whole teaching to happen.
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male
reader, daletom +, writes (3 September 2012):
Keep in mind that for blow jobs - or, for that matter, ANY kind of sexual activity that may be popularized by culture or media - some guys can take 'em or leave 'em. For me, receiving oral sex is intimate and loving but not much of a turn-on, and unlikely to bring me to climax. So if your B/F doesn't respond to something like you hope he will, it doesn't mean that you're not doing it well.
When my wife and I started learning to be each other's lover, even before we gave each other our virginities, we actually DID need to learn how to ask and tell each other about our desires and pleasures. Early on it was mostly verbal - e.g., "No, what I wanted was a kiss lasting TEN seconds." - but we learned to "read" each other's physiological response, how we positioned our bodies or each other's body (e.g., placing/removing a hand from where you do/don't want it).
Early in our marriage we occasionally bought magazines with sex-oriented articles and discussed them. (I don't know why - you can check out a whole stack of them from the library for free!) "Redbook", "Cosmopolitan" and "Playboy" were pretty useful as I recall. Every issue had some article like "15 Sex Tips of the Rich and Famous". We'd look over the articles, occasionally saying "Hey - let's try that if you're willing.", but more likely "Not for us.", or "We tried but didn't have the agility.", etc. The "Polls" were often fun - such as, "Do you agree with the XX% who say that 'doggy style' is more pleasurable than 'spoons'?".
We bought copies of "Joy of Sex" and "More Joy of Sex" - I think they are still in-print, or you can probably find them on E-Bay or Craigslist. We would pass the books back-and-forth to each other under our pillows, with little post-it notes marking pages or making comments such as "Page 87 sounds interesting", or "The illustration on this page just looks too weird!".
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (3 September 2012):
 For the blow jobs, get the book:" How to tickle his pickle." It has ALL kind of good advice in oral pleasuring of a man, plus some pictures/drawing to help you get the point on some things.
As for the bondage.. Hold your horses. Learn to enjoy sex and be adventures with sex before jumping on the "tie me up" bandwagon. (I know "50 Shades" made a lot of women think bondage is just about the guy tying up the girl, but there is SO much more to it then that, it is for people with at least a LITTLE sexual experience.)
If you can't tell the guy what you want, you shouldn't have sex with him. I'm serious.
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A
male
reader, shortround59 +, writes (2 September 2012):
Don't be shy with your sexual needs,come right out and tell your partner what makes you feel the best,he/she will understand if they are worth anything at all!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2012): Put it all on him. Guys love it when their egos get stroked. Say something like "how can I make you feel the best sensations ever" or "you feel so good when ___ how can I do the same for you". Things like that. As far as bondage, it is super fun as long as you draw clear boundaries and are being safe. Instead of asking him, just do it. Get on top of him and hold his arms down. In my experience, my guy goes crazy when I surprise him.
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A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (2 September 2012):
 Oh wow this the kind of ladies we need on the team. I would just whisper it in there ears. Bring new items that you want to try. Mention you like role playing and having fun in bed. And you are willing to learn new things if they want to get into that with you. Of course they would. Who wouldn't.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (2 September 2012):
 Well first of all, blow jobs are not too difficult - you just suck until he cums. What you do with the cum is arbitrary - some swallow and some spit it out. If he is healthy, there is no harm. The other sex moves will come.
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