A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I'm planning on having sex for the first time with my boyfriend. I'm on birth control and me and my boyfriend are 20. He isn't a virgin and I am. So I am asking if you have any advice on overcoming my self consciousness of being naked with him, embarrassment and awkwardness of having sex for the first time.HELP! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (20 September 2012):
 how long have you been dating
how far have you gone so far
does he know you are a virgin?
have you two talked about this?
I agree that you may not be ready if that's what you are worrying about...
I know that i was self conscious when I was with my new partner for the first few times but it was due to severe need for reconstructive surgery of my sagging skin and yet I still managed to be able to be with him ( I wore a cute nightie with an underwire bra so he could access the "naughty bits"
I made sure the lights were low (candles) and I told him how ashamed of my body I was.
but because he loved me... I was beautiful to him no matter what....
if you think your boyfriend is not going to find you beautiful, then maybe you think he does not love you?
because if he truly loves you.. no matter what you are beautiful to him.
A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (20 September 2012):
To be honest, you may not be quite ready for sex with him.
A certain amount of self consciousness, embarrassment, and apprehension is actually part of the experience. But so is excitement, anticipation, and a desire for both giving and receiving pleasure with somebody you intend to be your life partner. And I'd guess that for most people - probably 90%; maybe 95% or even 98% - first-time sex is physiologically not that great, but mentally and emotionally very significant and meaningful if they are with the right partner.
To answer your specific question I'd suggest you work up to full sexual intercourse gradually. Spend some time, anywhere from several days to a few months, getting acquainted with each other's bodies, pleasure preferences, orgasm response cycles, etc, with NON-coital lovemaking. Make him promise - and mean it! - that he'll back off if you indicate that you're not comfortable with what's happening. You may consider it quaint or odd, but I think there was wisdom when previous generations of couples engaged in a lot of necking, petting, bundling, outercourse, etc before they got around to having intercourse.
My wife and I were wedding-night virgins, but during our engagement we worked up to "everything but intercourse" in our lovemaking. Even though I don't think self-consciousness or nakedness were significant problems, our very first time was still (physiologically) not very good sex, but it was extremely significant to us. By the second time - a couple hours later - all that "practice" started to pay off, and I think it helped as we learned and experimented over the next year or two.
An internet search engine will help you find about a jillion sites giving advice for a virgin's first experience - such as http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/ or http://newlyweds.about.com/od/lovesex/a/firsttimesex.htm It's also a common question here - do a little searching for posts tagged "virginity". One recent thread (with lots of advice) is "Is there a way to break my hymen without pain?" at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-there-a-way-to-break-my-hymen.html
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've been with him 6 months.
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