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Is there an age where women enjoy the best sex, also when do men and women lose their desire for sex?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Health, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 August 2008) 6 Answers - (Newest, 24 August 2008)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

At what age do women have the best sex? At what age do men and women stop wanting to have sex?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2008):

There are many different ways to look at this. You ask about the best sex. There is the best sex and there is also the most sex. I had the most sex in my mid 30s when I was dating 2 women at the same time and it was also some of my best and enjoyable sex because both women were very affectionate and sexual women. I could have sex 4 or 5 times a day, but neither woman wanted it more than twice a day and 3 or 4 times a day was rare. That was perhaps my most exciting sex.

I am now married to one of those women and we are both 63 years old. Our sex frequency has varied over the years because of work pressures and feelings toward each other. We are now having sex as good and exciting as we did in our 30s and early 40s. Not as often, as I can only manage 1 or 2 times a day now and sometimes need a day's rest. I have never lost my desire for sex except as I talk about below, but the ability has decreased.

A loving partner, or at least an affectionate one is one of the most important things that determines how good sex is. Other things that are important are medical reasons and stress at work or in everyday life. Hormone problems in both men and women can cause sexual problems, like loss of sex drive and loss of sensation and the ability to have an orgasm. It can also cause ED in men. Circulatory problems can have the same effect for different physical reasons.

Low testosterone in both men and women will cause lessened sexual performance and desire. It will also cause other symptoms like depression in men. I have low testosterone and have been on replacement for several months. When I was at my lowest I didn't even have a desire to touch my wife some days. Now she tells me that if my level goes up any higher that she is going to hide my testosterone.

My wife tells me that her best sex was a few months after we started dating at the ages of 34 and got to know the others likes and over the next 6 to 10 years. Our present sex to her is not as exciting as it was back then, but she has more and more intense orgasms. It is probably either because I am better and/or because of some of the supplements that she takes.

We never stopped wanting sex, but our desire for it was lower in our late 40s and our 50s. It really picked up about a year ago, but there were spurts of sex everyday even during the slow years.

I think that desire is dependent on the love between partners, stress and other psychological reasons and various medical reasons. I have read many stories on healthboards.com and dearcupid where men and women lose their sexual desire in their 30s and at ages beyond that. There are also men and women in their 70s and even 80s who have a good sexual desire and can perform reasonably well. A lot has to do with how well a person takes care of themselves - alcohol, smoking, exercise, diet, weight, general health, hormone levels, etc. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

There are things that you can do to make sex great for both partners. For instance, when my performance is not what we would desire, I will concentrate completely on her enjoyment of sex some evening after we have had a nice meal and some wine and I might not have an orgasm, while I will give her 4 or 5 good ones. We will give up and then I will just jump her at 6 am and just enjoy myself and forget about her having an orgasm. It works great for both of us. Most times we don't have to do that, but if we did every time, we would still greatly enjoy sex together. Sometimes I will give her oral sex and that is all we will do. Sometimes wshe will do the same for me. Sometimes I am very horny and she isn't in the mood and she will tell me to just screw her. This is infrequent, but we still both enjoy it. It's all about feelings for each other. When 2 people love each other then the sex is great. When they don't love each other as much then it isn't as good.

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A male reader, daletom United States +, writes (23 August 2008):

What criteria determines the "best" sex? I'd say it changes over time.

I (a guy, now 57) was most easily aroused, brought to orgasm, and quickly readied for the next round in my early to mid 20's. Which coincided with when I started having sex with a partner, so maybe that would have happened earlier if I had started earlier.

It was probably easiest to reliably bring physical pleasure to my partner throughout my 30's. By then I had learned a lot more about women, and my own response, and had quite a bit of practice.

The most satisfying sex probably started in my late 30's and continued, off and on, through my mid 40's.

In my 40's I had to start paying more attention to my own performance and couldn't give 100% attention to my partner. Now she recognizes the need to take advantage of situations as they arise. When I was 27, I had a tough time accepting it when she said, "Enjoy me, honey. This time is for you." At 57, SHE has a tough time accepting it when I say, "Enjoy me, honey. This time is for you.".

At this stage of our lives the sex is more relational than recreational. It still has lust and desire and orgasms and tenderness but it also has a lot of mutual respect and shared commitment that wasn't as obvious in earlier years.

For my wife, the most intense orgasms probably came in her late 20's and early 30's. She was horniest during her pregnancies, which were in her 30's. Now, at 57, she wants the physical coupling more often than I do.

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A male reader, DoubleM United States +, writes (22 August 2008):

DoubleM agony auntGood question, and maybe (at age 60) I'm one of the elder advisors here. Not necessarily any smarter, but with about 46 years of trying.

My fairly extensive readings have said most studies claim that men peak somewhere in the late teens through the 20s, whereas women actually heat up most in their early 30s through early 40s. I'm not sure that I agree with all of that, and agree with "TalkingHelps" that it depends upon each individual.

Biologically, it is reasonable to assume that both genders would be most prolific during the peak years of parenthood, but that does not explain the "hot" single grandmothers and widows I've known recently.

Personally, I have never experienced any let up in desire, but following two heart attacks, my performance is sometimes an issue. I make up for that orally if needed. As for the women in my life, I have absolutely witnessed a resurgence of sexual desire and activity once they move past menopause or a hysterectomy. Thank goodness (for me and other old farts). It seems apparent that the elimination of possible pregnancy definitely sparks a woman's interest in all kinds of sexual activities after those events, which may generally occur anywhere past the 40s. Again, I think that everyone is different and it may also depend a great deal on their life experiences along with individual situations and opportunity.

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (21 August 2008):

Danielepew agony auntMen might lose the ability to sustain an erection, but I am yet to find any who loses interest in intercourse, no matter the age :-). Which is good. If we were not meant to have sex, we wouldn't have penises.

I'm not old enough to answer when we have the best sex. I have liked it all the way :-).

As to women, I can't help you :-).

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A female reader, lexilou United Kingdom +, writes (21 August 2008):

lexilou agony auntI personally think we go through phases throughout our lives and all are different. In my late teens and early 20's sex was good to ok and I enjoyed it, in my late 20's I hated it and didnt care if I never had it again. In my early 30's I couldnt get enough I wanted it all day every day. Late 30's to now I still really really enjoy sex, get very horny but also have the odd time especially when due my period where I am not interested. I rarely refuse sex and initiate probably 70% of it and hope this continues. My mum was on hrt in her 50's and found she had no sex drive whatsover. Depression also can cause loss of libido as well as stress, financial worry etc as can some medications such as prozac.

I hope to be having sex well into my 80's!!!!!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2008):

I think the losing desire part depends very much on the person! But like all i know is that men are supposed to be in their prime when there 18 to twenty six whereas women reach their sexual prime when their in their fourties believe it or not

XxXx

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