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Can a shy man be attractive?

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Question - (2 December 2008) 14 Answers - (Newest, 7 December 2008)
A male Canada age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Hello. Do women find good looking articulate loners attractive - albeit strictly those who do not exhibit psychotic tendencies!? Many thanks.

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A male reader, daletom United States +, writes (7 December 2008):

Why did you have to add the qualifier, "articulate"? I'm thinking of a casual acquaintance who is shy and introverted, and barely able to speak an order at McDonald's, but writes very powerfully.

"Shy" isn't a very definitive term. There can be a wide range of reasons behind it. Currently the North American culture generally considers it a personality defect, and that attitude itself can cause significant damage. (Not all cultures see it the same way.)

As "Irish49" said, many "quiet and shy" guys actually have very strong and commendable personalities.

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A female reader, eltapatio United States +, writes (4 December 2008):

The guy I like is really shy and although its cute it drives me insane! I just want there to be no akward silences ya know? I do think semi shy guys are cute tho. theres this one guy who blushes ALL THE TIME and its so cute! But i am only a teen so idk wat older women think.

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A female reader, Too Sensitive United States +, writes (3 December 2008):

Well for me it all depends on the reason behind the shyness. I dated a string of men who were boisterous, over-confident, and constantly wanted to be the center of attention, to the point they would hog the conversation and not to listen much to me or anyone else...this became annoying and detrimental, to say the least. They were always able to top anything that anyone else shared, which I loathed!

I vowed to get involved with someone who was on the quiet side the next time, so long as he wasn't so quiet that we could not have any one-on-one conversation. But I felt it would be endearing and pleasurable to have a relationship where we would listen to one another, and where humbleness and modesty existed. And holding back at times, even if you could top the other story.

Well, I got my wish. My fiance is on the shy side. He is a loner. But, I've discovered there are psychological issues behind his shyness, which we are trying to work through. He has virtually no contact with his family (despite my efforts to encourage contact with them), has no friends at all, and the friends he's had in the past have mostly been women (none of which I've met but have heard about occasionally). And I've discovered he's not always shy...he has a tendency to look at other women very inappropriately in front of me, and sometimes will flirt with or pay excessive attention to other women in front of me, which can be hurtful. So, you see, he's not so shy when it comes to other women. He has lied to me in the past about a very important issue, so when I put everything together, I am left feeling that shy men, at least this shy man, can not be trusted. I am left with the impression that shy men are guarded, secretive, and trying to hide who they really are. I know this does not apply to all, and probably not you...but it is my current situation.

All I can say is be yourself, always be honest, and hopefully you are not using the shyness as a facade to hide behind (I don't get the sense that you are). If it is your true nature, so be it...nothing wrong with that. Generally speaking I think it is a very sweet tendency.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008):

There you have it, hun....a good whack of very answers from ladies who do, indeed, admire the 'articulate loner' types.

It sounds to me, that in your case there is a big gap between preferring solitude and feeling unable to overcome it. Nothing wrong with preferring the solitude, I say. In fact men like yourself are quite often less drama riddled and have little or no emotional baggage. I have found a lot of men who are loners, tend to be quiet,very trustworthy, confident men. And many are really laid-back, very nice people, very open and honest.. And once they get to know a woman, they have a tendency to speak their mind, but with great tact. These men are the the sorts who holds open doors or stops on the highway to help out strangers in trouble. They don't usually enjoy loud, garish clubs full of people, most of whom are looking for nothing more than a one nighter for the evening, and they hate the idea of picking up a total stranger in a bar and then trying to make something meaningful of it. In other words, they cut through the crap in life. These men can be very, very romantic at heart. So yes, I agree..a lot of women, including myself do find good looking articulate loner males, very attractive.

I really that it is unfair and incorrect to assume that an social introversion in a man should be equated with anti-social and psychotic tendencies. That really is hogwash, isn't it. There is a vast difference between having a preference for being alone, and feeling painfully lonesome. One 'state of being' is a choice; the other may be a symptom of a larger problem. But their certainly is a remarkable difference between someone who gains happiness and contentment from their 'loner' way of life, than someone who yearns for a connection with the larger world, but is unable to attain it. The guys that try too hard to be what they aren't, are the ones that worry me. Keep on truckin' buddy and just stay true to you...some lucky female will find you, I'm sure. Good luck

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A female reader, shaashiie United States +, writes (2 December 2008):

shaashiie agony auntYes, I find shy men attractive. Shy does not mean unconfident, so yes many women are attracted to confident men but that doesn't mean that therefore they are unattracted to quiet men.

Most other females I know go for the quieter type as well. In general (from discussions with my friends, anyway) women trust quieter men more.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2008):

Women like mouthy guys even if they are talking crap. They confuse it with confidence. There are some intelligent women that will be attracted to a quietly confident guy though.

Good luck

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A female reader, deirdre Ireland +, writes (2 December 2008):

yes I would much prefer a shy man than the other description =)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2008):

I should know.My husband is shy.He is too smart for me to run rings around him.LOL.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2008):

I have found that shy men's opinion cannot be swayed.Being a shy guy doesn't mean they are door mats.They have a quiet strength in their ideals and convictions that makes them all the more sexier.

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A male reader, StudentOfLife Canada +, writes (2 December 2008):

StudentOfLife agony auntThis is an my opinion.

Bossy girls often are attracted to shy people because they will do what they tell them to.

Also woman love a shy person because they know they can trust them. Someone who's over confident will more likely cheat on them.

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I find shyness sexy on a woman.

-"Great minds have purposes, others have wishes."

-"You're only old when your dreams turn to regrets"

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2008):

I have always been attracted to shy men,loners who don't have many friends.I have never found those guys exhibit psychotic tendencies.Neither were they needy or clingy in spite of being loners.I found their Intelligence Quotient to be higher than the rest of the men as well.you just have to keep your eyes open for women who are attracted to you.Women from old school will never make the first move.you need to find if she is staring at you,blushes when you are around etc.,.Then you can ask her out for a cup of coffee and see where it leads.

All the Best!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2008):

Men of your age group...quiet ones....any day.

I am a married women in late twenties who like quality conversations with people than unnecessary forced chit chats and believe if i ever get attracted to someone.... they are generally from this category......older, intellectual, quiet and wise type....phew... they make me go weak.

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A female reader, dinosaurexx United States +, writes (2 December 2008):

dinosaurexx agony auntwow.. big words... i know im still young, but ive always thought the more "loner" kids were cute. theyve always been the ones ive liked and dated.

most turn out to be way sweet =)

but thats the ones my age... anywho... hope i helped =)

x

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A male reader, Boredatwork United Kingdom +, writes (2 December 2008):

Boredatwork agony auntThe face you said "albeit strictly those who do not exhibit psychotic tendencies!? " worries me, and by mentioning it you may inface come accross as a bit of a 'weirdo'

but that aside, Im sure there are women out there that do like the quiet type, but its far more usual for women to go for confident men.

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