A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I was talking about the fact that I'm a virgin with this one girl, and I told her that I wanted it to have sentimental value when I finally lost it. She said that my first time will suck, and it's not all it's cracked up to be. I'm wondering.. is this true? I've put kinda a lot of value on it. Thanks... Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (12 December 2008):
Well, if it's something YOU value and respect - and your partner also values and respects it - then it's valuable and worth respecting, right? That's not a very good answer . . .
Actually, you have several good answers here! They are all different . . . and all true! Does that give you some idea of how complicated this whole "sex" thing can be?
The way you worded the question here, and especially the girl's reaction, emphasize that people around your age often think of sex primarily in physical and physiological terms. You haven't developed an appreciation for the mental and emotional elements of sex. (That is NOT intended to insult you! It's simply a statement of where you are in life.) And, even setting aside the mental and emotional dimensions - there's more to sex than the time spent with a girl's genitals around yours.
Getting back to how complicated it can be . . . my wife and I exchanged virginity (she took mine, and I got hers in return) on our wedding night when we were both 23(!) years old. It was perhaps the lousiest sex we've had in 34 years of marriage. It was also one of the most significant and meaningful things in our lives. How's that for complicated?
Some people will say that what I'm about to do isn't appropriate for you - but because I respect the courage and maturity you showed in asking that question, I believe you are entitled to an honest answer. The story of my first sexual intercourse is in the thread "I'm a virgin and worried about my wedding night...", at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-a-virgin-and-worried-about-my-wedding.html ]. (Scroll down the thread to find my post.) You can read that and decide for yourself if my first time sucked, and if it was all it's cracked up to be.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (12 December 2008):
 The first time will not "suck". It might be awkward, and it might not be the most amazing sexual experience you'll ever have, but that won't make it any less special. The beauty of losing your virginity is in the awkwardness, the newness, experiencing everything for the first time, and yes, once you continue the sex just gets better and better.
The only way it will be a disappointment and "not all it's cracked up to be" is if you're with someone who doesn't really care about you (as DoubleM articulated) - meaningless sex is just never as good as sex with someone you love. Seriously, it is that much steamier and sexier with someone who you care about.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks! You've helped me appreciate waiting!
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (12 December 2008):
 It depends on the man, or young dude, and on whether that person has any experience or cares at all about you.
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A
male
reader, SinVA +, writes (12 December 2008):
She says that because she no longer has her virginity. Save it for someone you care about. That's what I did, and even though that person and I arn't together anymore, it really was worth waiting for someone who you share feelings with.
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A
female
reader, babyminow +, writes (12 December 2008):
 well for the girl it does, because it hurts. excpessially if the guy doesnt go easy. just take your time, and be patient with her. remember it will hurt her if your not careful. after the first time it wont hurt as much until it feels good. but for a guy i hear its amazing. so it is up to you buddy
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