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Would you marry a guy who never went to college?

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Question - (5 March 2013) 12 Answers - (Newest, 13 December 2013)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Currently less than 40% of men will graduate from college, that's 140 women with college degrees for ever 100 men with a degree. at best its expected to get worse, on top of that jobs traditionally held predominantly by men are evaporating at an alarming rate so that means allot of poor uneducated men out there. What are your thoughts ladies, will you marry a uneducated man with shaky employment status because that's the reality shaping up in the next few years?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2013):

Well hello, I'm a man who is married to a very beautiful woman doctor. And buy beautiful I mean she has actually won many beauty pageants. I on the other hand never graduated 9th grade. And yet we have been married over 14 years now and have a wonderful daughter and a very happy life. I don't work just take care of the house and our daughter. My wife actually does not want me to work so that I can always have lunch with her or go with her to all her CME conferences she has to attend. She wants me to be available to be with her anytime she wants and does not want work taking most of my time. She makes more than enough for us to live very comfortably. And when in conferences they ask her what do I do, she says proudly to anyone that I just spend time with her.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (6 March 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony auntI have.

If a man is smart and hard working then I don't see how college is necessary.

It took me 23 years to get my college degree... I was a returning student. I would not judge another for not finishing college any more than I would like to be judged.

Since I do not care about a man's earning capacity (I make more than enough to support myself) I look at things like integrity, honesty, morality, ethics, intelligence, sense of humor etc...

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A male reader, Serpico United States +, writes (6 March 2013):

Disclaimer - I am college educated and have four college degrees.

That said, the costs of college are increasing to the point where people are figuring out its just not worth it. I would caution you, there is a big difference between going to college and being educated, and going to college and intelligence, and going to college and being able to make money.

Some of the most foolish people I have known went to Ivy League schools because its what their family expected of them, then only to waste this education when they married someone rich. Conversely, one of the richest guys I know never graduated the 4th grade - completely self made.

You need to decide what it is you want - is it someone who is driven and knows how to make money - or is it someone who comes with the "prestige" of being college educated.

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A male reader, daletom United States +, writes (5 March 2013):

When you cite statistical data like that, it's good to know the source. A lot of it is skewed or oversimplified because somebody wants to "prove" a point. (Usually they want to sell you something.)

Other responses here have made the point that it's often not the college credentials themselves that are important to women, but rather the economic and character qualities that are correlated to college degrees.

It has long been observed that both men and women may have casual or short-term relationships with almost any willing partner, but when they choose long-term life partners they tend to prefer people with intelligence similar to their own. In popular literature that was discussed in the last 2 or 3 chapters of Dr. Jacob Bronowski's book, "The Ascent of Man" about 40 years ago. You should be able to get it at a public library, and I believe the entire BBC TV series based on the book is available as a free download.

Don't think that intelligence and education are the same thing, and don't think that formal classes are the main way to get educated . . . but don't use that as an excuse to avoid learning. Intelligent people usually continue to learn new things, develop new insights, and master new skills throughout their lifetimes. Both men and women are generally impressed by people who continue to grow and learn regardless of their formal education.

My observation of my own kids' college experiences supports the notion that college is increasingly a woman's world - and that in itself may be a valid reason for guys to take a class or two. (About 15 years ago I was in a study group for a graduate-level math class that included 2 guys and 4 women. I was VERY married, and 3 of the girls were young enough to be my daughters, but I picked up the vibes that the fourth gal would have been interested if I wanted to make something happen.)

I also observed that many in my kids' generation are doing pretty much the same jobs they had in High School, for about the same level of pay - except now they have completed college degrees and have significant levels of student debt. Between the debt and their wages they aren't able to buy new cars or houses or establish new families.

Starting with my (baby boomer) generation our culture has pushed the idea that college was the key to economic and social success. Even the academic establishment knew this wasn't true. Dr. John Gardner, Secretary of Health, Education and Welfare under Pres. Lyndon Johnson, noted:

"The society which scorns excellence in plumbing because plumbing is a humble activity, and tolerates shoddiness in philosophy because it is an exalted activity, will have neither good plumbing nor good philosophy: neither its pipes nor its theories will hold water." Even so, the idea that everyone "needs" a college education is a stereotype you will have to fight throughout your life.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2013):

I almost married someone with no college degree he was super intelligent but he had dropped out of college. He had multiple problems, I still felt happier with him than with anyone else. The intelligence matters more as well as how you get a long with someone. In general though I do prefer people who have gone to college because they will have more in common with me and they will usually have a better lifestyle. This varies widely though since many people to do trades make more money than people in professions- and yes economics do matter for a good relationship too.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (5 March 2013):

Tisha-1 agony auntI know medical doctors with advanced degrees who are annoying, boring and completely uninteresting as people, ditto with attorneys and other degreed professionals. (Obviously I know others who are interesting and appealing.) Then I know a number of men without college degrees who are building contractors, plumbers, and firemen who are witty, charming and fun and interesting to be with. They are happily married. Of course there are so many other trades such as landscapers, cooks, construction workers, etc who I haven't listed here.

So I think I see in the real world men who never went to college going on to interesting jobs and careers and marrying.

If someone is dull, uninteresting and lacks ambition or spark, whether or not he went to university, means he's probably limiting his own options.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (5 March 2013):

chigirl agony auntI'd marry a man without an education, and I'd even marry a man with a so-so job, but I'd NOT marry a man who didn't have a good work ethic. He needs to be hard working and not lazy, otherwise I can not respect him. But what he does, and whether he brings in a lot of money or not, is of less importance to him being able to manage, take care of himself, do what is needed of him and working hard. The big bucks I can probably bring in myself, seeing as I have a masters degree and thus, statistically, will end up making a lot of money..

If there are 140 women to every 100 man who has an education, that tells me women are less dependent on a man to bring home the bacon as they can do it themselves. The more relevant question is: Are men interested in marrying a woman who earns more than him?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2013):

It's not the education, it's more the income and social status that matters to women.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2013):

I graduated from high school with a 1.5 GPA. I never finished community college. I taught myself Redhat Linux in the 90's. I know enough about grammar to realize when it is utilized properly.

I now manage the voip engineering department for a prestigious fortune 500 defense contractor. I make more money than most doctors and have zero student loan debt.

The question you should ask....is your hypothetical boyfriend a shiftless bum or a statistical outlier (like Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Ross Perot).

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A female reader, k_c100 United Kingdom +, writes (5 March 2013):

k_c100 agony auntA man's education is somewhat irrelevant to me, as long as he is still an interesting person who is intelligent (you can be intelligent without being academic) then that is more than enough for me.

However a man's employment is more important - I could never date or marry a lazy man who has no desire to work and ensure he has a good future. There are plenty of jobs that dont require a college education, so I'm not bothered what kind of job a man does, as long as he works hard, makes enough money so he can live comfortably and has some ambition to progress in his chosen profession in the future (and again you can still progress in a career without a college education).

I earn my own money, have my own career and work hard at what I do, so I dont need a man to live off - the amount of money he earns and what he does for a living is not massively important (within reason of course). I do expect a man to work hard, but beyond that his level of education doesnt bother me.

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (5 March 2013):

person12345 agony auntMen aren't being rejected from colleges for being male and the imbalance is hardly an "epidemic." Male enrollment in college has RISEN, not declined. Male enrollment has simply not risen as quickly as female enrollment. More men are going to college than ever before, same with women.

Colleges are 56% women. A 6% difference is hardly enough to claim that all men are now uneducated. It's projected that if the current trend continues that in 5 years there will be an additional 1% women. Your numbers are not correct. It's actually easier for men to get into college right now than women. Colleges are even doing affirmative action to favor men. So if you didn't go to college that's by your choice, not because of anti-male bias.

Women still make way less money than men do pretty much across the board. The wage gap is still a huge issue. If male dominated professions are disappearing, then go into a currently female dominated profession. No one is really going to have a lot of sympathy for someone who would rather be unemployed than do "woman's work."

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2013):

Your answers on this will likely vary widely between women, so if you're in this situation and looking to date it's probably best to be up front with potential partners to avoid disappointment for one or both of you at a later date.

Personally? I've never cared about formal education in a partner, even though I attended a well-known university myself. I know some absolute idiots that went to college and some very smart people that did not. If a man is naturally intelligent and we click, I'd never not date him because he didn't have a silly piece of paper certifying that he spent four years of his life turning in assignments on time. That said, I would not ever date a guy who wasn't intelligent. I don't pretend that's any less shallow of me than men who "only" date blondes or D cups, or women who only date guys 6'0" and taller. It's just my preference. Physically, I don't have a type and overlook a lot of things that might be flaws to others. Mentally, those sparks better be flying. I want to grow old with someone who will still be interesting to me when we're both old and saggy. Again, just my preference.

With regard to the job situation... I'm prepared to be openminded. I'm not looking for a man to support me. However, I'm also not looking for a man who needs to be supported. My own job is seasonal, with a routine layoff for a few months each winter. BUT I'm careful with my money and the down time isn't a problem for me. I have never asked for or expected (or wanted, or needed) financial help from partners during this time. I wouldn't insist that prospective partners have high-powered, high-paying careers, but I don't think I would date someone who couldn't at least support himself at the outset. If my partner lost his job after years of a committed relationship, of course I'd step in and help, but if I met you two months ago and you're asking to borrow money that's a huge red flag to me. I think I would actually be more interested in my partner's credit score than what he did for a living or how much he made doing it, because the former is a great indicator of financial responsibility and general common sense :)

Hope this helps :)

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