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How do guys feel about direct approaches like the one I'm thinking about trying?

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Question - (7 May 2013) 12 Answers - (Newest, 18 May 2013)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi.

I currently go to college. In one of my classes, there's this really attractive guy who I keep checking out [I can't help myself] and he usually catches me looking, but I quickly look away and mentally nag myself that I should've kept eye contact and smiled.

I really want to get to know him! I've tried on different occasions to strike up conversation but I never get to because 1) he's not in class the day I have the courage 2) someone else is with him 3) someone interrupts me.

I'm about to just go up to him and say, "Hi. What's your name? Oh. You're really cute, you know that?" And wing it from there, but I don't know how guys feel about direct approaches like that.

Help please?

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A male reader, daletom United States +, writes (18 May 2013):

Hey, "anonymous female" . . . did you follow through? How did it go?

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A female reader, oldbag United Kingdom +, writes (9 May 2013):

oldbag agony auntHi

I don't think a guy would like it if a girl walked up and told him he was cute, he isn't a kitten.

Be better just to say something about the class or ask where he got his Tshirt or trainers from,say you want to buy one as a gift for your brother or something.

It opens a conversation and he can either keep it going or not. Saves a direct compliment that might go wrong but breaks the ice.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2013):

To be honest? I would think you are taking the piss out of me. But maybe he is really cute and used to it. Who knows.

The trick with making the first approach is that you risk being shot down. Comes with the territory.

Maybe he will love it, maybe he will be aghast, maybe he will be amused but not interested. Only one way to find out.

Just make sure there is chocolate standing by to easy the burn wounds if it goes wrong. There is a reason women tend to leave the approach to men. Rejection hurts. But hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

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A male reader, daletom United States +, writes (8 May 2013):

As a general idea, I'd be ecstatic - and I think the majority of guys feel the same, especially if they fall in the upper half of the "shyness scale". The exception would be a very popular, "lady's man" type of guy who gets hit on rather regularly.

If I was the guy it would go better if you changed the part about "cute". "Cute" is for kittens, puppies, stuffed animal toys, and quiche eaters - not what my culture taught me a "real man" should be. Better icebreaker lines? "I was impressed by what you said in class about something. Can we chat about that over coffee?". "You seem to have had some interesting experiences. Would you like to join my friends and I for a cookout at the lake on Saturday?". "To be honest, you seem to be somebody I'd like to know. Could we do that?".

Whatever you say, be sure it is very true and very sincere. Nearly all guys, especially the shy ones, can spot insincerity and phoniness. Even if they play along with the flattery they figure that the flatterer is out to exploit them, use them, or set them up for embarrassment or ridicule.

And, if it helps you, there is nothing wrong with having a friend - male or female - at your elbow when you approach this boy. Even better if it's somebody who is also in his circle of acquaintances. If you are wise in the selection of this companion, he/she will help you fill in the gaps as you "wing it".

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (8 May 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony auntI would not go that far.

How about "Hi I'm [insert name] ."

I would not say "you're really cute"

1. it may make him uncomfortable.

2. it may make him think he has an upper hand

3. he may know it and it may make him swelled headed.

Personally 'hey i'm so and so, wanna get a cup of coffee?"

works for me.

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A male reader, CMMP United States +, writes (8 May 2013):

I would find it a little too forward, personally.

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (8 May 2013):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntI think your idea is smarter than the one that I was going to suggest.

That was, for you to walk up to him, look him straight in the eye and say, "Ya know, handsome stud-muffin, I've been looking for someone just like you to provide the genetic material for my first offspring.... and can guarantee you a great time when you deliver it. Are you intested in getting started tonight?"

Maybe I'm just old-fashioned.....

Good luck....

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2013):

We love it OP. Just understand if you do hook him then you have to ease back and let him do some of the chasing. Otherwise he may just be playing along.

The best way to find out if a guy likes you is by letting him do some of the work.

Frankly OP I don't care how ugly a woman is, if she does all the work I'll go along for the ride, literally and figuratively.

After initially asking him out and going on some dates, ease back and let him do some of the initiating.

But definitely go for it. Even if he's not interested he'll be extremely flattered and it'll be a massive ego boost. Plus no matter what happens you can say you gave it a shot.

You have nothing to lose except the not knowing and frankly that's not something you'll miss.

Best of luck OP.

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A female reader, Xx-Scorpio-xX United Kingdom +, writes (8 May 2013):

Xx-Scorpio-xX agony auntWith my boyfriend, I had noticed him in a shared lecture once a week and he immediately caught my eye. After a few weeks I left the lecture hall the same time as him and walked the same pace as him. I then made a little comment about the lecture to him, then we talked a bit and decided to meet up the following day. In less than 24 hours, we were going out and have been together for a year and a half :) Approach him, or you may regret it. I only had 2 more weeks in the same lecture as my boyfriend, so it was lucky i got an oppertunity to talk to him since we always sat opposite ends (despite my attempts to memorize where he sat) :P

he likes that i made a direct approach~ so i don't see why guys wouldn't.

Good Luck ^_^

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A male reader, peanut_gallery United States +, writes (8 May 2013):

The reasons you give for not having spoken to him yet are not convincing. You have the courage only when he's not there?

Long story short, you are tripping yourself up. Just do it and that's it!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2013):

As a man you are bringing a refreshing approach to the competitive dating scene. If I wasn't in a long term relationship I would like your approach. No problem it sounds great and I would welcome it. I am also very attractive and could be a magnet to any woman. Please proceed with your plan. Good luck and happy hunting. xoxo

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A female reader, Denise32 United States +, writes (7 May 2013):

Denise32 agony auntWell, if you do, you have nothing to lose. Best if you say it lightly and with a smile - but not giggling and acting all "girly."

Or, you might approach him by asking his name and inviting him to have a cup of coffee with you - lunch even, and see if he's up for it.

He can only say no if he's not interested - but he might say "yes" and that will be worth it.

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