Two long-term girlfriends, both in love, one pregnant - looks vs. personality
Q. I am in a bit of pickle situation and it's pretty deep and I don't know what to do now. I thought I could handle it and that the answer would present itself by way of circumstance, but this hasn't happened and now I'm in desperate need of help. ...
A. 8 February 2011: to be honest it doesn't sound like you're any further along than you were before. your situation seems to be getting worse, in fact.
You broke up with the Australian and got with the Latvian, then broke up with the Latvian and got back with the... (read in full...)
My married man just let me go with no reason. I'm trying to get over him
Q. help! Im still in love with my married man. How can i comlpetely forget him? We have not contacted for 2 months now.i dont know the reason why. He just let me go without saying a word. Im trying to move on. I have been dating with other guys and ...
A. 23 January 2011: Healing from a break up is always tough. But feelings will fade with time PROVIDED that it's truly over and nothing 'new' happens like you don't get back in contact with him. Because if you do, even once, then that resets the clock for getting over ... (read in full...)
My husband just doesn't get it!
Q. my husband just wont get it. we got separated and just got back 2 years ago the reason being he used to hit me and had a drinking problem. all that is changed now he doesnt drink never has hit me or even raised his voice he chenged for that matter. ...
A. 23 January 2011: Your husband has been physically abusive to you in the past, and while the physical abuse has stopped, the emotional abuse hasn't. like many abusers, he denies that anything is his fault and he insists you're the one with the problem. this is... (read in full...)
We fight so much I don't know if I love her anymore!
Q. we are always having fights together over small problems like 4 days in a row. it is so common that I can not say for sure if I love my gf anymore. i don't know if i should pause and work on our relationship for some more time or prepare for a ...
A. 23 January 2011: You could discuss taking a break from the relationship so you can cool off and analyze the situation when you're calmer and less emotional. During this break you could try to figure out if there's ways to resolve your conflicts, or not. Sometimes ... (read in full...)
Last year I slept with a co-worker. Now she will not let me forget it. How do I handle the problems she's causing me?
Q. In November, I slept with a co-worker. I'm married and I know I screwed up. Right after it happened, I felt guilty and told her that it would never happen again.Well, my wife works with us, and the co-worker has been dropping hints left and righ...
A. 22 January 2011: you're right that you got yourself into this mess and that there's no good way out. So, the best you can do is to "man up" and tell your wife that you've slept with this co-worker. And take whatever consequences are coming your way. If you ... (read in full...)
Do I end it with my gf and also hurt my two children? or end it with the girl I feel is my soul mate?
Q. Hello wise people, I did something I thought I would never do. I had an affair. Now before anyone goes tut, that was me, before it happened. I met this amazing girl at my girlfriend's work. We clicked from day one and it was at first, just the ...
A. 22 January 2011: Well at least you confessed your affair to your girlfriend and tried to break up with her. That is far stronger and more honest than most men who have affairs would ever do. Most would just continue to keep the affair a secret and not want to give ... (read in full...)
Married or roommates?
Q. My wife and I have been married for 11 years. The last 3 years have been challenging. Last year we lost the house to foreclosure. I worked part-time and had a small business than I had to close. On the surface and to the outside world we look fine, ...
A. 22 January 2011: I think you have three options:
Option 1. Accept things the way they are. Learn to be content with the marriage you have now and focus on the positives that you still have.
Option 2. Try to convince your wife of your disastisfaction ... (read in full...)
I'm married and have a strong emotional attachment to a co-worker. How do I get out of this mess?
Q. I apologize in advance for the length and breadth of this posting, as it's going to be quite a novel. I've been going through a self-inflicted emotional turmoil for about two years or so now and I've not shared it with anyone close to me because I'm ...
A. 21 January 2011: You say you wish he would just get a different job so you dont' have to see him...why don't you be the one to get a different job, then?
I think it is possible to cut back on your friendship, you can make up work-related excuses such as saying y... (read in full...)
Husband had sex with prostitute while on business trip and I can't get over it
Q. We have been married for 8 years now and were courting for almost 4 years before marriage. Everything was going great and we have had a very satisfying and fulfilling relationship. We understood each other perfectly and cared for each other. Until ...
A. 18 January 2011: It's totally natural that you feel this way, there's nothing wrong with you.
Your husband is the one who betrayed you and your marriage. His crime isn't that he told you the truth!!! it is that he even cheated in the first place. And that he's con... (read in full...)
He blames me for everything. Puts me down. I really love him. But what am I supposed to do about HIS behavior?
Q. I am a 36 year old gay bloke who has been with my partner for over 18 months. In november my partner moved to be near my family and i moved into the house with him. Ever since we have been together he can get moody, and when in a bad mood will put ...
A. 18 January 2011: Your partner is being emotionally abusive to you. Emotional abuse IS abuse. Just because there aren't bruises or broken bones, doesn't mean it is not abuse. But unfortunately it often goes unnoticed or unadmitted even by the victims themselves ... (read in full...)
I think he is addicted to the woman he is having an emotional affair with, how do I get rid of her?
Q. my hubby has a female friend even he does not belieive in friendship with opposite sex...she is his college from 4 years....they are too much emotionally attached...just like an emotional affair...they remain in content everytime...he says he loves ...
A. 18 January 2011: this is a problem with your husband, not with the other woman. He's the one who's married to you, so it's his responsibility to not allow their friendship to cross inappropriate boundaries. Obviously he's failing. If you chase off this other wo... (read in full...)
Am I just a friend with benefits or are we moving slowly towards a relationship?
Q. I started hanging out with a guy I know. I love spending time with him. I would love very much to be in a relationship with him. I thought that was the way he was headed too. After hanging out for a while we slept together. We text every day (or at ...
A. 18 January 2011: so sorry it turned out the way it did.
You did nothing wrong. You were NOT needy or clingy or co-dependent so don't feel like you have to play games with him. You have to let your feelings be known at least a little bit, in order to gauge if there... (read in full...)
How do I live out the rest of my life alone by my own doing?
Q. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life but this one's the worse. How do I live out the rest of my life alone by my own doing? She was the love of my life. If only she would give me one more chance I wouldn't tell her I would show her. I would ...
A. 17 January 2011: Usually marriages don't just end suddenly because of one thing you did. (unless it was adultery, that usually does it.)
usually marriages end after a slow gradual decline or build up of problems that never get resolved but grow bigger and lead to ... (read in full...)
He tells me that he doesn't know what to do because he wants his kids and also wants me. What do I do?
Q. Well here's my crazy story......when I met my husband we had a great relationship he was totally honest with me or atleast I thought he was being honest with me he told ne he had a son and that him and his sons mother had a mutual understanding that ...
A. 17 January 2011: good for you for leaving him and regaining self respect.
Realize that despite all his calls and texts, whatever he may say, words are just words. In the end it is actions that matter. ... (read in full...)
I cheated, should I let my wife cheat now?
Q. i have cheated on my wife now iam wondering if i should let her be with another man so she can feel even ...
A. 17 January 2011: what do you mean should you "let" her be with another man?
did she ask your permission if she could sleep with another man?
Or do you mean that she found out that you cheated on her, so now she is getting back at you by cheating on you,... (read in full...)
My wife doesn't want another child but I really do!
Q. So heres the deal. My wife and I got pregnant on our honeymoon. Wasn't planned but it happened. We just had our little girl and she is one month old. She is beautiful. My wife was shocked at first when she found out she was pregnant, but came around ...
A. 17 January 2011: I just re-read your post and I see now that you stated that before you got married you had told her you wanted at least 3 kids and she had agreed to at least 2.
So apparently, having more than one child WAS part of the pre-condition for this mar... (read in full...)
I feel trapped in my marriage
Q. Hi, I'm just looking for advice. Im 28 and hes 46 been together for 6yrs... married 1yr. Not sure i wanted to get married. But he was pushing me. asking me everyday when we getting married. Then one day he says will you please just pick a day. So I ...
A. 16 January 2011: good for you for leaving!
It's possible that right now, in the moment, he is truly and honestly wanting to change. But actually following through on it is a whole other story! once you are back in the house, and he's no longer in begging/... (read in full...)
Two long-term girlfriends, both in love, one pregnant - looks vs. personality
Q. I am in a bit of pickle situation and it's pretty deep and I don't know what to do now. I thought I could handle it and that the answer would present itself by way of circumstance, but this hasn't happened and now I'm in desperate need of help. ...
A. 14 January 2011: hello x-treem I'm sorry to hear you have such a mess. I think you acknowledge that you and you alone created it, but as for how to get out of it: I too think you should end it with both women. At least the Latvian woman broke up with you,... (read in full...)
I feel trapped in my marriage
Q. Hi, I'm just looking for advice. Im 28 and hes 46 been together for 6yrs... married 1yr. Not sure i wanted to get married. But he was pushing me. asking me everyday when we getting married. Then one day he says will you please just pick a day. So I ...
A. 14 January 2011: it's hard to leave even when you want to, because you have been a victim of manipulation for so long (7 years?) so your patterns of thinking are ingrained and it's hard to break out of that cycle.
but the fact that you've recognized that you're i... (read in full...)
He tells me that he doesn't know what to do because he wants his kids and also wants me. What do I do?
Q. Well here's my crazy story......when I met my husband we had a great relationship he was totally honest with me or atleast I thought he was being honest with me he told ne he had a son and that him and his sons mother had a mutual understanding that ...
A. 13 January 2011: Why didn't you divorce him when he left you to go back to his ex wife?? Especially when he did that TWICE? If he doesn't grow a spine and take her to court to work out visitation or joint custody agreements, and instead he's OK with "being with... (read in full...)
What does it mean if the doubts have stayed this long?
Q. I have been in a relationship for 3 years and its defiantly not a bad one – I love my bf dearly. However I have been having doubts for over a year and there are problems in the relationship. I have shared my thoughts with him and made effort to try ...
A. 13 January 2011: "But I guess I have realised that I can connect with other people in different ways and perhaps there might be something more... I feel I’m moving on with my life and changing as a person but he isn’t moving in the same direction. " Have you fou... (read in full...)
How do I stop being clingy and needy?
Q. How should you treat a boyfriend/girlfriend?! Do you treat them like a very close friend? A best friend? Something completely different?! I'm having some problems beeing too clingy and dependent on my boyfriend and I would like to stop but I'm...
A. 13 January 2011: good for you for being aware that you have clingy/needy tendencies. Most people who are clingy/needy never realize or admit that in themselves, and thus never seek to regulate their behavior and end up destroying their relationships. You could... (read in full...)
What will happen if she stays or get married to him?
Q. She is 20 this year and is in a relationship with her bf for 5 years already. They have broke up but then patched back many times. Her bf is very possessive, slapped her before 2 yrs back, emotionally abusive at times and she has cried a lot in this ...
A. 13 January 2011: If she marries him, their relationship will probably continue the same way it has now but just be worse. His possessiveness will probably increase, he will probably become even more restrictive of her and the emotional abuse will probably be more ... (read in full...)
WIsh he would grow some balls and stop acting like a kid!
Q. Hi I am a woman in my late 30's with a b/f of the same age. I have a grown up child and he has never married or lived with anyone before so I guess I have lived a lot more than him with regard to previous relationships. We get on really well and ...
A. 13 January 2011: Can you tell him politely but firmly that it really annoys you and turns you off when he does those things?
the longer people stay single, the more set in their ways the time they move in with someone.
I think it's a bigger problem if you'r... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has become distant and I don't know why
Q. alright. I've been with my girlfriend for just about 10 months now. The first 3 were great and and then as the months followed things started to get progressively worse. She became more distant and didn't really spend time with me. Now more recently ...
A. 13 January 2011: "I don't want to lose her because when shes not being a complete asshole shes the best person to be around"
well the problem is that most of the time she is being a complete asshole so if you stay in this relationship over time the negative... (read in full...)
Am I just a friend with benefits or are we moving slowly towards a relationship?
Q. I started hanging out with a guy I know. I love spending time with him. I would love very much to be in a relationship with him. I thought that was the way he was headed too. After hanging out for a while we slept together. We text every day (or at ...
A. 13 January 2011: mixed signals are always so frustrating aren't they!
As for his silence since your text. Perhaps he does feel uncomfortable because he doesn't know what you're getting at? it could be too soon to tell if you messed up or not. Why not give it more ... (read in full...)
Why was I played after everything that I did??
Q. ive liked this guy intensely for ages and tonight i was speaking with two of my good friends and they confirmed what i suspected for a while-that ive been played. i cant describe how hurt i am. i really cared for him and he knew it.but he was new at ...
A. 13 January 2011: maybe you came on too strong and it made him uncomfortable. how long did you know him before you started lending him money and buying him stuff? Or perhaps with his personal issues he's not ready to be in a relationship yet and thus is not ... (read in full...)
I'm getting absolutely sick of my girlfriend and I feel guilty for it
Q. Hey guys. I'm in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend; we see each other about once a month or once every two months and talk online and on the phone every.single.night. This was FINE at first, when everything was still fresh, you know? ...
A. 8 January 2011: I totally agree with the anon's below who talked about "emotional blackmail" and "co-dependecy"...
Your girlfriend is being emotionally abusive. The anger and resentment in your tone is a clear sign that this is taking a huge toll on you mentally... (read in full...)
Do men ever regret leaving a woman pregnant and alone?
Q. A question to all males out there or females in my situation. do men ever regret leaving a woman pregnant and alone? my ex boyfriend left me pregnant and alone, we live in different countries and he has never met his son (4 months old). when i was ...
A. 7 January 2011: Would you have preferred if he had stayed with you through the pregnancy and then left you now after the baby has been born?
It's unclear if you are upset that he left you during the pregnancy specifically, or that he left you at all, period. ... (read in full...)
Since when did this marriage become polygamous?
Q. This is such an awful situation I'm in, I really don't know where to begin. My husband and I have been married for almost 6 years and we have 3 children. We recently bought a new house. In October of 2009, I found out that he had been seeing someone ...
A. 7 January 2011: You need to divorce him.
He has his mind made up, he is not going to stop being with her. He has decided that he will continue to betray your marriage.
You can't make someone else change.
Since he doesn't want to stop betraying you, why ... (read in full...)
He wants children but has said he would rather have our relationship without kids than no relationship at all. Will this cause problems in the future?
Q. Hi I am at a crisis point with my boyfriend. I am 38 (very soon 39) and he is 34. I have never been particularly interested in having children - not like many women who feel the desire to be a mother very strongly. I have been seeing my boyfriend ...
A. 7 January 2011: oh wow this is a very difficult situation. it sounds like your boyfriend of 5 years suddenly blindsided you yesterday. Do you have any idea why he suddenly decided he wants kids, when up til now he's never given any hint of that possibility? ... (read in full...)
How do I force him to seek help?
Q. Hello, and thanks in advance I've been with my bf for 2.5 years and its been a constant battle more so this last 1.5 I'm unable to go anywhere with gf's unless he is present, unable to have my own privacy on Facebook without him having acce...
A. 6 January 2011: I don't think he will leave you alone, you have to be the one to leave him alone.
He may be a control freak, but you're allowing yourself to become a target.
You've already requested several times that he seek help and obviously he has... (read in full...)
Do men ever regret leaving a woman pregnant and alone?
Q. A question to all males out there or females in my situation. do men ever regret leaving a woman pregnant and alone? my ex boyfriend left me pregnant and alone, we live in different countries and he has never met his son (4 months old). when i was ...
A. 6 January 2011: some men do regret it and others don't...
Why not focus on your baby and the life you will build with your child, and forget about him. Leave him behind. Without being tied down by him, you're free to find a better man in the future, one who will... (read in full...)
My ex and I had coffee yesterday and I'm feeling down and confused. Please help.
Q. I realize this will be a bit on the longer side, but I promise I won't ramble on the details and get to the point. It'll be long because its necessary to give a slight overview on what happened to us. Thanks for the patience :) We dated for 2...
A. 3 January 2011: how about this: any time you start feeling a speck of hope, remind yourself that things are different now and won't be the same as what you had always envisioned. What you're hoping for doesn't actually exist. Like you said, you can't trust her not ... (read in full...)
Try to see him? Or just move on?
Q. Hi..I wrote a question a little bit ago, here's the link for a little background info: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/are-we-even-still-dating-he-said-he.html It's been two weeks now and things are still weird between the two of us. Bas...
A. 3 January 2011: can you just ask him the exact same questions you just posted on here and get answer straight from the horses' mouth?
it's really hard to sustain a relationship based on mind-reading.
or to even know if there's a relationship or not!!... (read in full...)
I'm his wife and yet I feel like a "dirty secret"
Q. Needing Advice My husband and I recently married. We had discussions about concerns prior to marrying and I thought all was settled....Wrong...My husband went to visit his new Grandbaby at his ex's home on Christmas. His son, who is in his 30's was...
A. 2 January 2011: good for you for leaving! he sounds very selfish. There's only so much you can do, you can't make other people change if they refuse to change their behavior.... (read in full...)
Can u sleep with someone and have no feelings for them and still be in love with your wife?
Q. Im lost...I've been married to my husband for over 8 years ( and we have 2 kids tog) and i found out 2 weeks ago from a womans husband that my husband had been sleeping with his wife for the pass 5 months while he was in kuwait..hes home now and ...
A. 1 January 2011: I don't think you can be sleeping with someone and still claim you love your spouse. You may feel comfortable with them, feel an emotional attachment to them because of your history and shared life together, and you may feel fondness or affection ... (read in full...)
I'm in my mid 40s, but my overbearing mother won't back off!
Q. I'm trying to figure out how to deal with my mother. Quite a bit of the following is venting, so you may want to skip to the question at the end. I'm in my mid 40s, but she still tries to tell me what to do constantly. There are many thing...
A. 1 January 2011: I think you should distance yourself from your mother, cut off contact with her. Simply don't respond to her voice messages. Or respond by saying you don't have time to see her. she's a pretty toxic person, that's pretty obvious.
You may want to ... (read in full...)
Should I be the one to 'cave in'? We haven't spoken for four days
Q. This is kind of a followup from my last question. I haven't spoken to my boyfriend in 4 whole days now and I don't know if I should be the one to cave or not? http://www.dea...
A. 1 January 2011: No don't cave in. It sounds like you're putting way more effort than he is.
However. don't think of it as playing games. You should move on and live your life without him. Don't center your world around him and your relationship. I'm not saying t... (read in full...)
25 years married, 15 years having an affair, how do I leave my marriage?
Q. I have been married for twenty five years. I knew when I walked down isle that i shouldn't be. I have been having an affair for the past 15 years. I have not intimate relationship with my husband and haven't since my youngest child was 8 now 17. ...
A. 1 January 2011: Contact a divorce lawyer, they will walk you through the steps to get a divorce.
Instead of lawyers you can also choose to use divorce mediators, these are to make the divorce process less antagonistic and more cooperative however it may only wor... (read in full...)
I have to choose between the love of my life, or my wife who wont try and work on our marriage and our new baby......
Q. Help. Please help. I am truly desperate and at the end of my sanity. I have been married for 3 years, together with her for a total of 5. I do love my wife as a person. I want to be "in love" with her, but she makes it difficult to do ...
A. 31 December 2010: hi Trying Man - while it's good that you have truly given up your affair, I still question if the way you are staying in your marriage is a "good" idea. Meaning, emotionally healthy for both you and your wife and improving rather than worsening your ... (read in full...)
Will the hurt ever go away, or should I cut my losses and apply for a divorce and let 10 years of marriage go down the drain?
Q. My husband had a one night stand with a "friend" of mine. I am not sure that I can forgive or forget it. I have tried and we have done the counsleing deal, but I have so much anger inside of me, because I feel as if he has brought this into our ...
A. 31 December 2010: 10 years of marriage will not go down the drain because you divorce him. It has already gone down the drain because of his infidelity.
Don't feel responsible for keeping together a marriage that he broke apart.... (read in full...)
I have to choose between the love of my life, or my wife who wont try and work on our marriage and our new baby......
Q. Help. Please help. I am truly desperate and at the end of my sanity. I have been married for 3 years, together with her for a total of 5. I do love my wife as a person. I want to be "in love" with her, but she makes it difficult to do ...
A. 27 December 2010: I'm sorry to be blunt, but it sounds like you keep flip flopping between different courses of action because you are trying to run away from taking responsibility for your actions. And you are STILL doing it.
I think you are digging yourself... (read in full...)
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