I am always the 'bad guy'!! What should I do?
Q. Okay, what do I do?! I'll try and be as detailed as I can. I was with a girl for about 6 or 7 years off and on. Now I'm going to be totally honest. At the beginning of our relationship I didn't treat her well. I was young so I'd rather be out wi...
A. 2 February 2012: true you may have behaved inappropriately at the beginning of the relationship, but since then she's done more than her fair share of inappropriate behavior.
I don't think you can "get rid of her" if she's friends with your brother's wife. Bu... (read in full...)
My ex husband's fiancée posted a picture of our LEGAL divorce decree ON FACEBOOK
Q. Gang, I am MORTIFIED. I am not thrilled or happy about my divorce... it's a failure on my part and it is what it is. I don't need or WANT to shout from the rooftops I'm divorced (yet again). I just got a text from a friend of mine congratulat...
A. 2 February 2012: I think you should just not do anything about it. This makes her (and him by association) look petty and childish. By ignoring it, you're showing that you have so many more important things to do and care about than them.
sooner or later all of h... (read in full...)
How do we sort out the communication difficulties without me feeling like I'm nagging? I need more effort from him!
Q. After many years of being treated extremely badly by men (including the men in my family), I have finally got into a wonderful relationship with someone I care about. Problem is it's long distance as has to be for the next year or so because of work ...
A. 2 February 2012: You've already talked about this with him several times but it hasn't led to any change in his behavior. Unfortunately you can't change someone else, you have a much better chance of changing yourself. So I suggest that you learn to be more OK with ... (read in full...)
Should I learn to be faithful or move on?
Q. Ive been with my boyfriend for a whole year. I cheated on him twice. He heard from people but I always denied and he believes me. Im a christian and my boyfriend is muslim, my parents keep trying to tell me to leave him because there will be ...
A. 2 February 2012: You should confess to your boyfriend that you've been cheating on him, and let HIM decide if your relationship will continue or not. He has the right to know what kind of relationship he's in now.
You need to learn how to work on relation... (read in full...)
Am I unreasonable in thinking a marriage should be more?
Q. I need some advice on my current marital situation... My wife and I have been married for six years. She's very religious and, as such, there was a very strict "no sex before marriage" policy - which I agreed to. The problems began after the ...
A. 1 February 2012: I think your wife doesn't want a husband or a marital relationship, instead she wants a security blanket.
If you are married, then your marriage is to be your only physical relationship. So if your marriage has no physical intimacy even though a... (read in full...)
My husband has joined an online dating site
Q. My husband has joined a sex dating site. Should I be worried. Or is it harmless fun?? ...
A. 31 January 2012: it's only harmless fun (as he probably claims) until it gets more serious. What you do next is up to you, but you shouldn't just brush this under the carpet unless you want to get a nasty surprise further down the road.... (read in full...)
Urgent! I snooped through my boyfriend's phone and now his mother says I have to tell him right away
Q. Hello, I really need some advice/help fast my as boyfriends mom tells me Im running out of time..JOY! Ok heres what happenned, I live with my boyfriend and his mom for the last 6months. We've had our ups and downs..Im having some stuggles due to f...
A. 31 January 2012: I think you should talk to your boyfriend, he has a right to know, and you should apologize to him for:
(a) breaking his trust by snooping through his phone
(b) that when you found something that worried you, you went to someone else fir... (read in full...)
Can it work with an ex the 2nd time around?
Q. Is it possible to date an ex and have it work out the second time and lead to marriage? My ex who broke my heart 5 months ago is back and wants a second chance. He says he loves me and i never stopped loving him. We dated 8 months and broke up when ...
A. 31 January 2012: from what I've seen, there are some likely scenarios for getting back together with an ex:
1. It works out the second time around because you have both changed for the better. You have learned from your mistakes, you have improved your relation... (read in full...)
The affection in our relationship has eroded. Should I stay or leave?
Q. I am so sad because when I first was with him we were having sex almost daily now 3 years later it is almost extinct and we have a 3 year old son together. We are bored and sit home all the time and watch tv in seperate rooms and we don't like ...
A. 31 January 2012: You didn't mention what you have done to try to resolve this. Since you are married and have a young son, I think you owe it to your son to at least try to work on and improve your relationship.
No I don't believe that people should stay married ... (read in full...)
Which woman do I pick? My long term gf or the new woman, I feel sexually attracted to?
Q. hi im 32 im a gay woman and been with my girlfriend over a year. dont live together yet but we are engaged. thing is we had some ups and downs and i just no longer fancy her and lost my sex drive months ago. i love her so much and enjoy her company ...
A. 31 January 2012: you should call off the engagement, for sure, regardless of whether there's anyone new in the picture because if you've lost your attraction to your fiance then the relationship is no longer functioning as an intimate/romantic relationship. So you ... (read in full...)
His codependency is slowly killing me.
Q. I'm in a relationship I don't see any future in and honestly I don't want to be in the relationship at all anymore. I'm 21 years old and I've been dating my boyfriend for 6 years come this April. The saddest part is I have told my boyfriend this ...
A. 31 January 2012: Your boyfriend isn't the only co-dependent one, you are too because you are half of this relationship and it takes two to have a relationship. That doesn't meant that it is all your fault (of course it's not) but you have to acknowledge your own ... (read in full...)
Do people often settle for less when they marry?
Q. I haven't been on here in ages, but hey - I'm kinda tipsy and that's when I ask my questions best! So I'm meant to be getting married and meant to be really happy but heaps has gone wrong with that soooo... Do you guys think people sell themselves ...
A. 30 January 2012: I think they do if their primary reasons for marrying someone is not because of a healthy love for that person.
many people get married out of insecurity, or because they think it will make some problem go away or accomplish some goal. Under th... (read in full...)
Am I right in wanting more time?
Q. I have been seeing my gf for 10 months now and it has now become apparent that she wants me to decide pretty shortly if I want it to be a lifelong commitment ie marriage and kids. Or not = end of relationship. We have lived together for around 6 ...
A. 23 January 2012: You do have the right to ask for more time (though she can certainly say no to your request). But honestly from what you've written I think you already have your answer. I don't think the passage of more time will in and of itself change anything, ... (read in full...)
My wife says I should be satisfied with sex once a week or less. I'm not happy. what can I do about this?
Q. My wife only wants sex once a week or less this has made me so mad angry and upset most of the time I cant handle this lifestyle she has a low sex drive. I'm very sexed up every day I masturbate and need sex... Wife says she will never change onc...
A. 22 January 2012: From your post, you sound rather entitled that you shouldn't have to compromise on your needs but your wife should on hers.
If you're disrespectful and inconsiderate towards her, she probably won't want to have anything to do with you. How then... (read in full...)
We are poison together!
Q. I have been married to my husband for 7years, it was love at first sight for both us.- the dilemma we face is we are poison together. We both use drugs I've been doing them from the loliness that I've been feeling. By numbing them, how and when are ...
A. 18 January 2012: I think you should focus on getting yourself to a better place by getting treatment for you addiction. Get into therapy and work on it. Don't wait for your husband to decide whether he wants to do this too or not. Do this for yourself, regardless of ... (read in full...)
An affair with married man who gets caught but still wants affair?
Q. I already know what people will say about my relationship with the married man I am seeing. I feel bad and have ended it more than 4 times now but he keeps wanting me back. Here is my story. I have known this man since we were kids and dated in high ...
A. 18 January 2012: because he's weak and has issues of his own that hold him back from solving his personal problems and making hard decisions and following through. he is probably miserable in his life and marriage but his approach is just to seek immediate comfort ... (read in full...)
How does one deal with marriage issues, where the other person thinks everything is fine?
Q. How do you deal with marriage issues when the other party thinks everything is fine, in the sense they are devoted to the children and don't really care about the husband-wife dynamic....
A. 18 January 2012: there's a couple reasons you're in this situation where you're unhappy but your wife thinks everything is fine.
1. She honestly has no clue how you're really feeling. Maybe you haven't been completely honest with her, or maybe she's been too wrap... (read in full...)
Can abusive men ever change?
Q. Can men who have been abusive with there partners ever be rehabilited and change their behaviour, or is it something deeper within them and there is little that will change them. I have been with a abusive man for 8 yrs and although it is not daily ...
A. 14 January 2012: I agree with the male anon poster who says that after 8 years of this abuse it's counterproductive to fixate on the possibility of him changing and instead you should look at why YOU aren't changing yourself and why YOU continue to participate in ... (read in full...)
Married, in love with another man, but my husband won't let me go
Q. My oh my, I am in big trouble. I work with a man I have become very close to. I am married. He is not. I see him everyday and we spend lots of time together working on the same project. I am in an unhappy marriage and have truly and deep...
A. 10 January 2012: since you have obviously spent a lot of time and energy wrestling with your situation and have pretty much clarified with certainty where you stand as far as your own feelings, that my advice to you is that you should go ahead and divorce your ... (read in full...)
I pushed my fiance away and he says he's numb now. I want him back!
Q. Hi there, I have a got a question and would really love your feedback or any kind of advice if possible. I have been in relationship on distance for about 3 years, of course it's been hard we couldn't see each other often, but at least we would s...
A. 4 January 2012: It's good that you know that you've made mistakes in how you treated him, but the fact is that nevertheless you continued to make the same mistakes over and over.
Each time you lose control and are mean to him or threaten break up, regardle... (read in full...)
Do I give him time to figure out what he wants? I've given him chance after chance to decide.
Q. My boyfriend has been terrible at making me feel secure in this relationship. I have worried the entire year that he was keeping me as his 2nd choice back-up plan. I know he has feared losing me as a friend, one who actually accepts and tolerates ...
A. 4 January 2012: I agree with YouWish, I think this guy does need you in his life, BUT in a very specific role, which is not in the way you want.
I think he needs the security that having you around provides him, hence him begging you not to leave. But I think th... (read in full...)
Unexpected gifts at Christmas have left us feeling badly. What should we do?
Q. Hello. I've got a bit of a post christmas problem. Basically I spent christmas at my partners brothers house. We had a lovely time but we feel a bit awkward because her brothers partner signed her name on the presents from him, aswell as his na...
A. 31 December 2011: In my opinion, having been on both sides of this awkward and uncomfortable situation myself, I think the best thing to do is to not give her a gift but a thank-you card.
If you were to give someone a gift only some time after they've given yo... (read in full...)
A horrible work performance review ruined my holidays!
Q. I'm 26, recently out of grad school and I've got my first job. I perform every work task I get quickly and efficiently and I though I was doing great. I actually thought I was exceeding my boss' expectations! So when he said he was very unhappy with ...
A. 31 December 2011: I'm so sorry to hear about this. I think it was just a big misunderstanding of what are your boss' expectations of you, and he misunderstood what you're doing.
You should make an appointment with him to talk about this. tell him you really w... (read in full...)
Should I just take those months off and leave those crazy people in my family behind or should I listen to their opinion and give up on my fiancé?
Q. Hey there! My mom passed away last spring and it's still pretty hard for me to bear. Plus, my fiancé had to move abroad (2hr plane ride) for work and although we get to see each other every other week, i miss him incredibly. I also miss my mom like...
A. 30 December 2011: You should stick to your plan of going abroad and leave your family to make of it what they will and deal with it however they will. You are an autonomous adult, you have the right to live your life according to how you want, and what you choose to ... (read in full...)
My dog died and now I feel incredibly depressed and guilty
Q. Hey guys, This isn't about a romantic relationship but my heart is shattered in pieces all over the floor. I am grieving for my baby angel, a beautiful German Shepherd. She was 15 years old and she gave me unconditional love for half of m...
A. 27 December 2011: I'm so sorry for your loss. I have German Shepherds too (I have been the proud owner of GSDs all my life) and I also volunteer for Shepherd rescue groups. I've had many different kinds of dogs since I was a kid but there is something special about ... (read in full...)
My ex is seeing another girl, is he doing this because I did not trust him? I'm just hurt!
Q. Ok I really need help. My ex and I were together for three years. We had our ups and downs but at the end of the day we forgave each other and always told each other I love you. We'll we broke recently over something I had done. I had inva...
A. 16 December 2011: to be honest I think this is getting worse not better....
So he is basically reiterating that he does NOT want a relationship with you. that is consistent. And yet he's happy to have sex with you in the meantime. I would be cautious that he's usi... (read in full...)
I think something strange is going on with my husband and his former boss's wife!
Q. My husband used to work for someone and he always had a questionable relatiolnship with the boss's wife. It was so bad that his co-workers used to kid him about inheriting the business and that the boss's kids were really his. He eventuallty ...
A. 16 December 2011: I'm sorry you're in this position, it's a tough situation and it's not going to go away anytime soon.
I hate to say this but I see red flags every where. It sounds like there was a maybe-not-so-secret relationship between him and the boss's w... (read in full...)
My ex is seeing another girl, is he doing this because I did not trust him? I'm just hurt!
Q. Ok I really need help. My ex and I were together for three years. We had our ups and downs but at the end of the day we forgave each other and always told each other I love you. We'll we broke recently over something I had done. I had inva...
A. 16 December 2011: he's already said loud and clear that he doesn't want this relationship anymore, so I think you should try to accept it so you can move on. It's natural to feel very hurt and in pain when a relationship ends. It's normal to want that pain to end ... (read in full...)
Why wont he commit to me? I'm losing my mind!
Q. Im 34 years old and for the last 18months i have been having a casual relationship with my first love. I lost my virginity to him when i was 23 and we had regular sex for about 4 years. He is a bit of a commitment phobic. Maybe the reason for this ...
A. 16 December 2011: I think he has good reasons to be a commitment-phobe if all his previous relationships ended badly. But that means that he's going to be this way. It sounds like he's doing all he can to be less commitment-phobic, but he's out of his comfort zone ... (read in full...)
Will you get over your soulmate if they die? what about being with them when you pass if your with another?
Q. Do you ever get over loosing your soulmate?? I know some of you may look at this and think "your young you will find someone else and be happy" but I am so heart broken and just cant imagine a life with anyone else. I was in love with the man I call ...
A. 16 December 2011: I'm so sorry for your loss, it must be so painful and heart wrenching. It's a lot to go through at such a young age. I know it doesn't sound like much comfort right now, but time will make the pain go away some.
I think he would want you to be ha... (read in full...)
Does everyone get second thoughts when they’re moments away from a divorce?
Q. My soon-to-be ex-husband and were together 15 years, out of which we have been married for 8 years, out of those separated for 3 years and within those we have been in divorce proceedings for the past 2 years… amicably I may add. Half our time ...
A. 15 December 2011: I think it's very normal for you to be feeling this way. When you see how he's seemingly moved on, and is with another woman you wonder why couldn't it be the two of you, and should you try again?
I think at this point you should move forward ... (read in full...)
I don't want to see the two people that I love more than anything in this world fall apart like this
Q. I'm in such a difficult spot right now, and I don't know where to turn. My parents have been my everything my entire life. They've been my inspiration, my best friends, my counselors, my teachers, my source for strength and comfort, my prov...
A. 10 December 2011: I'm so sorry to hear of the stress your going through and the sadness you're experiencing. Your parents have certainly been through a lot, and I'm glad that they were and still are excellent parents and that you have such a close loving relationship ... (read in full...)
Do I stay with my sick ex, or go with my new love
Q. I am driving myself crazy and feel like I am tearing myself into two!! A few months back I left my ex because I had really strong feelings for another guy and felt I couldn't be with my ex because it wouldn't be fair on him and I really wanted to ...
A. 7 December 2011: I'm so sorry to hear about this really awful situation that you're in, and also very sorry to hear about your ex's diagnosis.
I know this is a horrible situation that you've been put in, but I feel that what your ex wants from you isn't even pos... (read in full...)
My wife's ex-boyfriend contacted her after 20 years of no contact. I am not sure what to think about this.
Q. My wife's ex-boyfriend (the one prior to me) contacted her after 20 years of no contact. I have been with my wife for 19 years. My wife did not tell me about this. I discovered it when I saw a strange number on her cell phone bill. I confront...
A. 5 December 2011: Assuming she has never strayed from your marriage before (since you make no mention of it), I think the probability that she will sleep with her ex whom she hasn't seen for 20 years, is far lower than the probability of your marriage crumbling ... (read in full...)
Why would a man appear jealous if you are with someone else, even though he himself does not want to be with you?
Q. Hello, I just need opinions on this subject. Let me give a little info on my situation. I am seeing a man, and we have decided to just be friends with benefits. We have dated in the beginning and when a relationship was brought up he stated that he ...
A. 5 December 2011: maybe he is in fact jealous because he has been keeping you as a back up for when he does want to have a relationship, so now that you're seeing someone else it's robbing him of his back up plan.
or, maybe he doesn't like that you're seeing s... (read in full...)
I'm tired of being the one who always tries to make the relationship work
Q. Dear Cupid I am with my bf for nearly 2 years.Only during the start he used to call me, nowadays im the one who is always calling/trying to meet him. He never even tries. If i stop calling even for a week, he wont bother much. I dont want to do ...
A. 5 December 2011: Have you talked with him about this? Maybe he assumes that you want to be the one to always call him and initiate stuff, because that's what you always do. I mean, you have been doing it. So unless you've voiced to him that you're unhappy about ... (read in full...)
We have not consumated this relationship. He is married. But can I get over him while I have to see him twice a week?
Q. I have a major problem here and need help. I am in love with someone who is married. He is in love with me but we have not had an affair. We acknowledged that this was the case but that we would do nothing about this. The problem is is that I ...
A. 5 December 2011: unfortunately sometimes there isn't a way to avoid emotional pain, and you just have to sit with the feelings of discomfort until the situation passes naturally with time and distance.
however if your distress is severe to the point that it's int... (read in full...)
I simply don't know how to move on from what I did and no-one is giving me any opportunity to do so because they blank me or look at me with loathing
Q. I was in an eighteen year relationship with someone who was a binge drinker and I finally plucked up the courage to leave him some months ago. I need help with some of the leftover crap from that please. My background: I got married at 18, p...
A. 5 December 2011: You have had a very difficult life and your accomplishments are nothing short of amazing, made even more so by the obstacles you faced. You are clearly a 'survivor' and for that you are to be commended.
Everyone makes mistakes, and I think th... (read in full...)
My Gf got pissed that I dropped some rice in her bowl of soup, that I was angry at her and that I didn't call her, and now we shouldn't see each other till the end of the year! How trivial is that!!
Q. My gf and I are mad at each other. We’ve dated for about 16 months. I’m 27 and she’s 26. We’re each other's first gf/bf. We were eating at a buffet along with her sister. My gf returned to the table with a small bowl of soup and placed it on the...
A. 5 December 2011: "I just want to ask everyone's opinion on this as well. I had been told in the past that I have to accept her for "who she is" including her occasional disrespectfulness with me BEFORE she's willing to improve herself. If I don't accept her for "who ... (read in full...)
Did he cheat or is it all in my head?
Q. hey everyone I have bi polar disorder and depression and anxiety issues and paranoia...(yeah I know its a big nice gift right?) anyways...I am engaged to my fiance (obviously thats why hes my fiance lol) but lets see...a few months back I found a ...
A. 3 December 2011: I think you need to get your bipolar disorder under control first, with medical treatment and therapy. Until you do, you won't feel any better no matter if the truth is that he didn't cheat on you. As long as your bipolar disorder and depression ... (read in full...)
The issue doesn't warrant us breaking-up, but it really bothers me!
Q. Hi. I'm in a mostly-happy, well-adjusted four year relationship. I'm pretty good about not sweating the small stuff, but what about the medium stuff? How do I get past a relationship issue that really bothers me, but that I can't resolve and isn't ...
A. 3 December 2011: You could do the purely practical, which is, move out of your present place, and both of you find a new place that's closer to where he works. Also, maybe it will help you to deal with this if you see this as a temporary situation. He won't be in ... (read in full...)
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