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*hocoholicforever

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I need to stand my ground this time and not take her walking all over me, but I still love her! What should I do?

Q.   First off my name is James, yesterday me and my girlfriend and her daughter went out to go eat. To celebrate our anniversary. We've been together for about 16 months. Lately i've been feeling unappreciated. I feel like i do everything in this ...

A.   12 July 2011:  further reading for your information, especially as men who are victims of abuse by their female partners sometimes face different issues than women victims http://www.heart-2-heart.ca/men/index.htm http://ww... (read in full...)

I need to stand my ground this time and not take her walking all over me, but I still love her! What should I do?

Q.   First off my name is James, yesterday me and my girlfriend and her daughter went out to go eat. To celebrate our anniversary. We've been together for about 16 months. Lately i've been feeling unappreciated. I feel like i do everything in this ...

A.   12 July 2011: unfortunately it's rare for abusive people to change for the better and permanently. It can and does happen but it's not common. I've never seen it happen personally (there has been abuse in my family and extended family on both sides, and I have ... (read in full...)

Do I need to keep my opinions to myself or embrace my outspoken nature?

Q.   lately people around me tend to think i am being a pain in the but or a jerk. i can not really figure out why this would be? i am one of the those people or at least i have become one of late who speaks there mind who doesn't take shit from any ...

A.   12 July 2011: you may be having depression. Anger and constant irritability is a common symptom of depression, in a way anger "protects" you from feeling other negative emotions like hurt, sadness, pain, and shame. And difficult life events can certain trigger ... (read in full...)

He needs to clear his debt and has now said he's enlisting. Should I give up on our chances?

Q.   My ex bf and I have been friends for 3 years and dating for a year and a half. I am well educated and went back to school recently to get another degree. He has no degree and now is in debt and trying to get out of it. Since Ive known him hes told ...

A.   11 July 2011: To me, what it boils down to is that you have a clear idea of what you want in a husband, what your deal breakers are, and you also have a firm time frame by which you want to be married and start a family. And right now, he has those deal breakers ... (read in full...)

Do I need to keep my opinions to myself or embrace my outspoken nature?

Q.   lately people around me tend to think i am being a pain in the but or a jerk. i can not really figure out why this would be? i am one of the those people or at least i have become one of late who speaks there mind who doesn't take shit from any ...

A.   11 July 2011: since this is a recurring pattern of many people telling you that you're being offensive and negative, then I would say that you need to change something about yourself. that is unless you want to end up isolated with no friends or any close ... (read in full...)

I need to stand my ground this time and not take her walking all over me, but I still love her! What should I do?

Q.   First off my name is James, yesterday me and my girlfriend and her daughter went out to go eat. To celebrate our anniversary. We've been together for about 16 months. Lately i've been feeling unappreciated. I feel like i do everything in this ...

A.   11 July 2011: first off, good for you for finally standing up for yourself! You've learned the hard way that allowing people to treat you abusively only leads to...more abusive treatment. Your gf is being abusive -she's being verbally abusive by calling you ... (read in full...)

I don't wan't to leave my wife, but I have very strong feelings for this other woman. Is it possible to love two women and not hurt anyone?

Q.   Hi everyone, I'm new to this site, but appreciate everyone's candor and returns on their experience. I am and have been happily married for 20 years now with my french wife in Paris. I love my wife, we are close and loving and I am proud ...

A.   11 July 2011: "Is it possible to have a mistress without diminishing or ruining my love for my wife?" Unless you're wired differently from the rest of the human population, the answer is most probably No. That is, unless you already don't love your wife, th... (read in full...)

I don't wan't to leave my wife, but I have very strong feelings for this other woman. Is it possible to love two women and not hurt anyone?

Q.   Hi everyone, I'm new to this site, but appreciate everyone's candor and returns on their experience. I am and have been happily married for 20 years now with my french wife in Paris. I love my wife, we are close and loving and I am proud ...

A.   9 July 2011: if you don't want to leave your wife or hurt her and your family, then you really should stop seeing the other woman. If you don't want to do anything to hurt your family, then you should end all contact with this other woman. Since your wife was... (read in full...)

Post-divorce friendship or 'no contact'?

Q.   My exH and I have known each other for 20 years of which 18 we were married. We had a very close relationship and considered each other best friends. Money, material things, and flaunt have always been very important to him as it gives him power. ...

A.   6 July 2011: he cheated on you, lied to you, got you into debt, then left you for someone else, now he's still living with her yet tells you he "eventually wants to come back"? why are you even entertaining his "proposal"? I think you should end all contact ... (read in full...)

How would a man behave if he were conflicted with choosing between his new life, new woman and his old life, wife & kids?

Q.   How would a man behave if he were conflicted with choosing between his new life, new woman and his old life/wife and kids? I would really appreciate hearing from actual men how they would handle this sort of decision. Additionally, I am nothing ...

A.   6 July 2011: it really depends on the man and how self-aware he is and his level of "emotional intelligence" in handling his conflicting feelings and his ex-wife. there's a reason he's divorced rather than happily married to his ex-wife. but many people don't ... (read in full...)

How do I get this puppy back without hurting my roommate's feelings?

Q.   So my boyfriend found a puppy on the side of the road, and he took him home, until we found find him a home! I immediantly started calling family members. I asked my grandmother (who just lost a dog, and was kinda looking for another one...but ...

A.   6 July 2011:  Did your roommate take the puppy to his parents' house only as a temporary measure because he was just trying to be helpful until you found a permanent home for the puppy? Or was your roommate assuming that here's a puppy who needs a home so he d... (read in full...)

I don't know why I'm getting the cold shoulder from my friend!

Q.   Hi just wanted some advice really, a friend of mine who ive known since i was 17 seems to be giving me the cold shoulder. She has lived in Spain for the past 8 years and we have kept contact via phone and e-mails. Lately she doesn't seem to bother ...

A.   6 July 2011: Some times people do lose interest in their old friends, especially if they've made new ones or have undergone life changes. for example, her living in Spain for the last 8 years could have changed her views and thus made her interested in different ... (read in full...)

A dreamer and a realist, high sex drive and low sex drive. Can this relationship survive?

Q.   I'm having a problem as of late. I've been with my current GF for almost two years now (we are going to Amsterdam for our two year anniversary in May) but I feel all emotions have gone from my part. We are in a long distance relationship (i'm ...

A.   6 July 2011: Sorry to say this but I think your relationship is not going to work out because it seems that your gf doesn't respect you. it seems to me this lack of respect is why she's behaving the way she is - not having any interest in you. And I'm guessing... (read in full...)

I really cant trust my boyfriend....should we be together?

Q.   Hi. Thank you for reading. I’ve been with my boyfriend for several months and I just feel like I can’t trust him. I don’t believe him when he tells me he loves me. This isn’t helped by the fact he says things without thinking, things that really u...

A.   5 July 2011: I see this as two separate issues one is the nature of the disagreement. How "serious" is this issue, are you over reacting out of insecurity or do you have a legitimate reason to be highly upset? Of course from your perspective you have a legiti... (read in full...)

In the midst of my feelings for this girl, I ended up getting married to my ex fiancee. Now my marriage is crappy and the girl I love(d) is pregnant with her abusive BF's child..

Q.   Well, this is kind of a long story. I'll do my best to keep it brief, but many of the details are significant, so I guess we'll see.. About 3 years ago I started a new job, and consequently met a girl there. We became close, and began dating. ...

A.   2 July 2011: "I truely do believe that being with the other girl would cure my mental problems, " I don't doubt that you do truly believe this, and right now it may be true, but the practical reality is that it's extremely unlikely to happen in the foreseea... (read in full...)

Do I stay with my boyfriend? Or leave and face being on my own?

Q.   Hiya!! I know you get a lot of these, but I would appreciate advice on my boyfriend. He is 26, lives and works in London and is the nicest bloke I have ever dated. He is caring, loving, would never raise a hand to me and has acccepted me wit...

A.   30 June 2011: he may be a nice guy in general but, like you said, you're just not that high on his list of priorities. that's just how he feels about you. I would question why HE is in this relationship. why does he want to technically maintain a relation... (read in full...)

Am I abusive to my bf?

Q.   I am a girl, but I come from a long line of very similar men. I take after my father in personality, and that personality includes some obsessive behavior and addictive behavior. I'm worried I may have also inherited some of the family abusive ...

A.   30 June 2011: Yes you are being abusive. The name calling is verbally abusive, and hitting him on the arm is being physically abusive. And yes there is an abuse cycle in which you feel very bad afterward and want to be extra nice and sweet. But it's good that ... (read in full...)

Should I let my baby's daddy back into our lives?

Q.   hi everybody,please help!My boyfriend abandoned me since i was one month pregnant. Now my baby is 9 months and he does not know the baby. It's been two months since he is back in my life(not in my son's life),I have been trying to learn more from ...

A.   30 June 2011: you can let him into your child's life via visitation, but you shouldn't let him back into YOUR life as a partner because you don't trust him, and you have every reason not to. He abandoned you when you needed him most. he is selfish. He used to ... (read in full...)

Depression has gotten worse now that my BF has broken up with me, what should I do?

Q.   My boyfriend has broken up with me, because I recently I have been stuck in a depressive episode, due to a load of family crap with my parents. Over the last 2 years I have had 2 nervous breakdowns, 8 different anti-depressants, counsell...

A.   30 June 2011: it's natural to feel very upset at what your father did, and because you obviously love your mother you're outraged that she was betrayed. But still, as the female anon poster said, ultimately your parents' marital relationship is between ... (read in full...)

I'm not sure where I stand with my FWB

Q.   I'm married but its falling apart he cheated on me lied constantly, hurt me, ignored me. I started an affair with a friend, I know its wrong. We've been on and off for about 9 months now. When it started I didn't mean for it all but i fell for my ...

A.   30 June 2011: I think you need to get a plan into place so you can leave your husband. Your marriage sounds very toxic, no wonder you don't love your husband anymore. I would not try to "work it out" with him, as people like him usually are not to be trusted to ... (read in full...)

In the midst of my feelings for this girl, I ended up getting married to my ex fiancee. Now my marriage is crappy and the girl I love(d) is pregnant with her abusive BF's child..

Q.   Well, this is kind of a long story. I'll do my best to keep it brief, but many of the details are significant, so I guess we'll see.. About 3 years ago I started a new job, and consequently met a girl there. We became close, and began dating. ...

A.   29 June 2011:  I think this isn't about whether you should stay in your marriage or what to do about the other girl, this is about your personal health issues (your depression, anxiety and bipolar disorder that still needs treatment) and your patterns of thin... (read in full...)

I'm not sure where I stand with my FWB

Q.   I'm married but its falling apart he cheated on me lied constantly, hurt me, ignored me. I started an affair with a friend, I know its wrong. We've been on and off for about 9 months now. When it started I didn't mean for it all but i fell for my ...

A.   29 June 2011: I think where you stand with your FWB is that he doesn't want to get close to you anymore, he wants to keep you at arms length to protect his heart. He wanted more than just sex, and you claimed you did too. Yet your actions haven't reflected your ... (read in full...)

Depression has gotten worse now that my BF has broken up with me, what should I do?

Q.   My boyfriend has broken up with me, because I recently I have been stuck in a depressive episode, due to a load of family crap with my parents. Over the last 2 years I have had 2 nervous breakdowns, 8 different anti-depressants, counsell...

A.   29 June 2011: I'm sorry to hear of what you're going through. You will get through it, break ups are hard on anyone and especially when you have depression. You've done the right thing of working on your depression on your own with counseling and medicati... (read in full...)

He really wants another baby, but I'm scared of getting sick again

Q.   Dear Ageny aunts, I have been married for about four years and have a two-year old baby girl. I had hypremesis gravadirium throughout my first pregnancy and I have been to hell and back. Now my husband wants another baby, I'm scared to death of...

A.   28 June 2011: Your husband is being selfish if he is placing his own desire for a second baby (and it's not like he doesn't already have a child) above your health and welfare. You're right to be concerned for your health and you have every right to feel the... (read in full...)

I'm starting to hate my husband but baby number 2 is on the way! Help!

Q.   I have been with my spouse for 6 years, since i was 18 years old iv been with him. im starting to hate my husband and i cant seem to know why. i just do. we fight alot. we both disagree alot. even when we spend time alone together theres an akward ...

A.   28 June 2011: If you hate your husband, then you should leave him and figure out how to raise the kids in a divorced home. your hatred of him will only intensify once you have the added stress of a second child. If you hate him, then in my opinion you're already ... (read in full...)

Still living with my ex and he is acting like we are still together! What should I do?

Q.   My ex broke up with me in January. We still live together due to financial reasons, and have agreed to stay in our current place until our lease is up at the end of the year. I have moved into the spare bedroom and we live as roommates now. ...

A.   28 June 2011: it's sounds like he's using you as a security blanket. He's talking to other women, but obviously doesn't have anything serious lined up yet. So in the meantime he continues to play house with you and be touchy feely with you so he doesn't have to ... (read in full...)

I don't trust her, how can I build up that trust?

Q.   Okay. I'm not going to get into specifics but my girlfriend basically ruined my trust in her. I guess technically she's my ex girlfriend. She showed up on my door step the other week saying she realized how horribly she treated me and she missed me ...

A.   28 June 2011: "However then I have to trust her when she says everything was okay." No, you do not "have" to trust her just because she says everything is OK. just because she makes amends to you, does not mean you now owe her your trust. You can forgive ... (read in full...)

I want to be a proper family but he can't commit!

Q.   I want to be a proper family but he cant commit. My partner and i have been together 7yrs, we have 2 young kids who are 6 and 3. The problem is we have never lived together properly. My kids behaviour isnt good and i blame this situation for it. He ...

A.   28 June 2011: Unfortunately I think he really doesn't want to be with you. He said you gave him a life he didn't want. that's pretty telling. you should let him go, he won't make a good husband when he's only doing it resentfully and hating it most of the time... (read in full...)

He is my FWB and now he tells me that he cares for me and likes my company, what's that about?

Q.   Hey Cupids, I've been having this friend with benefits for nearly 6 months now. We meet twice a week, watch a movie, have dinner or lunch, we talk a lot and basically have a good time- with some sex involved. I'm a little confused though because t...

A.   28 June 2011: maybe he wants to go beyond FWB and explore having a real relationship with you. ... (read in full...)

Did I make the right move or is it time to leave?

Q.   This is the second time I have moved for a man to another state that I have met through the internet. It's a very complicated situation for me. I have a low self esteem and I am so insecure. My boyfriend has a 16 yr. old son that he sees every other ...

A.   27 June 2011: I agree with what Wheeler said. You and this guy both have your own issues with self esteem and personal boundaries in relationships. His ex-wife doesn't respect his boundaries because he's not enforcing them with her (maybe he doesn't want to,... (read in full...)

I'm starting to lose patience with her, she's being used for sex and doesn't listen!

Q.   Well In my group of friends there are a boy and a girl that are really close. The girl really likes the guy but he doesn't like her in that way. However on and off for the past six months hes been using her for sex (at one of these points hes...

A.   24 June 2011: you're a good friend for caring for her. And it's natural to feel upset when you're trying to help her out because you're concerned for her well being yet she just doesn't listen and continues to be mistreated. You feel like your words are falling ... (read in full...)

How can I build a happy marriage when its so one sided? I feel so hurt and alone.

Q.   I'm having problems with my husband. He makes very little effort at all. His whole life revolves around going to work, coming home and being with our kids, working on his car, the yard and renovating the house and in the evening its a toss up ...

A.   23 June 2011: OP, the fact that the first few months of your courtship he was romantic and thoughtful, means that he does very well know how to be that way. He knew how to do it then, so it doesn't mean that now he's just "not wired" for it. He was wired for it ... (read in full...)

I broke up with him too many times and now he doesn't want anything to do with me! What should I do?

Q.   hello, im 15 and i've been in a relationship for 1 and 3 almost 4 months with my boyfriend. i broke up so many times with him and it seems like he doesnt love me the same anymore and i've realized i did a huge mistake. he treated me so nicely. our ...

A.   23 June 2011: you've hurt him many times by repeatedly breaking up with him. Breaking up with someone, then taking them back, then breaking up with them again, then taking them back again...this is yanking them around and it's very hurtful. It's incredibly ... (read in full...)

My marriage problems are making me miss my ex!

Q.   I am married for more than 1 and a half yr, and as the days are passing i am missing my ex more everyday... I cry hours just remembering his cute gestures of care. he was a very loving man... now you must be thinking why the hell I am not with him ...

A.   23 June 2011: your marriage does sound like it's not meeting your needs, but dont' let this cloud your memory of your ex. These are separate issues. There's a reason you broke up with your ex- because he was abusive. Partners who are abusive tend to be contr... (read in full...)

I seem to have stopped loving my husband entirely. Where have my feelings gone? Why can't I rekindle them?

Q.   It's been 10 years since I met my husband, and I've been faithful to him all this time. We've had a difficult relationship. We used to fight constantly. We've both caused each other a lot of suffering and heartbreak. We've lived through poverty ...

A.   23 June 2011: hello I want to clarify that my daughter (who's visiting me for the summer and has taken an active interest in this forum and the threads I have participated in) is the female anon poster who wrote the below several posts to the OP. I apparently was ... (read in full...)

I seem to have stopped loving my husband entirely. Where have my feelings gone? Why can't I rekindle them?

Q.   It's been 10 years since I met my husband, and I've been faithful to him all this time. We've had a difficult relationship. We used to fight constantly. We've both caused each other a lot of suffering and heartbreak. We've lived through poverty ...

A.   23 June 2011: "Forever is a long time! If it takes forever (or even close to forever) to begin to feel differently then I believe that the proper thing to do is end the relationship. Don't keep the other person hanging on in hope that next year might be the ... (read in full...)

How can I build a happy marriage when its so one sided? I feel so hurt and alone.

Q.   I'm having problems with my husband. He makes very little effort at all. His whole life revolves around going to work, coming home and being with our kids, working on his car, the yard and renovating the house and in the evening its a toss up ...

A.   22 June 2011: unfortunately the answer to your question is, you can't. any relationship and marriage takes two people so one person cannot build a happy marriage (except by lowering your standards to where you can be happy with whatever little you have). I thi... (read in full...)

I seem to have stopped loving my husband entirely. Where have my feelings gone? Why can't I rekindle them?

Q.   It's been 10 years since I met my husband, and I've been faithful to him all this time. We've had a difficult relationship. We used to fight constantly. We've both caused each other a lot of suffering and heartbreak. We've lived through poverty ...

A.   21 June 2011: I think you need to admit to yourself and give yourself permission to acknowledge your lack of feelings for him, or your negative feelings. don't be ashamed of your feelings (or lack thereof) just because he has been doing 'really sweet' things l... (read in full...)

He hoards things for too long. What can I do to encourage him to have clean out?

Q.   HI there guys, May I ask you something? I really need your thoughts about this situation I am in. I am married to a man far more older than I am, a 20-year gap. We've been married for almost 2 years now. He has a lot of things in his house that he ...

A.   21 June 2011: maybe it's also procrastination, like how the longer you put off doing something unpleasant, the more dreadful and a bigger deal the task seems until it takes on mountainous proportions in your head that makes you procrastinate even more. if he... (read in full...)

I'm going crazy thinking that my boyfriend is cheating on me. Is he??

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for over 2.5 years and we live together. There has been no change in his behaviour or mood towards me which would make me suspect anything is wrong. Just a few weeks ago, he was showing me an email from a family member ...

A.   20 June 2011: I don't think there's any way to know what's going on with this woman unless you ask him. Even then, he may lie, or he may not. If it's truly innocent he should have no problems telling you the truth and being open about it. If it's not innocent ... (read in full...)

My married friend helped me through a difficult time, and now he wants an affair with me...and I am too grateful to him to say no!!

Q.   hi He, a married nice,decent,clean,intellectual and matured adult underwent a grievous family problem for helping me out my severe troubles and bringing relief to me. His family was misguided by some outsiders and in spite of trying best in all ...

A.   20 June 2011: "Your second assumption is most accurate that his serious personal pain had been too impossible for him to deal with." This is one reason why people get into affairs, it's the same reason other people start drinking too much or abusing drugs. I... (read in full...)

Is it normal for guys to put their friend before their girlfriend sometimes?

Q.   Hi. My question is quite a general one. I have noticed sometimes that my bf puts his friends/friend before me. Is this normal or is this a sign of immaturity? There is one friend in particular, typically I dont get on with him, there is no love los...

A.   20 June 2011: if it's "some times" that he puts his friends before you, then yes this is normal and healthy and he should keep doing it. just because you're in a relationship with someone (or even if you were married) doesn't mean you own them and that no one e... (read in full...)

I want our group of friends to know about my husband's affair with another one of our friends!

Q.   Ugh. I posted a question April 19 regarding my husband's old secret that has destroyed a friendship and marraige both. In a nutshell, he cheated on me with a mutual friend, lied about it for years, and now thinks I should get over it and still be ...

A.   20 June 2011: Your husband betrayed you, and yet is now making you out to be the bad guy for being upset about it? He cheated on you, kept it secret for years, and yet he feels he has the right to tell you to just 'get over it'? clearly he is a selfish ... (read in full...)

He hoards things for too long. What can I do to encourage him to have clean out?

Q.   HI there guys, May I ask you something? I really need your thoughts about this situation I am in. I am married to a man far more older than I am, a 20-year gap. We've been married for almost 2 years now. He has a lot of things in his house that he ...

A.   20 June 2011: this is not normal or healthy behavior for a grown man...your husband does seem to be having problems moving on despite it being more than 10 years since his divorce. Not only that, but when his depression is interfering with normal daily ... (read in full...)

My married friend helped me through a difficult time, and now he wants an affair with me...and I am too grateful to him to say no!!

Q.   hi He, a married nice,decent,clean,intellectual and matured adult underwent a grievous family problem for helping me out my severe troubles and bringing relief to me. His family was misguided by some outsiders and in spite of trying best in all ...

A.   20 June 2011: Your friend may have made big personal sacrifices to help you in your time of need, but you didn't *demand* that he make those sacrifices for you, did you? He thus has no right to now demand that you repay him by having an affair with him! A tru... (read in full...)

I seem to have stopped loving my husband entirely. Where have my feelings gone? Why can't I rekindle them?

Q.   It's been 10 years since I met my husband, and I've been faithful to him all this time. We've had a difficult relationship. We used to fight constantly. We've both caused each other a lot of suffering and heartbreak. We've lived through poverty ...

A.   18 June 2011: hi there - your post is filled with so much pain, which is actually unwritten. I would bet that there is A LOT more going on than what you've written, in your marriage. Your feelings are there for a reason. The "emotional side" of the brain ga... (read in full...)

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