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*hocoholicforever

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My boyfriend's counselor may be trying to ruin our relationship. Should I suggest he try a new therapist?

Q.   Last week my boyfriend and I were closer than ever. We've known each other more than eight years. Then, after talking to his medical counsellor, he starts saying that we should just be friends, which I can't do, and his counselor had asked him why ...

A.   5 May 2011: So sorry you're going through this....This can be quite complicated... the goal of counseling varies, but ultimately it's up to the client to determine what they want to achieve by going to the counselor. A counselor doesn't tell people what life ... (read in full...)

Is it wrong of me changing my mind about marrying my girlfriend?

Q.   I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years, in this time she's had severe drug problems and has cheated on me three times, I love her. but now she wants a commitment and wants us to get married, I said Yes initially after we got back together but I ...

A.   4 May 2011: Don't marry her. If you do, you will be a hundred times more miserable than you are now, and yet it will be a hundred times harder to leave the relationship in the future than it is now. Once married, if you ever want to leave her in the future you ... (read in full...)

We live together, we share a son. But she says she is also in a LDR. How can I cope with this?

Q.   my girlfriend of 19 years with whom I have a son, says she is dateing someone out of state, but lives with me, sleeps with me, and i hold her every night. She says she might leave me, but goes to counselling. what is she doing? also says she might ...

A.   4 May 2011: This sounds like a very nerve wracking situation to be in. Maybe she is trying to 'scare' you into proposing marriage since it's been 19 years?? It sounds like you two don't have good communication? (just talking about how to heat the house is... (read in full...)

My marriage is void of intimacy and I feel I'm running out of time.

Q.   I have been married for 33 years. We (my wife and I) never had intercourse before marriage. Although we did everything but, before marriage. We have never been able to make each other orgasm or cum through intercourse. Masturbation seems to be the ...

A.   3 May 2011: if you've had this problem for 33 years and only now are you saying anything about it, to me that suggests huge relationship problems, trust issues, or communication problems as the first and maybe biggest barrier that must be overcome. if wo... (read in full...)

My children or the woman I love?

Q.   Hi. I am in love with another woman and I am married. But I no longer love my wife of 12 years. It has become a marriage of convenience. We have two young children who mean the world to me. If my wife and I separate, I would not see my chi...

A.   2 May 2011: You are presenting to yourself a false dilemma. Instead of framing the problem as having to choose between your children or the woman you love, why not instead make the decision that you will divorce your wife - because you've concluded beyond d... (read in full...)

Should I fogive him one more time or has he gone too far this time?

Q.   I met my husband at a club nine years ago and within a week he moved into my home.. I didn't live there at that time but within two weeks my kids and I moved back into our home with then my boyfriend. Things were going great... the kids liked him ...

A.   2 May 2011: You need to divorce him, because his actions over 9 years have shown that he can't be trusted. the best predictor of future behavior, is past behavior. If you can't live with his cheating, then you need to end this marriage and get away from him. ... (read in full...)

B/f got another girl pregnant, he keeps contacting me and its driving me crazy!

Q.   i found out my boyfriend of over 4 years was sleeping around. i moved out and said i needed some space. in between that time he was still seeing another girl he forgot to mention and she called me to tell me she was his girlfriend when i ...

A.   30 April 2011: you should probably break up with him and move on, and get him out of your life. He's shown that he's not to be trusted, even now. He's shown that he's not committed to you. Saying that he wants to be with you is one thing, actually being committed ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend hurt me so bad! What's wrong with him?

Q.   my bf has treated me really bad and always tries to control me and makes me cry!.(btw i am 18 and he is 21) One night I told my boyfriend I was busy with alot of homework for school , and that he couldn't come over that night , but that he coul...

A.   28 April 2011: He's selfish and immature. He has no idea that the world doesn't revolve around him and his immediate gratification, so by cutting him out of your life you're saving not just your own sanity but doing him a favor too of showing him that this kind of ... (read in full...)

I have desires to cheat on my husband. I don't want to feel like this and he doesn't deserve this!

Q.   I don't know if I should have ever gotten married. Marriage was never something I strived for in life, but when my husband (then boyfriend) asked me to marry him, I was very in love with him and very happy so I said yes, even though I didn't really ...

A.   28 April 2011: maybe I'm totally wrong, but it sounds like you married your husband out of not wanting to be alone and that you stay married to him out of guilt (dont' want to be the 'bad guy' for leaving him and hurting him) or because you fear being alone or ... (read in full...)

I know the relationship didn't work but I want to get back together anyway?

Q.   my ex and i broke up on good terms a week ago because we both saw it coming and knew it was inevitable. he and i have a child together and i'm still living with him until i find a job to move out. i was verbally abused quite a bit in the relat...

A.   27 April 2011: I think you should give it some time. You said you both saw the break up coming and knew it was inevitable. Now he doesn't want to get back together, so you should leave it at that and try to focus your energy on healing yourself. remind yourself ... (read in full...)

Fiance has gained 100 lbs and I'm not attracted to him. How do I tell him?

Q.   so my relationship with my fiance is indescribable...we havent had any intimate relations since my daughter was born (shes 15months now)and frankly there isnt any effort being made on his or my part...to be brutally honest and i know im going 2 ...

A.   24 April 2011: first try to be encouraging of your husband to lose weight because it's unhealthy and actually very dangerous to be so obsese. For now, try to avoid being critical and try to be only supportive and encouraging. And be patient, losing weight can be ... (read in full...)

After 1 year, the break up still hurts tremendously and now I find out he's getting married!

Q.   Please, tell me I didn't make a huge fool out of myself. As of today it has been 1 yr. since my ex fiance and I broke up. Shortly after he ended it with me after 7 yrs. together he became involved with someone else. I never had a clue what was ...

A.   23 April 2011: my guess is that he was seeing her while still officially engaged to you, then broke up with you because he preferred her but once they were "official" things weren't so rosy anymore and now he's regretting that he left you for her. it does see... (read in full...)

Should I just move on so that she can too?

Q.   I've made a mistake; what hope do I have? It's a tricky situation. I was seeing two girls, but only one (who was a close friend before) knew about the both of them. About a month into seeing the two of them, I decided to go for one who knew and...

A.   23 April 2011: Your girlfriend is most likely highly ambivalent about the relationship because even though there is intense attraction between you two (both physical and emotional) , the fact is that she has been traumatized by your cheating on her. And she is ... (read in full...)

How can you tell if a guy only wants sex or does he really care about you?

Q.   Hi guys. Can you tell me how you know a guy only wants to sleep with you? Are there signs, things he does, says, etc. that shows you he only wants sex with you? And if he really cares about you as a person and has feelings for you besides the...

A.   22 April 2011: well I would say if he takes an interest in your personal life, like if he wants to know your opinions and feelings on a variety of topics, then he's interested in you beyond just getting physical. If he would enjoy and want to spend time with you ... (read in full...)

Infidelity, money worries, fights? can our marriage be saved?what would help?

Q.   I have been with my husband for several years, and married for a while now. We both in our 30s have kids from both our previous marriages. Background - We met a few years ago. and fell in love instantly. Everything was perfect for months. We m...

A.   22 April 2011: He's the one who lied to you that he was still married (did you not know he had kids either?), and then he's the one who had an affair while you two were married. And each time, it was only when he got caught out then the truth came out, he never ... (read in full...)

I feel like he choose the weed over me. He's losing me and doesn't seem to care!

Q.   I am not a weed smoker, but my hb does. He is one person when he smokes, and different when he doesn't. I didn't know that he likes weed when we were dating, I never saw that before, but when we got married he start to smoke in the house. At the f...

A.   22 April 2011: This is a very unhealthy relationship because your husband has an addiction. Addictions can really destroy marriages because the addict is never present in their relationship, is so consumed by their addiction that they case their spouse aside, and ... (read in full...)

How can I tell her that I feel like my opinion is second class, and that I'm not trusted to be a good Dad the way I trust her to be a good Mom, without her feeling attacked?

Q.   My wife and I just had our first child. She is beautiful, and I couldn't be more happy. When the sleep deprivation gets too intense, and all the work gets to be too much, my wife tends to snap. So many times, if I don't agree with her opinion...

A.   20 April 2011: How about picking a time when she's not tired or irritable, and then ask her? Don't wait until another incident is happening because you won't get a productive discussion out of that. maybe arrange for a babysitter to watch the baby so you two ... (read in full...)

I was over her for a long time, until she got back in my life as a "friend."

Q.   Well, my ex girlfriend and I have been... I don't know what to call it. She and I have been broken up for over a year now and she's got a boyfriend now. I stopped all contact with her after she got her boyfriend. All was well, I got over her. ...

A.   20 April 2011: Yes you should probably break all contact again because you're too weak to control your own behavior when you're with her. it's inappropriate to flirt and make out with her because she supposedly has a boyfriend. You need to have more self-restraint ... (read in full...)

Would it help my depressed boyfriend if I give him space?

Q.   I posted a question before about my LDR boyfriend who dumped me because he became depressed and didnt want love anymore because love is so exhausting to him now and he doesnt want it. He doesnt love me or have any feelings towards me but asked to ...

A.   20 April 2011: Yes you should give him his space, because he doesn't want to be with you anymore so it's inappropriate to cross some one's personal boundaries. It's hard to let go of someone you have feelings for, and as long as you keep hanging on a hope of ... (read in full...)

Wife is away, does husband want to play?

Q.   Can anyone please tell me why a married man has made it a point to tell me that his wife is out of town on business for a few days? Is this an innocent statement or is there a reason he is saying this to me?...

A.   20 April 2011: to get the answer just say, "yes, and...?"... (read in full...)

Should I remain friends with an ex who cheated on me while we were dating?!

Q.   My Open Question: Why would he do all of that and want to be friends afterwards? During our relationship, my ex boyfriend had a one night stand at a party cos he was having problems getting it up and he thought he'd try elsewhere. he w...

A.   19 April 2011: He doesn't love you, he needs you. there's a difference. Loving some one means caring about their feelings and being considerate of them, and wanting to meet their needs. Needing someone means being focused on getting your own needs met by the... (read in full...)

He used to be so great, now he's verbally abusive

Q.   I have been with my husband for 7 yrs, married 1. He use to b so caring and loving and generous. Now he is verbally abusive and use to hit me but that stopped. We never have fun or talk or even laugh anymore unless its at each other:( he won't ...

A.   19 April 2011: if you've cheated on him and you think this is why he stopped loving you, that's a consequence of infidelity. However, it doesn't excuse him being abusive. If your spouse cheats on you, divorce is appropriate, abuse is not. If he long ago stop... (read in full...)

My parents think I am fat, should I just lose weight to shut them up?

Q.   Hello everyone. I hope anyone out there can help me. Ok so i am 20 years old and am at University therefore i no longer live with my parents. I go to the gym almost every single day and work out, and swim, though in the last week i have slacked o...

A.   19 April 2011: At 5'4" and 125 pounds you are not fat. The problem is not your weight. The problem is your parents are being controlling and are crossing/disrespecting your personal boundaries by imposing on you their own distorted views. If your parents ... (read in full...)

Dilemma. I want to get back with my ex, but his GF has to leave. I also want to be with my married lover, but he has to leave his wife.

Q.   I Have a lot to say so here goes. I have a big problem with men. my ex broke up with me 6 months ago because i cheated on him with the guy i,m living with now. but this guy i,m with now well we don,t really get along. so anyway my ex is let his ex ...

A.   19 April 2011: I think you need to ask yourself, are you just using these men to fulfill some unsatisfied needs or insecurities in you? Are you just afraid of being alone and single? If you are, then no matter which of these guys you end up with, it will be an ... (read in full...)

How big of an influence are friends on a relationship?

Q.   my ex is 22 yrs old. I'm 25. Which is a pretty big difference in terms of partying and settling down, etc. Our relationship was fine until one night when we met his friends. I felt like none of them liked me. Like, because i didn't find smoking a ...

A.   13 April 2011: It could also be that this issue has nothing to do with his friends but just that your lifestyle didn't match with his.... (read in full...)

Will married lover ever divorce his wife? Should I just end things?

Q.   Its kinda complicated. Me and my partner (who is married) have been off and on for 4 years now. I met him when we were working together overseas for a year, after two months of being close friends we started being intimate. We pretty much knew it ...

A.   13 April 2011: I don't think you should believe him when he says he will finally leave his wife because history has shown that he's very unreliable. Either he's dishonest and just telling you he wants to be with you to keep you around as his bit on the side, or ... (read in full...)

Complicated girl trying to get a complicated guy...

Q.   This is a bit long, but I tried to keep it as short as possible. I'm a 28-year-old virgin who has never even held hands with anyone. People find this hard to believe. I'm not religious, just never found a guy I would be interested in, perhaps I'm ...

A.   7 April 2011: I think you should not get too invested in this guy...he's either got really bad relationship skills, or he's playing mind games with you (which is not a healthy basis for a relationship) or he's got some emotional issues with personal boundaries - ... (read in full...)

How do I make husband see a friendship is all we will ever have?

Q.   I have been with my husband for almost 12 years... we got married on our 10th anniversary... three weeks later he moved out.. he has always either used and sold drugs... abusive verbally, physically and emotionally. I haved always been in love with ...

A.   7 April 2011: I don't think you should even maintain a friendship with someone who not only betrayed your marriage (while making a never ending big deal about you having relationships while you and him were separated) but also has been abusive to you - ... (read in full...)

Should I become his second wife?

Q.   Dated a guy for a year-lets call him Peter,he loved me and l loved him too but we couldn't get married because his relatives did not want me,they wanted his ex girlfriend.the ex girlfriend started to live with Peter's mother,the relatives went on ...

A.   7 April 2011: what do you mean "second wife" - is he already married to his ex girlfriend? Is it even legal in your country for a man to have more than one wife? even if it was, do you really want to be sharing him with the other woman? I think that right now y... (read in full...)

I am too attached to my lover, but I want to lead a normal life with my husband now he wants a baby!

Q.   hi i am 27/ f/ married for 5 years. I have been involved with lots of guys in my life physically and this continued even after marriage as my husband is not a interested in sex, its been almost 3 years we made love, he is fine with it as he is not ...

A.   6 April 2011: I think you have two sets of problems which are related. One is that you have serious marital problems, the relationship with your husband is very bad. The second is that you are emotionally dependent on the other guy. It's not good to be so ... (read in full...)

How should I proceed.. My husband has gone astray...

Q.   I have just had my birthday, my husband gave me a small bunch of carnations and a card which he just left on the counter. The next day while cleaning up i found a receipt for the flower and card and on the receirt there was a second charge for ...

A.   7 March 2011: I think you should kick him out of the house and serve him divorce papers because he has betrayed your marriage. He has already decided, long ago before you found out, that he wants this other woman. He won't just change his mind back no matter what ... (read in full...)

Should I fight to stay in my marriage?

Q.   My husband of a year and 2 months; wants a divorce he was yelling for a year that we need to go our separate ways then we got married and it changed to he want out and now two years later it's he's gone but he will finish out the lease which ends in ...

A.   7 March 2011: if you want to leave your husband, then you should do so because it sounds like he really doesn't want to be married to you. you may care for someone, but that doesn't mean you want or should be married to them. If it's only guilt over "not fig... (read in full...)

Could our behavior affect the baby?

Q.   Hi there, and thank you so much for taking your time to answer my questions. My wife is pregnant in her 9th week or so. It is an unplanned pregnancy, and she seems to have concieved after our condom had slipped off. My wife behaviours got v...

A.   7 March 2011: consult a doctor about what effect your abuse had/has on the fetus. You don't have to keep the baby if you are already barely able to keep your lives from falling apart. it was wise of you to consider seriously that you may not be able to provide ... (read in full...)

Should we keep seeing the therapist?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and recently began having some serious problems in our relationship. We began seeing a couple's therapist two weeks ago. My problem is our therapist. Not only did she tell me that it's my fault ...

A.   3 March 2011: well your therapist does sound pretty rude, that's simply unprofessional and you shouldn't have to be subjected to such rudeness since after all you are paying her for her services! if money is an issue, there are therapists out there that wor... (read in full...)

Met someone else but afraid to hurt my husband by leaving

Q.   I´ve been married for 7 yrs..got married when i was 18..too young..have two beautiful children... me and my husband had an abortion and that made us grew apart from each other..after that i was feeling depressed and met someone.. an older man, ...

A.   2 March 2011: if you had never met the other man, would you be "fine" with staying with your husband as is? If the answer is yes, that means you're probably not ready to leave your husband whether it's because you're insecure about being alone (which is not a ... (read in full...)

Should we keep seeing the therapist?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and recently began having some serious problems in our relationship. We began seeing a couple's therapist two weeks ago. My problem is our therapist. Not only did she tell me that it's my fault ...

A.   2 March 2011: If you want to stop seeing her because she's rude and calling you names, I think that's a very valid reason to ditch her. A therapist should be professional enough to treat their clients with civility. But if you want to stop seeing her simpl... (read in full...)

How do we draw a line under this?

Q.   I found out my fiancé had been going to massage parlours for massages and 'hand relief'. This is what he told me at first. I found out as he hadn't deleted messages from his sent box, arranging time and what address he had to go to and what he ...

A.   2 March 2011: you can forgive him, but don't stay with him and don't have a baby with him unless you want this nightmare to never end. he's the one who keeps having sex with other women, actually planning it in advance and paying for it. He doesn't want you... (read in full...)

If someone starts ignoring you., what do you do?

Q.   There's this guy I met last year in April. And after we met, he asked me out a few times but I said no for 2 main reasons ; because I was still getting over my ex- boyfriend , and because I knew the guy was a bit of a flirt. But I wasn't nasty or...

A.   2 March 2011: yes it does sound like he's ignoring you. it could be that he was hurt when you had rejected his advances previously and thus now he's relishing that the tables are being turned (an ego thing). Or maybe he's just inconsiderate in general. Or maybe ... (read in full...)

My husand used to abuse me, but has stopped...Is this real change?

Q.   Its been 7 months since my husband has been verbally or physically abusive to me or anyone else. He says he is changing,and has been on meds for the last 7 months. we have been together for almost 6 years. At the 4 1/2 yr mark is when he bacame ...

A.   2 March 2011: I'm glad that he's now on medication which has made him stop abusing you. Clearly this is a positive change in your life and in his life too. You're very right to question is this a permanent change or just a temporary one? Is this a real change o... (read in full...)

The man I love proposed to a woman back home. He is giving me mixed signals. Help!

Q.   Hi everyone, I have posted similar questions to this issue, and this is somewhat of a followup question. I have fallen for a foreign-exchange student who loves another that may or may not return the feelings. It is a relationship from his past tha...

A.   2 March 2011: You should probably distance yourself and not try to remain friends with him until you are over him. He sounds pretty messed up, and his reasons for wanting to marry his girlfriend sound pretty messed up too. You say you want to remain his fr... (read in full...)

Discovered that my husband was cheating. Do I stay or go?

Q.   Hello, looking for some advice, i have been with my husband for 9 years, married for 4, we have a 2 year old son together and i have 2 children from a previous marriage. I recently found out via a man coming to my door that my husband had been...

A.   2 March 2011: I'm so sorry to hear about your illness. I think you know that your husband is pretty much "gone" from your relationship mentally and emotionally. He's a totally different person with her versus with you. He's only staying with you out of guilt... (read in full...)

Discovered that my husband was cheating. Do I stay or go?

Q.   Hello, looking for some advice, i have been with my husband for 9 years, married for 4, we have a 2 year old son together and i have 2 children from a previous marriage. I recently found out via a man coming to my door that my husband had been...

A.   1 March 2011: I'm so sorry that this has happened. I honestly think you should go. why? Your wanting to stay is based largely on hoping that he's sincere in wanting you and no longer wanting her. of course that's natural for you to want this. but I really t... (read in full...)

The man I love proposed to a woman back home. He is giving me mixed signals. Help!

Q.   Hi everyone, I have posted similar questions to this issue, and this is somewhat of a followup question. I have fallen for a foreign-exchange student who loves another that may or may not return the feelings. It is a relationship from his past tha...

A.   28 February 2011: I'm sorry but this guy does not sound the least bit logical to me! Maybe it's due to cultural differences since you say he's not american but you are? The facts that I can tell are: 1) you and him have had a secret relationship. He tel... (read in full...)

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