The issue doesn't warrant us breaking-up, but it really bothers me!
Q. Hi. I'm in a mostly-happy, well-adjusted four year relationship. I'm pretty good about not sweating the small stuff, but what about the medium stuff? How do I get past a relationship issue that really bothers me, but that I can't resolve and isn't ...
A. 3 December 2011: You could do the purely practical, which is, move out of your present place, and both of you find a new place that's closer to where he works. Also, maybe it will help you to deal with this if you see this as a temporary situation. He won't be in ... (read in full...)
I've pretended everything is ok, but want to break up with him. How do I do that when he thinks everything is great?
Q. I have been dating this guy for about 6 months, we are not official but it was definitely heading that way. I have always been iffy about the idea of being with him coz he was a player but I thought Id give him a chance. He hasn't done anything ...
A. 2 December 2011: "He hasn't done anything wrong exactly, but I now know that he is not the guy for me."
The other person doesn't need to have "done anything wrong" for you to justify breaking up. You don't stay in a romantic relationship with someone simply b... (read in full...)
How do I reassure myself of his intentions without coming across as clingy?
Q. I have recently started seeing a guy who I am beginning to have feelings for however from the little i have heard of his past he is a bit of a player. he is a good looking guy and knows it loves the attention. We been seeing each other for past few...
A. 2 December 2011: if you're not comfortable with being direct and straightforward in asking him how he feels about your relationship, then just wait and see (but then you'll have to deal with the uncertainty and ambiguity for longer). ... (read in full...)
My married lover wants to continue seeing me while he ties up loose ends with his soon to be ex-wife
Q. I am involved with a man who is still married but unhappy. he tells me he will file for divorce within the next 5 months because he is unhappy. he wants to wait to do it because she is not able to support herself financially due to their debt.......
A. 2 December 2011: this is a red flag. He's stalling on his divorce, and trying to keep you hanging on. There's lots of reasons he could be delaying his divorce - maybe he's secretly trying to buy time to see if they can reconcile, or maybe he's afraid to lose out on ... (read in full...)
Can my ex be my confidante?
Q. My ex-boyfriend is amazing. I know it sounds weird since he's my ex, but that's it's own story. Anyway, I've been going through some incredibly tough times lately, and I really need someone close by to talk to. I can't handle everything alone. And ...
A. 2 December 2011: I don't think it's a good idea. Sooner or later one or both of you will get into new relationships with other people. Then this "confidante" relationship you have with each other would likely be an offense to those new partners. And if whoever is ... (read in full...)
Would it be better to not get married and disappoint our families?
Q. I am due to get married in three months. For the past two years I have been catching my soon to be wife in darting chat rooms. She has been clumsy and left things around,including guys phone numbers. I have never been able to get past this as she ...
A. 2 December 2011: Yes it is far better not to get married and disappoint your families, than to proceed with marriage.
Marriage vs. not-getting-married may disappoint other people but affects you FAR MORE than it affects anyone else who may stand to be merely d... (read in full...)
HELP Should I take my Husband of 30 years back,after he cheated 8 years ago.
Q. Hi should I forgive my Husband of 30 yrs. I found out last year that he had a 2yr affair with a woman he did a job for .This happened 8 yrs since when we were going though a really bad patch, I still carnt get over it and its been a year since i ...
A. 2 December 2011: I think that if you do take him back, you might want to continue counseling so that you can heal emotionally, not just suppress your hurt for the sake of the renewed relationship.
All of his lovely gestures now, don't erase or cancel out what he ... (read in full...)
What is 'fatal attraction'?
Q. What is a fatal attraction?...
A. 2 December 2011: some times it's used to describe a relationship in which the qualities of your partner that strongly attracted you to them in the first place, eventually become really turn you off and lead to the break up.
For example, what initially you saw ... (read in full...)
How can I avoid sex in a loveless marriage?
Q. Is it possible to stay married, not be love and avoid sex with husband all the time? Is there anyone here who has been in this situation? Please share your views and experience to help me. Many thanks.....
A. 2 December 2011: why would you want to stay married like this?
yes it's possible to do what you ask - studies of surveys show lots of marriages are actually sexless but I think it's only a short term solution to whatever misery you're feeling now and it will cre... (read in full...)
Should I find someone that knows he wants me without still considering it five years down the road?
Q. Last night, I was talking to my boyfriend's roommate's girlfriend, and she told me that when him and I were on a break a couple months ago he shared with them that he didn't know if I was the one. (we've been together for almost 5 years). She went ...
A. 14 November 2011: I think you could have handled the situation differently so that it didn't snowball and lead to everyone getting angry at everyone else...
When she told you what your bf supposedly said, you could have left the place to be by yourself and calm dow... (read in full...)
Duped Wife? Or not?
Q. I am married for a little under 4 years. I found out my husband has cheated on me from the beginning. He is one of these people who find it easier to "blame" me rather than to take any responsibility other than "I'm sick" routine. Although he ...
A. 14 November 2011: Good for you for standing up for yourself, you are on the path towards healing yourself from this painful relationship and moving forward in your life.
"Question, am I just as devious as he not telling him of my plans?"
IMO, he has already dest... (read in full...)
How can I trust him knowing he was sneaking around on some dating site?
Q. My bf and I have been together for 2 yrs. Well just the other day I found out he signed up for a dating site. I know that it was somewhat recent because in his description it said has a kid and we have a 4 month old daughter together. Well I co...
A. 9 November 2011: I think that if you decide to stay in this relationship, you two have a lot of work to do to regain trust. It's not a matter of him saying he doesn't know why he did it, but he won't again, and you say OK I'll forgive you and then you find a way to ... (read in full...)
How do I tell if my boyfriend wants a long term relationship or just likes stability?
Q. Hey, I'm not sure if my bf wants to be with me for me, or if it's just the idea of a longterm relationship and stability that he loves. How do I tell the difference? I've been with my bf 1.5 yrs, we live in the same town, see each other about...
A. 9 November 2011: It's probably not completely black and white, as in, either he wants to be with you or else he only wants the stability of a relationship. probably it's a bit of both. But you're probably wanting to know which it is more of?
I think that if he wa... (read in full...)
Dating a man with no confidence!
Q. Hey everyone! I'm unofficially seeing this man. And it's the "unofficial" stamp that prevents me from telling my friends about it, so that's why Im on here instead of asking them for advice. The man I am dating is an insecure one. He has litt...
A. 3 November 2011: I think that at the root of it all is he's afraid of rejection because it threatens his low self esteem. Everything he does revolves around trying to protect his fragile sense of self and what little self esteem he has against a perceived ... (read in full...)
My SOS (someone special) has a girlfriend!! Move on, or wait it out?
Q. So, I am very attracted to this guy that works for my Dad. Five weeks ago, we started talking. I think he is absolutely amazing. He is everything I think I want in a man. He is absolutely adorable, charming, and very sweet. He is just as attracted ...
A. 3 November 2011: "How long should I give him to do something about his gf?"
I think the time frame should be whatever you can deal with. There is no set time frame for which to break up with someone, whether it's him and her, or you and him. So don't base your tim... (read in full...)
The last thing I want to be is needy and moany!
Q. So I've been in a relationship with this guy for about 6 months now, and everything's going great. I'm 27, he's 39. Here's my problem- I can't stop wanting reassurance from him... My last boyfriend- who I was absolutely, 100% crazy in love wi...
A. 3 November 2011: I think you should learn to stop anxious thoughts when they first occur, so they don't fester and spiral out of control. This takes a lot of practice because you're basically re-training yourself to think new thought patterns and break old ones. ... (read in full...)
What can I do, if others are wrecking your life, but you are way to close to them to leave them
Q. How do you know what is wrecking your life,if it's not you? Who is able to tell you, what did you do wrong, or why is you life full of problems, if it doesn't depend on you?. I mean, some problems are easy, like you made bad choices, like drugs ...
A. 3 November 2011: hi, first of all I'm sorry to hear that you're having so much distress in your life right now.
It's true that it may not be your fault at all, you did nothing wrong and it is other's bad decisions and life choices that are hurting you. Unfortun... (read in full...)
B/f could give me a little more security by texting me but he doesn't!
Q. He says he loves me. He told me to ask him for anything I needed in this relationship. The ONE thing I have asked of him is to text me throughout the day/night (we work different shifts), just so that I know he thinks about me. I didn't ask for ...
A. 3 November 2011: maybe he's playing games with you to give himself a sense of power (by keeping you on edge) as a way to alleviate his abandonment issues. Maybe he's trying to "one up" you by making you respond to him immediately but leaving you hanging when you ... (read in full...)
My wife's neuroses are hurting our marriage.
Q. I am 39 years old. My wife is 41. We have been together for 19 years now. She has always been a little neurotic. For instance, we pretty much stopped kissing two or three years into the relationship because it just made her self-conscious and she ...
A. 2 November 2011: Sounds like a very difficult situation that you're in. It's understandable and natural that you feel very frustrated and that your life is becoming more and more limited because your wife has literally become a very different person from the one you ... (read in full...)
I broke up with her when she demanded I propose, now she's emotionally blackmailing me!
Q. I've had a very turbulent relationship with my girlfriend of the last 2 years. We've been long distance for most of our relationship, and that's made things tougher. At the start, things were fantastic, we got along perfectly and we couldn't wait...
A. 27 October 2011: You're absolutely right that she's emotionally blackmailing you. You also did the right thing of breaking up with her because the relationship was centered entirely around her needs and wants because she's dysfunctional and isn't taking ... (read in full...)
Do couples with different beliefs usually last?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. We have discussed the topic about marriage and how we could work it out due to the fact that we both are different religions and were raised differently. He is a jehovas witness and I am ...
A. 27 October 2011: Unfortunately statistics are not on your side, studies show that one of the factors that work against a lasting marriage is different beliefs.
However just because that's how it is for most people in this situation, doesn't mean that's how it w... (read in full...)
My SOS (someone special) has a girlfriend!! Move on, or wait it out?
Q. So, I am very attracted to this guy that works for my Dad. Five weeks ago, we started talking. I think he is absolutely amazing. He is everything I think I want in a man. He is absolutely adorable, charming, and very sweet. He is just as attracted ...
A. 27 October 2011: I think your choices are to either move on, or tell him of your feelings and that you want to be with him and see what happens then. I don't think it's a good idea to just "wait it out" without saying anything about it to him, because this means ... (read in full...)
I always have to text first
Q. if he doesn't text me first what does that mean? i always am the one to start the conversation......
A. 26 October 2011: it could just mean that he doesn't place the same significance or importance on texting as you do.
another possibility is some times people assume rigid roles in their relationships. Little rituals develop around completely mundane things, ... (read in full...)
I regret the moment I cheated and am broken hearted, I need help from open minded people about what I can do now?!
Q. Hello all please don't hate or judge me for this as i hate myself enough i need urgent advice here is the story: I had a ex for 8yrs and had two great kids the relationship broke down and i left but supported my kids i met a new girl who helped m...
A. 25 October 2011: I'm sorry but all your professions of love for your wife ring hollow considering that you cheated on her and then lied about it for over a year and half. After you cheated on her, you decided to "put it all behind you" and proceeded to marry her. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is so private about his phone that its making me paranoid!
Q. My boyfriend is private with his phone. He brings it in the bathroom with him when he takes a shower, has it in his pocket or on his desk when we're together. He rarely answers his texts around me. He does answer his calls though because they're ...
A. 25 October 2011: he's not making you paranoid, you are making yourself. If you're paranoid about this, you still will find and search for something else to be paranoid about even if he did let you see his phone. It will never end. imagine if he allowed you access to ... (read in full...)
She says she loves me, but has shown absolutely no emotion or affection toward me since we got back together.
Q. Things my girlfriend of 4 and half years dreads if I ask her:- "Shall we have a night out?" We used to have nights out at least once a week. Then we split up for 3 months in 2008 and got back, things have never been the same. Its as if she doe...
A. 23 October 2011: your gf clearly has no feelings for you anymore, because when you stole from your work you shattered her trust in you. She doesn't see you the same way anymore.
however, you're both using each other for your own selfish reasons now. she's keeping ... (read in full...)
Need to let go of my friend and move on but sometimes I miss her
Q. My ex bestfriend sarah and I got into a big fight at the end of the school year. I brought a girl named Leasette that she didnt like to the lunch table because Leasette was to scared to sit at the table because of her and was sitting by herself . I ...
A. 22 October 2011: I think you should move on. Your ex-bestfriend sounds selfish and insecure enough to do anything to make herself feel better than other people.
... (read in full...)
Am I addicted to sex? if yes, then will that make it difficult for my fiance?
Q. i cant go for 2 days without sex without going completely nuts. my sex life with my fiance is great however sometimes i will pressure my fiance for sex, even if she is tired or feels unwell and afterwards feel horrible about it because when i am ...
A. 22 October 2011: You're *already* making it difficult for your fiance because you regularly pressure her for sex if she is tired or feels unwell.
so what you're asking - will this be unhealthy for your relationship? the answer is, it's ALREADY unhealthy for your... (read in full...)
I cheated on my boyfriend with my ex! Can this be fixed, or should I walk away?
Q. i was in a really bad relationship on and off for about 6 years i moved states away to be with this guy and we eventually broke it off. i met up with an old friend that ive knows for a really long time and he was over seas for a few years and i ...
A. 22 October 2011: well I think it's up to your boyfriend whether or not this relationship continues.
either way you should really try to figure out why you did what you did. Why did you cheat on someone you love? why did you go back to someone you didn't want to ... (read in full...)
I'm worried my husband is embarrassed of me!
Q. Okay, what do you think. My husband is pretty popular on social networking. A while back I posted my picture on my social sites that are linked to his (like twitter.) He quickly told me to take down all pictures of me because people would tak...
A. 22 October 2011: Your husband has contempt and disdain for you. He allows others to make jokes at your expense, yet his sense of embarrassment is heightened if he is linked to you in any way. He has no interest in you as a person, not does he want to share his life ... (read in full...)
Am I wasting my life away?
Q. so this is not a relationship question more of a life question. ill try keep this as short as possible and as informative as possible. so long story short, i have social anxiety very shy and basicly just want a simple life with no worries ie; ...
A. 21 October 2011: it sounds like you know you do want something different for your life, but you're settling for what you have and lowering your expectations because of your anxiety.
There's certainly many times when lowering expectations to be more realisti... (read in full...)
Scared and confused, should I marry him?
Q. hi cupids, ive been with my guy for 3yrs.we have a boy of 2yrs.he's been divorced from a previous marriage.he wanted to marry me last june which i refused.because of the way he treats me.i am very confused.i still stay in his house.i cry almo...
A. 21 October 2011: don't marry him, things will only get worse after marriage. He doesn't love you, if he did he wouldn't be treating you this way. The reason he wants you to marry him is not because he loves you, it's because he gains benefits from being married. Men ... (read in full...)
Will she ever give me what I want? And is what I want right?
Q. I have been dating my girlfriend for 5 months now and our relationship is in a really bad place. i am recently graduated from college and she is in her final year. we met over the summer and fell in love and now that she is back in school two hours ...
A. 20 October 2011: You've only been together 5 months and already you've broken up 3 times? I'm sorry but that sounds like this relationship isn't meant to be.
I think you're in love with a false idea of what the relationship was. at the start of relation... (read in full...)
Schools won't take me in, do I have a future? Help!
Q. Hey, well before i start i'm 14 years old and i am in England so i'm sure school situations and things like that are rather different to places in America so just clearing that up. Well haven't been in school for a year now...
A. 20 October 2011: hi - I'm sorry to hear about your difficult situation. You're a strong person for trying to move forward with your life and education and not letting your past troubles keep you stuck in the past.
Is it possible to be home schooled or hire a p... (read in full...)
Why would he go back on facebook?
Q. Me and my boyfriend had some issues over what he used to do on facebook.he deleted his page 10 months ago and now,i have discovered he is back on there.why would he go back on there when he knows how much trouble it caused and that it upset me ?.i ...
A. 20 October 2011: He's making a choice that he wants to do this. He knows it upsets you so either he doesn't care how you feel or else he may care about you in general, but feels this issue is not a big deal and you're out of line for reacting to it the way you ... (read in full...)
What does this man want from me?
Q. I really need help in this... i have been writing about this problem for several months.. and this is an update on what really happened lately.. I am a dancer, and my dance instructor made many hints that i don't really understand.. he ...
A. 20 October 2011: seeing as how he is married and has a family, I think what he wants from you is an affair.... (read in full...)
I have left my family home and don't wish to return but my father is threatening to cut me off!
Q. My parents are really hands on type of parents who some times can be wayy to strict. My parents are very religious and they have a lot of rules when it comes to dating.I have 5 brothers and sister. We arent allowed to really date. We can group date ...
A. 19 October 2011: I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but I think you're behaving very immaturely. You may think you're being self-righteous for standing up for your gf by refusing to go home until your father apologizes for insulting her, but you're the one who brought ... (read in full...)
Is getting him back a realistic aim? My bf went back to his wife, will he ever come back to me?
Q. I am 29, 5 months pregnant. My bf left me after I called him COWARD because he was too afraid to show his face to my parents and stand up for our baby. After a day, his sister told me that he's gone back to his wife. I am in so much pain right no...
A. 19 October 2011: I'm sorry but he is a coward, so why do you want him back? he is married, yet he got involved with you, got you pregnant, then refused to acknowledge you or or his unborn baby, and then only AFTER you called him out as a coward, then he left you and ... (read in full...)
I've been very good to my boyfriend from day one, but there has been a constant lack of appreciation and investment at his end..
Q. I've been very good to my boyfriend from day one. I have the ability to anticipate his needs or actions to a fault. He told me to ask him for what I want in the relationship. I don't need much, but the few times I have asked, he hasn't followed ...
A. 19 October 2011: well unfortunately if someone isn't invested in a relationship you can't really make them be more invested.
does he know how disappointed and resentful you are? If not, I think you should let him know how you feel, not by acting out or behaving... (read in full...)
Don't want to stay, can't leave, what do you do with a marriage like this?
Q. Probably this is a very classic situation. 25 year long marriage went cold. My husband stopped looking at me, touching at me etc. There is no sex, affection, years ago. He went into silence, and passive aggressive responses. When ask why, he ...
A. 19 October 2011: I think you should leave, even though you don't have the energy for it. You've tried everything you can, and your husband refuses to budge or even to be honest with you. it looks like there's very little chance for your marriage to improve because ... (read in full...)
Is this a fair arrangement?
Q. Hi, I am a single mom, with one pre-school child. I live with my boyfriend. My question is about expenses. We split the rent 50/50, I buy all the groceries, and he pays all the car expenses(it is his car). He will not share any expenses regardin...
A. 19 October 2011: the fact that you're asking if this is a fair arrangement, suggests that you already think it's not a fair one. Or else he is the one who has made it clear that he thinks it's not fair.
maybe this is more about different levels of commitme... (read in full...)
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