I seem to have stopped loving my husband entirely. Where have my feelings gone? Why can't I rekindle them?
Q. It's been 10 years since I met my husband, and I've been faithful to him all this time. We've had a difficult relationship. We used to fight constantly. We've both caused each other a lot of suffering and heartbreak. We've lived through poverty ...
A. 23 June 2011: hello I want to clarify that my daughter (who's visiting me for the summer and has taken an active interest in this forum and the threads I have participated in) is the female anon poster who wrote the below several posts to the OP. I apparently was ... (read in full...)
I seem to have stopped loving my husband entirely. Where have my feelings gone? Why can't I rekindle them?
Q. It's been 10 years since I met my husband, and I've been faithful to him all this time. We've had a difficult relationship. We used to fight constantly. We've both caused each other a lot of suffering and heartbreak. We've lived through poverty ...
A. 23 June 2011: "Forever is a long time! If it takes forever (or even close to forever) to begin to feel differently then I believe that the proper thing to do is end the relationship. Don't keep the other person hanging on in hope that next year might be the ... (read in full...)
I seem to have stopped loving my husband entirely. Where have my feelings gone? Why can't I rekindle them?
Q. It's been 10 years since I met my husband, and I've been faithful to him all this time. We've had a difficult relationship. We used to fight constantly. We've both caused each other a lot of suffering and heartbreak. We've lived through poverty ...
A. 21 June 2011: I think you need to admit to yourself and give yourself permission to acknowledge your lack of feelings for him, or your negative feelings.
don't be ashamed of your feelings (or lack thereof) just because he has been doing 'really sweet' things l... (read in full...)
He hoards things for too long. What can I do to encourage him to have clean out?
Q. HI there guys, May I ask you something? I really need your thoughts about this situation I am in. I am married to a man far more older than I am, a 20-year gap. We've been married for almost 2 years now. He has a lot of things in his house that he ...
A. 21 June 2011: maybe it's also procrastination, like how the longer you put off doing something unpleasant, the more dreadful and a bigger deal the task seems until it takes on mountainous proportions in your head that makes you procrastinate even more.
if he... (read in full...)
My married friend helped me through a difficult time, and now he wants an affair with me...and I am too grateful to him to say no!!
Q. hi He, a married nice,decent,clean,intellectual and matured adult underwent a grievous family problem for helping me out my severe troubles and bringing relief to me. His family was misguided by some outsiders and in spite of trying best in all ...
A. 20 June 2011: "Your second assumption is most accurate that his serious personal pain had been too impossible for him to deal with."
This is one reason why people get into affairs, it's the same reason other people start drinking too much or abusing drugs. I... (read in full...)
He hoards things for too long. What can I do to encourage him to have clean out?
Q. HI there guys, May I ask you something? I really need your thoughts about this situation I am in. I am married to a man far more older than I am, a 20-year gap. We've been married for almost 2 years now. He has a lot of things in his house that he ...
A. 20 June 2011: this is not normal or healthy behavior for a grown man...your husband does seem to be having problems moving on despite it being more than 10 years since his divorce. Not only that, but when his depression is interfering with normal daily ... (read in full...)
Cheated on my girlfriend, in love with the other woman and my girlfriend is pregnant!
Q. I am in a sad situation and don't know what to do. In October of last year I met a woman on the internet. We started seeing each other and things were going well. I thought I was falling in love with her. Then a monkey wrench came alone in the form ...
A. 20 June 2011: all the previous posters' advice to break up with your girlfriend if you are sure you don't love her, still stands, regardless of whether the other woman is leaving you or not.
Don't stay with someone you don't love, just because the one you do l... (read in full...)
My married friend helped me through a difficult time, and now he wants an affair with me...and I am too grateful to him to say no!!
Q. hi He, a married nice,decent,clean,intellectual and matured adult underwent a grievous family problem for helping me out my severe troubles and bringing relief to me. His family was misguided by some outsiders and in spite of trying best in all ...
A. 20 June 2011: Your friend may have made big personal sacrifices to help you in your time of need, but you didn't *demand* that he make those sacrifices for you, did you? He thus has no right to now demand that you repay him by having an affair with him!
A tru... (read in full...)
I seem to have stopped loving my husband entirely. Where have my feelings gone? Why can't I rekindle them?
Q. It's been 10 years since I met my husband, and I've been faithful to him all this time. We've had a difficult relationship. We used to fight constantly. We've both caused each other a lot of suffering and heartbreak. We've lived through poverty ...
A. 18 June 2011: hi there - your post is filled with so much pain, which is actually unwritten. I would bet that there is A LOT more going on than what you've written, in your marriage.
Your feelings are there for a reason. The "emotional side" of the brain ga... (read in full...)
Cheated on my girlfriend, in love with the other woman and my girlfriend is pregnant!
Q. I am in a sad situation and don't know what to do. In October of last year I met a woman on the internet. We started seeing each other and things were going well. I thought I was falling in love with her. Then a monkey wrench came alone in the form ...
A. 18 June 2011: "I want to prove it to her, but I have already hurt my gf so much, this would shatter her. I'm a coward."
Yes up until now you have been a coward. Therefore, stop being one.
will you "shatter" your girlfriend's life by telling her the truth? i... (read in full...)
Affair with married man....things are getting harder... I need advice!
Q. Ok- i need some advice. I have been dating a married man for about 9 months now. everything has been so much fun, we talk every day and have a great time together- and yes, we fight... more so lately. Let me start off by saying that his wife ...
A. 18 June 2011: I think this guy is very confused about what he wants and doesn't want in life. He said so himself how stressed he is.
he's obviously not committed to his marriage (not at this point at least) because he's been cheating on his wife and has aske... (read in full...)
Cheated on my girlfriend, in love with the other woman and my girlfriend is pregnant!
Q. I am in a sad situation and don't know what to do. In October of last year I met a woman on the internet. We started seeing each other and things were going well. I thought I was falling in love with her. Then a monkey wrench came alone in the form ...
A. 17 June 2011: I hope you realize that you're the one who created this mess. Not saying that to berate you, but because for you to work your way out of this mess with honor and integrity you need to understand it fully. You need to examine your own thought ... (read in full...)
How can I trust him when he puts a security lock on his phone?
Q. I've been with this man for 7yrs which I have experienced everything from cheating, verbally and physical abuse which he say's he has never given me a black eye but tried chokin me twice..go figure!! Which thank god the last time he put his hands on ...
A. 16 June 2011: I'm not sure what exactly you're confused about. From your post:
1. He's cheated on you
2. He's been abusive to you
3. He's lied to you about his whereabouts
Now he's put a security lock on his phone, this is just another in a long string of ... (read in full...)
Thinking that my wife was cheating on me, I did it too. I regret it now...how can I get her back?
Q. I need help! Ive been married for four years to my beautiful and amazing wife. But . we there was a time in our marriage that i didn't pay any attention to her, or make any effort for her, i completely took her for granted. ... i e...
A. 15 June 2011: While it was wrong for your wife to have an emotional affair (I think she should have left you instead because you were absent from the marriage and not putting any effort into it), I do think that she has suffered more in this marriage than you ... (read in full...)
He has trust issues. Do relationships work out better on the second try?
Q. my bf broke up with me after 2 yrs because he had trust issues and would alwys have in his mind the 2 guys I had sex with yrs before him.. he always asked me how was the sex with the 2 other guys.. and also asking me did I like it better with...
A. 15 June 2011: Time apart doesn't by itself improve a relationship, unless during that time apart one or both partners underwent significant (and positive) change in their perspective or habits.
otherwise, after time apart, if nothing changes and you get back... (read in full...)
Wife wants to separate. How can I help myself and my girls in this situation?
Q. i have been married for 12 years have two great girls. my problem is that my wife wants to separate. this is the third time she has done this. the first time happened 5 yrs ago when she wanted to separate and was being hostile, angry and blaming me ...
A. 13 June 2011: I'm sorry to hear about this difficult situation you're in. whoever was to blame for the marriage breakdown doesn't matter anymore, from your post I think you acknowledge that you are not entirely blameless either. Maybe she tried as hard as you ... (read in full...)
Do We Have a Distorted Sense of What Love Really Is?
Q. So I just wanted to say something about some of the myths and sayings about love and relationships that we hear all the time. Things like: - you'll know it when you feel it - when it's right, it's easy - you have to kiss a lot of frogs to f...
A. 9 June 2011: good and thought-provoking article.
... (read in full...)
Don't love him, we don't have sex, he's nice, but how do I get out of this marriage??
Q. I lost my husband of 27 years about 4 years ago, it really was the love of my life. Here is the problem, I figured not everyone gets a once in a lifetime love so who needs another one. So I did a dumb thing, I got married to a "nice" guy, ask ...
A. 8 June 2011: I'm sorry to hear of the situation you're in. I think you have to end this marriage even though he will feel hurt.
Most people will have a difficult emotional time when they go through a divorce. that's completely normal. And, most people r... (read in full...)
Husband emotionally empty and I'm incredibly lonely
Q. I have a picture perfect life. I have been married 12 years (together for 20) to a handsome man who makes a good living. We have 2 great kids. We live in a nice house in a nice neighbourhood. I am attractive and have a great social life with lots ...
A. 8 June 2011: "Also, I have told him I'm lonely many times and I think he's tired of hearing it."
You did the right thing of being honest with him and telling him how you feel. However, if your husband is tired of hearing you tell him you're lonely, then you... (read in full...)
How do I take control? I'm feeling traumatised. My Bf just dumped me. He hasn't been supportive.
Q. Hi Need some help please as I just don't know which way to turn. My dad had a horrific heart attack a few weeks ago and we nearly lost him. He has just undergone surgery and I am pleased to say he is on the mend! However, in my time of need, my ...
A. 8 June 2011: I'm sorry to hear of what you've been going through.
I know it's hard, but try to see that it's good that your boyfriend has officially left you because clearly he was already emotionally absent from the relationship for awhile. Being in a relati... (read in full...)
Will he leave his wife and get a divorce?
Q. I really need your advice! I have been with a guy going on 5 years but the problem is he is married. It all started when he came up to me one day at work becuase he said I looked sad and when I told him I had just broken up with my past bf, he ...
A. 8 June 2011: OP, you are not the cause of his marriage breakup, the marriage itself is. This marriage never should have been, its foundation is a lie and was a sham long before you entered the picture.
A ring and a reciting by rote a few words does not make... (read in full...)
I just get the feeling that I give give give, and get nothing in return.
Q. Hello. Recently i have been unhappy. I keep thinking maybe i am just being stupid, melodramatic, and childish. But i cannot shake the feeling that i don't mean anything to anyone. I am an only child, so loneliness is always a factor but its n...
A. 7 June 2011: the reason you were crying when people were nice to you is because it happens so rarely for you. All people have basic emotional needs such as for love and acceptance and social support. Wishing these needs away (because our past or present ... (read in full...)
Please help me get over my jealous feelings?
Q. My wife has started a new job recently that is very exciting and potentially lucrative for her. She works from home a lot or from the offices of others. The problem is that the people she works with are 90% male. She would say she is a very st...
A. 7 June 2011: Unfortunately I think the time may have come for you to seriously consider leaving her. You've already done everything you can do. You've told her clearly how you feel, and more than once. she's not lacking for information.
She just doesn't ... (read in full...)
Why is the woman to blame for an affair?
Q. Can everyone tell me why it is that the woman often gets all the blame when she has an affair with a married man? People tend to look down on the woman and in the end her reputation is ruined and she is called all kinds of names etc. But the guy who ...
A. 7 June 2011: There's the cultural stereotype that women are supposed to be more nurturing and caring and self-sacrificing than men. thus, when women and men do the same immoral things or commit the same crimes, it is considered more abhorrent that the woman did ... (read in full...)
Husband emotionally empty and I'm incredibly lonely
Q. I have a picture perfect life. I have been married 12 years (together for 20) to a handsome man who makes a good living. We have 2 great kids. We live in a nice house in a nice neighbourhood. I am attractive and have a great social life with lots ...
A. 7 June 2011: Talk to your husband first and see where he is at. Have you drifted apart, have previous marital troubles driven a wedge between you, is he living his own life?
Is your husband depressed? some times when people - especially men - are depresse... (read in full...)
Are these signs that are telling me that he will remain in my life?
Q. What can be consider signs?.... Ok so I'm in the process of moving on from my last love, I'm seeing someone (not working) doing my own thing, etc... Anyways, I had this thing before during the time him and I were on/off relationship, it's gonna ...
A. 7 June 2011: these are not "signs" - they would have happened regardless of your current state of mind, and they do happen all the time without you noticing just that right now you're sensitized to anything even remotely related to your ex which is why right now ... (read in full...)
Will he leave his wife and get a divorce?
Q. I really need your advice! I have been with a guy going on 5 years but the problem is he is married. It all started when he came up to me one day at work becuase he said I looked sad and when I told him I had just broken up with my past bf, he ...
A. 6 June 2011: Not related to the topic but just FYI I was still logged into this site and apparently my daughter (who is visiting) was using my account. she was the "female anon from 4 June" ... (read in full...)
Will he leave his wife and get a divorce?
Q. I really need your advice! I have been with a guy going on 5 years but the problem is he is married. It all started when he came up to me one day at work becuase he said I looked sad and when I told him I had just broken up with my past bf, he ...
A. 6 June 2011: ...I'm female anon from 4 June again...
OP, you really need to stop driving by his house just to see if his car is there. I mean, for real??
He's not the only one to blame for why you feel so crappy. Past a certain point you are also to blam... (read in full...)
I never imagined I would end up here
Q. I have been married to my husband for 24 years, and we have two teenage daughters together. I thought I married my best friend, and for awhile we were very happy. I don't really understand how things went so wrong, but over the years, our marriage ...
A. 6 June 2011: It might be helpful to see a counselor or therapist to help build up your confidence and self esteem, as part of your preparations for divorce and re-adjustment to life without being married to your husband.
Call a lawyer or a divorce counselo... (read in full...)
Is there such a thing as taking a break from your husband?
Q. I am confused about my feelings towards my husband. During my pregnancy last year he made me go through so much. I just can't seem to let go of these feelings and feel resentment towards him. I don't think I love him anymore and I am just so ...
A. 6 June 2011: if you feel that you need a break from your husband, then you need one and don't let anyone tell you that it's morally wrong.
There's a reason you feel this way. In this case it's probably because of your husband's abuse. Your self-pre... (read in full...)
Will he leave his wife and get a divorce?
Q. I really need your advice! I have been with a guy going on 5 years but the problem is he is married. It all started when he came up to me one day at work becuase he said I looked sad and when I told him I had just broken up with my past bf, he ...
A. 2 June 2011: No man is worth sacrificing your pride, your religious beliefs, your values and your friends over!
You've caught him in lies numerous times. In public he doesn't acknowledge a relationship with you because it would hurt his reputation. this is ... (read in full...)
Feeling unwanted and depressed....
Q. I'm a 25 year old guy and seem to be terminally single. I've never so much as held hands or even kissed a girl let alone anything beyond that. I just don't get it. I hear from others that I'm a good looking guy. I stay fit, have a good sense of ...
A. 2 June 2011: you could get involved with charity work or volunteer organizations, join a health club or sports team...sign up to take classes (not necessarily formal college classes but for example exercise classes that only meet for a few weeks, or an art ... (read in full...)
Husband won't have sex and its driving us apart
Q. my husband wont have sex with me and its driving us apart. we have been married for 5 years and in the beginning it was great. but for the last 2 years im lucky if we have sex once a month, and its always me who instigates it. ive tried talking to ...
A. 2 June 2011: I don't think it's the lack of sex that's driving you and your husband apart, I think it's just the symptom that your marriage is falling apart from other issues.
he could be having a lot of personal problems which he's not telling you about. M... (read in full...)
Feeling unwanted and depressed....
Q. I'm a 25 year old guy and seem to be terminally single. I've never so much as held hands or even kissed a girl let alone anything beyond that. I just don't get it. I hear from others that I'm a good looking guy. I stay fit, have a good sense of ...
A. 2 June 2011: "Everyone says that you need to be happy with yourself before you go looking for someone else."
This is good advice (even though it's hard to do) because it's practical and is ultimately in your best interest. if you're feeling very insecure... (read in full...)
Why do I have bad feelings?
Q. recently i post about my wifes infidelity and I'm still with her but not on so good terms shes said she sorry and is trying to change i guess but the damage is done and i don't feel nothing for her so i went out with some friends and i met this nice ...
A. 2 June 2011: No one is saying you 'have' to forgive your wife. she betrayed your trust and even lied to you about the paternity of your son! this is definitely grounds for divorce and no one will fault you for it.
the point is if you can't forgive your wif... (read in full...)
Wife headed towards an affair. Can I confide in her sister?
Q. Over the last few months evidence has been mounting that my wife has a thing for a colleague of hers. She thinks she is keeping it very discreet and in control (I don't think she has even told him), but a man knows his wife and knows when somethin...
A. 2 June 2011: Venting can be very healthy, but you should do it with your own friends, people who do not have a personal relationship with your wife. That way you wont' be messing up her relationships with other people due to your need to vent your frustrations ... (read in full...)
Wife headed towards an affair. Can I confide in her sister?
Q. Over the last few months evidence has been mounting that my wife has a thing for a colleague of hers. She thinks she is keeping it very discreet and in control (I don't think she has even told him), but a man knows his wife and knows when somethin...
A. 2 June 2011: Do not drag other people into this. This is none of their business and it's betraying your wife's trust.
Your wife *may* be betraying you, you don't know, you suspect. But if you go around talking about her behind her back to people whom she know... (read in full...)
I Love My Man but I Am Not Ready for this Baby Now
Q. Hi 23 I'm seeing this guy who is 31. I've known him for over a year but only started dating about 3 months ago, I'm now about 3 weeks pregnant with his child, he had 2 kids whom, he doesn't know if they are alive since where they lived was hit by a...
A. 2 June 2011: if he loves you in a healthy way, he would not be pressuring you to have his baby now but be respectful of when you are also willing to do it.
I suspect that given his history, he knows and regrets that he has messed up in his life and is now look... (read in full...)
My husband wont end his affair
Q. Hi, i was hoping someone could advise me on my heartbreaking marriage. 3 years ago i found out my husband was having an affair, he swore he would give her up but he never did. Throught the 3 years ive found upto 30 secret phones - i bin them but...
A. 2 June 2011: ..also your husband has already impregnated his mistress THREE TIMES. If this doesn't render a marriage covenant broken by whatever religious law, I don't know what does.
If you continue this marriage, chances are high that at some point in the f... (read in full...)
My husband wont end his affair
Q. Hi, i was hoping someone could advise me on my heartbreaking marriage. 3 years ago i found out my husband was having an affair, he swore he would give her up but he never did. Throught the 3 years ive found upto 30 secret phones - i bin them but...
A. 2 June 2011: I'm very sorry to hear of your situation, but I think you're asking the wrong question here. You're asking for "a way to get this woman out of our lives"
but that's missing the point. Even if this woman were physically out of your lives, your hus... (read in full...)
I broke up with her but she wants me back
Q. Last wensday, my girlfriend and I broke up. I'm the one who ended it. I'm 18 years old going into college for computer science Right now she is begging me to come back, I really still do have feelings for her, but I can't go back because my paren...
A. 28 May 2011: if you're going to break up with someone, do it for yourself, not for your parents.
Your parents may be correct that she is "bad" for you or mistreating you and you're not experienced enough to see it. Your parents may just want to protect ... (read in full...)
Needy and controlling girlfriend makes me feel guilty about everything I do!!
Q. I have a very needy and controlling girlfriend who makes me feel guilty about everything I do. The thing is she does it with her voice, tone, and physical body language in the way she reacts to things I do. She then gets silent if I just ignore her ...
A. 28 May 2011: Your girlfriend is using emotional blackmail. everyone may do it from time to time unwittingly and that's normal, but it becomes a problem and makes for an unhealthy relationship when it's a persistent pattern or a recurring theme as it seems to be ... (read in full...)
I think I'm more into my BF than he is into me. Should I just back off?
Q. I have invested my heart and fallen in love with my boyfriend of five months. He also says he loves me. But I am always anxious. He is a musician and left on tour two weeks ago. He wanted to stay together and he's been calling every day. Troub...
A. 27 May 2011: To be honest, you're not being fair to him. You're being controlling because you're so completely focused on getting your insecurity and paranoia soothed that you are ignoring his right to have personal boundaries and trying to get him to do more ... (read in full...)
Can a narcissist and a co-dependent person have a relationship that works?
Q. Hi. I am a co-dependent person. For those who do not know what this is, it is a person who feels the need to please other people in order to get his own validation. I have had treatment for this but still ahve strong codependent tendencies. Last...
A. 27 May 2011: "Problem is, we each play our roles so well, the relationship fits into a comfortable pattern...even though we are not really relating to each other. "
well it's not really a comfortable pattern when you have resentment brewing in you...ov... (read in full...)
My GF thinks I cheat on her and is subjecting me to immense physical and mental abuse!
Q. hey guys n girls, longer story....help me.... im sorry if im not typing correctly to be honest im so depressed and sad. ok 3 yrs ago me and my gf got into a very big fight and she smacked me in my face then later she hit me with a bottle. I left h...
A. 27 May 2011: Your feelings and distress are very typical for victims of domestic violence. You are completely normal, as far as any normal person would be when put into this situation. As a result of the abuse, your self esteem is so eroded, you doubt your own ... (read in full...)
My GF thinks I cheat on her and is subjecting me to immense physical and mental abuse!
Q. hey guys n girls, longer story....help me.... im sorry if im not typing correctly to be honest im so depressed and sad. ok 3 yrs ago me and my gf got into a very big fight and she smacked me in my face then later she hit me with a bottle. I left h...
A. 26 May 2011: You're right that you are in an abusive relationship. She is physically, verbally and emotionally abusive. There is no doubt about it. And like most victims of abuse, you are worn down, your sense of reality is distorted, and your self esteem so ... (read in full...)
Can a narcissist and a co-dependent person have a relationship that works?
Q. Hi. I am a co-dependent person. For those who do not know what this is, it is a person who feels the need to please other people in order to get his own validation. I have had treatment for this but still ahve strong codependent tendencies. Last...
A. 26 May 2011: "I seek to please her and care little about my own feelings and needs. Sometimes I get resentful, but I am able to bear this and debase myself much more than other people."
resentment is always a warning sign, it doesn't go away by itself it bu... (read in full...)
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