So how do I make him forgive me for ignoring him because he was neglecting me!
Q. My boyfriend is so upset and mad with me right now because we had an arguement because of me. Bassically I got annoyed at him because he didn't give me much time since he was busyt with his work. So I got very frustrated and then just started ...
A. 20 September 2011: If someone hurt you, you'll naturally feel yourself want to pull back from them and withdraw. If they apologize and say sorry, but they don't actually try to understand how you're feeling, and take responsibility for their part in causing you hurt, ... (read in full...)
He finds a way to let me know that the way I do things is incorrect, and his family's way is the correct way!
Q. I am 32 years old married for two years as of December 2011. I have been dealing with a situation where I have been basically going back and forth with my husband for the last two months everytime he brings up a topic that his aunt or mother has ...
A. 20 September 2011: "I have tried to speak with hum about how I feel and he told me that he is unable to say anything to me and i am to sensitive. He also went on to say that I don't need to be addressing this issue with him , being we have so many other things we are ... (read in full...)
I told a married man how I feel and now he has distanced himself from me
Q. Hi everyone. I am not sure if I did the right thing or not. I am a married woman and I recently told my married friend how I feel about him. It was just killing me keeping it inside because I thought he felt the same way about me and that there w...
A. 20 September 2011: So you're both married and you're attracted to him, and he was giving you signals that he was attracted to you too. I assume if he wasn't giving you signals you wouldn't have come this far, so he bears some responsibility for this situation too.
... (read in full...)
Are these minute details going to ruin my chances of getting another job?
Q. I was offered a position I really want. My offer is pending based on passing a background check etc and also references. She mentioned when I say its ok, she wants to call me supervisor. So basically I would have to give in my notice and ask for a ...
A. 16 September 2011: Yes I think you should talk with your boss before the HR person does, to inform your boss of this. Just tell your boss you're giving him/her a heads up that you've been offered another job and someone will be contacting them as a reference and you ... (read in full...)
I was her rebound relationship and she married me only because she was pregnant
Q. She was in an intense intimate relationship with a guy the previous year. It ended when he left town apparently to pursue a relationship with another girl with whom he might have made a baby.With her he was very careful. She was on nothing. He took ...
A. 16 September 2011: I think it's very likely that she was in rebound and that she did marry you as a "second prize" because of the baby. I mean, you weren't already dating or courting each other, let alone in a serious intimate relationship. You basically went from ... (read in full...)
Nobody knows that a lot of my academic partner's work is done for him by me!
Q. How much should you give up for your partner's career? My fiance is an academic. He's at a conference right now. He was out until 4.30am drinking, and he'll be tired and grumpy when he comes home. He won't get any work done today, which mea...
A. 16 September 2011: hi OP, I'm very impressed with your academic qualifications and now I have a much better idea of your situation (not that I would have any better advice necessarily!)
I know what you mean by your advanced degree being an overqualification and a hi... (read in full...)
Nobody knows that a lot of my academic partner's work is done for him by me!
Q. How much should you give up for your partner's career? My fiance is an academic. He's at a conference right now. He was out until 4.30am drinking, and he'll be tired and grumpy when he comes home. He won't get any work done today, which mea...
A. 14 September 2011: I'm sorry to say this but it sounds like that this relationship is killing your self esteem and devaluing you. Traditional gender roles and the woman functioning primarily as "support staff behind the scenes" to the man's career and goals, may work ... (read in full...)
My abusive ex-girlfriend has came back in my life, how should I treat her now?
Q. I had abusive girlfriend for 16 months before I ran away from her apartment in June this year. She was 2 years younger than me. Outside, I don’t think there could have been beautiful girl I have to see to date on this on earth like her, inside s...
A. 14 September 2011: You shouldn't let her back into your life as a gf. You did the right thing of leaving her, don't slide backwards by getting back together with her.
Gather more information and learn more about abusive relationships and how they work, because ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend just told me she wanted to be friends out of the blue. What should I do?
Q. Dear cupid.Am kind of confuse about my relationship right now my girlfriend wokeup one morningand told me she don't want a boyfriend any more that we can just be friend and noting attached to it. I ask her the reasons but she never gave any ...
A. 14 September 2011: she's breaking up with you and by wanting to be 'friends' she's either trying to be nice cos she may have a personal belief that ending contact would make her a 'bad' person. Or maybe she wants to keep you around as a backup in case she can't find ... (read in full...)
What's the difference between settling and being logical?
Q. What is the difference between settling and being logical? I'm 23 and single. It's strange but it seems like all of my friends are in serious relationships or have been. I haven't. I feel abnormal. I do have admirers but I think maybe I'm being ...
A. 13 September 2011: Since you're not talking about settling in the context of getting married (where there is the implicit assumption that you are signing your life away to this person and where there are no second chances) but "just" a relationship partner, my opinion ... (read in full...)
Married man wants to keep me as his side dish. How do I walk away?
Q. Hi Cupids. This is my first time here. I could really use your advice. You can be honest and harsh, whatever you feel is necessary. I know what I have done is not right. I am a married mom and I have been having an emotional affair (no physi...
A. 13 September 2011: it's good that you're trying to move on from the other man. It may not have been your decision, but that's the reality of the situation.
It's also good that you've finally told your husband the truth of how you feel about the marriage. Even if ... (read in full...)
He gets out of jail soon. Should I leave my abusive boyfriend now or stay and try again with him?
Q. Hi I'm new here and this is my first time using a site like this. I just hope to get the best out of it. Anyways, so, I have a boyfriend who's incarcerated at the present moment and he's very verbally, mentally, and emotionally abusive. I'm in love...
A. 11 September 2011: call a domestic violence hotline in your area, talk with them and get concrete help for how to leave your abusive partner safely.
staying with him isn't going to make him magically turn into a different person. People dont' change just like tha... (read in full...)
Should I disgrace myself by asking her out or should I do the pragmatic thing and refrain from doing so?
Q. I'm about to pose this question which will probably leave most of your readers disgusted and repulsed but I need to share my sorrows with sympathetic listeners so I'll simply go ahead and do it anyway. I've recently developed a crush on this re...
A. 11 September 2011: If you can handle a possible rejection from her without becoming more self-destructive, then take the chance and ask her out.
But since there's no guarantees, the reality is that there is a chance she will reject you. If you know that you can'... (read in full...)
I love her but my brain says run. I need help please to resolve serious reservations about this 'situation'.
Q. I am madly in love and constantly dream about this woman. I cannot get enough of her... But, my brain disagrees. There are real signs that something is really wrong with her... She can't manage money. She cries at the drop of a hat (we can be o...
A. 11 September 2011: She sounds pretty emotionally unstable. You're right to consider these issues as red flags. this isn't really a tug of war between your heart and brain. Your heart is both in love with her (or rather, in infatuation) *and* is also balking at some ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong, should my feelings enter into this at all, or am I being selfish?
Q. Dear Cupid; I just ended a relationship with my boyfriend "Jeff" which lasted a little over a year. At the beginning he dumped me via an email saying he was going back to a previous girlfriend. He came back to me when that didn't work out, but it l...
A. 11 September 2011: I just saw you had said you had already ended the relationship with him so you can ignore the last part of my previous post! I think you did the right thing, you were not selfish, you're not "wrong" to be feeling the way you are.... (read in full...)
Am I wrong, should my feelings enter into this at all, or am I being selfish?
Q. Dear Cupid; I just ended a relationship with my boyfriend "Jeff" which lasted a little over a year. At the beginning he dumped me via an email saying he was going back to a previous girlfriend. He came back to me when that didn't work out, but it l...
A. 11 September 2011: I think your bf is not ready to be in a relationship with you because he's not sure of what he wants.
He couldn't decide whether to be with you or a previous gf. He was trying to choose between the two of you, comparing you to each other, r... (read in full...)
Do I have to tell them where I'm going after I resign from this job?
Q. I have decided I need to leave my job for many different reasons. I know it sounds crazy to do but I am just not happy..it's been almost 5 yrs and feel I am not qualified to do anything else. I feel I am better off getting a part time job and ...
A. 11 September 2011: No you don't have to tell your employer where you're going, or even why you're quitting, and it's not legal for them to demand that information either.
however, naturally human nature being what it is, your boss may ask, just out of curiosit... (read in full...)
Husband treats me like he hates me and has so much anger toward me!
Q. Hi I've been married 2 yrs now. I met my husband on vacation and we married a year later. I saw a few signs that he had a very bad temper but the love he had or that we had for eachother seemed just perfect! He was so different than any of my other ...
A. 9 September 2011: if this marriage is destroying you, you should leave. Marriage is not supposed to be destructive. He's self-destructive, with or without you.
He does need help. But it sounds like it's beyond your ability to provide.
Ask yourself if, by ... (read in full...)
Perfect one minute, drifting the next, what should I do?
Q. So I have been depressed and heart broken for the past two weeks and a half now. I was engaged to be married and he recently broke up with me saying that he gave up on me a long time ago because I wasn't as affectionate to him as I use to be. The ...
A. 5 September 2011: It sounds like there was a massive lack of communication in your relationship and conflict avoidance. He was with holding true thoughts and feelings and intentions on major issues (like what he thinks of you), for a long time and as a recurring ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to be unlovable???
Q. I know a lot of you think this is stupid but I have my reasons for this question. This is examples from everyone in my life... My dad thinks I'm the worst person. He often laments about how I am not a boy (or I guess a man now.) He constantly re...
A. 3 September 2011: I'm so sorry that you're going through so much pain.
Your family of origin treats you abusively. Your father and step-mom and other family members are verbally and emotionally abusive, and have been all your life.
A very common (almost i... (read in full...)
I didn't trust my b/f and now he's distant to me
Q. I messed up and invaded my boyfriend's privacy by going into his email and reading chat logs between him and another girl he used to like right before we met but whom he is still friends with even after we started dating. My behaviour was fueled by ...
A. 3 September 2011: You both did wrong, it wasn't just you. Yes it was wrong of you to hack into his email. But it was also wrong of him to be behaving in ways that very obviously are inappropriate and which caused you to be suspicious.
You were 'big' enough to admit... (read in full...)
Wife & girlfriend - I love them both!
Q. I am married businessman with wife and a kid and loves both of them very much and sincerely committed. However fell in love with a girl in office, she too loves me a lot but getting married to guy in near future and would want to continue this ...
A. 3 September 2011: I think you already know the answer. It's not 'right' to have an affair and still be married to someone else. It's being dishonest and betraying the woman you had taken vows with.
If you want so much to be with someone else besides your wife, th... (read in full...)
How to let go of anger in a relationship?
Q. Question. Is it right to continue to hold onto hatred for someone in a relationship if you're honestly wanting to move forward? And any suggestions to help let go of pass issues? Dilemma's over an 8 year relationship has spread us in two. We...
A. 3 September 2011: Anger can't just be "let go" because you want to move forward and get on with life.
Clearly, there were problems and misunderstandings or mismatch in values and opinions and perspectives and judgments. These are causing the anger and if it was a... (read in full...)
Mum has outstayed her welcome but she has nowhere else to go!
Q. my 79 year old mum has got a fear of living on her own and spending nights on her own. she is fit and well for her age, she does not even look 79, she is not like a frail old lady. when i had my baby and got a house of my own and moved out she mo...
A. 2 September 2011: I'm glad you're gathering more information and gaining awareness and clarity of the underlying dynamics in your family situation. I agree with So_Very_Confused that your mom is also being very manipulative. That's often found in co-dependent ... (read in full...)
Mum has outstayed her welcome but she has nowhere else to go!
Q. my 79 year old mum has got a fear of living on her own and spending nights on her own. she is fit and well for her age, she does not even look 79, she is not like a frail old lady. when i had my baby and got a house of my own and moved out she mo...
A. 1 September 2011: Your mom may have depression, it sounds like. And, she is putting all her eggs in one basket which is you. She's making you responsible for her emotional and mental health. This is not healthy for her and it's unfair to you, and it's just ... (read in full...)
How can I stop fighting with a mother who is a control freak?
Q. Dear Agony Aunts, I am having such a difficult life. My parents were separated when I was a kid and I always feel lonely. The problem is that I am living with a mom who has anger issues. I suffered depression since I was in middle school, and I wo...
A. 1 September 2011: I'm sorry to hear about this difficult situation. If you're now an adult, then you have the right to make your own decisions for your life now, whether or not she approves she can't "not let" you do something. (unless you're still living in her ... (read in full...)
My wife fell pregnant by another man, should I forgive her?
Q. Hai people, my wife had a child by another man, i kicked her out but she returned begging to be forgiven she was always sad so i feared she would have a miscarriage so i took her back in despite the pain i was going through. The father of the child ...
A. 1 September 2011: Your wife is very selfish and is using you to provide for her and nothing more: first she cheated on you, and even when you kicked her out as you had every right to do, she had the nerve to come crawling back just because the father of her child ... (read in full...)
Married man wants to keep me as his side dish. How do I walk away?
Q. Hi Cupids. This is my first time here. I could really use your advice. You can be honest and harsh, whatever you feel is necessary. I know what I have done is not right. I am a married mom and I have been having an emotional affair (no physi...
A. 1 September 2011: "But I know my husband has always been and always will be in my corner. And I know I can trust him with my life. My husband would take a bullet for me any time, anywhere......My husband is a wonderful man and a wonderful person and I should be lucky ... (read in full...)
How do men really feel about wives and girlfriends?
Q. I would like advice from the guys out there please. I see a lot on the internet and t.v. and so forth about when guys all hang out together, such as the ball game or the bar, guys night out. They all bash their wives or gf. They say "being with ...
A. 31 August 2011: "I can just assume then that although I do everything in my power to make my husband happy (no nagging, don't let myself go, being irritable, don't get upset when he hangs out with friends, do whatever he asks, support all his goals and ambitions,) ... (read in full...)
Mum has outstayed her welcome but she has nowhere else to go!
Q. my 79 year old mum has got a fear of living on her own and spending nights on her own. she is fit and well for her age, she does not even look 79, she is not like a frail old lady. when i had my baby and got a house of my own and moved out she mo...
A. 31 August 2011: You must change this living situation because right now, all kinds of personal boundaries are violated (and have been for the last 13+ years) and the result is, well, the way you're feeling and the way the family relationship is which is clearly not ... (read in full...)
How do men really feel about wives and girlfriends?
Q. I would like advice from the guys out there please. I see a lot on the internet and t.v. and so forth about when guys all hang out together, such as the ball game or the bar, guys night out. They all bash their wives or gf. They say "being with ...
A. 31 August 2011: since the divorce rate is 50%, and it's unrealistic to assume that of the remaining 50% of marriages that are still intact all are happy unions...then I think that yes it's true that the majority of attached men at any one time feel negatively about ... (read in full...)
I get emotional when I hear about child abuse.
Q. Im 28 and a mother of a beautiful 16 month old baby boy. Every night before I fall alsleep i cry for all the beautiful little kids out there who are not cared for or are victims of child abuse. I cannot get my head round the fact that there are ...
A. 31 August 2011: I think it's normal for you to be affected by this issue. But if the level of distress is uncontrollable or impairs your ability to function in daily life (like if you have constant intrusive thoughts that you can't get out of your head), then that ... (read in full...)
How can I handle my critical mother?
Q. For the past years, I have lived with the criticisms my mother threw at me, but it seems I can't deal with it anymore. So I really need advice from you today. Today, my mother started to complain about me when I had just woken up! I woke up fr...
A. 30 August 2011: your mom is verbally and emotionally abusive. You should simply remove yourself from the situation, limit your contact with her. Do not engage with her when she's like this. Do not fight back, don't argue back, don't defend yourself against her ... (read in full...)
Six years and he still won't set a date??
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 years, we have been engaged for 6. We do not live together, in fact we only get to see each other maybe once or twice a week because of his work schedule. I love him so much and he says the same. But we ...
A. 30 August 2011: Fighting about getting married isn't likely to make a man want more to marry you. if a man only marries you under duress, it probably won't be a happy marriage.
One option is to just enjoy what you do have in this relationship, and let go of th... (read in full...)
My wife's behaviour is making me lose respect for her
Q. Ever since I have married I have become miserable, as I feel like I got a bad deal, as I don't feel like my wife brings a lot into this marriage. She comes with a past which has made me a bit of an emotional wreck. Add to that she has messed up her ...
A. 27 August 2011: "I have not doubt I will make it work, no matter how hard it is on me. Thats why I came on here to ask if anyone can help me how I can deal with my emotions and not let them overcome me."
You've got very good intentions and are to be commende... (read in full...)
My wife's behaviour is making me lose respect for her
Q. Ever since I have married I have become miserable, as I feel like I got a bad deal, as I don't feel like my wife brings a lot into this marriage. She comes with a past which has made me a bit of an emotional wreck. Add to that she has messed up her ...
A. 27 August 2011: "I always came in with a simple mindset "So what if you cannot marry a girl you love, love the girl you marry". "
While these are noble intentions, unfortunately reality doesn't work that way as a general rule.
If you're in intense emotiona... (read in full...)
Is my ex making a mistake by getting married to someone else?
Q. me and my ex were friends before we started dating.he broke up with his girlfriend cuz they didnt get along.we dated soon after and i got prego.too much stress happened and i left him.he decided i could stay gone and got back with her.we r finally ...
A. 27 August 2011: it's his life and his decision, so you should stay out of it. if it is a mistake, he'll find out sooner or later and then it will again be his decision what to do about it.... (read in full...)
I cant get myself to break up with my nightmare of a BF!
Q. What should I do with my life? I feel I have a boyfriend who doesn't deserve me. He has cheated on me with many women but I still gave him a chance, but he continues to treat me very badly and I just cannot pucker up the courage to break up. What...
A. 27 August 2011: how about rehearsing your break-up conversation many times over and over, so that when you finally do it it will be slightly less nerve wracking. If you're really really uncomfortable about a face-to-face conversation, another option is to write hi... (read in full...)
My wife's behaviour is making me lose respect for her
Q. Ever since I have married I have become miserable, as I feel like I got a bad deal, as I don't feel like my wife brings a lot into this marriage. She comes with a past which has made me a bit of an emotional wreck. Add to that she has messed up her ...
A. 27 August 2011: Sorry to hear how miserable you are feeling. Sounds like you and your wife need to learn some relationship skills and deal with some personal issues of your own that you're both bringing into the relationship. at the very least, She needs to l... (read in full...)
I'm Madly in love with this girl and want her! Plz help?
Q. Hi dear frnds. now my story is bit complicated. its been 6 months we are together, the girl is engaged but not officially, like there were only talks between the 2 families, no ring ceremony happened. so technically gal is single. we have been ...
A. 27 August 2011: I'm glad you've decided to accept her decision with respect and maturity. I know it's very difficult to do, but I think you did the right thing and wish you the best of luck. ... (read in full...)
Married man wants to keep me as his side dish. How do I walk away?
Q. Hi Cupids. This is my first time here. I could really use your advice. You can be honest and harsh, whatever you feel is necessary. I know what I have done is not right. I am a married mom and I have been having an emotional affair (no physi...
A. 27 August 2011: I think you have a lot to figure out on your own, and clarify where your problems are coming from, so you can decide what to do that will make your life better and not have it be dependent on one specific outcome.
You know that you're unhappy ... (read in full...)
I'm Madly in love with this girl and want her! Plz help?
Q. Hi dear frnds. now my story is bit complicated. its been 6 months we are together, the girl is engaged but not officially, like there were only talks between the 2 families, no ring ceremony happened. so technically gal is single. we have been ...
A. 26 August 2011: well I think this is already 'the end' because she has said she wants to pull out of this relationship. You refusing to accept it and continuing to pursue it, is now crossing a line and probably won't change her mind.
I know it's hard for you ... (read in full...)
Married man wants to keep me as his side dish. How do I walk away?
Q. Hi Cupids. This is my first time here. I could really use your advice. You can be honest and harsh, whatever you feel is necessary. I know what I have done is not right. I am a married mom and I have been having an emotional affair (no physi...
A. 25 August 2011: He is feeling ambivalent, that's all. And no wonder, because that's often how people feel when they are in an affair. He enjoys your attention and company when it's convenient, but he doesn't want it badly enough to go out of his way to pursue it ... (read in full...)
I'm Madly in love with this girl and want her! Plz help?
Q. Hi dear frnds. now my story is bit complicated. its been 6 months we are together, the girl is engaged but not officially, like there were only talks between the 2 families, no ring ceremony happened. so technically gal is single. we have been ...
A. 23 August 2011: well, you can ask her why she's so afraid or reluctant to tell her mom that she doesn't want to marry that guy.
dont' pressure her to talk to her mom. Instead, just ask her what she's feeling and thinking, without criticizing or making judgment... (read in full...)
I'm Madly in love with this girl and want her! Plz help?
Q. Hi dear frnds. now my story is bit complicated. its been 6 months we are together, the girl is engaged but not officially, like there were only talks between the 2 families, no ring ceremony happened. so technically gal is single. we have been ...
A. 20 August 2011: So basically you and her are in a relationship but she is destined for an arranged marriage in the near future, is this correct?
She has to decide what marriage means to her and what her plans for her life are. If she proceeds with the arranged... (read in full...)
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