How do I get over a guy I see five days a week at work?
Q. I'm 18 and head over heels in love with a co worker (24yrs old). We used to be really close friends, going out to the pub on lunch breaks always giggling and chatting - two great personality matches, it was perfect. He is a flirt, not just with me ...
A. 17 February 2011: "he says he's happy but I don't know if he is just comfortable and settled or of he daren't take the risk of leaving her and would be bothered about what our colleagues think."
It shouldn't matter to you what he's thinking or how his relation... (read in full...)
My married lover had a stroke, but we still want to be together. How can we make this possible?
Q. Hi, I've been married for quite a few years, but I have always known I married on the rebound from my first marriage, which also was never right. The reason for this is that there was always someone else that I loved, but I never explored it as I ...
A. 17 February 2011: If you know you two really want to be with each other, then you should be together, but not by prolonging this affair. Take the leap and end your marriages (since there's no hope for your marriages if you really want with all your heart and soul to ... (read in full...)
I'm tired of always being the romantic one!
Q. Hi everyone, I am feeling a bit neglected. I am the one who does all the romantic things in our relationship like flowers and planning nights out. I planned our last anniversary and even was the one who proposed. ( I had to go and pick up my own r...
A. 16 February 2011: I hate to say it, but some possibilities:
1. He's just not into you. Are you married? if so, maybe he doesn't actually want to be with you but feels trapped because marriage is legally binding forever (or supposed to be at least) which is why he's... (read in full...)
We had unprotected sex three times and now she's scared she's pregnant
Q. My girlfriend started dating about 3 weeks ago. We had unprotected sex 3 times within a couple days of when we started dating. She also is not on birth control or anything. Last weekend she asked me to give her space cuz she is scared about being ...
A. 14 February 2011: You should start mentally preparing for fatherhood and how you will support her and the child. It's better to prepare for it and come to terms with it and then find out she's not pregnant after all (in which case I hope you would have learned your ... (read in full...)
He cheated once... now we're back together, will he hurt me again?
Q. ok. so me and my current boyfriend have dated before. we were together almost 9 months and he cheated on me. now him n this girl are over and me and him are back together. we are almost back to dating for 2 months... but now i have serious trust ...
A. 14 February 2011: you're setting yourself up to be hurt again either because he may very well cheat again, or even if he doesn't, your feelings of suspicion may eat away at you for a long time.
But if you choose to be with him, then I think you should keep you... (read in full...)
How do you treat someone who is suffering with depression?
Q. How do you treat someone who is suffering with depression? My lover wont see a doctor... but it has affected our relationship. I hardly see him now... he says he cant face anyone and that he's no company... this has been going on for months. What ...
A. 14 February 2011: I've been in your situation. it's tough because on the one hand you can't fix someone, they have to seek help for themselves. Yet you want to be there for them and support them, so how do you do that?
make time to be with your partner, be patient ... (read in full...)
My ex of 4 years is getting married and I'm feeling sad about it
Q. Hey guys. Hoping and praying for some words of wisdom...I just found out that my ex, who I was with for 4 years, is getting married. He's marrying the girl he started seeing 2 weeks after we broke up (I suspect there was some crossover, but he n...
A. 14 February 2011: it's understandable to feel all those old feelings of hurt again, just let them be, don't fight them, but try not to dwell on them. if he was marrying anyone else (not the girl he started seeing so soon after your breakup), would you still feel the ... (read in full...)
Feel as if I'm losing my best friend...
Q. My ex and I dated for 10 months and we both decided that the flame had pretty much burnt out but since have remained the best of friends. We still hung out, called and texted all the time up until a couple weeks ago then found out she's starting to ...
A. 14 February 2011: How about staying busy and work on developing your other friendships, with other people. Your ex naturally will have less time for you now if she has a new romantic relationship in her life. Not only that, but out of respect for her new partner, she ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend saw me kissing another girl what should I do?
Q. My girlfriend is upset and crying because she saw me kissing another girl. Now she thinks I'm gonna leave her but I'm not. I really love her. How can I reassure her? ...
A. 13 February 2011: there's nothing else you can do, it's entirely up to her.
respect her feelings by not pestering her to forgive you.... (read in full...)
How can you help someone whose tortured upbringing has damaged them?
Q. my new boyfriend has told me that his upbringing was awful. his dad was a verbally abusive and violent drunk who made his families life hell. this experience has left my boyfriend suffering with depression, inability to have lasting relationships, ...
A. 13 February 2011: I'm glad you have decided not to get involved with him unless he has gone through therapy and worked on his issues. I think that's a smart decision. I hope for his sake that he gets the help he needs to become more stable.... (read in full...)
How can you help someone whose tortured upbringing has damaged them?
Q. my new boyfriend has told me that his upbringing was awful. his dad was a verbally abusive and violent drunk who made his families life hell. this experience has left my boyfriend suffering with depression, inability to have lasting relationships, ...
A. 13 February 2011: just curious but what kind of relationship do you (a) wish to have (b) see this becoming, realistically?
Your gut says don't get involved, your analytical brain searches for and rationalizes reasons to get involved.
your feelings are the... (read in full...)
My girlfriend saw me kissing another girl what should I do?
Q. My girlfriend is upset and crying because she saw me kissing another girl. Now she thinks I'm gonna leave her but I'm not. I really love her. How can I reassure her? ...
A. 12 February 2011: Um, I don't know if you SHOULD even be reassuring her because what exactly does she want reassurance about? that you won't leave her (even though you may still be cheating on her)? Or that you will stop cheating on her? Because it's really hard, ... (read in full...)
After 10 years of devotion, why would a spouse suddenly cheat?
Q. So why would someone be completely obsessed with their spouse for 10 years and not interested in anyone else on the planet, then all of the sudden start finding others sexually attractive and cheat on them a few times? What would make a person just ...
A. 12 February 2011: probably things have been brewing inside your partner's head and/or heart during those 10 years just that you didn't know it. So when the issues get really deep and it leads to the cheating, you think the cheating came out of nowhere without any ... (read in full...)
How can you help someone whose tortured upbringing has damaged them?
Q. my new boyfriend has told me that his upbringing was awful. his dad was a verbally abusive and violent drunk who made his families life hell. this experience has left my boyfriend suffering with depression, inability to have lasting relationships, ...
A. 12 February 2011: "i could just leave him, part of me wants to because i feel i will not be good enough for him to not slip back into his old habits and that i may not be strong enough to accept his unhappy times, i am so scared. but the other part of me wants to ... (read in full...)
How can you help someone whose tortured upbringing has damaged them?
Q. my new boyfriend has told me that his upbringing was awful. his dad was a verbally abusive and violent drunk who made his families life hell. this experience has left my boyfriend suffering with depression, inability to have lasting relationships, ...
A. 11 February 2011: Just be aware up front, that you can't change or "fix" someone. It's not his fault that he has so much baggage. He deserves sympathy and patience and understanding. But as an adult he also needs to take responsibility for his actions, meaning... (read in full...)
Does he truly love me despite him cheating?
Q. He cheated on me with a girl that treats him like shit. But he keeps coming saying he misses me and he knows that I'm the one. Recently, we got back together and that one girl he cheated on me with wants to be back with him. I didn't cry as he's ...
A. 10 February 2011: do you believe he's telling the truth when he says he's only with her cos of her kid, and that he cries for you all night when he's with her?
He could be lying about that.
But let's say he's telling the truth.
Then that makes him really we... (read in full...)
My mistress come up with all kinds of excuses to avoid moving in with me..
Q. This is a long story but i will try to keep short.. I am in a relationship and have been for some years. For the last 6 years i have been seeing a married woman whom i love dearly.. For information purposes my home relationship has been over for th...
A. 10 February 2011: I assume you're now divorced, since you wanted your lover to move in with you? If so, that's one good step that you've taken to better your situation because living in a loveless marriage is more lonely than being alone. And if you haven't actually ... (read in full...)
I'm finally with my GF, but after fending off her vicious ex and a lot of drama in the past. How do I heal myself after all this?
Q. Alright, here is a quick background of myself. I moved around a lot as a kid, (parents divorced when I was 6), learned all about marriages from the multiple ones my mother has been part of. I am an intellectual, a man of principle, and an ...
A. 10 February 2011: You probably have trust issues because she cheated on you and slept with him when she had supposedly already left him to be with you. It's understandable that there was so much drama and it was so messy, because she was transitioning be... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is rude to me. Is it because he's comfortable with me now?
Q. so me and my bf have been together for about 4 months and since then things have really changed. I feel like he doesnt like me as much and hes recently become kind of ruder to me. not exactly rude but he has gained a lot of attitude and i feel like ...
A. 10 February 2011: well in light of your more recent post, I think it's completely unacceptable for him to treat you this way. this is verbal abuse. Read up articles on the internet on verbal abuse, it's not acceptable in a relationship because it really hurts the ... (read in full...)
Should I continue to love this man or back off and get my emotions in check?
Q. ok so i have already posted a question before about my situation but i only recieved one response.. now things have gotten a little more complicated, and i really really need some advice.. ok so i have been seeing and sleeping with this guy for ...
A. 9 February 2011: things seem to be moving really fast. You've only been seeing him for 3 months and already you're pregnant with his kid and have met his son. And he's still not yet divorced and still not over his ex.
if it's only since last weekend that you thin... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is rude to me. Is it because he's comfortable with me now?
Q. so me and my bf have been together for about 4 months and since then things have really changed. I feel like he doesnt like me as much and hes recently become kind of ruder to me. not exactly rude but he has gained a lot of attitude and i feel like ...
A. 9 February 2011: Why play games? Why not just come right out and say what's on your mind? it will save a lot of time.
since this relationship is so new, let's give him the benefit of the doubt that he just hasn't learned or developed any relationship skills. ... (read in full...)
I'll decide to leave then I'll think about the way he cuddles me at night and I feel like I could never love someone like that ever again.
Q. Hi guys wondered if you could help me. Iv lived with my boyfriend about 3 years and he is a very mixed up guy who's hurt me a lot of times. He's paranoid and jealous, has abused me emotionally very majorly, frequently tells me I'm stupid etc, phy...
A. 9 February 2011: You're a victim of emotional AND physical abuse in your relationship. Victims of abuse suffer many side effects from the abuse. A typical side effect is that your self-esteem gets eroded. When your self-esteem is worn down you actually feel mo... (read in full...)
Is in-your-face brutal honesty really necessary??
Q. my boyfriend is a great guy and i feel like i can tell him everything.. but sometimes when i do tell him stuff like me often venting about my crazy family hes too honest. like brutally honest. i know its better to hear the truth but at the same time ...
A. 9 February 2011: It's possible to speak the truth without using words that rile up people's emotions. So to not do so is being lazy at best, and mean-spirited at worst. maybe he has a problem with empathy? because choosing words carefully is one thing, bu... (read in full...)
How to restore my wife's passion for me again ?
Q. Hi everyone, my wife and I have been married for 29 years and we never did bond real good when we first got married. We would party a lot for the first two years and then she got pregnant.When our first daugther was born I keep on staying out with ...
A. 9 February 2011: I don't think you can get her to "worship the ground you walk on"...why should she, after the way you have behaved for your ENTIRE MARRIAGE. The damage has been done.
she's already cheated on you. that means she thinks crap of you. Don't you get ... (read in full...)
I want to run away I've had enough!
Q. i wont to run away i have had enought of life i don't know y i feel like this i have 4 kids and scared i don't know y i am feeling this way is there somethimg wrong with me ...
A. 8 February 2011: what are you scared of?
are you in an abusive relationship? if so, get yourself and your kids and pets to the nearest women's shelter!
do you have suicidal thoughts? if so, please google for a suicide hotline in your area and call them and ta... (read in full...)
I feel he's emotionally blackmailing me to stay with him and I don't know what to do... Please help!
Q. Ive posted a question here before about a possessive, controlling boyfriend. good news i said i needed time out - thats lasted a week. He found out his friend dies yesterday and i went to comfort him as i do still love him and care for him. Lo...
A. 8 February 2011: What a complete jerk. And he's being physically abusive too. I'm that you're done with him, I hope it really does stay that way.
remember this if he ever tries to get you back with emotional blackmail (controlling people rarely let go of their vi... (read in full...)
Two long-term girlfriends, both in love, one pregnant - looks vs. personality
Q. I am in a bit of pickle situation and it's pretty deep and I don't know what to do now. I thought I could handle it and that the answer would present itself by way of circumstance, but this hasn't happened and now I'm in desperate need of help. ...
A. 8 February 2011: to be honest it doesn't sound like you're any further along than you were before. your situation seems to be getting worse, in fact.
You broke up with the Australian and got with the Latvian, then broke up with the Latvian and got back with the... (read in full...)
He's hot then cold, he's Jekyll then Hyde
Q. Sorry in advance for this long question. But there is a lot to my story. Just over a year ago, I met my boyfriend (who is 5 years older) we were both blown away, not just by how physically attracted we were to each other but also how well we got ...
A. 8 February 2011: I think all of your explanations are possible. it sounds like he has a lot going on in his life and that could be messing him up emotionally and psychologically.
maybe he's not completely over his ex and in his mind he's bouncing back and forth be... (read in full...)
The closer he gets to deployment the worse his behaviour toward me
Q. my husband joined the army about a year ago. he is scheduled to deploy next month, and ever since he found out when he was to go to afghanistan, he has been different. he used to be very patient, loving, kind...now he is unpredictable and moody, ...
A. 8 February 2011: He's probably really stressed out or depressed by his impending deployment (depression can make people especially men act out in these ways). This doesn't make it acceptable, but if he is unable to control his behavior and is refusing counseling or ... (read in full...)
After a turbulent relationship, should I give him space, and how long?
Q. Here is my story in chronological order. After several break ups and being cheated on twice in two relationships, I came to a conclusion in 2008 that I would be ready to get married to anyone who is ready to give me a commitment. During this ...
A. 8 February 2011: just trying to picture all that you wrote makes me exhausted!
I think that you would ultimately be happier if you left him. Being yanked around really wears you down. But that's not all, he also cheated on you and lied to you numerous times. T... (read in full...)
If you live together first does it hurt your chances for marriage?
Q. I'm separated, soon to be divorced after a long term marriage and am just beginning to date again. A lot seems to have changed since I was last single. One of the things I don't understand is that at lest where I live, it seems that everyone wants ...
A. 7 February 2011: I've read that too about how cohabiting supposedly increases the likelihood of divorce, and I never understood why. I wonder if it's the case that correlation does not equal causation. In other words maybe cohabiting before marriage i... (read in full...)
Boyfriend expects me to go to bed in bra and g string every night
Q. Hi, I've been with my bf for four years now. He expects me to go to bed in a g string and push up bra everynight at least. He also becomes angry and frustrated if you doesn't either get a hand job or hand job at least. My libido is very low as there ...
A. 5 February 2011: Don't let him pressure you to have sex against your will. this is setting you up for a pattern of having to do it more and more - after all if you gave in to his demands yesterday, so why not today too? and so on. Of course he keeps pressuring you - ... (read in full...)
I want to stick by him but I don't think I can handle him being in contact with this woman, who is pregnant with his child.
Q. I have been with my husband for almost 24 yrs. We are highschool sweethearts. We've been married for 14. We have a 20yr old son. This last yr he found me flirting with a guy online. He took it upon himself to find his own affair with a 24 yr old ...
A. 5 February 2011: "We tried like 3 times in the last 2 months....he stays away for 2 days and misses everything so much he comes home mad and says "im not leaving my house anymore". I know in order for us to be apart I will have to leave and it's so hard when you ... (read in full...)
I know he is never going to leave his wife for me, so how do I go cold turkey when I have to see him everyday?
Q. Hello I am a 33 year old lady who has got myself into a bit of a mess. I started seeing a co-worker in December 2009. He and I are both married, unhappy, but both staying for childrens/financial sake. He only married in January 2010. He didn...
A. 5 February 2011: You do not need to say anything to him. In fact, the less said the better. Simply stop contacting him and ignoring his calls. Ignore him at work, if necessary go to great length to avoid him at work or give him the cold shoulder. You've already made ... (read in full...)
Is 'no contact' the right way to get her back?
Q. basically,my and ex and i broke up around 4 and a half months ago.it came out of nowhere,we were very much in love we talked in dept about our future,she told me she never met anyne like me and etc.the break up was down to silly arguments because of ...
A. 4 February 2011: considering that in the past you would say you're never contacting her again but then you'd go back on your word and contact her....why should she believe that this time you really mean it?
When you say you're going to do something, you have to ... (read in full...)
He lies about everything.....how do I find the strength to move on?
Q. I have known my partner for two and a half years and living at his home for the last year. He has a apartment in Florida and told me that a friend and her two daughters needed a place to live and moved her in. He came back to the u.k and basically ...
A. 4 February 2011: I don't think he has 'commitment issues', rather it sounds like he has integrity issues and honesty issues as well!
You know that he will continue to pull stunts like this for as long as you continue to stay with him. there is no reason he will ... (read in full...)
I want to stick by him but I don't think I can handle him being in contact with this woman, who is pregnant with his child.
Q. I have been with my husband for almost 24 yrs. We are highschool sweethearts. We've been married for 14. We have a 20yr old son. This last yr he found me flirting with a guy online. He took it upon himself to find his own affair with a 24 yr old ...
A. 4 February 2011: so sorry to hear of this awful mess. Yes it was wrong of you to flirt, but what he did goes way beyond that. He actually had sex with someone else and created a new life. don't blame yourself, he and he alone is responsible for his actions. He could ... (read in full...)
I know he is never going to leave his wife for me, so how do I go cold turkey when I have to see him everyday?
Q. Hello I am a 33 year old lady who has got myself into a bit of a mess. I started seeing a co-worker in December 2009. He and I are both married, unhappy, but both staying for childrens/financial sake. He only married in January 2010. He didn...
A. 4 February 2011: don't underestimate the power of guilt and obligation and mind games to trap a man into marrying someone he really doesn't want to be with. but once trapped, the factors that got him trapped make it unlikely he will ever get out.
just because ... (read in full...)
I'm unfaithful and it's killing me!
Q. I have been married for 10 years to the man I loved, and we have 2 wonderful children. After 4 happy years, a big issue based on my hubby's "unfair" suspicions, almost made our marriage collapse. We managed to overcome the matter but without going ...
A. 4 February 2011: if you are only staying out of fear, then you might want to make a back up plan for how to leave if and when you are ready. Since fear of your husband is a big factor in why you're not leaving, call a domestic violence helpline in your area and they ... (read in full...)
My husband is sucking me dry... emotionally. Need advice!
Q. I don't even know why I am posting this here or how to phrase this so that I don't seem like the bad guy...but I am. And I know it. And yes, feel free to tell me so. I tried to tell my hubby that if he posted here with this problem you would all ...
A. 4 February 2011: I understand totally what you mean about the excess skin - I know people who have undergone the gastric bypass surgery, both before and after.
in a way, it's ironic that now that you are no longer obese, you feel LESS attractive - or your hus... (read in full...)
My married lover had a stroke, but we still want to be together. How can we make this possible?
Q. Hi, I've been married for quite a few years, but I have always known I married on the rebound from my first marriage, which also was never right. The reason for this is that there was always someone else that I loved, but I never explored it as I ...
A. 4 February 2011: you and him should end your affair until you are both divorced from your spouses. Then you can start a real relationship.
So, I think you should both end your affair first, and then take time apart from each other. During this time apart, you shou... (read in full...)
My husband is sucking me dry... emotionally. Need advice!
Q. I don't even know why I am posting this here or how to phrase this so that I don't seem like the bad guy...but I am. And I know it. And yes, feel free to tell me so. I tried to tell my hubby that if he posted here with this problem you would all ...
A. 3 February 2011: you've lost 130 pounds and your husband lost 200 pounds? Wow, that's great!
So is he feeling a lot BETTER about himself now compared to before he lost all that weight? how about yourself?
... (read in full...)
I'm unfaithful and it's killing me!
Q. I have been married for 10 years to the man I loved, and we have 2 wonderful children. After 4 happy years, a big issue based on my hubby's "unfair" suspicions, almost made our marriage collapse. We managed to overcome the matter but without going ...
A. 3 February 2011: "I tried to leave him but his pride was hurt and he took actions to avenge it, that almost caused a disaster. He was completely blinded in his reactions that even destroying the children didn't stop him. When I withdrew, he's back to be the soft ... (read in full...)
My husband is sucking me dry... emotionally. Need advice!
Q. I don't even know why I am posting this here or how to phrase this so that I don't seem like the bad guy...but I am. And I know it. And yes, feel free to tell me so. I tried to tell my hubby that if he posted here with this problem you would all ...
A. 2 February 2011: Your husband needs to re-adjust his attitude and behavior because he's the one with the double standard. He is being controlling. You have no problem with his girl friends. But he has a massive problem with your ONE male friend. He wants you to give ... (read in full...)
I'm unfaithful and it's killing me!
Q. I have been married for 10 years to the man I loved, and we have 2 wonderful children. After 4 happy years, a big issue based on my hubby's "unfair" suspicions, almost made our marriage collapse. We managed to overcome the matter but without going ...
A. 2 February 2011: You need to end your affair and divorce your husband.
It's wrong to be in an affair while you're married. And if you were to leave your husband just to be with this man, you're doing so under false premises. you don't really know this guy because ... (read in full...)
Two long-term girlfriends, both in love, one pregnant - looks vs. personality
Q. I am in a bit of pickle situation and it's pretty deep and I don't know what to do now. I thought I could handle it and that the answer would present itself by way of circumstance, but this hasn't happened and now I'm in desperate need of help. ...
A. 14 January 2011: hello x-treem I'm sorry to hear you have such a mess. I think you acknowledge that you and you alone created it, but as for how to get out of it: I too think you should end it with both women. At least the Latvian woman broke up with you,... (read in full...)
| *hocoholicforever's friends
These are mutual friends, so *hocoholicforever has
added them and they have added *hocoholicforever!
|
