A
female
age
36-40,
*oveincrisis
writes:I am a 27year old female who has been in a relationship with a guy for 4years now. We have had a daughter together and we live together in a home with his parents. For the past 2 years after i had our daughter i am not interested in having sex with him, i find myself making excuses not to, as sex is mostly not on my mind. He does nothing really turn me on and i am turned off by a lot of his behavior. He is a good person however he looks after his daughter but i just have lost the fizzle or whatever its is i felt for him before all this. i find myself crying and torn as i do love him but having sex with him is hard. I have tried on numerous occasions how and what i think he should do as the man to help as i find i have always been someone who loves romance and nice things done in the order of the day or the week. I hate feeling obligated to have sex with anyone and i refuse to especially to reward someone for nothing. I am confused as i have thought about leaving but if i do life as a family will change and the day to day will be harder for my 2year old and myself. I don't know what to do as there is more to what i am saying than i can write. I know he is frustrated too and he heavily watches porn.
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female
reader, Loveincrisis +, writes (28 March 2011):
Loveincrisis is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell i am deciding to leave, i do not wish to be in a relationship anymore, i wish to see what else is out there but in truth i am really not interested in being with anybody. I just would like the freedom to come and go and be a good mother to my daughter. I am quietly looking for a new place to live, i finally have made up my mind.
A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (28 March 2011):
Are you having sex (or planning to have) with another guy?
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A
female
reader, Libra1963  +, writes (27 March 2011):
 You dont really want to leave this guy. You want change. However change is not going to happen unless you COMMUNICATE with him. Tell him exactly what you told us. You want to be treated and respect like a women. However, in times of equal opportunities, donot wait and expect him to do everything. Surprise him too. Find a babysitter for a night and book a dinner out and stay over night in a fancy hotel. Plan it well in advance and give yourself time to prepare yourself.
If all fails you may need to see a counsellor as its not always the man, there is a clear communication problem here and it may well continue into other relationships.
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A
male
reader, garcypher  +, writes (27 March 2011):
For one thing sex is not a reward given from one to the other when in a relationship. It is a mutual feeling to enjoy it from both.
Your problem might be hormonal if it started after you had your child. If it the way he is that put you off sex then you wont get anywhere if you don't talk to him about it. He is watching porn because he probably frustrated and anxious.
Why dont you ask your doctor to put you in touch with a therapist. Not everybodys cup of tea, but you have a lot to lose so why not?
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