New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login226267 questions, 983977 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

My boyfriend wants a break but it is killing me. Is this the end of the relationship?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 February 2006) 52 Answers - (Newest, 26 February 2013)
A female , *enetia writes:

My boyfriend of three and a half years decided that he needed to "take a break from the relationship". We still talk on a daily basis. He as even came to my house for us to see each other. He's been at my house three times this past week. When we talk on the phone, he still tells me that he loves me and I'll call you later, which he does.

But, this break is killing me. I can't really eat anything and I can't sleep. I don't want to date anybody else, and I don't think he's seeing anybody else. I have asked the question about that and he has told me no, that there is no one else. He just needs time.

With him saying that he needs a "break", is this a slow ending to the relationship??

View related questions: a break

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A female reader, krisann United States +, writes (26 February 2013):

I understand the pain I posted my situation as well and it just seems endless wow there are this many guys doing this. I mean, I know woman do this but wow its really sad. I know time heals a broken heart and Iv had it broken before, but this time around seems like its worse. I guess when your closer and someone tells you things you want to hear and then devestates you by leaving its a killer. I really am sorry to hear others stories, but I know Im not alone.

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, DistantStar Canada +, writes (9 January 2012):

Clear your mind and meditate for a minute...really listen to your heart...a woman can feel it when somehing truely isnt right. like when her man may be cheating on her.

Also. sometimes a man needs to take a step back and look at the picture before he decides to continue. He looks back at his memory of your behavior and really thinks about if he wants that in his future for the rest of his life. If you two were dating so long...then theres a really good chance he will continue with you.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, shawtyheartstyler United States +, writes (30 April 2011):

i know exactly how you feel me and my boyfriend of 3 months is havin a little space for a week and i really loved him and everything there is two ways you can try to get throught it is ignore hm

but dnt gv hm any attention n hell fall bck into yo hands and the other thing is if he needs space dnt txt him alot let him come to u since u guys r still together me and my bestfriend is going through it me and my bf never had fights he always treated me well and then people where tryen to break us up bc they are jealous that we have a good relationship but i am doing tha same not eating as much and not gonna sleep as well but just gonna get some help to get through it he owned my heart and when he told me he wanted his space my heart broke then he said that we are just still together so if he wants to do tht and if yall dont talk after a week then you might as well just gonna have to say bye to him bc he maybe dont still have the same feelings for you as before you 2 had a break but dont give him a hard time bout it just let him do what he wants for awhile but either way if he loves you then he will come back and if u see him on another girl dont worry he still has a little feelings for you but hey hes just seeing them to give you time to get your life straight and for him to get his straight and if u go wit another guy he will get jealous and come back to you it will work bc some people love each other to come back dont begg for him back he want come back if u beg let everything work out and if he breaks up with you let yall have awhile before you talk and then he might go back wit you

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011):

Girls, I know exactly what you feel like. Im currently on a break from my boyfriend of 2 years because the silly little fights just got too much to handle. He says he still sees a future for us and still loves me but we just need time apart to mature a bit and become more independant.

I think its a good thing, why stay together if your both not 100% happy? If you have true love between you then no matter how long you are apart, in the end you will still always think of that person over anyone else and will have something between giving possibility of working it out.

Take the break that you have to make new friends, go out, maybe even go on some dates with other guys (thats what i did) and find out what really makes you happy. You might find that you no longer need someone to be there all the time or you may find that you really do love the guy.

Seriously, dont be one of those girls that sits around crying about it and asking for him to please get back with you! Wheres your self respect if you do that?? He needs to know that you can do fine without him!! Your life is yours and no one can take that from you!! Your boyfriend should not be your life but instead just be a part of it!! By the end of the break, if he doesnt fit into your life anymore then its time to find someone who does!!

Keep your chin up and just stay strong, dont text him but instead let him text you (chances are he will be wondering where you are and who your seeing etc), and make yourself as happy and independant as possible!!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011):

I have the same problem. me and bf, we've been together for a year now, and yesterday we had an argument and he was really mean. he made me cry all night. then he said that we need a break. but i dont understand. i dont know what to do. i love him so much. i just wane know the right thing i can do, to have him like before. i need help. its killing me.

he is my fisrt love. first kiss, first everything! I am honest with him. i dont drink, i dont do drugs or go partying. I study hard to make him proud and myself. i just dont know what he wants.

and im not a freak or anything, im popular in school, going to uni soon. i just know what he wants. please help me.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, JoJoBloise13 Dominican Republic +, writes (3 April 2011):

JoJoBloise13 agony auntIt's good to know I'm not the only one with these problems... Here's my story:

In january 2010 I had a bad relationship with some guy, it was awful, I was depressed and I needed to get away from everything, so I went to NY ( I live in Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic but I'm a US Resident) for 6 months... In that time I met this wonderful guy, made me feel like a princess and treated me the way I wanted to. But 3 months after dating I told him I had to go back to my country to finish my studies ( I go to the medical school), so I asked him about what to do and he decided to give it a shot to long distance relationship. It was hard, we fought a lot but we decided to see each other again to see if we felt the same way. Well we expended decemeber/january together, it was wonderful. After I came back, everything went down to hill cause I had a huge problem at school so I started feeling depressed again and I was flipping things on him (I know it was my fault) but what killed me was that he told me that I cant count on him... WTF? are you serious? Well in those days things were up and down and I got some msgs from his ex (which I HATE) saying that my relationship with him has being a lie since day one and that they're still having sex when I'm not around... Imagine me depressed and reading this kind of this, I went crazy, I was mad as hell with him but he denied everything (still does) but I didnt believe him... I felt awful, I thought my world was ending so I tried to kill myself taking 36 pills of benadryl; thank God my brother found me minutes later and took me to the hospital, I spent 2 days in the ICU, unconscious. When I got home, I saw all the emails he wrote me saying how sad he was and how much he loved me and that he would lose his mind if I died because a lie. Well things got better for a while but we started fighting again cause I felt he was treating me so different, like he did not care anymore, so I was mad at him and he got tired of me arguing all the time, so 3 days ago he wrote me this email:

"Look Jo I've been thinking a lot and I think we need a serious break cause things aren't getting any better. I think we should take time from each other to figure out if this is what we really want. Lately I've been feeling like were not ment for each other I don't give u everything u need I'm the complete opposite from u. I've just been stressed out with everything in the relationship. U don't trust me and probably never will I'm just making u suffer cause I'm not meeting ur expectations. I love u and want this to work but I don't want to force it. I need time for myself to think and really analyze myself and figure out if this is what I really want. Were still together my love hasn't changed for u but I need time away from u to see if I miss this relationship and really want this. Cause right now in my mind I don't want this anymore but in my heart I still want this to work cause my love for u and ur love for me is genuine. I'm just tired of making u cry and having u suffer because of my selfish way of being I need the time off to really ask myself if I'm gonna change or I'm gonna let u go free cause it's clearly not fair to u or to me. I hope u can understand me and not take this wrong. I also hope u can think positive about this cause this might just help us in being better in our relationship and I hope u take the time to analyze urself as well and the flaws u have. I want this ur great to me but ur flaws have takin a toll on me and I'm sure mines has to. Let's just think this through and really be positive about this and hope we can come to an agreement whether it be remain together or separate. My ultimate goal has been the same since day one and that is grow old together. Let's make the best of this time off and really dig deep into ourselves and figure out what's healthy for us in general. I love u Jo honestly but I've been so scared of how our relationship is turning out I don't want to be miserable and I'm sure u don't neither. I just hope u don't take this the wrong way and think I'm doing this for other reasons."

I am dying here, I'm so scared of losing him, I don't know what to do... I called him today to tell him how much I've been missing him and how much I love him, he just told me: "I'll call you tomorrow, I've been thinking a lot and I think I can take a decision now" OMG he was so cold!!! Like I've never heard him like that before. After that I sent him an email saying "I love you" he wrote back "Love u too" Please help me here, I don't know what to do :(

PS: I'm going to see him again in 18 days... I can't wait!!!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011):

Omg! I never post like this, but need to get it out. My bf of nearly 3 years, wants a "break". He said he wants 2-3 weeks to figure stuff out. When we talked last time, he was just saying all these confusing things. He said he loved me, but when I asked him if he was falling out of love with me, he said he doesn't feel the way he once felt. I'll tell you what, I've heard those words before and they STUNG. He seems to care about me, and my happiness. I mean he's my best friend and I'm his. He is stressed with finding a job and finishing college. It's overwhelming for him, I can tell, but he kinda won't let me into his world. He said that he doesn't think it's good that he is so important to me, that he is my world, but he said he loves being that important to me. Yes you read correctly, and I'm CONFUSED.

Then today I tried to log onto his e-mail and it turns out he changed his password. I know people say there needs to be some privacy and stuff, and trust me I RARELY check his mail, unless I am really suspicious, but I guess I am supposed to trust him. I did change my password as well. He's not the cheating type, and I think he doesn't have the time to, but you never know with men. He says we are not over, and that he just needs time to himself. He says I love you, and not to cheat on him. He said we'll meet in a week, and that he doesn't want to communicate till then. I have a HUGE presentation coming up for a job interview, and he is the only one who can help me, and at this time he decides for us to not communicate till 3 days b4 my interview. I sent him an e-mail today, no reply. It was just about some advice about my topic, but I guess I get the message. I'm so angry with him, for being so selfish and just leaving me hanging. I also think he's having some commitment issues. He is realizing that he is not the long term relationship kinda guy yet. I mean what? He said if it wasn't me, and the amazing person I am in question, he would have ended things a year ago. It's annoying considering all the promises he made. But that is standard with guys isn't it? He tells me, I guess I thought I was someone I am not. On his road to self discovery I get hurt. Sometimes I think it's good, that he needs time off, and then I think it's so selfish and annoying of him. I mean if he's confused then it means that at the end he could also reach the conclusion that he doesn't want to be together anymore. So i hand around for 3 weeks, hoping for a miracle, only to get get nothing. I mean a discussion would have been great, just to get some perspective into the problem. All the stuff he said came out of nowhere and within an hour we decided, online, no less, to take a break. We're in our mid 20s, so it's not like we're teens. I don't know what the hell to think. God I hate it. This topic is so old but I hope things turned out well for you guys.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011):

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for about 4 years. We have the greatest relationship. We've never had any serious fights and have a wonderful relationship. Since we have been dating for so long, and we started dating at a young age it is understandable that he wants some space now that he's at college, and i'm at college close to home. I'm not worried because I know he just needs a little space and we'll be fine. We still talk and have a good relationship like always. Just nice to put it out there. I love him so much. :)

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010):

I'm in a similar situation. I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 7 months and everything has been wonderful. We used to spend a lot of time together during the summer. We went to the beach, spent time with both our families, went to concerts, and just enjoyed each others companies. When school started he went to college and im still in high school so we decided to stay together but just talk at night and see each other on the weekends. For the past month I've been feeling neglected and alone because he has been getting busier and I felt like the quality of our relationship was strained. This past saturday I vented my feelings to him and how upset I was so he decided that a break was the best idea. He said that he was losing who he was because all the pressures of college, and family, and friends, and maintaining our relationship were getting to him. He also said that he needs time to find himself again because he has had alone time to figure out what he was thinking. The whole time we were talking he was crying and I was crying so I know he was sincere but I'm so afraid that by not talking to him something will happen. I feel even worse and I want to talk to him but he doesn't answer my texts unless I say something very very direct like "i'm worried at least say good night" and then he'll answer. I'm so terrified and I feel more alone and hurt than befor. I don't know if this break can get worse or if it will turn out well. Can only one help me too? --AP

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Fannacie and florin 4eva United States +, writes (21 November 2010):

i no how ya feel im in the same thing idk wut to do i love him so much he says he needs time off butt im like stuck to him its soo hard nd it hasnt even started yet nd hes thinkin bout just breakin up nd seeing if we work out nd maybe getting back together i have no clue wut ta do nd all the time i feel like im gonna have a panic attact nd it doesnt feel good at all :[[[[

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010):

Hi everyone,

well I guess I have the same problem as many of you. I have been dating my bf for about 2 years now - almost 2 years to the day actually. We were in a wonderful state at the beginning of our relationship, and then after about a year, it went downhill. We moved in together last January and we've had our ups and downs. One of the biggest problems has been that I need to have more trust in him. I have a lot of insecurity and I'm trying to improve that by seeing a psychologist and he's also tried to be more open with me. So yesterday he told me that he wants to have a break. Not a break up, but a break to see how he will feel without me. I told him that I can't live knowing that he won't be in my life. It's like he's breaking my heart into pieces. I've been through a break before, and that time he came back and said it's over. I can't live through that again. He also said that we can have a break, but he can still live here sort of like friends and not have any expectations. I don't know if I could live with seeing him daily and not be able to show any affection.

Anyway I guess I'm just looking for someone's advice here. I love him a lot and I know that he does too because I see the way he looks at me sometimes. Please let me know what you advise.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010):

I think that if you're in the same situation as the person that has asked this question, then yes, i think it is a slow end to their relationship. in her situation, they are still seeing each other...how can a break be a break if they do that? i think he is just delaying time and is comfortable with the fact that he has control, whether he knows that or not.

My boyfriend and I are on a break right now. Our situation is a little different. We have been dating long distance for quite sometime. Things were good but the distance has gotten to him and he feels like when we're apart, we're drifting more away and becoming friends. I agreed to the break though i hated to do it. i think denying him of it would just make things worse. A break is not just for whoever initiated it. it's for both parties. you are to think of ways that you can do to better the relationship and think of why it went wrong...There's no guarentee of anyone getting back together but you should think of what you need and if your partner can provide it. if not, and he agrees that he can't, then you both need to move on.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, bose Nigeria +, writes (24 October 2010):

My guy has bn out of the country for 2 yrs nw,and just so scard to loose him.wat can I do to make sure we dint break up.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010):

My boyfriend and i just broke up yesterday.

He said he needed a break. He came out of a very harsh and lng relationship before me. We have been together 2 years.

Hes turning 18 in two weeks im already 18.

He said he still loves me and wont go with other girls, he just wants to have fun while hes young and that he wishes we would get back together when hes ready to settle down.

Im so torn, this came on so suddenly. Im trying to give him space but its difficult. I really do love him and i know he loves me to.

Why would someone give up something so good. I want him to be the one. I dont want to find anybody else.

I have no idea whats going through his head.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2010):

the same is happening with me, my boyfriend wants a break but it's killing me, he said he still loves me. its really hard as we both work at the same place. He said that a break would help put things in place for both of us but i dont like breaks and feel that they are an excuse to break up. we have fallen apart these last few weeks due to the hours he works and we never see each other so it has made me think that theres someone else and he's annoyed that i dont trust him. if its ment to be it will work, but i dont want my heart broken again i love him too much

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2010):

I didnt realise that there would actually be a post about this and it has really helped me understand a lot.

Me and my boyfriend have only been together about 7 months but i really truly love him. Half way through our relationship things got bad and we ended up fighting a lot but lately things have been amazing! As he is quite busy right now we had to see less of each other which is alright as im busy too! We havnt seen each other in a few days but all was well and i was happier then ever with him. Then today he started to break down about how he feels like he needs space. he suggested a break and i was totally agaisnt it at first as previous experiances have ended badly on a break, but he started to beg me and plead that all he wanted to do was spend a few days without me and not talking to me and he actually told me that he would call me tomorrow night to talk. But the reason im unhappy is because he said to me that after these few days he'll then decide if he wants to be with me and i told him i wasnt waiting around for him to decide if he wants it. I got extremly upset over it but then i came around and realised that thats what he wanted was for me to react that way so i text him and agreed with EVERYTHING he said and you know what he did? He texting back and thanked me and told me he loved me. It can only end two ways 1) hes going to stay 2) Hes going to leave. So my advice is to stand your ground and agree with him because then he will be shocked and have a higher opinion on you.

Hopefully everything works out :)

P.s Dont ever let a man decide your future,if you want something go for it and dont let him bring you down.

xxxx

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, audrey21 United Kingdom +, writes (7 October 2010):

reading some of these stories automatically makes me feel so much better.

heres my little story...

when i was 16/17/18 i dated and fell in love with my first love he was a few years older than me and the sweetest guy ever...while we were together everything was so close to perfect. we dated for almost two years one christmas i went to his, the next christmas he came to mine then left for the rest of the day to be with his family. he brought me some lovely presents and jewlery and then he didnt talk to me for about a week....he left me wondering if he was even alive...i spent new years alone and was so confused like an idiot i went nuts and kept harrassing him callin texting emailing...finally the only thing i got was that he needed a break, that he loved me, and that we would be together. i held on to that hope but was still so heartbroken about a month after christmas i found out that there was a new girl in his life and that she had moved in there with him and his friends and that they worked together. i then got a nasty hurtfull email from her telling me to move on and get over it that they were together now. i had never been so hurt in my life. i am now almost 22 dated and had boyfriends but havent been in love untill 6 months ago my sister introduced me to my bf. we quickly became close but he moved 2 hrs away only a month after we met. we liked each other so much we decided to give it a go. last month he spent a month with me in america which is where my family is. we had an amazing time and my family was so good to him and my friends adored him. i knew that i loved him and he said time and time again that he loved me and wanted to marry me and wanted to change his life around and work hard to be with me and make it work. we had been having arguments due to the long distance, ITS HARD!!! i feel like i always make the effort to go and see him and he doesnt do the same...after breaking up online and then chatting recently all our convos were sweet and like nothing had happened. i havent seen him in a month since america. i finally asked him why we were talking and what he wanted.. i poured my heart out, apologized for some things i have said, and told him i willing to do anything to make it work. he says he wants a break and i say that ultimatly means "break up" and he keeps repeating that it doesnt that we will be together. but i know what happened last time when a guy said that to me. im devestated! i cant eat sleep and im getting pains in my chest from the stress. i feel used...and i feel the heartbreak all over again. he says the distance is a major part as well, then why did he agree to keep seeing me!?? either im worth it or im not i just want answers but i know the best thing to do is leave it i have deleted his number and off my facebook. secretly i want him back but i cant waste my time waiting and worrying about him coming back and what he is doing. on the other hand i do have friends who have had breaks with their partners and have gotten back together and have been together for years....but they also slept with other people on the break and that was hard for them to overcome but they are happy now. maybe the truth is some breaks will work and others wont. some guys just say break cause they want to keep you hanging and thats not fair!! other good guys really trully do just need a break and will come back to you. i guess i will just wait and see....

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2010):

me and my boyfriend are doing the same thing. we've become really close the past 9 months and although it doesnt seem all that long, things happened fast. were both still going through school and have strong faith that this will really make our relationship stick. because if we can get through this we can make it through much worse nd what really matters in a relationship is trust,love, and of course personal space. hopefully this brak brings us closer in the end and gives us a fresh start. its better to take a break then end on bad terms. Good luck!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2010):

it doesn't have to be the end of the relationship, especially if you handle it right. i just went through the same thing with my boyfriend. he said he needed "space," and i immediately thought, "oh, he's trying to let me down easy."

but, even though i was anxious about it, i respected his wishes. i didn't contact him. if he contacted me, i would reply in a friendly, polite manner...maybe even nonchalant.

after about a week, he called me. now things are better than before, because i respected and cared about HIM enough to give him what he needed.

i know it can be difficult to concentrate on anything but him, but you really need to go out and do your own thing while you give him his space. have fun, and spend time with family and friends you haven't seen in a while.

talk to your friends about it if you need to, it will make you feel better, and it's always good to get different perspectives. =)

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010):

my love of my life was the first guy i ever slept with and vice versa and we have been together for 4 years. he turned 21 in april and i also turn 21 in august.

we havent really taken a break or have broken up for real. whenever we fight we usually make up..but lately our fights have been the same over and over, and we both get so sick of it. about a few days after our 4 year anniversary he wanted to break up and just be friends and i told him that i wanted to be friends with benefits (and this was over the phone) The next day he came over to see me and apologized and i apologized too and we had really hot sex and took a walk around the lake and just talked. i was still in shock and heartbroken that he wanted to break up with me because he didnt wanna deal with the drama and bullshit anymore. Later that night he texted me that he didnt wanna see other people and that he wanted a calm relationship with no drama and so i accepted.

our relationship was fine but then i got all sensitive again and he was so upset with me for talking/flirting with a guy friend of mine on facebook message. he snooped through my facebook because i forgot to logout..like how untrustworthy is that? he texted me and was saying that i betrayed his trust and he loved me less now..blah blah blah..the other guy was just a friend and nothing else but he didnt understand.

after that incident he broke up with me again, he was also having a rough time figuring out what he wanted to do with his life. and i was always there for him and support him. once again after he told me he wanted to break up on the phone that night, i freaked out on him because i dont want to lose him. we have so much fun together and our chemistry is great! i understand he is having a hard time right now. after the phone call last night, we both calmed down on the phone and i accepted the break up though i told him i wanted to be friends with benefits. later that night he called me and texted me to come to his place. but i missed his call so i didnt get to see him that night. the next day we went out for lunch and down to the lake and had hot sex..once again. it's like before!! :/

after seeing him that day i texted him that being friends with benefit wasnt working out for me, and that it would take time for me to be friends with him. then i asked him what he wanted to do, he said he didnt know..a million times on the message...he said he wanted to be bff's! like WTF?? im not that kind of person..it's very hard for me to stay friends with an ex. especially the one that you thought was so perfect and have future benefits.

so after all the texting, he finally said third chance. be strong. then he changed his mind and said why dont we take a break for a week after i come back from camping...blah blah. and i was like- that sounds good. thanks! anytime you want away from me just let me know!

then he messaged me a smiley face :) and then i was like, im going to turn my phone off for the night. just want to say goodnight. he he texted me- night bbbbb (meaning babe/baby)

i know we still love eachother very much, i just hurt him alot the other day and he doesnt want a gf or any relationship bullshit. and i just wanna have fun with him and hangout.

im just going to not talk to him this week unless he texts me or calls me then ill talk to him. other than that ill wait for him until next week.

right now im just going to hangout with my girls and have fun and work.

i hope for the best to all you girls. many guys are very kind-hearted and will take you back or talk to you again. if they want space, let them have their space until they start missing you.

i really hope my bf of 4 years and 1 month talks to me again sometime next week. wish me luck!

ill probably let you girls know if everything worked out or not. crossing fingers!

xox

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2010):

My bf and I have been dating for 5 years, we have our differences but our Love really does conquer everything. He's going through a really tough time at home because of his dad and has pushed me away. I normally see him weekends cos in the week its hectic with work etc, and now he tells me when he just turns around he smells me, i should get real and realise that when we married we will be sick of each other. I really dnt know where this has come from as he's the one who's so insecure and if i even go somewhere he wants to know where i am, with who and gets upset most of the time!!! So this to me is like WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?? I look like im the clingy one.. when im not. Iv adjusted my life so that weekends I can be with him, now this?? Seriously, im so confused right now!!!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2010):

I am so happy I found this post. It has made me feel better about my situation with getting to read others post and seeing how others are going through what I am. with that being said, here' my story...

My boyfriend and I have been together for 14 months. We have seen each other every day since we met and talk on the phone every night. we got into a big fight 2 weeks ago and I ended up slapping him. The next day he told me he wanted space and would call me in a week. I asked if he wanted to be broken up or on a break. He said broken up. The next day I had to see him at work and we were friendly to another. The day after that he completely ignored me. I haven't called him since then. He was supposed to call me yesterday and tell me what is going on with us. He never bothered to call. I even ended up calling him and of course he didn't pick up. I guess I should assume it i over. And I'm glad that happened because now I know the kind of guy he is and can move on.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2010):

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 and a half months. I realised i loved him after the first week, because he's not like all the other guys. But then, during the third week of our relationship, i realised i needed a break... i kept having really bad mixed emotions, and i didnt know if i wanted him or i still liked another guy. Although, i DID still love him. So we went on a break, and 2 days later i told him i had made a terrible mistake and that i love him very much, we got back together and we have been with each other for 2 and a half months. I hadn't seen him in 5 days and we met up with each other. It wasnt the same, i knew something was wrong with him, but i went along with it and carried on as usual, he just insisted he was tired. Then, he texted me saying "dont take this the wrong way, but i think we should see each other less often... we see each other a lot and i dont feel that spark anymore that i usually do. Plus im not getting to spend any time with my friends" Even though, he see's his friends every day at work. I didnt think of anything, and just agreed to it and tried to respect his views. He has now asked me for a break, because his head is all over the place and he doesnt think he likes me as much as he used to. He tells me that whatever he says isnt certain, because his head is a mess. i was really upset about the whole thing, but im going to respect his wishes.

I have a plan though, and i hope it works... and im also hoping all you people wish me luck!

He still wants to buy me a small present for my birthday. So my plan was to accept the gift, but pull him to one side and then say "oh you shouldnt have, its beautiful though" and try and make him smile... then give him a peck on the lips and walk away, just walk away... it will get his mind going... right? Then if the present is something i can wear, then i will wear it all day every day. I'll also make sure i look good for him.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2010):

I am also going through this right.

Lately my boyfriend and I have been fighting a lot over the same things. It seems that the arguments were always the same, as if we were rehearsing lines.

He asked me yesterday for a few days space. I told him that I care about him, and that I didn't want our relationship to end but he should take as long as he needs. I love my boyfriend, and his happiness is important to me. If he is not able to be happy with me, then the best thing I can do is let him go. To do otherwise is selfish and not an act of love.

I know I will be devastated if he decides he wants out, but because I care about him and understand that life is real and not a game, I will accept it is better for him to go.

In the meantime, I am channeling my energy into my work as a writer, and looking online for stories similar to mine, just to see if there are any happy endings.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, ska2heaven7 United States +, writes (30 May 2010):

Wow...I can't believe so many women are going through, or have gone through the same pain as me. I really can't help the original person who posted the question, though I really wish I could. I hope everything has worked out for the best for her and that she isn't going through this anymore! I googled this because my boyfriend just told me he needs a break, he's stressed and wants some space. I'm taking this really hard, because I love him so much. He told me he loves me too, but he needs to see whether or not he wants to be with me. What? How do men get the idea that once you tell them you love them, they have the luxury of choosing to drop you and pick you up when they feel like it? It's awful! I was expressing my love to him in tears. I was explaining that him wanting to take a break from me hurts so bad because I truly fell in love with him, and he responded me saying "those are all your thoughts, and I have nothing to do with your thoughts." He said he needs his space, he has a right to space! I asked him how he could say this to me when I was trying to express how I felt, he told me "love is not enough!" What can be more vital to a relationship than love? When I asked him to explain how love isn't enough, he said "Even a mother cat eats her newborn kittens when she is terrified, so love is not enough." WHAT?!?!? Comparing my love to a cat's love? Does anyone know what the heck he meant by this? I asked him and he told me I will never understand him. I'm torn! Granted, I'm not little miss perfect, but I always apologize when I say the wrong things, make him upset or start an argument. Nobody's perfect, but I've tried to be a good girlfriend to him, to change the things he doesn't like. I mean, this is the man who once said he wanted to marry me, who I wanted and, am ashamed to admit, STILL want to marry! With the way he's acting, so cold and brutal, I get the feeling he wants more than just a break. I think he wants to get rid of me. I need some feedback, someone who's gone through the same thing and overcome. I don't even know if I should give him another chance even if he did want to come back, cause he's never acted this extremely mean before. OH RELATIONSHIPS! OH MEN! Arrrrrgg! Why must they be so complicated?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, genntonic United Kingdom +, writes (6 May 2010):

Hello everyone,

I am not used to replying to blogs or doing anything internet related, however I 'googled' this exact issue and this is what found. I would like to hear what happened of the person who started this message. It has obviously started quite a cue of answers.

Anyway, here is what I would like to contribute. It involves a few relationships of experiencing breaks, heartaches, and quite frankly situations I never thought would get through but did. I was 17 when this story began and am 28 now. I am currently in the same 'break' situation and am working my way through it. Here is my experience. I hope someone benefits from it.

In 2004, 2006, 2008, and 2010 When he said he wanted a break, what did he actually mean? Does he want to 'play the field?', does he want to break up, is he just using this as an excuse or is this a legitimate situation of someone who desperately needs space?

In 2000 I met my first boyfriend. I was 17, had never dated, and was not sure if I ever wanted to. He was a little older (20), was quite shy, very sweet, and a mutual friend of friends of mine. Eventually we stared dating. It did not take us long to figure out that we had absolutely NOTHING in common, but we loved each other and pressed on.

In 2001 I went into university and this started to put pressure on our relationship. I tended to take care of the home, and my partner's mother who was ill. We had our first break in 2004. That was really hard! After 4 years together, I did not know what to do without this person. I felt like the 'world was collapsing' around me and did not know how I would pull through. I let him be, moved into my parents' home, and started to focus more on my program at school. After 7 months, he came back to me out of nowhere and told me he wanted me back and without hesitation, I

accepted.

The second break he did not request, he just took....back in April, 2006. I was devastated to return home from school to discover that all of his belongings were gone. No note was left and a phone call only resulted in my crying and his hanging up on me. That was it. I was finally about to finish school in just one month (which had caused a rift between us for years) and he was gone? I realize now that it was the right thing but at the time I just felt 'worthless'. Just over 6 years together with nothing in common other than both being sweet people was never enough to base anything on.

I moved on and about three months later one of my university pals (for years) brought over a friend. I remember thinking he was attractive but did not know if this was because of the 'rebound' process that seemed so common or that he was just hott. Over the next couple of months, this man worked hard to get to know me. The only problem was that we lived 'long distance' in Canada (let me tell you, that can be some kind of far!). I had already accepted a job to teach overseas for a few years and was gong to leave soon, but this did not stop us from getting together.

I came home for a visit at Christmas, spent the holilday with his family (who I had gotten to know dearly), and truly felt loved. I thought this was everything I was looking for. He asked me to come home early and leave my job and after careful consideration I did. Less that one month after arriving home, he wanted 'a break' because I had not been sending him enough e-mail messages. I remember being so angry for leaving my career to be with him. At the very least I had arrived home to do another university program which kept me busy.

Four months later he visited our mutual friend and we saw each other. A few days after he claimed he had not been thinking logically before, had taken time to think about it and wanted me back. I said 'yes!!!'

I traveled out to his home awhile after (again, far away). We started to look for a home and furniture for our new place. My program was finishing soon, and we were moving in together. I felt loved, and it seemed like a dream come true. After our loving little vacation together I got on a bus and traveled the long journey home (normally 14 hours but with the snow storm that suddenly erupted instead took 4 days!). I was so tired and terrified to start an internship the following day (which I should have had days to prepare for). I honestly did not see what was coming next.

I arrived home to see him on msn. I messaged him, but he was short with me. He called me up and told me he needed a 'break' over the phone and hung up on me. He refused to speak to me again........

I found out I was pregnant a few months later with his child. Normally, I was very cool, laid back, and acceptng of what other people wanted, but suddenly I was extremely emotional (crazed in fact) and terrified. I called him, left three messages on his home line, and tried his moble. A friend of his answered who told me had had moved on and that he wanted nothing to do with me. This was confirmed the next day by a number of jealous e-mails I started to get from his new girlfriend (and never replied to). I felt worthless, insignificant, and every other adjective relating to these. My heart was completely broken and I was pregnant. I was then diagnosed by a doctor with severe depression and medicated but nothing helped. I know the way that relationships (when they go wrong) can hurt you like nothing else on the planet.

Terrified, alone, unbearably hurt and lost, I eventually made the decision to have a secret abortion. Less than two months later, I moved to the UK to teach. I started to regret the abortion immediately and this let to a form of post traumatic stress syndrome (Post abortion stress). I didn't think things could get worse!

Sept. 27, 2008 I met a wonderful man. He has proven to be understanding, patient, smart, and shares many of my interests. He has been with me through anything (and considering the depression and PASS everything), has come home to meet my family in Canada, has the most fantastic parents, etc. etc. I feel this man is absolutely perfect.

He is 28 years old and at 26 (when I met him) he had never been with anyone else emotionally or sexually at all...ever.

This worried me as my previous two relationships in the past had been on the same ship as both of them never dated (or had sex) before me. I pushed those worries aside.

My partner and are living together but I will say agan (as I did at the beginning of this long story) he wants a break, we are moving out of our flat and are separating. He plans and needs to see other people and I understand this. I know that he loves me and that this is hard for him, but it is also very hard for me. I never thought I would find someone like him and when I finally found him, 18 months later he also wants a 'break.'

Because of my past experiences, the word 'break' seems to mean the end. I am trying to find everywhere I can to get away from this man as it hurts to see him and think of us not (and never) being together. We will be moving out of here in 3 months and will get our own flats. I will never call him but if he decides to get back together, I will welcome the call. With my past experiences, when they say they need a break, they DEFINITELY mean it.

Well, don't know if this is helpful to anyone, but I know that I could use some advice. Should I put any hope in this or should I just move on? I love this man with all of my heart. I completely understand why he would like to see other people. If I had nothing to compare to, I would want to do the same.

Thank you to any advice and good luck to those whose hearts have been broken also.

Genntonic

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2010):

I'm here too because I typed in something about my boyfriend wanting a break. Yeah, I have my story too, but I also wanna throw in some advice based on my past experiences.

So my boyfriend and I have been dating a year and a half. We are both 20 (well, I'll be 20 next week). So we are relatively young. He has been having some sort of an identity crisis ever since I met him. At first he was so into me, couldn't keep away from me. I was dating someone else at the time, and he spent 6 months trying to catch me even though I kept denying him. I finally gave in to his charm and he impressed me with many great times. He used to tell me how wonderful I was, the best girlfriend he's ever had, how beautiful I am, used to ditch his friends just to rent a movie with me. As time went on, his identity crises became worse. He couldn't bring himself to go to college because he didn't know what he wanted to do with his life. He would often spend many lonely nights alone, depressed, searching for answers to his life. He tried God, individualism, everything. Nothing worked, he would be fine for awhile, then ever an episode of depression where he would refuse to see anyone for a day or two.

He still hasn't said "I love you" to me because he says he doesn't know how he can love someone until he knows himself. I don't push him to say it, but it hurts. I know he really cares for me because one time he got really depressed and started to break up with me, but ended up just crying for hours and called me an hour later to ask for me back.

He says he can't love me because it's hard for him to build up those feelings, and every time he starts to build those feelings, we'll have a little (insignificant) dispute or something, then he gets angry and depressed and says he doesn't know what to think anymore and he has to start all over on building feelings for me.

So now he says he wants a break. He says he needs time to be alone and find himself, yet I know for a fact that he has been hanging out with his friends the past few days and has spent LITTLE time alone. I haven't texted him or seen him. Unfortunately, we work together, so when we do work, he says I'm supposed to pretend like everything is normal (except I can't kiss or hug him or anything) but it's really hard.

I think it's stupid. I've given him loads of support and have tried to help him find ways to find himself. But he hardly does anything for himself, he doesn't try to find out what he wants to do for college, he doesn't try to move out of his parents house like he wants to, he doesn't try to get a new job like he says he needs...it's hard to help someone who doesn't help themselves. So I am frustrated because having a break from me is going to do nothing for him to help him find himself. So I am convinced that something must be wrong with me, for some reason he must not like me as much as he claims he does, and there's nothing I can't do. I love him, so it's hard for me to leave him. (We are still boyfriend/girlfriend, just not talking or hanging out for awhile) But I fear that this is a slow and PAINFUL way of him leaving me.

With past boyfriends, when they ask for space, I have tried fighting it. Which always makes it worse. I recall once that he said he needed space, I gave it to him for a few days, then on the fourth day I texted him and asked "So how was your show? :)" I thought it was nice of me to ask him how a big band show of his went. But he flipped out, saying I couldn't even respect his wishes for space, and he was feeling good about us and about to talk to me again, but my lack of respect screwed everything up and then he dumped me. I remember another boyfriend who asked for space, I gave it to him. Didn't talk to him for a few days. He came back around and thanked me, said he was happy I could do that for him, and things were great. Granted, he did end up asking for space again a few months later, then we broke up. So I guess you just never really know with boys. I don't get it. I don't know ANY girls who ever use the "I need space" line...we tend to seek our boyfriends out for comfort in time of need, not push them away. Boys are so weird and I seriously am started to hate my boyfriend tonight. Mainly cause I know he's just out drinking at a hardcore party and not being home and "finding himself"

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, J.Scarlet8712 United States +, writes (20 March 2010):

It's incredible where you'll turn when you're emotional. Here I am, telling my troubles to people I don't even know, but somehow it makes me feel better- being able to rant like this.

I just came home from my boyfriend's house. We've been dating about 5 months and I love him dearly. We were best friends before dating. I care about him more than anyone else in the world.

He wants to take a break. He says that he's happy when we're together, but when we're apart, he doesn't think about me. He says that he thinks his feelings are changing. He needs the time for himself. He's been very stressed and needs to relax and I understand that. But it's not a space issue since we don't see each other very often. In fact, this was the first time I'd seen him in 3 weeks. And there were no signs.

I was completely devastated. He that he's not interested in any other women. He just needs time. And he says he loves me, and prays for me at night, and cares about me more than anyone else...blah blah.

But he was crying. I could tell that this was hard for him to say. He was crying his eyes out and was very angry with himself. And then he kissed me and wouldn't let me go. And we held each other as we cried. And right before I got on the train to leave, he kissed me passionately and said he loved me.

I personally think he is confused and doesn't know what he wants. I love him so much and I sincerely hope this isn't the end of our relationship. He's an incredibly genuine person so I know everything he's saying are his true feelings. Does anyone think they can give me advice?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2010):

the guy i believed to be the love of my life needs a break. over the weekend i was drugged (not of my own volition) and he watched me acting inappropriately "just to see what I would do" and then the next day before I had to go to the hospital told me he didnt want to talk about what happened and needed a break. I have had to go through this (testing and police reports) all by myself. I was upset at first and guilty, I apologized although I didnt know what I was apologizing for. Then i was upset that he left me to deal with all of this. Now I realize that all i want to see is him smile. I want him back in my life because it is better with him in it. It has been two days and it feels like an eternity. I am respecting his decision for space, but I honestly feel abandoned. I dont know what to do.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, UpsNdownZZZ United States +, writes (22 February 2010):

My boyfriend of 18 months (well, it would be in exactly that in a couple days) told me today that he wanted a break. He had been acting strangely since Valentine's Day last week. I brought this up to him a few days ago and he told me that he thought I was 1/5 of the reason why he was depressed, but once I started hysterically crying, he told me he would try to work things out. Well, even though we live together, I ended up not seeing him for over two days. The first night after our chat I called him after work and he said he was going bowling with two of his guy friends and failed to invite me even though I always invite him to do things with me and my friends. He ended up getting very drunk and slept on his friend's couch. He didn't even call me to let me know why he hadn't come home until later in the afternoon the next day while I was at work. Later that night, my boyfriend was already asleep in our bed when I got home. I waited a couple hours for him to wake up from what I thought was a late nap, yet he did not, and I wasn't able to talk to him to until this morning. I was excited, but also nervous to ask him what he was doing today. Again, he was going to hang out with his guy friends and work on his car. Normally Sundays are the days that he and I hang out together the most. Today did not turn out well. I realized he really wasn't willing to work on the relationship and was, instead, pushing me away. I cried, of course, for two hours, and then left the apartment to get away from a while. I am not sure how long this "break" is going to last. It is really going to suck because I still have to live in the same apartment as him, although it has two bedrooms. This whole scenario happened with my last boyfriend where out of the blue he said he needed time for himself to think about things and just wanted to be friends. We were apart for a month and then he called me saying he wanted me back. We got back together, but only lasted just over months. I am scared that if my current boyfriend does decide to get back together with me, that he will just leave me again a little further down the line. I feel worthless and like I don't know what to do with myself. I don't have many really close friends to lean on, so that's why I'm reaching out to all of you in cyberspace. Thanks for reading all this!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2010):

My boyfriend did this to me 2 days before valentines, we have silly little disagreements all the time and always work it out, however this time he flipped and said he couldnt do it anymore. Saying he needs a break and that i need to be nicer, we had a few extra days together due to my family organising days out before the break. I thought these days might make him realise but he just said its made his break shorter. He still wants us to talk and see each other just as much as we do when we're together but just not act like we're together but i don't see the point in that? Anyway, i really can't do it, since just saying we're friends he's changed and i dont know what to do, he doesnt seem to care that i can't support him through this break, basically because he's done it before. I really don't have a clue how long its going to last and neither does he. Does anyone else have a rough idea? I dont want anyone else and neither does he but i really love him and can't bare to just not be with him for however long this will take.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2010):

I know this was all originally posted a while ago, but like the silly girl I am, I literally googled something along the lines of "what to do when your boyfriend wants a break", and this came up. So, if the one who posted the question does not need advice or input any longer, maybe someone else will? I know I found comfort in reading some of the things that others posted. But, basically, my boyfriend of roughly 1 year randomly stopped texting for 2 days (we normally talk every day). When he did text me, it was to tell me that he was stressed and he needed space and that he loved me but it was something he needed to do. It all came out of nowhere so I, reacting emotionally, fought it for a few days. When I realized he wasn't going to change his mind, I told him okay, take the space you need so we can work this out. He suddenly seemed happy again, which he hadn't been since the argument started a few days before. He thanked me, told me he loved me, and that he would come back soon and we'd be great and everything would be better. He made no contact until 2 days later when he briefly checked in. That was 5 days ago. We've had no contact since. Some moments I feel hopeful that he was telling the truth and that he'll come back soon. Other moments I feel like this was just a way of letting me go, and that he's never coming back. Then I get the urge to text him when I feel lonely; I know I can't. My last boyfriend did something like this, and he turned out to be a jerk. Sometimes breaks really are something they need, but just in case, a girl needs to learn to get by on her own. And, chances are, if you don't contact them, they'll be quicker to come back. When my last boyfriend said he needed a break, I didn't realize it was so he could go sleep with a friend(not quite.) of mine. But when I told him I'd moved on, he spent the next 8 months trying to get me back. So yes, it really is true; whether their intentions are good, you have the best chance of getting them back if you don't ask them to. I hope this helps someone.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, atwilightle United States +, writes (1 February 2010):

I'm going through the same thing that everyone else is. My boyfriend says that he still loves me and thats not the problem. He just feels that we don't belong together. That were not meant to be together. I don't understand that. If I love him and he loves me then whats the problem. There shouldn't be one. We were happy, then all this sudden the next day he tells me that we should break-up. Then it was he just needs time to think of what hes feeling. I love him so much and yes we fight and maybe it was a little to much but if thats the problem he should have just said something not just want to end it. He still wants to talk to me and text me and even see me but not as much as we have been. I know this is going to kill me, it already is and its only been a day. But I think that if i give him some time then he'll come around and know that I'm right for him.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, lost without him always United States +, writes (5 December 2009):

i am going through the same exact thing my boyfriend told me i needed to change everything about me.And now i guess i did not do good enough because he wants to take a break so yes it is just a reason to break up with you they think without hurting you so bad. And they don't feel guilty about being with other woman.....

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009):

I am going through the same thing it sucks!! It came up all of a sudden for me. these other lady's are right you just have got to let him be and keep your self entertained. I might have made the break long then what it was going to be cause i did call him asking questions and crying. some of these girls who have the guys wanting to talk even through txt messages should be so happy cause I have not thing! we arent seeing other people which im really really happy about but this hurts!! I have been with him for 16 months! I can only take care of myself from this point on!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Heart_Broken_119 United States +, writes (23 March 2009):

Hello,

I am actually going through this right now, I understand and feel th epain. My Boyfriend and I'v eknown each other for 8 months, dating 7 months on the 24, tomorrow. We're currently doing Long distance, he travels alot for his job. I know we fight, but I dont think we fight all th time. I use to go visit him every 3 to 4 weeks so we have soem face to face time, we've been tlaking on the phone more and everything, and this last time I saw him, the wekend before last we fought like every day, small fight shere and there. You could feel the tension, and sense something wasn't right. He told me Sunday we should take a break, I cried of course, then Last night he said he's going to change his number and I lost it, I couldn't stop crying, he said he loves me, He always thought we'd get married but he's so tired of the fighting. he said a lot needs to be done and changed if we're going to work, His job plays a huge factor in us not being able to live in the same state. He says there's a lot he needs to change for me, and he needs time. we're not breaking up, we'll still talk everyday, and he'll come see my in April, which Im like yea right, you'll go party with your friends and brother, like always. Last time he was home i saw him for 6 hours one day, I called in sick to hangout wiht him, then I went to the airport and sat with him til he left. He says he just needs to time to clean up his life, there's so much I dont know, he doesn't want to drag me into, but he says when he comes in April, we'll talk nd he'll come spend time with me. . . but he keeps texting me saying it's so hard, he can't stop thinking about me. and I told him he has to focus on his job (he's up for a huge promotion), and i dont want to be the reaosn why he didn't get it. But I agree with some of the other posts, it's so hard, guys do this but they want all the same things as before minus the sex but call it a "break". My hard thing is he keeps texting saying he loves me, cant stop thinking of me, this is just so hard. and of course that pulls on my emotions and makes the seperation harder for me, if we dont end up together in the end then it's going to be harder for me to pull away. . . So let's do this together, keep busy, you need a friend email me, and we can help eachother through it, the breaks will either make or break our relaitonships, but we'll be stronger in the end no matter the outcome. [email address blocked]

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Butterflyfly United Kingdom +, writes (14 November 2008):

Butterflyfly agony auntHey I bumped into this:

"Never make someone your priority when they only make you their option.

Never waste time on someone not willing to waste or share time with you.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

Albert Einstein

Isn't that an amazing quote?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2008):

I understand how you all feel. I am going through the same situation now. Gosh.. so many of us.. it s_cks.

He wanted no contact to stop the fighting (which consisted of me asking him when will he keep his broken promises and him convinging me that his promises were not broken ,a nd that they cerainly will be fullfilled 'next time'- and so on round and round).

I was pretty shocked when he suggested a break ( our relationship problem is that we are not seeing eachother enough anyway, so a break really feels like a punishmen to me). He wanted 2 weeks 2 weeks ago, but kept texting me, we met up, he said sorry reassured me he still loves me, but he still needs more time. I found his behaviour so cruel and confusing. It really messed me up, raising my hopes then again, break time. What the hell.. Then after that I suggested the thing from the 'Sex and the city' -the movie: no contact for 2 weeks, and whoever shows up on the established date has by default forgotten all teh past is willing to put it behind and to start to be constructive about the relationship. BUt no, he wanted 3 weeks, and then after, 'let's see how it goes'. I told him I will show up only if i forgive him for this punishment. He told me he will show up nevertheless but he cant guarantee whats next. hah. Then , as we are 2 in this relationship, I told him I will show up after 2 weeks, not three because I feel I have been punished enough.If he is not there, I will assume by his behaviour that he is not willing/capable to meet me half way, and that will leave me with a clear heart to move on. DO you think that is a fair solution? He never answered back to it. I never allowed him to, I just left. Enough of these mind games. Breaking up with the ex hurts because of the 'what if's' and the delusion that they want you to believe that you spoiled the relationship. Looking clearly at their actions is a good enough incentive to move on or understand the situation better, at least.........................

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2008):

Hey I understand where your coming from. My boyfriend of 6 months that I left everything for today about 30 minutes ago just told me if we don't have a break in a week we would be over because we been fighting so much latery. I just am worried because I moved from my parents to him without seeing or meeting him first it was a random text that started us but when I leave in 2 days I am going to be 12 hours away and he won't be able to just come say hi. Im scared I might loose him too. But I just have to trust him and hope that we get closer with this.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, nix22 Australia +, writes (28 September 2008):

Hey I understand where your coming from. My boyfriend of 6 months that I left everything for today about 30 minutes ago just told me if we don't have a break in a week we would be over because we been fighting so much latery. I just am worried because I moved from my parents to him without seeing or meeting him first it was a random text that started us but when I leave in 2 days I am going to be 12 hours away and he won't be able to just come say hi. Im scared I might loose him too. But I just have to trust him and hope that we get closer with this.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2007):

Why even bother with "finding someone else"? Have you tried being alone while enjoying friends and family instead of romance? Being alone is way underated and being with someone is way overated.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2007):

i am currently in the same situation as you are in. My boyfriend of two years had just asked for a "break." he said break up first and when we talked later he didnt know what it is except he needs time to be happy with himself with job, and his life. So i'm trying to understand the best that i can right now which is so painful because it truely sucks and it feels like your heart is ripped out but the texts, calls are somewhat of a cushion where it shows that he still cares and it is also on the otherhand painful too because you know you are not longer. So my advice is to give him what he needs, it may be for the better where if he comes back your relationship will be that much stronger, but if he dont, it will suck but you will find someone else better who can be what you need. But the key thing here is that not to overthink about the what ifs, if he comes back or if he doesnt, but take time to focus about being happy with yourself again learn how to be happy and focus on the things without relying on having someone there right now. You will grow as a person. It seems that he still care but you need to take it slow one day at a time, one hour at a time.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2007):

thats not true for everyone.. my boyfrend of2 years said to me the other day he needed space... i gave him it 4 days laer he came bak with flowers and told me he loved me more than ever because i understood him... he was having problems wioth work and got the sack from his job and told me he wanted to be alone for a while... if i had contacted him he would have tooken longer to return to me...sometimes people do want space.. i need it.. you need it.. we all need it... if you know your mans behaviour and patterns you will be able to tell if he wants out... i mean youve been with him long enough havent you? or were your eyes closed?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2007):

Im having the same type of problem, i have been seeing someone and thought we were doing fine in fact great,he has had a few rough periods the last couple of months and we have discussed them a little.His wife died 18months ago i said i was fine with his sometimes depreesed states and that i would never want to try and make him get over his wife because i know that will be inpossible.Anyway he phoned me yesterday from work and said he would txt me when finished so we could do something, when no txts arrived i phoned him and got the answer of i need time to sort things that are going on in my head.

I understand hes going through loads and think that he does only need time but im scared that id lose him at the same time.Its hard but im sure you will find a way and be fine in the end.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Venetia +, writes (10 March 2006):

Venetia is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Okay, here is an update and I need some more advice. After breaking up with my b/f of three and a half years two weeks ago, I couldn't stand it any longer. A friend of "ours" had told me a couple of days ago that he would be calling. I couldn't stand the waiting, so, I called him. He was a work and he really couldn't talk. I should have known that. :)

Anyway, he said that he would be willing to sit down and talk with me next Tuesday night. There are alot of things that I would like to say to him, like why I ended it, how he made me feel, you know, stuff like that. I also would like to know from him how he feels about getting back together. I asked him that on the phone today, and he told me "I don't know". I don't know if he's playing hard ball or what???

I do know this for a fact, if it was TRUELY over for him, he would not have taken my phone call, or called me back OR agreed to meet with me next week to sit down and talk about things.

Any ideas of how I should handle this "meeting" next week?

Thanks! :)

Venetia

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, mountainmama +, writes (28 February 2006):

The ups and downs are expected, but you deserve better than someone who is not going to be there for you unless it is good for him. You are worth far more than he can offer. Good luck with the new job! :)

MM

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Venetia +, writes (25 February 2006):

Venetia is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Well, here is yet another update to my situation. And, I thank ALL of you that have responded with some GREAT advice.

When he left that fateful Saturday afternoon, I had not heard anything from him all week. So, I called him on Thursday morning. I called his cell phone, of course, it went to voicemail. I called back an hour later, and the same thing, it went to voicemail. So, I called him at his Mothers' and she said he was there. He came onto the phone, and I asked him why hadn't he called me since Saturday. Remember, this is Thursday morning. He told me over the phone that, "He didn't really have anything to say." That cut pretty deep. I have had a lot of time on my hands to sit back and think about our relationship and things started coming back to me that I had forgotten about. The way that he has "treated" me in the past. Like, we were at the river on day, and he looked at my watch to see what time it was. He told me to "come on, let's go". I asked go where? He said the he wanted to go and play volleyball, one of his die hard sports, along with hunting and fishing. I told him that I was content on where I was at. We had been sitting there talking about future plans, when he interrupted the conversation to tell me he wanted to go play ball. He then proceeded to tell me that if I didn't get in that truck in five minutes, the truck was leaving with our without me, snapping his fingers at me like I was a child. Of course then, I didn't have a choice. I had to go.

That is one example. Here's another.

A little over two years ago, I got a phone call from I guy that I used to work with at my old job. He made me an offer for a new job that I couldn't pass up. I was working at the time at a local hospital and hated every minute of it. When I discussed this with my boyfriend, about the new job, he asked me if the job traveled. At that particular time, I didn't know if it did or not. When I went to the interview, I found out that it didn't. My previous job did travel quite a bit. Well, when I found out that this new job didn't travel, I accepted the position. It was better pay, better benefits, and something that I LOVE doing. When I called my boyfriend, I told him that I got the job. I was crying SO hard on the phone, I couldn't hardly catch my breath. I was SO happy about getting this job. The FIRST words out of his mouth were, "I thought you and I were going to discuss this BEFORE you took the job." Well, I thought we had. I thought I had the "green light" to take the job because it didn't travel.

Since then, I have been on the job for a little over two years now, and I LOVE it!!! I work with the most amazing people. My boyfriend, however, has NEVER supported me in this job. He has never asked, "How was your day? What's been going on at work?" Nothing along the lines of what I do eight hours a day.

So, in reflecting back on these situations, and believe me, there are A LOT more of them, I decided to end things with him. Like I said, I've had a lot of time on my hands to sit back and think about things.

So, in the Thursday mornings phone call to him, I told him. It was over, I was through, I am done. I told him that he needed to come to my house and get his things. I told him on the phone that I had packed them up the night before, I hadn't really, I just told him that. SO, I had to rush home and pack everthing up and put it in my utility room, where I had told him his things were.

During the phone conversation, he said NOTHING. Absolutely, not ONE word. I knew then that he wanted out as well.

On my way back to work, after coming home and packing up his things, I passed him on the road coming to my house. He was coming to get his things. About an hour and a half later, he called me on my cell phone. Even though it broke my heart to do it, I did not take his call.

I haven't heard a word from him since, and really don't expect to.

I want to take the time and let everyone know that read my question and to those of you who responded, thank you very much for taking the time and advice. I really do appreciate it.

Now, I'm moving on with my life. Things are okay for the moment. I have my ups and downs. It's like one minute, I'm mad as hell, and the next minute, I'm crying, the next minute, I'm sad and miss the heck out of him, and the next minute, I'm mad as hell again.

I guess these are the emotions that you go through when you end a relationship. Time will heal, though.

I just wanted to give you an update on things, and tell you all, Thank You Very Much. I appreciate the thoughts, prayers, and advice.

Venetia

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, mountainmama +, writes (22 February 2006):

Hi Venetia. If you are not good enough to spend the night with, and he wants space (and sex) he has turned you into a booty call. He indeed WAS going to use you for sex (been there, done that, not going back.) You did not fall for his BS and asked a legitimate question about where you really stand; now don't waste a second of your life thinking that you are to blame here. And don't waste any more time thinking about him.

Most women are far more literal: if they say "I need my space" it means "Dude, you are smothering me, can I have room to breathe?" Most men who ask for "space" or "a break" saw a new piece of tail they want to pursue but they are not quite ready to give you the boot (can't give up the booty) so they use "space" or "break". Sounds like the new tail was not giving it up yet, so he came over but he had plans with new tail and could not stay the night. So, he was going to use you but you played cool and did not (quite) give in. Good on ya!

Remember, with most men, "space" always has a female name. I have asked plenty of men over the years and and not one denied it. So if he wants "space" give him plenty and get steppin'!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Venetia +, writes (22 February 2006):

Venetia is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks to all of those who answered. I really appreciate the advice and I am taking it.

Okay, here's an update as to what happened this past weekend.

He called me Saturday morning to let me know that he was on his way over. He got to my house about 9:15. We played dominos, cards and games on the computer. I asked him, where he was on making a decision about our relationship. He said that he was about 90% there, about wanting to come back. Then, sex was brought up. He made a move. We kissed around for a while and then he went to take a shower, and I went to take a bath, you know, to do the girl thing, shave your legs, makeup, hair, lotion, perfume, stuff like that. Well, when we got close to intercourse, I asked him if he were going to stay the night with me and he shook his head no. I said to him then, well, no about sex. If I was worth having sex with, I was worth spending the night with. I asked him why was he not willing to spend the night, and his answer to that question was, "He didn't feel comfortable staying here. It would be a while before he spent the night at my house." I really don't understand that comment because the past three and a half years of our relationship, he HAS stayed the night at my house.

Well, things went from bad to worse at that point. He told me that I was the one who ruined things because I had to ask "that" question. I told him I was not going to accept one percent of that blame. I had a right to ask a question, and I am glad that I did. The only regret that I have is your answer to the question.

He then at that point, put on his shoes, walked to the door and stood there. I walked over to him, kissed him goodbye, he said "I Love You", and I said it back to him, and he walked out the door.

That happened Saturday afternoon about 4:15, when he left, and I haven't heard a word from him since.

Any advice on this situation?? I don't really think that he was going to "use" me for sex. Like I've said, we've been together for three and a half years. I just really didn't like the situation and the way that it was handled on his part. The not staying the night with me part.

Any takers?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2006):

A few bits of advice. First, Tylenol PM. Don't use it every night, but if you're having a really hard time sleeping, a few nights a week for a week or two will not hurt you and will not form a habit. Things will seem worse when you are exhausted; take the pills earlier at night so that, if you wake up with the sunlight, you'll still have had a decent rest.

Second, go buy some of those weight loss meal replacement shakes. It's not good for you to not eat; your body needs calories and vitamins, etc. I'm the same - I always completely lose my appetite when I'm stressed, worried, etc. It's horrible. You have to care about yourself enough, though, to get these shakes and drink them. They're small; even with no appetite, you can suffer through a few of these a day. Ensure is another good option.

Everyone who says to give him space is right. It's horrible and it feels like your heart is literally being ripped out of you - like the world is collapsing around you and you never thought of him as being like air but feeling his absence somehow makes it hard even to breathe. There's nothing you can do about that, except cry. And you should. Sit in the shower with the water on hot - it'll keep you from getting congested if you sob too much. Eventually, you'll find that you're all cried out, at least for a few hours.

Go to the gym. It sounds cliche, but it really does help. It won't make you happy and it won't fill the emptiness, but it will make the hole just a little bit easier to bear. As a bonus, it'll also help you be able to sleep a little more, and it might bring back your appetite. Don't worry if it doesn't - just keep drinking the meal replacement shakes. You need at least 1500 calories a day; count to be sure you're getting enough.

Good luck sweetie. Time will sort things out. Until then, just do your best to breathe, and seriously - don't be afraid to admit that you're devastated or to cry in front of your friends. Oddly enough, you'll find that you feel a bit more okay when you stop wasting energy on trying to pretend you're okay when you know very clearly you aren't. Don't be afraid to be human.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, Andy J +, writes (21 February 2006):

Andy J agony auntI wouldnt say its a end to your relationship, i felt like that with my now x, because we were having a bad time? So ask your self how have the last 2 months been. To me it just sounds like he needs abit of space to himself.

Maybe he feels crowded, the best thing you can do, which im currently learning (im only 18) is to give him the space he wants and try your hardest not to contact him, its very difficult but if you keep pressuring him for answer's he will walk away.

He just wants to have some space for him, thats all, dont worry about it and wait for him to contact you. If he keeps contacting you that means: 1) he misses you. 2)he cares/loves you.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2006):

It might not be a slow end to the relationship. If he still comes around, if you are still in contact then that means that he has not ditched you completely, but is actually making some effort at seeing you. I think that maybe he just needs a break, maybe its something he has to figure out for himself, maybe it has nothing to do with you. I think you should give him space, perhaps see him less, just to see how he would react. Even though you dont need a break, he obviously does. The best thing you can do is get on with your life, try to occuply yourself with other things, dont over analyse the situation. Let things work out for themselves, you owe it to your health.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "My boyfriend wants a break but it is killing me. Is this the end of the relationship?"

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.140625!