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He dumped me... will he ever come back?

Tagged as: Breaking up<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 November 2006) 27 Answers - (Newest, 30 December 2008)
A female , anonymous writes:

my boyfriend of 4 yrs just broke up with me almost a week ago he said it was because I kept on accussing him and he was tired of always going to sleep mad I tried to get him back and I started crying and he said he was not going to call me anymore because it was unhealthy to talk to me and he said he doesn't want to see me because he said the feelings would come back he said that he stills loves me and that he would miss me but I want to be with how do I go about getting him back without pushing him away? Even though he broke up with me I wonder if he ever thinks of me. Do you think he would ever come back I miss him so much please help I need some advice!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008):

I am going through kind of the same thing as all of these other posts. I was in a relationship with this guy for a year. We were deeply in love. We talked about marriage all the time and always discussed our future. He dumped me less than 24 hours after he told me he was going to take me to the beach for his birthday in may and after he said he couldn't wait to marry me!!! He said the only reason we broke up was because he didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. He says that he loves me as a person still. When he dumped me he said that he hopes we can both keep an open mind about getting back together in the future.

I tried everything to keep him in my life as my boyfriend. I begged and now I realize I shouldnt have done that. He always talked to me though when I needed to talk to him.

About two weeks after the break up, I had to talk to him to get some of my questions answered. He said that by keeping an open mind he means he will never rule out dating me again. He also said that he never lied about his emotions and feelings towards me. This is important because we lost it to eachother.

Anyways, it's been about 2 months since the breakup and we sometimes talk. We go to the same church so it's inevitable for us to see eachother. When we do, we can joke around. Also, he is the only one that knows about my family problems so I ask him for advice still and he shows that he cares and is really trying to help me.

Many people think we will get back together. However, there are some doubtful people. I feel like it's meant to be.

For now though, I'm moving on and having fun....but I do hope we get back together in the future.

My question is: Do you think we will get back together??

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A female reader, Hanna1 United Kingdom +, writes (16 December 2008):

My boyfriend of nearly 4 years has left a week ago.Said he was going to work ,i had spoken to him on the phone the day he went everything seemed fine.when i contacted him later in the afternoon he said he would be home soon but we ended up arguing and i put the phone down on him ,he texted and told me not to call him any more.A couple of day`s before he went he had bought me a ring, taken me for a meal filled my room with flowers and bought me a cake it was my birthday.It`s not the first time he`s gone but iv`e` always been able to contact him and beg him to come back.This time he has turned off his phone and not been into work [his work are not sure what is going on either]i have two children but they are not my partners before he left we were looking forward to christmas he had spent a lot of money on them and me.Will i ever hear from him again .I love him so much and don`t know what to do I know he was fed up of arguing but this time he won`t let me contact him .My kids are upset and not looking forward to christmas.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008):

Well me and my loving boyfriend has been together for a year in a half and i fell deeply in love with him.We used to play, go places, have fun, laugh,and most of all when he first told me he loved me back, thats when I really knew that I really loved this man and I still am in love with him. Some days we get together when we want to but I want it to be permantly though and I want him to know I want us to be together not me him and everybody else!

But now I think it is the time I apologize and tell him that I ws srry about what happen the night he left to go to another city and I cheated on him I try to apologize once but he didnt want to here at the time so I think now is a good time.I mean if you really want everything to work just try to hang in there and fight for your relationship and show the man that you love that you really do love him.Yes Icheated or did what ever but admitt it and apologize and tell him or her how you feel.If it dont work get on with your LIFE.There will be new beginings agains.God probaly is trying to take it apart to put you with another but you tryin to get with sombody got try to take you from.

But intil then take care of yourself and PRAY god will send you through the toughesttime ever!!!!!!!!!!!!

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A female reader, Butterflyfly United Kingdom +, writes (10 April 2008):

Butterflyfly agony auntI got dumped last night after 4-5 years on and off and I am in shock, I didn't see it coming. Basically all the reasons a man dumps a woman: relationships from the very very distant past, cheating, flirting with other men ( although I put my money to live with him), neurotic behaviour, mad crazy woman, all the insulting horrible things under the sun. My bet is that he wanted a way out of the relationship, as he never really opened up to me hence my frustration withhim in the past. I feel stupid at having tried to make peace so so manytimes in the past by begging and lowering myself in front of him and allowing him to talk to me like that. I haven't got much to say today as I can not believe his guts to do this but I am conforted by reading all your replies and I hope the anger and suffering will diminish soon for all of us.

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A female reader, Wanting what i can't have Australia +, writes (9 April 2008):

Hi everyone,

I'm sorry but i just had to contribute to this message board because i am in exactly the same boat as all of you and am actually in the process of trying to distract myself from picking up the phone and calling HIM.

My boyfriend and i were together for a year and we broke up about one month ago because we had both cheated on one another. However i really do believe that conflict more often than not stengthens your relationship. Once you have been with someone else or realised what it feels like to possibly lose your boyfriend or girlfriend you all of a sudden go into panic mode and realise how much you like them. Anyway we got back together and our relationship was much stronger for the next 3 to 4 weeks. We visited each other daily and everything was perfect. UNTIL, he accused me of cheating on him again - in the three weeks that we had gotten back together! OF course i was furious and annoyed but thought he would eventually take my side over anyone elses. He didn't. And, we broke up two days ago.

I've never been one of those desperate girlfriends but i was determined to make everything right. It couldn't possibly end there after all that had happened; getting back together and spending so much time together. However, he was stuck on his word. I cried and cried to him. I could not eat, sleep, socialise. Do anything! That was two days ago. I have made a promise to myself NOT to contact him. I have said everything that i can to try and get back together with him. There is nothing more i can do but disconnect myself. And i seriously think and hope that that is the key. My boyfriend and i have never had more than two day apart and it is now our third day without speaking to each other.

I really encourage all of you to not contact HIM. Just think of it like this. Every human wants what they can't have. Right now i'm positive my boyfriend knows that he could have me at the snap of his fingers. I have bawled my eyes out to him and basically gotten on my hands and knees. By calling him i am dangling the carrot in front of his face. We all need to make ourselves. If you cut contact with him now, at least for two weeks (i have hung a calendar up on my wall and cross out every day i don't talk to him - it is very helpful) he will begin to question how much he really did mean to you. He might not contact you straight away but eventually he will notice that you are no longer begging for his company.

I may be completely wrong but i am telling all of you this because i have broken up with many guys who were all pricks to me. As hard as it was, i cut contact with them. One of them even said to me when i told him i would do this, "I bet you anything you will be calling me tomorrow night crying down the phone." And that determined it. They want us to do that. They love it, as cruel as it is. Don't GIVE IT TO THEM!

Please someone reply to this because i need some convincing also.

By the way, the two boys i cut contact with continue to call me now - and i broke up with them two years ago

I can't begin to imagine what it would be like to break up with a husband or boyfriend that you have been with for more than 4 years - it would be like a lifetime for me. Anyway i am what my friends call a

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008):

I got dumped this past weekend as well... over instant messaging, how lame :( My guy said that I had too many mood swings and that I was basically crazy. It was all triggered because in a bad mood, I decided to take a train home instead of calling him like we had planned, and when I spoke to him I said something like "I don't need your help, don't worry about me". Very stupid of me I know, but I dunno... I can't say it's his fault or that it's my fault... just that it is very sad. Why do people do such stupid things when they are in love to sabotage their happiness? And must we always fear that things will actually turn out right?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2008):

i got dumped last night by the boy i loved and i had never felt like that before. he said that we fought to much and i always thought that he would meet some other girl and dump me for them :( . im only in my teens but thats when it hurts most because everyone will be asking what happened and it will upset me even more to tell them. i loved him more than he could imagine and i spent hours talking to him on the phone. but when he said those words it didnt seem real it felt like i had died and then come back alive for him to kill me again.

the answer to your problem is if he doesnt contact you in a week then he has no interest with you and if he does he still has feelings for you. but you have to let go and get over him, he let you down and he cant get away with that.

all my love xxoxx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007):

hi;

i just broke up two days ago also! sort of mutally but he went along with it cuz of pride. he was distant towards the end but prior he was much more into me than i was into him. he's in iraq, wants to marry me, too much pride, somewhat controlling, extremely sensitive. i think both of us don't know what just happened cuz the break up happened in a 5 minute conversation. i dated him 8 mnths and both fell in love. personally, i think he'll call; what do you think? (he's weaker than i am; i don't see him handeling this well and we didn't have strong enough reason to break up) well, we were arguing a lot towards the end but it's because he's overseas and our needs were'nt being met. his sister is like god to him and i'm sure he told her about stuff and he's convinced by her instead of making his own decision.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2007):

Leave him alone. I just got dumped by my boyfriend and going back to him does not help. what you need to do is not talk to or pay any attention to him and he'll come crawling back to you. He is wanting a reaction. and he is getting that from you when you go back saying you love and miss him. when you leave him alone he will start wondering why you have stopped and wonder the same thing you are.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2007):

Being dumped is really, really hard. I've just been dumped myself, yesterday, so I'm feeling it right now.

I can't really offer any good advice from the place I'm at today, but I thought I'd just add a comment to show solidarity. I hope we both feel much better soon.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2007):

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2007):

I recently got dumped my year boyfriend/fiance. we met on the net when my ex had left me when i fell pregnant, we became close friends and he got sent to iraq for 6 months, and fell in love with each other before we had even met. when he returned he proposed to me and said he wants to adopt my daughter. he then put in his notice to come out the army to be a full time family and said he wants to have a family with us. (a bigger family) things got rocky as he was away quite a bit on exercise with the army and we had our days apart. recently we said that we were going to get a house. and he came back from exercise and wanted to get married asap. and said that he never wants to lose me. then we spoke last wk and he said that when he came back from exercise he felt that i hadnt been showing alot of affection which maybe cuz i have been so busy trying to get everything sorted for us in the long run. he then dumped me on friday. we didnt speak till monday after work and he said that he dont want to change his mind. and even though he said i was dumped. he still had "in a relationship and proud parent" on his comp profile and pics of us together saying "i love etc"... surely if he was so sure he would have deleted these??,,, he then spoke to me on monday mornin at about 7am before work saying he needs time. and that he still loves me and miss me. but dont say it until i said it to him... i just want to know are these signs that its really over??

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2007):

I mean it takes time u can't rush anyone into something, Just let him kno how u feel one last time and then sit back and see will he come back to you. But you kno what they say if u love something let it go but if it come back thats how u kno it was ment to be.

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A female reader, DEAR ZOE United Kingdom +, writes (23 March 2007):

DEAR ZOE agony auntDear anonymous,

You say you have been going out with this boy for 4 years, it sounds like to me that you realy love him so much i think if you keep phoning him you are going to push him away and if he says's its unhealthy for him to talk to you just ask your self why, and why as this just started now this is not all your fault you must not blaim your self somthing must of put the thought ther in the first place so ask your self what that was,

As he says he still love's you he will miss you just dont ring leave it as long as you can, as you keep ringing he is controle, you must turn it around and make him start missing you and then you can be in controle again if he realy loves you he will be back,

as far as do's he still think of me, after 4 years i would think so if he dos'nt ring then tell him you will always love him and can you still be friends and if you ever have a problem can you phone and discuss it with him, or if you get lonely can you both go for a drink and then that way you are still in controle and you will feel you have never lost him untill you feel like you can live without him or find someone els good luck love zoe

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A female reader, DEAR ZOE United Kingdom +, writes (23 March 2007):

DEAR ZOE agony auntDear reader

In replie to your question He dumped me will he ever come back?.

Well in order to answer that question i also need to know what has happend, please could you forward more info so i can help you further, im sure you and i can work things out then.

Don't worrie to much things are never that bad.

the best thing to do at the moment is to have lots of friends around you who care.

hope you get back to me soon,

Zoe

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2007):

I was with a man for 9 and half years, he tended to come and go. This Christmas he went off after a minor arguement. I was told this christmas that he was with someone else. Part of my problems is that he has come and gone so many times that i cannot accept he has gone this time. I have tried to text him, wishing him well etc, in order to end the relationship somehow, but he will not answer. I think i could accept if he just said i met someone else and thats it, but he lied and said i was 'accusing' him of something which wasn't true - the very last time i saw him. Everybody needs a proper ending in a relationship, otherwise its difficult to move on. He has gone now for two months, and i cannot seem to get over it. No one else has seen him either. Its heartbreaking - i guess he must be in love.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2007):

i have just been dumped tonight as well.i did the same things,accusing him of doing things when deep down i know he wasnt.i think that if you two want to be together then he will come back to you and if you do love one another then he most definatly will be thinking about you.give him a bit of time and space and let him think on his own without you near him,dont even call him.if he loves you as much as you then i think that you will be together in the end even though it may take a bit of time

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2006):

Leave him alone, from personal experience that's the best thing to do.

If he loves you then he will come back if not then it was not meant to be. You can only push a man so far and sounds like you did and he had enough. Give him time to reflect and act mature next time.

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A female reader, xx_claire_xx +, writes (12 December 2006):

hiya i am in the exact same situation, i was with my ex for 4 years also. i was stupid i accused him of even looking at other women. we have been split up now 2 and a half months and i realize what i have done wrong and why he left me. i have been so upset about it. i love him so much i saw him out drinking the other night an he said he doesnt love me anymore an doesnt want me. but when he said it he couldn't look me in the eyes at all. could anyone tell me if he was lying so he can move on and me leave him alone or if he trully doesnt love me ? i honestly need to know

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (9 November 2006):

eyeswideopen agony auntThe more you tell us about your relationship the more I wonder just why you'd want him back. It doesn't sound like you were very happy to begin with. Maybe this break up is the best thing that could have happened to you. You are feeling sad and lonely, I know, but those feelings will fade if you get busy with your life. Now you can hang out with your friends and family without all of his drama. You've got a great chance for happiness get out there, I'm sure you'll find it!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2006):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I want you to understand a little about my relationship with him he is very controlling with me I can't even really have any friends or go out with me friends because he will get mad and he even gets jealous of my uncles and guy cousins even guy friends of my parents but I always respected him I have always been faithful to him and haven't ever cheated on him and i always been there with him through thick and thin when nobody else was around and all he did was cheat. But for the past 2 years he said he hasn.t done any thing but it is hard for me to believe. So I feel really bad like if I was always this bab person through the relationship.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2006):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I thanks for all the advice but the reason I accussed him so much was because in the past he has cheated on me so many times but I don't know what to think any more i don't accuse him because I am needy and controlling i accuse him because of the things he did in the past he has cheated on me with numerouse women and I loved him enough to keep giving him chances but I don't think that is the real reason why he broke up with me lately he has been leaving for long periods of time and then I asked what did you do today and he would just tell me that not to ask him any questions because he is a man and no women should have to ask a man questions. I have bent over backwards for this man i don't try to control him or smother him but I did'nt always used to be like this but he has cheated on me so much that when he said he changed he was hard for me to just forget.

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A reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (6 November 2006):

I Dont Lie agony auntHi there, I understand what you're goin through, believe you me. But the moment you get on your knees and beg for him to come back, you've basically said to him in simple terms, that you dont care what happens, how he treats you, etc, that you just want him to get back with you, which is something you really dont want to send across to him. Its not a healthy way to get back into the relationship. He broke up with you and its only natural that you feel beat up about it. Feel sad, cry over it, etc but by no means should you beg for him to come back, particularly if you wish for him to get back with you! Tell him you still love him and to reconsider the options but also try to send off the vibe that you can do without him, which Im sure you can! Its good you realise youve been smothering him, and you know you're wrong now, but its not up to you now whether or not you guys patch up, its up to him (partly because you put the ball in his court to begin with). If he comes back, you want to make sure that this time you really will change and that he comes back based of his own will, not because you called him 10,000 times and cried your eyes out for him. If he doesnt come back, then you know wot?...you guys really werent meant to be and you should move on without a doubt! Good luck!

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A male reader, skywalker +, writes (6 November 2006):

hi..exactly what my ex-gf did..kept on accusing me of things i didnt do..find out whether its really true whatever u have inn mind and then face him. I know i feel horrible about all this and still love her but have my pride as well.Nobody is allowed to run over anybody emotionally..

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (6 November 2006):

eyeswideopen agony auntThe best thing you can do at this point is to do nothing. He needs time to think, let him have it. If you try to contact him you will only push him further away. Meanwhile why don't you concentrate on why you are so needy and controlling. What were you constantly accusing him of? Was there any basis for it? My guess is that you are very insecure because of poor self-esteem. If that is true then you need to address that as well because it will affect any future relationships. Don't beat yourself up just try and figure out why you behave the way you do. He may or may not come back but you'll end up the same way if you don't make some changes. You can do it. Good luck.

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A female reader, miss nancy +, writes (6 November 2006):

miss nancy agony auntDear Writter,

Your ex probally does think about you, everyone thinks about their ex's, you can never really get over someone, but you can't stay together forever unless you are both happy, try talking to him again, but don't push tell him how you feel and tell him, he should try once more, and say you won't accuse him, now you've seen life without him is lonely you will appriciate him more, but don't get too clingy everyone needs their space! Good luck.

Miss Nancy

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A female reader, stevie jade United Kingdom +, writes (6 November 2006):

stevie jade agony auntGive him a bit of time by himself.Then after a couple of weeks just say you need to talk to him and get to the bottom of things.Explain you dont want to end it on bad terms,and is there any chance of sorting things out.Ask where youve gone wrong and suggest havin a 2nd chance to work on things 2geva, for the sake of you both.good luck.

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