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male
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anonymous
writes: I have recently broken up with a long term girlfriend and find myself attracted to a work colleague. I am 34 and she is 23 but we are compatable in many ways; Similar background and upbringing etc. I have known her for 12 months and worked with her for 6 months.I am a little concerned about the age difference but believe that is not a huge hurdle. Any thoughts on whether I have a superficial crush on this girl as I am now single for the first time in 6 years ?I ended the last relationship 2 months ago. How long should I wait before a gentle approach to this girl that I like ?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2005): I was in a nearly identical position about 18 months ago. My advice is enjoy your new relationship, have fun, but take your time about 'getting serious' and make sure you really aren't just on the rebound. To get into a serious relationship with a girl just because you 'need' affection right now would be cruel to say the least. True love really does happen, and when it does you will know in your heart, but Murphy's law is that it will be at the worst possible time and in the most unexpected place. I met my wife one day when I was working abroad, neither of us could really talk the other's language properly and it was only an instant and very deep mutual attraction along with a lot of humour and a big dollop of sheer chance that eventually led to a long distance relationship and finally marriage.
About the age difference, don't fret about it! I'm 34 and my wife (we've been married for almost exactly a year) is 24. I used to worry about it and at one stage I nearly ruined everything because of my worries, but the 10 years don't make a spot of difference to either of us, perhaps she is very mature and I'm very immature I don't know :) People never comment on our age difference, it is not as obvious as I first thought it would be and people can see we are both very happy together. In fact our relationship works very well, I feel more secure and loved than I ever have with other women, and we have just had our first child. I don't have any regrets and am looking forward to spending the rest of my life with this wonderful woman. If you and she are meant for each other what does it matter that you aren't exactly the same age?!
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (22 September 2005):
 My advice is, go slow with the new girl, but do get to know her as a friend.
Two months after a 6-years-long relationship is proportionately pretty quick and it's possible that you're still (emotionally) flailing around, looking for a new anchor for your life. You probably need a few more months to establish your own, independant life and habits before you seek out a new relationship.
The danger if you leap into a new relationship too soon is that you may apply your old standards of behaviour to the new woman, and cause difficulties for you both. You need to feel comfortable with yourself and what you're doing with your life is right now; then you'll be in a good position to share your time and affection with someone else.
I don't think that there's any "standard" waiting period after an ended relationship, but do give yourself enough time to unlearn the bad/sloppy interactions you might have developed with your old girlfriend in the last 6 years, so you start anything new with a clean slate.
Having said all that, if you feel you know her well as a work colleague, why not socialise with her as a friend and get to know her more intimately, without the pressure of sex and/or romance colouring every move and mood? If you're really suited, then you'll find that as you do the things that friends do... and, on the other hand, if it turns out that she has a hobby pinching puppies until they yelp (or fill in another horrible discovery here), you're free to back away without repercussions.
Good luck with it!
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