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Why won't my bf let me give him oral sex?

Tagged as: Sex, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 October 2005) 8 Answers - (Newest, 5 March 2006)
A female , anonymous writes:

Im sixteen and have been in a steady relationship for a month.I want to give my boyfriend oral sex but he doesn't want me to. What's wrong with me?

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A female reader, willywombat United Kingdom +, writes (5 March 2006):

willywombat agony auntHe just may not like it. We all have likes and dislikes and the guy probably just doesn't get off on it......

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2006):

maybe he's catholic. i'm catholic, and oral sex is a sin that i won't let myself commit. that could always be it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2005):

he might not be ready. he might have had a bad experience. he might not have great self confidence. either way, nothing is wrong with you, and probably nothing is wrong with him. 16 isn't baby young, but it is young. coming from an 18 yr old, it sounds like crap, but give it time.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2005):

he's probably got a small penis to be blunt

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A reader, kt United Kingdom +, writes (31 October 2005):

kt agony auntnothing is wrong with you and nothing is wrong with him he might not be ready. xx

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A female reader, angelicdivauk United Kingdom +, writes (30 October 2005):

angelicdivauk agony auntI also agree with the previous answers, some guys just really hate the idea of it and feel embarassed about how they may "taste" . So please dont panic!! Think yourself lucky, my bf is bj crazy!!!! Good luck and lots of love xxx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2005):

nothing is wrong with ya! some people just dont like the idea of it! dont pressure him cos u will loose him if you do. if you really are upset by it, talk to him. tell him you just want to know why he doesnt want it! then leave it! good luck x

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A female reader, Bev Conolly Australia +, writes (30 October 2005):

Bev Conolly agony auntI'm sure there's nothing wrong with YOU, but you might need to rethink your position on oral sex and HIM.

The way you've phrased your question is as if you've offered to buy him a coffee and you're confused as to why he's knocked you back. Do you see how that attitude devalues something that should be special and extremely intimate?

It's not a handshake we're talking about. Sexual contact of any kind between two people shouldn't be a "default setting", that it's assumed will happen. Oral sex between you should be considered in the larger context of the relationship, and where it fits in to a whole range of intimacies, things like knowing each others' friends names and each others' secret dreams and pet hates.

It could be that your new boyfriend - remember that you and he are NEW. A month is very early in the dating scheme - just doesn't feel that close to you yet. Maybe he's scared about letting his sexual genie 'out of the bottle'. Maybe he wants to stay in control of himself until you two know each other much better. Maybe he has strong religious beliefs about sex. Maybe he's really, really repressed or ignorant about sexual matters. Maybe he thinks it's "icky". Maybe there are a hundred other possibilities. Why haven't you asked him?

My point is that you're rushing things far too fast for your new boyfriend's liking. After all, you've only been seeing each other for a few weeks. Your insistence that sex is obligatory could very well prove that you're too experienced for him, and scare him away from you.

One last thought for you to consider: if you can't be intimate enough with your boyfriend to discuss why he isn't ready to have sexual contact with you, then it's too early to be doing it.

Slow down. Get to know the young man BEHIND the penis and then you'll be able to answer your own question.

Take care!

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