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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been happily married w/ my husband for the past 2 years. ours was a love match and we were together for 5 years. Though we are from different backgrounds, economic, social and caste, our families get along great too. in short life is perfect. even friends are always commenting on how happy and in love we look. My problem is a strange one. Last week, i was talking to a very close friend and i mentioned that we have sex only one or twice a month. We cuddle every day and are intimate but have full blown sex only once or twice a month. Both of us have demanding careers and as we live in the US, don't have any help, so once we get home, cook dinner and eat, all we want to do is play some music, cuddle and zone out. My friend says this is abnormal and will kill our marriage. is it really abnormal? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2005): heh, from what i hear from married couples, it's totally normal to not have sex *all* the time. so long as you both are happy with the arrangement, it's good.
is your friend even married? why do you care so much what she thinks? or wether or not your relationship is abnormal? what makes you both happy is what matters, not what other people think.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2005): lol, you make me laugh, what else do you use your mates for?* Do you ring them up and ask if you are allowed to kiss?* Do you have to bring sex to a committee consisting of all your mates?* Do you have to ask your friends whether or not you like someone?* Do you have to ask your friend to go to the toilet?I dont understand why you doubt your own FEELINGS and THOUGHTS over some IDIOT of a mate.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (5 November 2005):
 I agree with Bev. Your friend sounds envious. You are happy so what's the problem?
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (5 November 2005):
 Of course it's not abnormal. Ignore your so-called "friend", who is probably merely envious that you and your husband are so happy together.
If there is any single rule about sex between consenting adults it should be: "Have sex when it pleases you both". If that's once or twice a month (or, just as acceptable, once or twice a day) suits you and each of you is happy with it, then you're fine. Who cares how often your 'friend' thinks you should have sex? She's not involved, thankfully!
The points that matter are your affection for each other, and your mutual satisfaction with the sexual frequency. Everything else can be negotiated.
Congratulations, by the way...
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A
female
reader, Mirabell +, writes (5 November 2005):
 People unfortunately believe that the state you are in signifies a dead relationship. This is entirely untrue. You are in a comfortable phase, and are complacent. There is nothing wrong with being happy. People as mistaken, as the true relationship killer is the stage after this one. The stage where sex becomes a chore. This phase is fine now, but you may want to throw in some spice now and again to make sure to cement your attraction.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2005): What is normal or abnormal depends on the couple. Your friend is entitled to her opinion. Certainly most couples report having sex more frequently than you are telling us here. Is that the norm? The two of you are going to have to plan to give yourselves time to play with each other, if you want to have more sex. How about: Go to bed early if you are both exhausted, and chase each other around the bedroom and bathroom in the morning when you are both rested. Its a great way to head off to work in the morning, and you can stop doing all those morning exercises you now do!
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