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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hello, I am stuck right now in my relationship. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a little over two years and sometimes he says things that hurt me, and he acts like he doesn't care, sometimes in front of his friends. I am emotionally drained. I have no self esteem left. I don't hang out with my friends anymore. I just got a job, so I think that that might help out a little. Any advice?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, the_used +, writes (21 November 2005):
Well don't listen to him i say you find someone else if he says nasty things to you, don't let him walk over you he's not worth it
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2005): leave him he is not worth it you need some 1 who will treat u better there are plenty of nice lads out there
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2005): I must say, Bev is 'right on the money' with her advice. To add to that. Everyone, no matter who they are...must take responsibility for their own happiness, through making the best and most ethical choices, in their own lives. This guy is NOT a good choice, dear...get rid of him. So many men/women fall into a trap where they seem to seek an "identity" through attachment to another person.
And when the relationship goes awry...because their partner is treating them horribly, they get confused, needy and lost. This is you right now. You are likely feeling this way because perhaps, you are putting too much of your inner worth & self-esteem on the mere existance of this relationship and this man in your life. This is what is becoming the constant emotional drain on you, is you are allowing yourself to tolerate his crappy behavior and it's just making your personal "nothingness" even worse.
Getting a job is the best thing for you, because this may be the first step to breaking away from the place you feel trapped in. Working, exercising, seeing other friends, taking on more interests and hobbies will help you build up your emotional strength and self-value. But realize hun, this guy is dragging you down and it sounds "like the writing is on the wall"...let this relationship go before it drags you under even further. You are so much more worth it. Keep believing more in yourself and know..no one deserves to be treated this way. Get out there and live, enjoy life and find a happier you.
Remember also, in all relationships, we should never expect a bf to provide us "with a life", enmotionally-that's unrealistic and unfair to him because it's not his job to do so. Before you take on a partner, you should already have a meaningful life of your own, in place. Have less expectations of others and more expectations" for yourself and never use relationships as a substitute for fullfillment & inner happiness. You should have that in place before entering into any love relationships. Best of luck-Take care.
Hugs, Irish
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (29 October 2005):
 Sorry, hon. I just don't see how you're "stuck" in your relationship with this guy. What are you, super-glued together at the hip? You're not married to him. Dump him already! Walk away and don't look back.
He sounds like a selfish, oafish loser, someone who would rather big-note himself to his mates than make you happy. Why would you want to be with someone like that?
You've said in your own letter that you have no self-esteem left, he hurts your feelings and you don't even have the support of your friends anymore. In other words, being around this guy makes you feel bad, and your being around him makes your friends avoid you. Those sound like a fine reasons to say goodbye to him.
In your shoes I wouldn't waste another day, but if you want to give him a chance to redeem himself before you leave for good, sit down and tell him that he's hurting you by the things he says and the way he acts like he doesn't care. See what he says. Maybe, just maybe, he's not aware of the way he acts and will agree to start showing that he cares again. But from what you've written, I wouldn't hold my breath.
Some guys are just ignorant and selfish and you have to recognise that they're not worth your time.
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