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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been dating this guy my coworker set me up with for a month. He's a great guy almost perfect really, but I just don't feel anything. He doesn't get the hint when I dodge his calls and break plans with him. He's so nice I don't want to hurt him but i don't want to lead him on. I'm afraid to dump him because he's friends with my coworker how do I get out?!!
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male
reader, Wild +, writes (29 November 2005):
it is obvious to me that you do not want to hurt this guy.now my best advice is that,do not waste time "the sooner the better".he will be hurt if he finds out after a long time that you are no longer interested.
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (28 November 2005):
 You don't have to "dump" him (an action that suggests heartless dismissal) but that doesn't mean that you have to continue dating him forever, either. Obviously this guy isn't a person to take a hint, so you're going to have to be kind-yet-direct, or you're going to seem like you're leading him on.
What you need to do is take a deep breath the next time he calls and tell him the truth: that it's not working out. First, this is something you need to recognise and accept: that you've been remiss in not making the break sooner and before things got this far. Apologise to him for not returning his past calls, then say something direct and unmistakeable, like "I've avoided saying anything until now because I haven't wanted to hurt your feelings, but I don't feel like there's enough chemistry between us for us to keep seeing each other."
Now, I personally have been let down by someone this way, and although I was naturally disappointed that the person wasn't interested, I wasn't hurt because it wasn't an insulting way to tell me so. For that reason, I've remained friends with that person and have never felt like I was "dumped".
There isn't any way that he can play dumb or miss the point of this message, either.
It's up to you to end this, and the longer you wait, the harder it will be. Please don't continue to ignore him and dodge his calls. He's not picking up on it, and you're going to feel like you have to sneak around avoiding him forever.
Be kind, and put yourself in his shoes. If you were going out with someone who just didn't think you were worth dating, wouldn't you want them to tell you in the nicest way they could?
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Tim +, writes (28 November 2005):
 Don't panic no harm, if you dont like him, and you dont feel anything, don't go close to him and don't paint yourself, don't keep him in the darkness either, be honest tell him, the moment of truth, let him know you don't love him, if you can if not then ignore his calls, don't show him yourself for weeks and try to go out alone with some other friends that way he will feel that u don't care about him and are not his type and his not important anymore.Good luck
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