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male
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anonymous
writes: Me and my girlfriend are both 16 years old, and have been going out now for just over a year. We're still very close to each other, spending about 4 days a week together and still really enjoy being with each other.However, when I think about how things used to be, and how exciting things were when we first started going out, it gets me upset cas things seemed so much better back then! Is the same with all relationships? Are the first months always the best? It's as if we've become complacent with each other - I mean, we're both still happy - we have our fair share of arguments - but at the end of the day we still love each other, more than ever - but I just wish things could be as exciting as they once were. I think a lot of it might be to do with the fact that she doesn't want to engage in sexual intercourse anymore. I know we're both young, but we had quite an active sex life for our ages, having sex about twice a week from last March until around November. However, since then, she hasn't wanted to have sexual intercourse with me - we've done it the odd time, but hardly ever. It confuses me, cas she'll masturbate with me, but when I suggest having sex she just says "I wish you wouldn't always put me on the spot!" and "You know how I feel!". She doesn't understand herself why she doesn't want to have sexual intercourse, so I don't know what I can do to help her.Thanks x
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female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (14 March 2006):
 All relationships calm down in the sexual and excitment department as they get into more of an established routine.
Women and men go off sex from time to time and this can just be down to stress or tiredness, sometimes spicing things up can help, sometimes you just have to let it run its course and maybe acept that sex will be not as oftern as you like, if that is the case you need to make sure it is quality not quantity, quality sex with some one who really wants to have sex with you one a month or so is far better than someone who has sex with you more oftern but just lies there waiting for you to get the deed over and done with.
You need to look at what maybe worrying her, does any of the positions you use hurt her, maybe you are asking her to do something she really deep down does not want to do, does she feel comfortable and safe in the place you have sex or is someone likely to come in etc.
Do you use adequate protection as some women are so frightened of getting pregnant that they literally just dont want to do it due to the risk.
Think about this and talk to her, tell her you are worried the relationship is becomming stale and you would like to spice it up and not just in the bedroom.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2006): Ahh but thats the thing, I have tried talking to her about it a few times, asked her if anything is worrying her and whether she knows why she doesn't want to have sex - but she just gets really mad and says things like "I don't know anymore than you do!" and "How many times can i tell you, I DON'T KNOW!". :-( Its really geting to me, cas we have such a a close relationship but I can't help but feel like she does know but is keeping it from me.
Thanks x
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A
female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (14 March 2006):
 I would ask her why. Its the only way you will know.
I think some of Bev's suggestions are really likely.
Perhaps her friend has had a pregancy scare or her that you don't know about and unless you speak to her about it you won't know.
I would give her a bit of time to herself, don't mention sex for a little while and then have a really calm chat about it. Let her speak openly and don't get into a fight, just let her talk and then see where you end up.
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (14 March 2006):
 Though it's probably fair to say that sex happens less as a relationship goes on, that's sometimes compensated for by a deeper, more intimate relationship and a total comfort with each other as years roll by.
So, in answer to your question, "are the first months always the best", it's a safe bet to say that the first months will always have the most amazing sex. But that's only because it's all totally new when you have a new partner, so of course it's exciting. In longer term relationships, the sex might taper off a bit (I'm going into my 19th year with my husband, and yeah, it's not as important as it once was), but really good relationships also develop in other directions and so can be every bit as satisfying as the "new-sex-wowee" months of a new relationship.
After having said all that, I suspect that it's not that she's bored with it because it's not new any more, but that your girlfriend has one or more issues with the sex that you've been having.
It could be:
- that she had a pregnancy scare recently, that's put her off having sex for a while
- that she wasn't enjoying the sex you were having, perhaps as much as she would have liked, or as much as she might have indicated
- that (as another Aunt suggested) she wasn't emotionally ready for sex with anyone yet
- that she was hoping that sex with you would turn your relationship into something deeper, and was disappointed when it didn't
And it could be any or all of those things, separately or in combination.
The solution is to talk to her about it. Come on, you know you can. If you can be intimate enough to have sex with the girl, you can be intimate enough to talk about it, right?
Pick a time when you haven't just had sex, and you haven't just tried to talk her into it, then ask if she's been happy with your sexual lives lately. Don't challenge her answer or pick a fight; just listen to what she has to say. She's probably feeling a bit put-upon, because there's something not quite right between you, so you have to tread carefully. Ask her if she's unhappy or worried about something, and she'll probably take it from there.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2006): First of all she probably thought she was ready and she wasn't. Most girls at that age aren't ready and they think they are and it takes them having sex to realize that they aren't. Don't take it personally and if you love her like you say you do, you will stick around. If sex is that important to you then date someone else.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2006): hi, well with most relationships as they get longer the less sex happens, and the more we spend time with each other the more we take each other for granted. i think that maybe because she knows that she can have it when ever she wants its not as tempting as it use to be, for example my bf and i wont have sex for a couple of weeks but say he goes away for his job for 3 nights when he gets back all he wants to do is have sex because he was away from me so long he didnt have that instant accessibility.anyway if it isnt that then there maybe other things such as she might be worried of falling pregnant as she might feel not ready for that,or you have really pissed her off and she is not intrested in having sex at all but im highly doubting in your case. maybe just talk to her and explain to her that your concerned of her non intrest in sex.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2006): Women, or anyone for that matter [snicker] don't like to be forced into sex. Women especially (or anyone...) like foreplay, they like to get turned on - you know what I mean? Yeah, sex back when I first started with my current was awesome! Numerous times a day, every day we saw each other! Wow! Nowadays, it's a lot less - A LOT!
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