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female
,
anonymous
writes: i really need some help. i was very drunk and i think i cheated on my boyfriend who i love more than anything. i dont know why i did it, as the one thing i hate more than anything is people who cheat. sadly, i am not totally sure that i did it as i dont remember fully. i know that if it did happen, it was definately not full sex, but it was a blow job and fingering. i am very unsure whether or not i should tell him as it could split us up (he really hates cheats) and the other person and his girlfriend also. we are all friends and i am so afraid that everyone will fall out. i am also scared that if i don't tell him, he will find out one night when we are all drunk.... please help me! i will never do it again though, and i mean never! any advice would be greatly appreciated...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2006): The same thing happened to me. 2 days ago. I dont know what to do. I am engaged to be marriend, and I partially slept with my best friends fiance. Her fiance and my fiance are best friends as well. I hate myself for what I did, and I was so drunk, I dont even know how it happened. But I am sooo confused, and I just dont know what to do either. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I feel so shitty.
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (15 March 2006):
 Your options seem to be to tell your BF what you're pretty sure happened and let the chips fall where they may, or to carry on as if it didn't happen and hope he doesn't find out.
One option is truthful and the other is deceitful. Ironically, the truthful option has the most immediate negative consequences.
In other words, if you tell him yourself, you can be sure that he gets the most accurate story, but there's a good chance he'll break up with you. On the other hand, if you don't tell him, everything is OK... unless he finds out accidentally later. Then you're in every bit as much hot water as you are now, plus more for not admitting it.
So I can only see one thing you can do, and that's to admit it, and expect the worst. At least your boyfriend will appreciate your honesty (which he won't do if he finds out himself further down the track).
As the first reply at the bottom suggests, the problem is not so much the cheating, as it's that you were so drunk that you weren't in control of your actions. You say that you promise you'd never do it again, but if you cut loose that much when drunk, how can you make such a promise?
Rein in the drinking and most of your problems will solve themselves. Have one, or two, even three. But if you're pouring so much alcohol down your throat that you'll willingly give blowjobs to male friends with girlfriends, and not quite remember all that happened, then your drinking is a problem. Ask yourself if you'd be in this predicament if you'd stuck to cola all that night instead.
I'm sorry that there's no quick or easy answer to this one. I think you've probably lost your boyfriend if you admit what you did, and you've lost him if he finds out on his own. The best you can do is to at least be the one to tell him, so he doesn't suffer humiliation from finding out second-hand.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (15 March 2006):
 Are you sure your boyfriend will handle the fact that you put another mans penis in your mouth. That's blunt but true. I'm sure he'll be happy to have that image painted in his mind every time he kisses you. Don't blame the drink. You made a huge mistake. I'm sure if you told your boyfriend what you did, he'd feel great the next time the twoof you bump into this other guy. You really "blew" it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2006): Regardless of your having cheated on your bf or not, you were drunk to the point of not knowing what you did or did not do; that's the real problem. Perhaps if you really don't want to cheat on your bf, you'll avoid getting that drunk again. Also, hope you are aware that if you drink enough alcohol in a short enough period of time that it could kill you.
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