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*unty BimBim

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Man I'm dating still lives with his ex and won't tell her about me

Q.   I have invested time in a man but I can’t work out whether I’m being too trusting or whether I’m being naive. We’ve been seeing each other about 5 months. He lives in another state and is in my area 4 days a week for work. When we first started ch...

A.   20 March 2020: DING! DING! DING! That's the alarm bells going off. I've heard of couples no longer in a relationship still living together for a variety of reasons, cost of housing, children, etc and it sometimes works and sometimes doesn't. In most cases... (read in full...)

My parents keep pushing for me to communicate with my abusive sister

Q.   My sister has never been my friend. She’s about 8 years older than I am. Even as children I mostly recall her being verbally and physically abusive towards me. Honestly I have few good memories aside lectures from her as well as guilt trips. Any ...

A.   20 March 2020: Tell your parents, tell them you are not interested in a relationship with a toxic sister with no boundaries. If they try to pretend they don't know what you mean remind them of her contact with your mother in law, and her screaming at you beca... (read in full...)

My boyfriend called me a bigot. What do I do about it?

Q.   My boyfriend and I got into a fight. He was doing repair work yesterday on a ceiling in a building where his card club operates out of. There were two other men working with him. All of them volunteered their time. I got angry because he didn't call ...

A.   2 March 2020: Is this post for real? Your age is listed as being an adult. You boyfriend was correct in calling you a bigot. He missed out a few that would have fit the occasion, whiney, needy, selfish and ignorant. Maybe he can get past your behaviour, ... (read in full...)

I went home for the weekend and returned to find my rented room trashed!

Q.   Hi Agony people. Just wondering can someone tell me whether I’m right or wrong. Rent a room off a lady for college term. Stay Sunday night to Friday and go home every weekend. She is away but at the weekend her son had a party and some people ...

A.   25 February 2020: Yes complain, providing you have a weekly rent and not just the 5 nights you actually sleep there. I hope you thought to take photos. As a tenant you are entitled to privacy, don't tell the landlady you don't mind as long as they change the ... (read in full...)

I'm broken from a cycle of cheating and being cheated on.

Q.   My long term bf cheated on me few yrs ago so I had a revenge affair. it only brought misery and guilt to me when I found out my ‘affair partner’ is a serial womanizer. I broke up the affair 8 months ago but I’m not able to let go. Also I want to ...

A.   21 February 2020: I'm wondering what you hope to achieve by telling the cheater's wife? You deliberately cheated on your partner because he was cheating on you and you chose to cheat with a cheater. The guy's wife has nothing to do with this cycle you believe ... (read in full...)

In love with 2 men I am just in limbo at the moment and don't know which way to turn

Q.   I have never been so tormented. I am in love with two people. I have been with my boyfriend for 12 years but I got to know someone else. It started as friendship but somehow we have developed feelings for each other. I now have no idea what to do. I ...

A.   19 February 2020: Well, its quite obvious you don't really give two pinches of goat dung for your live in partner or you wouldn't be cheating on him, even if it hasn't developed into anything physical yet. So do the right thing and break up with him now, it would... (read in full...)

I feel like I'm treading on eggshells at work and don't know where to go from here

Q.   I started a new job nine months ago. I come from a very different background (many aspects) from my employers. I’m female and relatively young (mid 30s) versus my employers (group of men aged mid 50s-60s). They hired me for my experience which...

A.   19 February 2020: From a different view point could it be they are concerned about you perhaps burning out and want you to just relax a little. You can ask them not to preface your name with the word "young" please as it makes you feel uncomfortable. There c... (read in full...)

Should I trick my husband to let me watch him and a friend?

Q.   Hi all. This might seem an unusual problem for some. I've always known my husband is quite flexible when it comes to sexuality. In college he told me he had a friend that he experimented with on numerous occasions and it never bothered me. Inf...

A.   19 February 2020: ye Gods! What could go wrong? This is not as unusual a fantasy as you might think, there are numerous submissions to this site from those who have acted out their particular fantasies and are now frantic to try and get their marriage back on ... (read in full...)

My in laws have caused so much friction that my husband and I are on the verge of splitting up

Q.   Hi aunties.. firstly thank you for supporting me in this very tricky time in my life. I feel very alone at the moment and am struggling to make sense of everything going on.. so here goes... I was dating a lovely man for around 3 years before he...

A.   19 February 2020: Contact him and ask him to meet you somewhere for a coffee. Suggest couples counselling again, put it to him that you love him dearly and your hope is that by attending counselling you both will be given strategies to help you navigate the problems ... (read in full...)

Should I try again with the woman I dumped?

Q.   I broke up with my girlfriend because she had a degree and gets paid more than me. She has her own place. I moved back in with my parents because I’m going through a divorce. I have a crappy job she tried to help me find a better one. I kind of ...

A.   18 February 2020: This really does sound like a made up story, but just in case it isn't then really, for whose benefit would you get back with this woman, yours or hers. In my opinion you did her a massive favour dumping her for the reason you did, she really ... (read in full...)

My ex boyfriend got angry about pics on social media.

Q.   I split up with my boyfriend about a month ago, we've not been in contact much since then, but he's gotten angry with me about a photo he found on Instagram. The photo in question is me with a Snapchat filter, the one with the bear ears and no...

A.   18 February 2020: That sort of photo does not bother me. I'm happy to see you have blocked him and are not bothered to argue. ... (read in full...)

This girl is bad for me, what should I do?

Q.   A long time ago in college there was a girl who was very close to me, very touchy feely and all that. I fancied her, had a really huge crush. Though I didn't know it, she had friend zoned me. One day she said she was moving to the west coast and ...

A.   16 February 2020: Nowhere is it written that facebook friend requests have to be accepted. It is quite okay and within the limits of "not seeming rude" to remove and block her, especially in light of the fact you say she is very bad for you. Go on, you can do i... (read in full...)

I've just discovered I am the OTHER WOMAN!

Q.   I've been in a sexual relationship with a man for over almost 4 years now. I do not have feelings for him, but had always wondered why he was so distant and indifferent towards me throughout the 4 years. Long story short I just found out throug...

A.   16 February 2020: There was no chance of you finding a boyfriend to love you while you were in a purely sexual relationship for the past four years. If that is honestly what you want then view this discovery and a sign from the universe (or wherever) that you need... (read in full...)

I need answers and support.

Q.   My last post here I got super judged on here and went into a depression. More then I already am. So please be kind. I m a 30 year old single mom of an amazing 4 year old. My child’s father and I were together (we never’ married) for 5 years and ...

A.   14 February 2020: The previous question can be found here: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-a-single-mother-unhappy-at-having-to.html ... (read in full...)

Attracted to my and wife's mutual friend

Q.   Need help. I became somewhat close friends with a woman a few years back because our kids were in same class. For the first year or two, we just exchanged occasional text about school ect and , although my wife wasn't as close, my wife knew we were ...

A.   12 February 2020: If your gut is telling you she is playing a game why not check that theory out, try not responding to her texts for a fortnight, and see what the response is. I should imagine, and hope, having your concern confirmed would be a real passion ... (read in full...)

I want to separate from my wife but I can't afford to

Q.   Hi Aunts! My wife and I have been together for 27 years (no kids) but things haven't been good for most of them. I am at the point where I don't necessarily want a divorce, but I want to get away from her think things through. She would proba...

A.   10 February 2020: Find a free or cheap lawyer as your first step, and find out what your legal responsibilities will be if you DO divorce or legally separate. Also consider counselling, there is a chance, slim though as you both have left the situation sit and fest... (read in full...)

I hounded the man I love while drunk, now he wont respond to me.

Q.   I have a friend who told me years ago he liked me then i got really drunk one night and kept messaging him, his best friend told my best friend that he really liked me. This got me really excited as more feelings for him came out of me ,he had also ...

A.   10 February 2020: I once had an ex's best friend tell me the ex had died a horrific death, it affected me greatly because the ex was somebody I respected and liked. Maybe the best friend in this case was also telling lies to your best friend and now you both (no... (read in full...)

My husband's relationship with his friend is strange

Q.   Hello I have been having issues with my husbands friend. I have told my husband several times but he acts like I'm the issue. For example this guy has said alot of negative untrue things about me in the beginning of our marriage. My ...

A.   9 February 2020: Taking your cigarettes is theft, I'm an ex smoker and HATED this happening to me. We are of course, only getting one side of the story here, a wise man once told me there are always three sides to a story, his side, her side and somewher... (read in full...)

A girl he has never met sent my boyfriend a video of her boobs.

Q.   My partner of 2 years has been amazing but in December I sadly found a girl had sent him a video of her showing her boobs and it really hurt me Cos he saved it and he promised me him and this girl were just mates they never met up but still it hurt ...

A.   7 February 2020: If he has never met her how did they become mates? And is it really acceptable for mates to send each other pictures of body parts? What pics did he send her? You don't have to accept this, if this hurts and he doesn't care, or hasn't tried to... (read in full...)

Are bad body odour and dirty clothes a deal breaker?

Q.   i’ve been chatting with a guy on dating site. Built up a connection, exchanged phone numbers and have now talked on the phone a few times as well as chatting online.Decided to meet up in person as we have a lot in common and definitely a ...

A.   7 February 2020: Ewww dirty hair, dirty clothes, dirty body. I think if you believe there is a chance for a relationship here you need to be honest. Let him know you were disappointed that he didn't take the same care in personal hygiene nor ensure his c... (read in full...)

Separated from my husband and feeling very low and insecure

Q.   At this moment I am feeling at my lowest. Lots of things are happening , my marriage is breaking down for many reasons , you may even see my previous post about a situation that had made me feel very insecure. This not just the reason there is a ...

A.   6 February 2020: First visit a lawyer and find out where you will stand legally. Secondly see your GP and talk about your mental health, ask if he can refer you to a qualified counsellor. If he offers you some anti depressants to help you during this time ... (read in full...)

Be patient or move on?

Q.   I started a part time course to work in education in September 2019. There is a man on the course and I thought he seemed nice but assumed he was married and left it. It has only been has time has gone on he has paid me more attention and I have ...

A.   5 February 2020: Does a man who works two jobs and has hobbies REALLY sound like a man who quits when the going gets tough … I don't think so. If he has been telling the tutor he doesn't have time then perhaps he is reconsidering his options, its possible he has ... (read in full...)

Was he confused about his intentions or did I misread the situation?

Q.   Very long convoluted story here and in all honesty I think it is over and put to bed. It was a complete non event in reality, but it did affect me quite a lot at the time. I am in a happy relationship now so it’s not something I am going to actively ...

A.   1 February 2020: I don't believe this man is confused, he seems very sure what he wants, and that is a sexual encounter with you …. he started off aggressively, abusive in fact, and when that didn't work he modified his behaviour a little. Then he told you he w... (read in full...)

I'm not sure if the new team member is trying to make connection or being inappropriate.

Q.   A new guy joined my company three weeks ago. he transferred over from another company in our group after I heard his work was really great (I run the company). He’s middle aged, been working a long time but in a different line of work to what we ...

A.   31 January 2020: You need to let him know that your personal life is off limits, especially if he is making inappropriate comments. If he is shy and a bit socially inept he may be trying to connect, or get on your good side, or become part of the team … especial... (read in full...)

Is it possible for this to happen?

Q.   My boyfriend was married at twenty years old, he is now forty. He has said he was naive, manipulated into getting married and knew he didn't love her. Is it possible people do get married when they know they don't love someone and know it wont last ...

A.   29 January 2020: Who cares if his parents said don't, if the girl's parent's said don't, if he did it anyway …. as a 20 year old 20 years ago. Why are you hanging onto this? Do you nag him about something that happened 20 years ago, is it even importan... (read in full...)

I just need another person's perspective on boyfriend's attitude when we are gaming.

Q.   Hello everybody. I would like peoples honest opinions on the way my partner sometimes speaks to me, as I feel he could be more tactful with his words sometimes. I will give one recent example from the other night. We were playing a two player g...

A.   28 January 2020: I'm older. I've decided what I will accept and what I wont. Disrespectful talk is something I wont accept, whether its in a game or other areas of life. He put you down, he called you stupid, he doesn't recognise the fact you are doing your ... (read in full...)

Is it possible for this to happen?

Q.   My boyfriend was married at twenty years old, he is now forty. He has said he was naive, manipulated into getting married and knew he didn't love her. Is it possible people do get married when they know they don't love someone and know it wont last ...

A.   28 January 2020: Yes, most certainly possible. Males at 20 are not very mature. ... (read in full...)

Is my One Night Stand acting normal?

Q.   I joined plenty of fish in August last year, and swapped numbers with a guy, he lived in a differnt town then me , but had family members in my home town, Anyway new years eve he was down and we finally got to meet, i knew from day one that whe...

A.   22 January 2020: What are you wanting from life, sex when you or he feels like it or a loving, committed respectful relationship? The fact he suggested a threesome when he heard you and a friend would be in the same town suggests to me that he isn't interest... (read in full...)

What is the ideal male body type?

Q.   I have been lifting weights for ten years and had a bodybuilder type of body. Most other males envied me. I assumed women found my type of physique attractive too. So I was surprised that my girlfriend didn't quite like the way I look and wanted me ...

A.   22 January 2020: I don't believe you speak for all men here, or anywhere else. ... (read in full...)

What is the ideal male body type?

Q.   I have been lifting weights for ten years and had a bodybuilder type of body. Most other males envied me. I assumed women found my type of physique attractive too. So I was surprised that my girlfriend didn't quite like the way I look and wanted me ...

A.   21 January 2020: Not all women think the same, not all women are attracted to the same type or looks. We are individuals, imagine that!! Personally body builder "types" have never impressed me, and my first thoughts on meeting, especially a young one, is "bloody ... (read in full...)

I feel like I've wasted my 20s, and its hard to be optimistic!

Q.   I'm looking for peoples personal experiences with this if possible please. Has anyone ever wasted 10 years of there life and manged to not let it get them down? I've wasted a lot of my 20s as I've kind of been stuck in life. So no love life a...

A.   20 January 2020: You know, a few sessions with a good, qualified counsellor would probably help you deal with some of those negative feelings you have about your 20s, and give you some tools to move past them. I saw this on facebook earlier today, "Never ... (read in full...)

I'm battling to trust my boyfriend's word about strippers and lap dances.

Q.   My bf and I of 5 years recently had an argument about him being at strippers and getting a dance. It was brought up again last night and his reaction took me by surprise. He had asked what was wrong I said upset still and he said after a week he ...

A.   19 January 2020: We have had a number of questions over the past few weeks dealing with this issue, this one in particular sounds very much like your situation, I suggest you read through the answers and decide if they are applicable to your situation. http:... (read in full...)

I've not met this girl, but we talk and I'm smitten!

Q.   I want a lot of advice so I'm not sure this question will fall into a single category. I'm a 34 year old virgin - something that I'm not proud of but I guess that's life. I've been with girls and done stuff before and even without the sex I think ...

A.   17 January 2020: Please don't build up too many high expectations until you have actually met and spent time together on several occasions. Its understandable she is reluctant to introduce the children to anybody at this stage but I suspect she could easily f... (read in full...)

A man I had sex with keeps ghosting me.

Q.   Hi all So I really like this man who split from wife last year and now lives on own - we have had one night which was amazing about a month ago but nothing since . I’ve decided if he isn’t contacting me then he isn’t interested so have left it...

A.   17 January 2020: He is just keeping you on the back burner in case he wants a session of sex. I suggest you block him and move on.... (read in full...)

Is it wrong that I loaned my b/f money because I wanted to help him?

Q.   Hello everyone. I need help figuring out something. My boyfriend and I both in early 40s. He has a full time job, teaches at a university but financially in trouble because of divorce and some business investments. He has a potential as he is an ...

A.   16 January 2020: If it doesn't make you broke and the venture he is wanting to invest in is something you believe will work then its your choice to loan the money. While she is telling you NO ONE would do such a thing what she is really saying is that SHE wouldn't... (read in full...)

Work team of three, yet I am feeling excluded.

Q.   I entered this new workplace about two months ago assured that the new girl and I would be trained equally since she was only there two months prior to me starting. What was withheld until my first week on the job was that she was another managers ...

A.   11 January 2020: To be fair the other person HAS been there two months longer than you, it makes sense that she will be further along in any training process than you. And you cant link the fact she was hired two months before you to the fact she is the daughter of ... (read in full...)

A commenter on facebook assumed I was being creepy.

Q.   Hi ladies and gents, I am angry and a little bit sad/disappointed and I can't let it go. A friend on Facebook posted about the amount of layers they have to wear in this weather, going into great detail of the gloves, the t-shirt, walking soc...

A.   10 January 2020: I have friends who would have made that comment, it probably would have raised a laugh ….. the person who said you were creepy, and then private messaged you so that nobody else could see what they were saying, now I would find THAT creepy. Block ... (read in full...)

Why would a 45 year old man post topless pictures of himself?

Q.   Hello- My boyfriend of a year is 45 and I’m 41. He is a nice guy very smart professional and caring. He has been dealing with depression for some times now and I have tried to be helpful. He goes to these lost phases and goes quiet . I know he ...

A.   9 January 2020: Not having a crystal ball I can't tell you why our boyfriend posted pics of himself topless, the only person who has the answer to your question is your boyfriend. There is one comment in your question that puzzles me, you said you have already ... (read in full...)

My foster child refuses to attend school.

Q.   I have a 10 year old foster child who refuses to got school. I work in the day and cannot leave the child home alone. The foster care agency I am with allows youths to refuse school at any age. I don’t want to give her back she’s a sweet c...

A.   9 January 2020: Education is compulsory in the US. No foster agency would risk their licence by opening encouraging foster parents to break the law. Sometimes it can take many months for a doctor or psychiatrist to build a rapport with children patients... (read in full...)

My foster child refuses to attend school.

Q.   I have a 10 year old foster child who refuses to got school. I work in the day and cannot leave the child home alone. The foster care agency I am with allows youths to refuse school at any age. I don’t want to give her back she’s a sweet c...

A.   9 January 2020: I'M CALLING BS ON THIS POST!... (read in full...)

I'm a single mother unhappy at having to live with my parents.

Q.   I’m in desperate need of help, I’ve been with my baby daddy for 5 years. On and off he’s put me through a lot We have been through so many things. The reason why I keep getting back with him is because I wanted to give our 3 year old son the best ...

A.   9 January 2020: Forget the dead beat dad, he has already proven himself to be totally useless at parenting, especially after 3 years and still unemployed and living with HIS parents. Your parents obviously care for you, even if you do feel they are constant... (read in full...)

My foster child refuses to attend school.

Q.   I have a 10 year old foster child who refuses to got school. I work in the day and cannot leave the child home alone. The foster care agency I am with allows youths to refuse school at any age. I don’t want to give her back she’s a sweet c...

A.   9 January 2020: what country are you in that permits children in care to not attend school? Are they not there to ensure children are given the very best possible care, which would include access to schooling. You may need to take some time off work, in UK ... (read in full...)

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