Feeling confused over a crush. What can I do, to overcome the crush, without cutting ties with this man, who has been so kind to me?
Q. I am looking for advice on this I have became friendly with a man who is 20 years older than myself. He has always helped me out with DIY and other things and been really nice. He is married with a family. I have a boyfriend who travels a lot wi...
A. 22 May 2016: I don't think you CAN keep this man in your life AND be a decent GF.
I think the guy you are crushing on is giving you something you aren't getting from your BF, maybe attention? But that doesn't mean it's OK to get it from someone else.
... (read in full...)
I never realized how lazy my boyfriend was until we moved into together!
Q. Hi everyone I've been with my boyfriend just under 4 years we have a 17 month old daughter and have just moved in together the problem is I didn't realise how lazy he is he goes to work and admits he does nothing comes home I have tea ready I sort ...
A. 21 May 2016: Make a list of what needs done, give him half. Tell him to man up or move out. You don't need a 3rd child (him).... (read in full...)
Stressed, tired and fearful he'll look elsewhere
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together five years and we bought a house together three months ago. I've been working full time and studying for the last ten months. I finish my study in two months. I've been really busy and stressed. I've put on 10 ...
A. 21 May 2016: TALK to him. He might think it's HIM. That you don't find him sexy or attractive any more.
And yes, there are people who would leave if their needs aren't met. However in your case, I think if you sit him down and explain why you feel the way you ... (read in full...)
What's happening to me? Am I feeling all this emotion as a result of supressing my feelings?
Q. Hello its Military Man once again. The count down for deployment is 4 days and im starting to experience things I never really strongly felt before.....emotion. I mean Ive been hurt and understood this but I never been able to show it. Like whe...
A. 21 May 2016: People have this notion that a man isn't a man if he shows "too many" emotions. I don't think that is true.
You have a LOT of things to need to process. I strongly suggest you go talk to the chaplain of your unit.
As for you question: "is th... (read in full...)
Is trust something you can work on with a partner, or is it a complete lost cause if you don't trust them?
Q. Dearcupid, is trust something you can work on with a partner, or is it a complete lost cause if you don't trust them? My ex boyfriend and I have been back in contact as of only a month ago. We were broken up for several months. I had broken up with...
A. 21 May 2016: I LOVE uncle BrownWolf's analogy to trash.
Read it, and take that in.
Your relationship DIDN'T work, because HE wasn't trustworthy, because he didn't respect your relationship OR you. He still isn't trustworthy and he still doesn't respect ... (read in full...)
Should I cut ties with the friend who still hears from the mutual friend I fell out with?
Q. I have a dilemma about a friend (Girl A) of mine who is also a friend with another girl that I had a bad fall out with (Girl B). The thing is - I got hurt and betrayed badly by Girl B - so after the fallout I tried to disassociate myself from bot...
A. 21 May 2016: I agree with the two aunties here. You are still bitter over Friend B's previous actions. Friend A is NOT responsible for those. And if Friend A wants to occasionally still talk to B THAT is HER choice. It doesn't make a "bad" person or friend.
... (read in full...)
Is it time to say 'NO,' (with no guilt), to E and mean it? Do children have to attend parties put on by overbearing parents?
Q. There is this lady "E" who is driving me nuts! Her kids (boy and girl twins with the SAME gender neutral name,let's say J Lee and J Leigh) are turning 10 next month and she drove to our house to drop off an invitation and itinerary. Yes. An itine...
A. 21 May 2016: Oh HECK no! I would not be manipulated into MAKING my kids do something they REALLY don't want to do ( that they really don't have to do) this is like when parents tell little Jane or Joe to kiss & hug uncle Bob, when they kids don't want to (and ... (read in full...)
Married 4 years and still my husband only wants 'vanilla' sex. What can I do to ease him towards more and liven up?
Q. I have been married close to 4 years and have always wanted to explore intimately with my husband and he is aware of this desire but seems uninterested with anything beyond "vanilla" sex. Lately I feel incomplete longing for more from him, the desi...
A. 21 May 2016: Were you two sexual before the marriage? If so, why do you think marriage changes what HE likes sexually and what HE is comfortable with?
If you WANT to try new things then introduce them SLOWLY, one little kink at a time, like blindfolds one nigh... (read in full...)
Did he or did he not? I am 16, why did my BF lie about losing his virginity and then change his story?
Q. So I have been with my boyfriend who I met at a concert for a month. We are both sixteen. We hadn't discussed sex at all until now. I was curious to know if he had sex before, but I wasn't bold enough to ask outright. So when we were finally talking ...
A. 21 May 2016: Many boys (and men) don't like to admit that they are inexperienced because they *think* they will be judged for NOT having much of it. Just like MANY girls and women lie about the number of partners they have had out of fear of being judged.
... (read in full...)
Should my adult son's disrespectful behaviour be the subject of a discussion with him or should I just continue to mind my own business and stay silent?
Q. I am a mother of a 24 year old son, I can honestly say he was a great kid . He didn't get into much trouble as a teen and has always been very respectful. I come from a big family and a lot of them will say how great he was and is. He has been dat...
A. 20 May 2016: I agree with Caring Aunty A, there is a HUGE "trend" in how people today portrait themselves in person and even more so online, that seems uncouth, self centered and downright rude.
I would take him aside and have a chat. Sure he is a grown up... (read in full...)
Anxious every Friday that boyfriend will be drunk when I get home. What therapy will help me?
Q. Hi. Can anyone advise what type of therapy would help me. Every Friday I become so anxious wondering whether my boyfriend will be drunk when I get home I can hardly to my work. He knows I don't like it when he drinks too much and it usually ends in ...
A. 20 May 2016: Do you live together? If so, maybe that is not the best idea for YOU. And maybe dating someone who drinks till he is drunk EVERY week-end is not the best match for me.
But I think some kind of CBT (cognitive-behavioral therapy) might help you addr... (read in full...)
How can I introduce the subject of more sexual exploration and trying new things, to see if she is interested?
Q. Myself and partner are due to get wed next year !! Wooo - Hooo !!! We have always been an extremely sexually active couple... For all the ten years of our relationship. More recently my mind has been open to even more sexual endeavors! We have a...
A. 20 May 2016: Yep, do it BEFORE marriage.
I think bringing up 3-somes can be the death of a relationship, for the reason that MOST people don't REALLY want a 3rd person in their "bed room endeavors".
Don't overwhelm her with idea, maybe ask her what fantasi... (read in full...)
Could my ex be making fake profiles on an online dating service and then targeting me? My friends suggest, "yes" !
Q. I just wondering if this has happened to any one else, in the past three weeks, four different women have been in contact with me, on an online dating service, which is where I met my ex, two from her town, one from my town, and one 45 miles from ...
A. 20 May 2016: It is VERY possible that it's her. I'm with your friends on that, it's a LITTLE too many coincidences.
If I were you, I would leave the profile up, but go to another site with a new e-mail address. Also I would go back and change ALL your password... (read in full...)
Does he want a committed relationship? Or production of more children? Or the chance to meet me for sex to make babies? Confused by him.
Q. I am a muslim lady 30yrs of age. Recently got talking to an older guy of around 51 yrs.actually he is a family friend, got to know him the past 5 yrs but nothing was between us til recently, he started picking interest in me. Its now 6 months sin...
A. 19 May 2016:
Given your religious background I think you are skating on thin ice. If he wants more kids, are you OK with having them with him and NOT be married? To be his... broodmare?
Filthy rich or not... there is a reason he is divorced....... (read in full...)
My ex wants to visit my new Bf for alleged dental work. Is this a good idea? Am I overthinking potential problems here?
Q. I started seeing someone recently We met in the old fashioned way, no internet involved ;) . We are still in the getting to know each other phase and I'm sure we'll move to the next level soon. I really like the fact that we're are not rushing ...
A. 19 May 2016: Nope Nope Nope.
1. I wouldn't set up an emergency appointment for him.
2. I'd stop talking to him if possible, I understand if there are kids involved that can be tricky. In that case, just stick to talking about the kids. Nothing else.
... (read in full...)
Do we have a future together? Seems he only texts me when he wants nude pictures of me.
Q. Heya friends.. I've been in a relationship with this person for over 1 year. Over the past few months he's behaving quite rude with me. He texts me only when he wants nudes from me. If at all I refuse to do so, he pleads and begs and will finally...
A. 19 May 2016: You really need a wake up call OP....
I seriously hope you haven't sent him a SINGLE nude photo. If you have, I suggest next time you hang out... you delete ALL of them. And then... DUMP the fool.
He isn't seeing you as a GF, but a piece of m... (read in full...)
Am I playing with fire?
Q. I'm wondering if my male coworker is attracted to me. Here's how it is: He constantly teases me and tries to get me to smile, which isn't hard because he's funny and our job sucks. Sometimes he comes up behind me and whispers "Boo!" in m...
A. 19 May 2016: I think it REALLY doesn't matter whether this guy LIKES you, LIKES you... or not.
YOU are a married lady. YOU need to set boundaries.
While I am ALL for friendly banter etc. at work, this seems to have become MORE than just that for you. Yo... (read in full...)
At wit's end. My husband is icing the cake of frustration. What's my next step?
Q. I have been married for almost four years, and of those four years, my commute to work has been 45 minutes to an hour. My husband, however, has only worked the past three years. His job is nearby, so his commute is quite short. I was recently pre...
A. 19 May 2016: I agree with Cindy's approach.
While I'm ALL for trying to make a marriage work, I'm also ALL for compromises, discussions, respect, trust and EQUALITY in the marriage. If you don't HAVE those... really what DO you have?
I DO think your husba... (read in full...)
How can I re-establish a bond with this guy I'm crushing for? He seems indifferent to me now.
Q. i am a girl who has a lot of guy friends. i flirt with them a lot. Among my guy friends, there's one that i have crush on since a few months ago. we used to talk a lot and he would act so nice to me, he made me smile a lot too. unfortunately, i...
A. 19 May 2016: I think he has seen you change from a girl he liked to a girl who likes to play games.
I'm sorry I would totally "cool" off a crush if someone tried to make me jealous by getting all touchy-feely with other male friends.
Or maybe he just ca... (read in full...)
How should I respond to his hurtful comments during a argument?
Q. Hi, Just wondering if any body has had a partner who would often say hurtful comments during an argument and if so what did you do? My fiance often says things like he doesn't love me, can't see a future with me, doesn't want a child with me...
A. 19 May 2016: I have been with my husband for 20 years. NEVER once has he said ANYTHING like that to me, not in anger, not out of anger. I think the "worst" he has EVER called me was... stubborn. Which.. I am.
I think that he is making the PRESUMPTION that he ... (read in full...)
I'm not sure if I should leave or stay?
Q. I'm unhappily married. My husband cheated a few yrs back, I've since fallen out of love with him, the thought of finding someone else excites me. I'm not going to allow myself into a position where I might cheat, but I'm unsure if I can go through ...
A. 19 May 2016: My question to you is this, why didn't you leave years ago when he cheated? Why stay? You haven't moved past it and I think that is why you have lost "that loving feeling" for him.
So I think you NEED to figure out why you stayed.
Secondly, you... (read in full...)
How can I deal with complex emotions and the feelings I have that my life will spiral out of control if I break up with her? Sexually she no longer appeals
Q. My question has so many angles I realy dont know how to sum it up. There are so many parts that need more explaining but I simply cant fit them all in. I will try to summarise. I am a 47 year old male. I come from a broken familly. I have bee...
A. 19 May 2016: Maybe you need to do two things.
1. learn to become independent or at least HELP with the bills (even if she can well afford it) I don't think it's EVER too late in finding your own independence.
2. talk to her. I think you OWE her to be ho... (read in full...)
Why are some people so critical of open relationships?
Q. So I am letting my fiance have sex with another woman (who herself is in an open relationship) next week. They have already had a date and kissed etc. It's the first time he will have sex outside of our relationship. Rationally I am pretty ok wit...
A. 18 May 2016: I think if it WORKS for you two, then go for it. I DO find it a BAD idea once you decide to have kids. Because it doesn't translate well, and I think ( actually I know this, from having seen this with 2 swinger couples) it is HARD on the kids to ... (read in full...)
Full of doubts about him. Feeling less trusting about him. Am I being too distrustful? Can I trust him?
Q. hey guys am in a relationship with this guy for three months now. i love him a lot and he says he also loves me a lot. he says i make him happy every time and so on. But the problem is one night when we were talking on phone and i asked him to g...
A. 18 May 2016: Her parents doesn't know. And my guess is for good reason.
We can not tell you whether this guy is trustworthy or not. And at 13-15 you are as inexperienced as they come (no offense but that is the truth) - this is why SEVERAL of the aunts as... (read in full...)
I'm disappointed with my girlfriend's weight and health, any suggestions?
Q. So we've been going out for a few months with this girl and in the beginning, we promised each other that we'll make lifestyle changes. I used to drink quite a lot before her and also smoked quite a lot. She was overweight (she should lose at l...
A. 18 May 2016: 1. you have ONLY been going out for a few months so she would have been overweight when you met her. So there is your first mistake. IF you don't want a partner who is "unhealthy" or overweight - don't start dating a woman who is and then EXPECT her ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is punishing me for his ex girlfriend's behaviour
Q. I've had this boyfriend for about 8 months, in general we have a very steady relationship, but he has trust issues. His ex girl friend hurt him and i feel as if he punishes me for it sometimes, i told him that i made plans with two of my good ...
A. 18 May 2016: I have to agree with Cindy here.
DUMP him, if he calls you back, wish him well, but that there is no way in Hades you will accept being treated like that by anyone, let alone the guy you WERE dating.
Whatever ever his ex did, is NOT excuse fo... (read in full...)
Full of doubts about him. Feeling less trusting about him. Am I being too distrustful? Can I trust him?
Q. hey guys am in a relationship with this guy for three months now. i love him a lot and he says he also loves me a lot. he says i make him happy every time and so on. But the problem is one night when we were talking on phone and i asked him to g...
A. 18 May 2016: IF you are 13-15 and he is 19-21, then it is a big age gap for now.
YES it's another matter if you were in your mid-20's, but you are not.
Yes, I know that in some countries women marry younger and older men. I was just wondering what y... (read in full...)
Should I speak to my Aunt beforehand about re-establishing contact with my mother? I do not want my sons to see, hear or experience any nastiness over any reunion
Q. When I was 22 I started dating a friend of my fathers he was 18 years older then me and my parents didn't accept our relationship. They thought he "groomed" me and that he was using me for sex. Things got really bad between us and they told me...
A. 18 May 2016: Good luck!... (read in full...)
Trying to get life back together. Does talk therapy work? Do antiDepressants work?
Q. 28 year old chap here who has lived life going no where for many years . I know what I should do but do not feel happiness is actually achievable for me .. yipee!! Anyway went to the docs at last and they suggested therapy or Anti Depressant's . ...
A. 17 May 2016: Can I also add that exercise can make a HUGE difference? I'm how you feel (mood), how you see yourself (self-worth) and how others see you (perception). Doesn't mean you should consider the therapy option. It is just a GOOD "add on" to life.
Like ... (read in full...)
She hasn't offered nor attempted to contribute funds to pay for some of our outings. How should I bring up the subject of money?
Q. I've been dating a woman for the last two months. We've been hitting it off with great chemistry and I really like her. The only thing that is nagging at me and I'm not sure how to approach her is about money. We have gone out to eat about 9-10 ...
A. 17 May 2016: I think, since it annoys you, that you SHOULD bring it up. I would tell her that you really like, but that you find her lack of contribution a bit confusing. That you feel as EQUALS you should BOTH chip in for the dates, dinners etc.
Now it can b... (read in full...)
I have trust issues. Should I trust a man who I have never met?
Q. Hi so i met this guy online, cute, funny lots in common, he asked me out Friday but also wanted to meet me today then again friday. I'm busy so cant. But I keep seeing him online on this date site we met on and Yesterday he said he got spam (I d...
A. 17 May 2016: Just because he asked you out and you two have been talking doesn't mean he can't check out the dating site.
You BOTH have no idea if the two of you are a match in person. One thing is on "paper" you can seem like great match, another is in perso... (read in full...)
Trying to get life back together. Does talk therapy work? Do antiDepressants work?
Q. 28 year old chap here who has lived life going no where for many years . I know what I should do but do not feel happiness is actually achievable for me .. yipee!! Anyway went to the docs at last and they suggested therapy or Anti Depressant's . ...
A. 17 May 2016: I think it depends on the person. The thing with MANY medications (specially the mind altering ones) there is no guarantee that they will work as you hope they will. It's not a cure-all.
THAT is why they are often prescribed in link with therapy.... (read in full...)
Full of doubts about him. Feeling less trusting about him. Am I being too distrustful? Can I trust him?
Q. hey guys am in a relationship with this guy for three months now. i love him a lot and he says he also loves me a lot. he says i make him happy every time and so on. But the problem is one night when we were talking on phone and i asked him to g...
A. 17 May 2016: Are your parents OK with you dating someone so much older than you?... (read in full...)
Is my Bf trying too hard? And is my reaction to my Bf's courtesy unreasonable?
Q. I think there is something wrong with me. my boyfriends ways get on my nerves. the way he has to go out of his way to hold the door open for very one. they don't even have to be close by, they dont even thank him. still he will stand there and ...
A. 16 May 2016: You CAN have another conversation, but I don't think it will change anything, like I said.. THIS is who he is (or wants to be - aka "Knight in shiny armor", "Mr. Suave gentleman") But he doesn't want to be that for YOU, he wants ALL the woman he ... (read in full...)
I am lost and I need a plan of action. I need to leave this marriage, so what is my next move?
Q. I have finally decided I want a divorce. It is not a decision I have taken lightly. I have struggled with it for so long hoping that we can somehow make things better. My husband is not a bad man, but he is emotionally damaged (I know why and I kn...
A. 16 May 2016: Don't worry about what others will think, they don't live in your marriage. And you might be surprised how much they see that you think they don't.
And yes, family photos are definitely in the "heirloom" area. A copy/original of birth certific... (read in full...)
Full of doubts about him. Feeling less trusting about him. Am I being too distrustful? Can I trust him?
Q. hey guys am in a relationship with this guy for three months now. i love him a lot and he says he also loves me a lot. he says i make him happy every time and so on. But the problem is one night when we were talking on phone and i asked him to g...
A. 16 May 2016: I know you are young, so I will go "easy" on you.
You do NOT have any RIGHTS to his FB passwords. It's none of your business. Just like HE has NO RIGHTS to your FB either.
IF you are long distance and don't see each other in person, it's har... (read in full...)
He only sends me a text when he's horny. Is it time to show him the door?
Q. me and my boyfriend have dated over 7-8 months now. Over the past 2 months it's so happening that he only texts me when he's horny.. Otherwise he never texts me nor speaks to me. so like i'm really confused. should i continue my relationship...
A. 16 May 2016: I agree with BrownWolf,
You know it's not working. At least not for you. And he doesn't see you as a GF, but a booty-call.
Vouloir plus - attendre plus... (read in full...)
Should I speak to my Aunt beforehand about re-establishing contact with my mother? I do not want my sons to see, hear or experience any nastiness over any reunion
Q. When I was 22 I started dating a friend of my fathers he was 18 years older then me and my parents didn't accept our relationship. They thought he "groomed" me and that he was using me for sex. Things got really bad between us and they told me...
A. 16 May 2016: I think you should NOT have you aunt talk to your mom, I think YOU should pick up the phone (while your hubby watches the kids) and call your mom.
I think you should tell her the gist of this post. That you are VERY happy with your husband ... (read in full...)
Is my Bf trying too hard? And is my reaction to my Bf's courtesy unreasonable?
Q. I think there is something wrong with me. my boyfriends ways get on my nerves. the way he has to go out of his way to hold the door open for very one. they don't even have to be close by, they dont even thank him. still he will stand there and ...
A. 16 May 2016: Oh, I don't think this is about him having manners, I think your issue with him is that he feels he HAS to run around and "rescue" every "damsel in distress" and not focus on you.
THIS is who he is, OP. Like it or not.
Someone who have a huge ... (read in full...)
Mistrust is ruling my relationships
Q. Dear Cupid I have always have had tust issue. I am from a big family and am the youngest so watching my brother and sisters go from bad relationship to bad relationship has give me trust issue and have broken up with all my boyfriend's within t...
A. 16 May 2016: You know, I grew up with a Dad who cheated on my mom and I didn't distrust the people I dated till they did something to make me distrust them.
Your siblings relationships are theirs. YOU can not stop trusting someone because OTHERS did bad thin... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to report him for his inappropriate behaviour?
Q. I work in a male dominated industry. There are a number of subcontractors we work with on a regular basis. Last week one of our subcontractors sent a couple of guys out to work on a project. I'm familiar with them all as they come several times a ...
A. 16 May 2016: I'm fully with Cindy.
I think you need to learn to set boundaries. There was no reason to "indulge" him in a hug in the first place.
I would have told him off right away, actually I would have told him no thanks on the hugs - but since the hu... (read in full...)
I am lost and I need a plan of action. I need to leave this marriage, so what is my next move?
Q. I have finally decided I want a divorce. It is not a decision I have taken lightly. I have struggled with it for so long hoping that we can somehow make things better. My husband is not a bad man, but he is emotionally damaged (I know why and I kn...
A. 16 May 2016: I'm sorry that you are in this position.
Unfortunately it's not uncommon that women marry versions of their own dad's (good or bad) and don't even realize it till much later. So as far as that part? Don't beat yourself up.
As for what to do n... (read in full...)
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