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Will moving to another state bring me to a happier place than all the drama I've endure here?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up, Faded love, Family, Friends, Health, Pregnancy, Sex, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 July 2016) 2 Answers - (Newest, 31 July 2016)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Hey I need some advice

Lately I've been going through alot of bad things.

I know it's life and everyone goes through things some point. But I feel like it's only me at the moment. I'm extremely frustrated!!!! I've never been this frustrated before in my life. I'm about to turn 25 and I'm not excited about it. I've been going through bad situations since I turned 22.

I got my first boyfriend well I wouldn't call him that, but I ended getting pregnant and I decided to have an abortion.

I was sad of course but I knew I couldn't raise a child. I was in school, I had a low paying job and I was living with my mom.

He was a college basketball player, who was more focused on his degree, but he agree with my decision until 1 week later.

He wanted me to have the baby, but my mind was made up. He got really upset with me and didn't help me pay for the abortion.

But I went through it, I do get sad about the abortion but I was scared and I felt alone. Now turning 25 that same guy still begs me to be with me. Nooooo way! He keeps saying he was scared and didn't know what to do. I have no hard feelings towards him, I just don't want him in my life.

I stayed to myself for a year, focused on school of course. I had to retake a class i failed due to the abortion but I was fine with it.

An old friend came into my life and we started dating slowly. After four months he finally got me to say yes to being his girlfriend.

The relationship was great and he was everything I wanted. But we broke up due to him moving to another state to help out his dad. That was my 1st heartbreak, I've moved on slowly but surely. He still keeps in contact with me but I try to keep my distance.

After that my car caught on fire. That was an horrible experience. So I had to take all the money I saved up and buy a new car.

It was a shock because I had it at the car shop all day and they said it was fine!

After buying a new car, my 2nd job was giving me problems about cutting my hours.

So I quit because school comes first. They gave me a hard time that I couldn't even finish my two-weeks notice out. I went on 9 interviews before finding another job. I was so frustrated!

Than I had to move back home which was so uncomfortable. The place was extremely small but I had to do what I had too.

At 24 I met this guy, at first things were great! He was great and very nice. But I wanted things to go slowly, I didn't want to rush. After 5 months of us being friends and going out on dates, we made it official.

Things were good, he was my 3rd boyfriend so I wanted us to work. During the relationship he started having problems with his living situation so he pulled away from me. He lost his apt so he was feeling down. I was being supportive and we got better.

But my dad got really sick so I was by his side all the way. I thought my boyfriend would've been supportive like I was to him. My dad did die from cancer which hurt like hell.

I ended the relationship 1 week before my dad passed away. I felt like if he cared he would've been there for me. He kept saying he didn't know how but I was hurt. I  made sure my dad came before anything. He just passed away so suddenly.

My ex still do contacts me but I try to keep it short, he asks me for forgiveness but I don't know if I can right now. I want too because I cared for him so much but I rather have no contact with him.

I could go on and on about what happened after my dad passing. It's been 3 months and I'm sad and tired. I'm not depressed, I love my two jobs and I have lovely friends but they have their own things to do. They could be a little more supportive but I guess they don't know how too.

I do however what to move to another state, my friends saying I shouldn't but their not going through anything. I mean everyone goes through bad times, but they think getting a flat tire is the end of the world. It's just me out all of the people I know and I don't know what I did to deserve this.

My question is would it be bad if I moved to another state?

I have family on my dad side there and they offered me the opportunity. I would love to go, I feel like my current state is not for me and I'm afraid something else will happen to me.

I mean I have 1 more semester than I'll have my degree but I'm not that excited as I should be or use too. Or do I stay and keep both of my jobs and hope for the best? I honestly don't know what to do.

Thanks for reading! 

View related questions: abortion, broke up, depressed, money, player

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A male reader, DarrellG United Kingdom +, writes (31 July 2016):

DarrellG agony auntOP,

You tend to feel its only you when you are in the place that you are but as has already been pointed out to you that is most definately not the case.

I can understand why you took the decision that you did though I wouldnt agree with it, your reasons are certainly understandable and that understanding was obviously lacking from your partner and that left you feeling the way you did. Your probably right to not want him in your life - so stand strong there.

Why didnt you go with your next bf when he moved?? Incidentally, here it seems like your starting to give into the self-presevation insticnt to close yourself off from the world:

"He still keeps in contact with me but I try to keep my distance."

Im sorry to hear you lost your dad x. Grief can be incredibly hard to deal with and you do need a partner who is going to support you through that. If your BF then didnt step up to the mark then he wasnt the one for you.

I would urge you to try and forgive him because bittnerness is extemely bad for the soul. It doesnt mean you have to get back with him but in my eyes would be a good place for you to start.

In regards to moving to another state. Be weary. I can totally understand the attraction; that grass always looks greener and more alluring on the other side does it not and many people do understandably see it as a universal pancea but it isnt - the problems you have are inside you and will be carried with you and once the allure and excitement of a new adventure has passed and your left with the humdrum reality of day to day life in a new place - without the support network youve built around you - you may begin to feel very differently. This is probably the angle your friends are taking and there is wisdom in what they are saying. Furthermore, none of the problems you are citing have enviromental causes - you say your content with your jobs and friends - so why seek an enviromental solution (changing it) to a non-enviromental problem? There is a paucity of logic there if I may say so.

By all means weigh everything but if you do take that leap - do it with your eyes open - and fully away that this is the right thing for you - not do it on a whim or under the mistaken impression that moving will be a cure-all for your ills. Good luck x.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (31 July 2016):

chigirl agony auntLook, you're going through a right phase. And trust me, everyone on this planet goes through hardships and have their deep and dark pain that they need to carry with them for their entire life. Right now, the loss of your father who you were close to, it is so recent and it dominates your life and your thoughts. Just remember that it will not always feel this way.

Also, if your friends think a flat tire is the end of the world, it's just because they haven't had much shit happen to them yet. But they will. We all do.

I think a move could do you good. But Im a nomad, I move on average every year and a half. It's become my life style, and when Im not happy where I am, I DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Such as move. Or change jobs. Or change friends. And I always feel much better afterwards. It's like cleaning out a cluttered room, you finally get the air to breathe and enjoy yourself, rather than feeling cluttered and messy and not able to find anything (such as finding yourself). A move is a very good way to clean up a cluttered space, or cluttered life. You physically remove the things you no longer want or need. You also get to start fresh somewhere else. It's a lot of work, and it takes time to "transition" into the new space. But I always found that it was worth it. Because if you're not happy where you are... nothing is going to change by you just staying put.

And, as much as we can grieve what belongs in the past, we should always rejoice because of things that are yet to come to us, things that will bring us joy.

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