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He demonstrated flakiness in the past. Yet now he's given me his number? Can I trust him, this time?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up, Dating, Flirting, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 July 2016) 5 Answers - (Newest, 2 August 2016)
A female France age 26-29, anonymous writes:

The first time he was supposed to call me after he gets off work at 3pm to finalize our plans but I didn't hear from him untill 10:00pm, something had came up on his end.

He apologize profusely and asked how he can make it up to me.

Subsquently,he suggested we meet again but he conveniently stopped responding to my text before the plans could be set in stone.

And when I texted him to confirm our plans he never responded.

Then he texted me few days later like nothing had happened. I was fed up with his flakey behavior so I called him out.He didn't respond..we stopped talking and I deleted his number.

However, few days ago I ran into him after 5 months apart. I was in my car waiting on red light then his car stopped beside the lane i was in.

He smiled at me and asked me to roll down my window..but then the light turned green so we had to drive off.

I decided to send him a message on face book to ask what he wanted to say.

He responded and said he just wanted to say "hi"then today he left his number for me to text him.

Part of me wants to text him but I'm not sure if it's good idea given how he demonstrated flakiness.

Will he ever change?

Should I give him another shot?

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A female reader, llifton United States + , writes (2 August 2016):

llifton agony auntIf there's one thing I can't stand it's a full-fledged flake. I don't like when people say they are going to make plans and then just completely blow you off. It's very rude.

However, I also recognize that sometimes people go through weird phases in their lives when they are in between relationships or still hung up on an ex or something. I have had fleeting moments of flakiness myself when it came to dating other people when I was still trying to figure out if I wanted to get back together with my ex or not. I wanted to go out with other people but also still felt confused and guilty. So you never really know what's truly going on in someone's life.

Here's an example. I went out with the same person a couple times back in 2011 and I thought it went really well. But the next time I tried to make plans I got blown off. I tried again and got blown off a second time. I disappeared and chalked it up to a lack of interest. Five years later out of the blue this person reconnected with me and we actually had a fairly long-term relationship come out of it. The reason they were being flaky was because they had had a long-term ex continue to keep coming in and out of their life.

Anyway that's just my 2 cents. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2016):

Ive been in this situation myself . He wont ever change so id give up on him now i wasted alot of time with a guy who was really flaky telling myself excuses for him in my head it wore me down and id had enough i ditched him . if he was really into you he wouldnt have dragged his feet and messed you about in the beginning . Move on with your life its his loss theres a whole world out there and the right guy is out there for you just not mr flaky

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (31 July 2016):

Tisha-1 agony auntWhat’s the part of you that wants to text him? The drama-deprived masochist?

Will he ever change? Well, stranger things have happened. So it’s possible he could change and suddenly behave like a man who is properly courting a woman he fancies.

However, your empirical data suggests that, well, sadly, he’s not that into you.

Should you give him another shot? At what? Taking you on a proper date?

Look, he knows your number, he has your contact details, he knows where to find you should he actually want to date you.

He hasn’t taken advantage of all that information. He said he just wanted to say hi. He’s said hi.... and nothing else beyond.

Be done with this time-waster.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (31 July 2016):

Honeypie agony auntHe is who he is. And honestly? I don't think he will be less flaky than he was before.

The fact that he just said hi and gave you his number? Means he doesn't feel he did anything wrong in the past.

I wouldn't go met up unless you can accept that it is who he is.

I think he is a time waster... from what you write.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2016):

Hi

It's doubtful he will be any different. It sounded as if he treated you with a total lack of respect, ignoring your texts when you were expecting to meet up. Someone who behaves like this does not deserve your time and attention. In fact you would be disrespecting yourself if you went down that same road. He must be aware that he was treating you badly. He may be giving his number just to see if you will respond and to see how badly he can treat you this time and have you still around? Don't lower yourself to this. He knows how he should behave yet chooses not to with you. Imagine if he was laughing up his sleeve at you? Telling his friends that he can treat you like this and you keep coming back for more?

Keep away and keep the self respect that you have now.

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